Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).

22 May 2015

Let It Go! (The Charge of the Elsas)

'Let it go' - Ah now there’s a phase that’s changed its meaning since 2012 :)
It used to just mean:

a) Don’t worry about it, all those worries, let them go…. Ahhh do you feel better?

b) Or when something too heavy is being lifted:
‘ITS TOO HEAVY, it’s TOO HEAVY Its gonna break my back’
'Just let it go!'
‘My Death star!’ <sobs>

c) Or giving something up:
‘But I nursed this little fella back to health, it used to sleep in my bed, it’s my Croc-baby’
‘Yeah whatever Tony, but, best let it go.... Before it eats someone else’s horse’

But now it means something else! Yay!
Say it to any mother with young children and you will see what I mean, go on… I’ll wait…

Did you see the anger? The real ‘I will rip them off’ anger, the twitching eye, the scowl, the ‘If I hear that fecking song one more time...’ mad glint? Yeah? (Go on do it again… No not her, she’s a screamer...)

And if there are children nearby when you say it, it’s even better!
You will get to witness one of nature's most amazing, most captivating displays, the quite insane ‘Charge of the Elsas’. (Oooooo)

Miss4 does it. Her mates do it. It seems that if you are old enough to walk but haven’t got spotty yet, boy or girl, you already know and have done, the 'Charge of the Elsas'. 

It appears to be quite simple:

1. Place cape overhead. Purple and blue preferred
2. Extend arms outwards as though doing a ‘Y’
3. Run as fast as you can from one end of the room, to the other
4. Repeat
5. Occasionally stop and jam one foot down hard and say ‘The cold never bothered me anyway’
6. Goto 2.

If there is a large number of Elsas, or as I like to call them a ‘Fridge’ of Elsas, the effect can be quite beautiful. <Wipes away tear>

(Fridges, not to be confused with a group of children being Elsa)

The best part of the 'Charge of the Elsas’ (A.K.A. ‘Running from one end of the room to the other, as fast as possible’) - is, I can do it!
It’s a game with Miss4, that being a boy has actually prepared me for! Hooray!
I nail ‘The Charge of the Elsas’ when Miss4 does it. We nail it. Rarr! 

True, I do occasionally rugby tackle her and pin her to ground, shouting ‘1,2,3 British bulldogs’ but somethings are instinctual and normally bloody funny. Just avoid doing it during a foot stomp moment. That’s bad, teary bad.

Thank you Disney. Thank you for finally creating a Princess and a song that I can join in with... first time, with no practice! Without feeling like a massive, lumbering giant, with enormouse (correct speeling) feet unable to do dance steps a four year mastered in seconds.
And it’s actually fun! Hooray!
<runs back and forth just for fun>
<was doing that anyway>

The key it is sung is good too, it’s in er… hurhghg... K minor57... Who cares, I can sing it, I can sing it in my normal voice, not falsetto. It’s not bloody snow white that starts 19 octaves to high and makes my ears bleed.

It’s also cathartic! 
‘You what?’
Shout out ‘Let it go’ a few times, feel that stress go, lovely.

Even the lyrics are good. it’s not about how much she loves Mr. Handsome because he’s a prince or some other materialistic crap, that no boy can ever be unless they’re born rich, royal, a dwarf, or just so happen to sell ice for a living....  
It’s a song about saying:
‘Actually... Sod you all.’‘I don’t care what you lot think any more. Foff’‘I’m gonna go batshit crazy now and just stop pretending’‘And then live on my own on this frozen mountain’ <Sticks out tongue>
And who hasn't dreamt of becoming a hermit since they had children? Hands up? Everyone? Thought so.

(Buy your copy here)

As for the song, ‘Let it Go’ I am sorry to all the Mums that don’t love it still. Maybe they’ve heard that song too much. Like every day, all day, on a loop, since they brought the CD. I feel your pain, I really do <pumps fist on chest> I’d hate it too if I had to listen to it that much.

But I don’t! and Miss4 loves it!
Which means Miss4 and me have found something we can both enjoy and sing along too, without me feeling like a fraud and a gooseberry, pretending to understand why her insane game is fun (playing housework is never fun).
This is a game that for a change, I feel like I know the rules and the point of it. That’s special, that’s pretty rare.
We to listen ‘Let it Go’ in the bath, in the kitchen, in the car, it’s on my phone. I voluntarily play that song for fun! <Gets evil eye from Mrs. Amazing>

And it’s brilliant for these moments:

Hey time to brush your hair, teeth, wee, go to sleep darling!
‘NO!’ <throws shoe>
We can listen to ‘Let it go’?
‘Yeah sure Daddy’ <gives me a kiss>

So forgive me, but I love ‘Let it go’. Cape ready, arms out, and let it go..

Reasons why playing Elsa with Miss4 is the best, and the other Princess suck:
(Jazmine I am sorry… People change over time… It’s not you… )

Cinders (from Cinderella)
‘Wanna pretend we’re Cinderella and clean stuff?’
Do I what?
‘Go on, you take this broom and start sweeping’
Yeah ok then... for you… <runs>

Rapunzel (from Tangled)
‘Let’s brush our hair out so it’s really long’
That’s a little insensitive... I’ve no hair

Mulan (from well, Mulan)
‘Let’s pretend to be boys’ <Proceeds to burp, fart, scratch self, a lot>
Hey we don’t all do that <farts> all the <burps> time!
<leaves room to scratch, like a gentleman>

Belle (from Beauty and the Beast)
‘You’re the ugly, horrible, nasty, smelly, beast and we all hate and are trying to kill you,’
Am I really...
Can’t I be gaston?
‘No. You’re the beast! Kill the beast!’
Arghhhh… <Gets the crap kicked out of him by children>

Ariel (from The Little Mermaid)
‘Let’s sing! Down where it’s wetter, that’s where it’s better...’
<Leaves feeling awkward and ashamed to be male...>

Oh and P.S. Ana. FYI. Where I’m from nice girls don’t go around saying ‘I want you to take me up the North Mountain’