Rage Against the Dad (Machine)...

Boy10 had slept over at a mates house the night before.

Which probably means he had no sleep.

Me and Mrs. Amazing we're busy getting ready for a party at our place.

Miss6 and BabyBoy3 were happy enough playing together.

In their mad little way...

What is this?

Miss6: 'Our babies house'

But that's right where I am sweeping! Tidying for the party!!!

<BabyBoy3 stomps about in sweepings>

Right! No new toys out! We've getting ready for a party!!!

BabyBoy3: 'Awwwwwww'

Miss6: <Sticks out tongue>

Put everything away... No toys out...

<Both head off and make mess around the corner>

(Seemed rather apt for them both... (source))

Team Parent (yay!) spend the morning cleaning.

And getting things ready for party. Boy10 was asked to tidy his room.

As it looked like an actual Nerf war and explosion had taken place. Bullets everywhere. And to de-hide all the hidden clothes.

Miss6 and BabyBoy3 were left to play and chill out.

By lunch time.

Team Parent (yay!)'s patience with Boy10 was wafer thin.

There had been rudeness. Strops. And meanness to Miss6 and BabyBoy3. Which isn't acceptable. Big brothers should be kind.

I'm a third child. I can still feel the injustices elder siblings can dish out.

<Weeps and dramatically sweeps away>

Towards the end of lunch.

Of a not very fun. Will you please eat up the party starts soon lunch. That had taken nearly an hour.

As they were all being utter fussy pains. Mrs. Amazing excused herself from the table and went to have a little moment away from the kids. For everyone's safety.

It was combination of Boy10 being rude and obnoxious to us all. And Miss6 being the world's slowest and most annoying eater. And BabyBoy3 had joined in, as little children do, when the big ones are doing stuff.

Team Parent (yay!) still had lots to do before the party and 'The Annoying Three' were refusing to eat a plain jacket potato.

With utter class and control Mrs. Amazing excused herself to me, and headed upstairs for fifteen minutes chill out.

Leaving me to fight the demons.

Back! BACK! You hellcats!

BabyBoy3: 'Meow!'

... er... kind of… er… not really...

I told them all off.

A ‘look what you have done to your poor Mother’ speech. For shame and all that. Boy10 was unrepentant however. <Eye twitches>

Boy10 lasted another five minutes at the table. Honestly I did my best. But I was up against someone really keen to be told off. I took the answering back. The rudeness. The obnoxiousness. Actual obnoxiousness. For what felt like hours. But was five minutes.

Then I snapped.

(Show of hands… Who wants what from me today?

There’s no point putting up both hands Mrs. Amazing…

It still only counts as one…)

Up I reared from my seat like a stallion.

Snatched the the knife and fork from his hands that he was STILL drumming on the table. Despite being told not to. A billion times. And send him to his room.

Off he stropped. Me helping him go. Him sending a few rude words my way. An insult or two.

Nice.

I walk back into the kitchen fuming.

The other two ate like the wind after that. BabyBoy3 ate the last of his food very quickly and looks very sorry. Then very sweetly did his best request to get down ever.

Miss6 whined once more. Until she realised how close I was to losing it with her.

Then she shushed and ate her jacket potato. Slowly.

But she ate it.

With lunch done.

I go and find Mrs. Amazing and explain that Boy10 just got worse. She is not surprised and absolves me from any blame. Which I needed. Thanks.

I offer a cuppa and she says she will down in a moment. Refreshed and ready to rejoin the battle. Which Mrs. Amazing was.

Which was lucky. As ten minutes later it's my turn. As I am about throw Boy10 throw several windows, my chank totally offed. When Mrs. Amazing suggests I take a break and she take over. Which I did. And she did. Dids allround.

A quick break had clearly made a huge difference for Mrs. Amazing. Maybe it would for me.

I use my time wisely and play stupid games on my phone meditate.

Then we had the party.

More rudeness from Boy10 during it. Boy10 called me a 'Grumpy Old Man' in front of his mates. Which is very rude and hurtful, who’s scruffy looking?. Mrs. Amazing made him retract his comment and apologise. I was holding a can of spray squirty cream at the time (don’t ask) and Boy10 was very lucky to walk away with nostrils empty.

However. All in all. It was a fun and lovely, but hard, and exhausting, party.

Team Parent (yay!) were knackered.

Then there was the rage.

And it wasn't anyone's fault. It was just bad luck. <Sighs> <Shakes fist at universe>

Guests gone. A good dent in the clear-up operation had been made. But it was 6pm and bed time. And everyone was going to bed early.

Especially Boy10.

Considering your behaviour...

... and how tired you are...

... I calculate that you need to go to bed... three days ago...

Mrs. Amazing: 'DEAL!' <Runs to bed>

No! Not you... <Trails off>

<Coughs on the dust Mrs. Amazing kicked up in her haste>

Miss6 and BabyBoy3 were sat.

In jammies waiting for a cartoon before bed. But Boy10 was still watching a movie. Which Miss6 and BabyBoy3 had no interest in. However there was only five minutes left. So considering the mood Boy10 was in. He was allowed to watch the end. Whilst the other two waited.

I get milk for BabyBoy3 and do some more eating clearing up .

When the normally amazing magic box.

The magic one that sucks the tele programs from the aerial and shows us their wonder and flickering images of joy. Records them and stuff. That fella.

Well that lovely magic box started the rage rolling.

At 6pm exactly.

A cartoon for Miss6 and BabyBoy3 started recording. The one they wanted to watch ironically. The magic box was already recording the film Boy10 was watching. But on a +1 hour channel. As we had missed the start of it. Thought he'ld like that.

The magic box did what it was told. However it can only record two things if you are actually watching one of them. The magic box automatically changed channel to Miss6 and BabyBoy3's cartoon. Stopping Boy10 from watching the final minutes of his film.

I ran in as I heard him getting very cross about it mouth full of cake.

Boy10: 'Who did that? WHO DID THAT?'

It takes me a few moments to realise what happened.

It takes a while as Boy10 is in my face sure that I have stopped him watching his film.

Miss6 and BabyBoy3 are ignoring Boy10 as their cartoon is on. They're happy.

Luckily there is a message on screen that explains what the magic box has done. So I can at least explain and point to Boy10 why he cannot change channel.

He isn't listening though. He's just getting madder and madder.

I think I explained to him, calmly mind, and with differing words, ten times in a row what had happened. But he wasn't listening.

He was just getting madder.

Finally he got it.

And instantly wants Miss6 and BabyBoy3's cartoon recording stopped immediately.

I'm in two minds as I want them to watch their cartoon. So they can go to bed.

Boy10 would only be missing a few minutes of a film he has already seen. And it's recording anyway!

But Boy10's is adamantium and his voice just gets louder and crosser.

Eventually Mrs. Amazing hears and suggests he come upstairs and watch it on the small, but very much working, tele upstairs.

I leap on this as a perfect solution and tell Boy10. Over and over. Go watch your program upstairs. It's on. Go. Go. I am still talking calmly (I KNOW! Amazing huh!).

Boy10 however is not listening.

(Tada! I got a new badge at work!

Boy10: ‘Cool! What did you get it for?’

Pardon?... <Points at badge>)

Boy10 seems to have blown a fuse.

And in rage he starts unplugging everything connected to the tele. I am not really sure what to do. I know reaching out for him would be a huge mistake. He wants a fight. Any physical contact will go badly right now.

So I sit on the sofa with Miss6 and BabyBoy3 smiling and being happy with them. So they don't freak out or sense the stress in the room. And they don't.

Somehow.

Boy10 finally leaves.

Everything unplugged. Tele nearly knocked over. He had to abandon his plan to remove the scart cable. As it's an old tele and pretty heavy. I'd help obv. if he asked... But he's not really going to ask for my help right now.

Before he goes he stops to throw a big cushion at my head. Not fun-ly (real word) either.

Right at my head. With malice. I manage to ninja it aside and it wallops into the glass light shade.

Which wobbles…. OOOOOO! … and does NOT break!

Phew.

I smile to Miss6 and BabyBoy3 to show them nothing is wrong.

But inside I am a twisted wreck of anger and stress. Outside. Happy Daddy.

I start reconnecting the cables. Boy10 appears again. And hits me with a pillow. As hard as he can.

It's a pillow so I am fine. But he is not playing. Despite his poor choice of weapons.

A few more hits. And I realise I am more in danger of being knocked into the tele by a pillow and falling over. Then actually being hurt by something so soft.

So I move into more space and put my arms by my side. My decision is just to let him hit me with the pillow as much as he likes.

Let him burn his anger out.

No idea if that's a good tactic or not.

Someone did that to me once when I was young. I felt really helpless and embarrassed afterwards. So I am not sure it was the best choice.

But it's what I choose in that moment.

Boy10 goes at me for a bit.

But quickly realises pillows are not doing what he wants. Which is to hurt me.

So he moves in to start shoving me. Softly. He's only ten.

But that changes the tone of what is going on for me. This is now aggressive behaviour that I can't tolerate. It needs to end instantly.

I buffet his hands away and start towards him. Calmly mind.

Telling Boy10 to go his room. He is done here.

Go. Go.

A get another pillow thrown at me down the stairs.

But finally he is gone. I move back to Miss6 and BabyBoy3.

Put on a lovely, the world is all fine, la-la-la-laaaa, Sarah and Duck on tele.

They appear unfazed by everything.

Good.

(Sarah: ‘Ooo that weekend was rather heavy Duck’

Sarah: ‘I’m still seeing talking rainbows...’

Duck: ‘QUACK’

Meanwhile.

Upstairs Mrs. Amazing has taken over with Boy10. And he is releasing all his frustrations.

By shouting. Very loudly at the Mrs. Amazing. His room. His toys. The universe basically.

I imagine there was fist shaking too.

<Shakes fist>

Eventually there is quiet.

A deep bath is run for Boy10. CD player put next to bath for Boy10 to listen to, and focus on. Boy10 in bath. Mrs. Amazing calls down for Miss6 and BabyBoy3. I respond we are on our way.

Bedtime is a go.

Me and Miss6 have a lovely giggling story time.

Afterwards I pass Boy10 on the stairs. He gives me the dirtiest of looks. Like I was Piers Morgan. Utter contempt and hatred.

I smile back nicely. But he is clearly furious with me.

I head down stairs and continue tidying up. Feeling very exhausted and emotionally drained from keeping my cool with Boy10.

But the kitchen is a mess and there's lots of chocolates to eat.

After his bath.

Boy10 comes down to watch something. Eyes pretty red.

I sit next to him and say something nice and a bit funny (I believe).

Lighthearted anyway.

Boy10: <Looks furious> 'Shut up!'

Right.

Yes rude. Yes not acceptable. But this is not the right time.

I try once more to talk to him. He makes it very clear everything is my fault and he is furious with me. Fine. I leave.

Back to cleaning for me and hoovering up leftover snacks.

I go find Mrs. Amazing.

And ask her to please have a word with Boy10. Team Parent (yay!) quickly discuss stuff.

Military camp?

Mrs. Amazing: 'Yes. Siberia'

Nice….

We agree there is nothing to be gained in telling Boy10 off tonight.

But Mrs. Amazing asks there's anything I need from Boy10. An apology?

I am pretty sick of him right now. So I say so. Mrs. Amazing understands.

I add that I don't think it's good Boy10 goes to bed thinking everything is my fault.

Mrs. Amazing agrees and says she'll have a word.

I can hear BabyBoy3 still awake.

So go to put him back to bed. He tells me that if I don't give him his shield to go with his sword. He won't be my friend. I tell him it doesn't matter he will always be my BabyBoy3 and I love him. Now give me the sword, why have you got a sword? It’s bedtime!

BabyBoy3 stabs me in the tummy with his LEGO sword and after some encouragement goes back to bed. Without sword.

I leave. Feeling pretty unloved and stabbed. <Bottom lip out>

And head back to the kitchen mess.

Some music is needed.

And it soon weaves it magical magicy magic ness works. I lose myself in music. And I shift my 'Nobody loves me' mood. Mrs. Amazing finds me and asks if I can get Boy10 a USB cable for his walkman MP3 player. I find one and head upstairs.

Not knowing what Mrs. Amazing has said to Boy10. I didn't ask.

Mrs. Amazing may have set up this whole situation so we could make peace.

Or Boy10 could have her asked to set this up so we could make peace.

Or...

... this was all a test and I can finally take my place as an Avenger! or there's an exhausted little boy (Boy10) upstairs just wanting to listen something before he goes to bed. Chill himself out. Wonder where he might have got that habit from?...

<Puts on louder music>

There's no point discussing what has happened with him.

Mrs. Amazing has more than likely covered it all. So I just help him setup his music.

Boy10 is being nice. But is clearly very close to the edge still. His anger gone though. Burnt out. Hormones stopped messing with his head.

Boy10 is no longer glaring at me as though I'd eaten all his sweets again and deleted all his saved Minecraft worlds. (Which I would never do, some things are sacrosanct).

I sort his MP3 player out.

I wish Boy10 goodnight.

And pull him into my arms without really thinking about it. In hindsight this could have gone bad. Really bad. Boy10 could have felt trapped and got cross again.

But as I embrace him in a standing hug. He doesn't resist.

We hug each other hard with a lot of feeling.

A good squeeze if you will.

Now I am probably could be wrong.

But to me that hug felt like sorry - I love you Dad.

In one hug all is forgiven.

<Hands back all the LEGO man heads I had removed as revenge>

For both of us.

I'm in bed by 9:30pm that night.

Having bathed for at least an hour. I even took a beer up with me.

My body worn out and tight everywhere from contained stress and frustration. I don't sleep great for the same reason.

I find it really hard keeping all those emotions in and keeping my cool. And my body pays a price for it. Must get better at letting stress and frustration go.

<Makes note>

<Loses note>

(This is the metaphorical armies of hormones Team Parent (yay!)

will face in the <Shudders> teenage years… thrice...

<Orders forty giant eagles>)

Especially as Boy10 is only ten.

We've not even hit the teenage years yet. And Miss6 isn't that far behind…

And then there's BabyBoy3…

Theoretically and technically they could all be in their teens at the same time - Boy19, Miss16 and BabyBoy13!!!

<Gives you a very wide eyed look>

<Signs up to as many pubs meditation classes as possible>

X

His Buzz Love...

Have you ever seen the movie Toy Story?

Or the inspiredly named sequel, Toy Story 2.

Or maybe even the ground breaking in movie naming follow up, Toy Story 3.

I mean who saw that coming? Huh! 1, 2 and then 3.

<Mind blown>

Maybe the Star Wars people should take note.

There’s some serious love for Toy Story in my little family.

It all goes back twenty millennia ago. When Team Parent (yay!) we're just getting to know each other. When the first seeds of love and romance were being sown over a bacon sandwiches and lots, LOTS, of cups of tea.

A few months into our courting (oh yes, classy huh) said movie was purchased on VHS and me and Mrs. Amazing (then Miss) and some mates descended on Grannie Amazing’s (then Mrs) gaff, ate all her food, and watched it. It was amazing. It was the first CGI feature length movie ever. EV-ERRRRR. <Feels really old>

I recall there being concerns in the muppet media (the normal media) that people wouldn't like watching CGI animation.

Fools. Damn fools! The worst kind.

I hope their hats tasted good.

(The UK media… lovely…)

So Team Parent (yay!) loved Toy Story.

And probably watched it a million times, whilst not studying. When we should have been. And not really watching it as young types are prone to do. <Blushes>

Sister-In-Law Amazing who was, and still is I believe, a bit younger. Even got the Buzz Lightyear toy for Christmas that year.

Yep, the year that Buzzes were like gold dust and people were hunting for them high and low. It was such a big phenomenon that in Toy Story 2 they even reference said Buzz shortage.

Ooo. I know.

Anyhoo...

Boy10 loved the Toy Story movies.

There was two for him to watch when he first started loving the characters. And as he was the first child on the Amazing's side of the family. He got a fair bit of Toy Story toys. Lovely.

He even had a Woody outfit. Which as I write now and wonder if I told someone I was going to dress as someone called 'Woody'. I imagine I might get a weird look, or at least thrown out of the pub. How innocent we were then.

Woody. <Giggles>

Then Boy10 grew.

Despite my best efforts. Boy10 grew and his loves and wants changed also. The Toy Story toys being passed onto to nephews and Boy10 picking up Nerf guns and argueing with me as his new loves and hobbies.

Time passed.

Miss6 watched the Toy Story movies. The third movie came out. And we all sat down and watched it as a family.

And despite one of us hiding his tears through the end...

Boy10: ‘Dad are you alright?’

Yeah... yeah. Fine! Just poked myself in both eyes, before this scene started... <Sniffles>

Boy10: ‘Why would you do that?’

Er... <Gives up trying to lie> I'm an idiot...

Mrs. Amazing: 'Yep... But a lovely big soft idiot...'

<Take the complement> <Ignores the insult>

... And not forgetting the rather harrowing furnace screen...

(Not a happy place… unless you are cold…)

CLIMB FOR IT! OH FOR BACON'S SAKE!!! DON'T SIT DOWN!

HOW IS HOLDING HANDS GOING TO HELP! CLIMB! CLIMB!!!

I CAN'T WATCH!!!

<Hides behind Miss6>

Tell me when I can look...

Miss6: 'You can look'

ARHGHGHGHGG!!!

Miss6: <Giggles>

And that I thought that was it.

Well unless there was another Toy Story movie. Which I guess would be called Toy Story 4. And be about Andy’s troubles of dating whilst carrying toys around with him. A disaster movie obv.

But essentially I thought the Toy Story love for us lot would dwindle. With only Team Parent (yay!) sounding old everytime it came up. Doing quotes no one gets. And Boy10 denying he ever ran about dressed as Woody. <Giggles>

Miss6 didn't mind the movies, she didn't love them either. They are no Frozen to her (Let It Go! (The Charge of the Elsas)).

And BabyBoy3 didn't seem fussed with Toy Story. He loves Fireman Sam.

And Frozen ("Det It Dough!"... A Frozen Legacy) too.

Toy Story for us was done.

<Weeps>

But then Toy Story 3 was repeated on tut tele.

And our clever little box of black magic recorded it. And Boy10 insisted watching it just before bedtime. Despite Team Parent (yay!) making it very clear we did not want BabyBoy3 watching the furnace bit.

Which he then watched. Sigh.

Miss6 burst into tears watching it. She was ill and exhausted. Too much emotion going on screen and in her.

BabyBoy3 needed hugging after.

Boy10 got some harsh words.

Gryzoot... Brexit... Trump... Discharge... Proportionate discrimination... Last orders... Your bank has refused your transaction... Low fat… We're out of bacon!

Boy10: '...'

Boy10: 'Is there anyway I change my Dad? For a more normal one?'

NOPE! HAHAHAAHAAAAA. FOR LIFE matey Bob.

<Leaves cackling>

<Comes back as was watching tele and my tea is there>

And then something happened in BabyBoy3.

The next day when he got some tele chilling time, he asked to watch Toy Story 3 again.

No chance. Not that horror movie. But the first Toy Story was put on for him.

And this time it was love. Buzz love.

When I got home that evening Mrs. Amazing relayed what had happened.

BabyBoy3 had watched it twice in a row to start with. And then wanted every Toy Story toy we had to sit and watch it with. Hella cute!

Mrs. Amazing managed to hunt down the now sixth-or-seventh-hand Buzz. The Woody whose batteries had long since failed was found.

By the end of the week. BabyBoy3 could be found watching with Buzz, Woody, Mr. Potato Head, Hamm (well a pig toy we have, this one has coins and sings, but it's close enough for BabyBoy3) and Rex. And a new shiny Jessy.

Which confused him a bit, as he had hadn't seen Toy Story 2 yet.

A week later when I had some time.

I swore and poked and prodded the Woody doll until I managed to get new batteries in it.

BabyBoy3 ran about so happy pulling its cord and making it talk. Bonusly he scared the crap out of Boy10 with it. As Boy10 was telling him it didn't talk, only to have BabyBoy3 pull the chord and a voice came out. Which Boy10 wasn't expecting.

Great times. <Is smiling>

Buzz Lightyear sheets, that have been passed down, were found.

And Grannie Amazing suddenly produced some Buzz Lightyear pyjamas.

Which he frikkin' loves. The breastplate glows.

I want jammies that glow!

At bedtime now.

BabyBoy3 lays in his Buzz bed sheets, wearing his Buzz jammies, and his actual Buzz toy tucked up, by him, next to him.

We had bit of a problem when the head of Buzz was knocked off. BabyBoy3 was cool about it. But really wanted the head back on.

I tried lots of glues and complex plans to reattach it. However Mrs. Amazing got her glue gun out and fixed whilst I was at work.

BabyBoy3 was very happy to have Buzz with head attached again.

A really happy, cute, little scrummy Buzz mad boy.

Bless.

Now you may think I am spoiling him.

And frankly I maybe, but I don't think so. But when I nipped home for lunch today. It was for one thing and thing only.

<Opens chocolate cupboard>

To get the Buzz jammies out of the washing machine so they would be dry by tonight.

BabyBoy3 is so happy when he gets to be Buzz. It's worth the effort.

He still doesn’t like being called Buzz though. You still get a cross…

BabyBoy3: ‘NOT BUZZ! Baby-Boy-3!’ <Gives outraged face>

(Radiators are not enough when it’s urgent…

Urgent stuff goes in the ULTRA DRYER (airing cupboard)...)

But hey. Each to their own.

Sadly all that Buzz stuff doesn't really help him stay in bed. He plays for a while and stays put. Shouts ‘Tinfinity Beyond!’ for a bit. Which is hella cute.

But eventually…

<Watches tiny Buzz run fly out of his bedroom for the thousandth time>

BabyBoy3: ‘Tinfinity Beyond!’

<Considers hiding jammies tomorrow night>

X