My No-Plan Day Off...

It's Easter holiday time.

Which means everyone is off and at home having a great fun time.

Sun's nearly out in the UK. The tundras (we had a bit of snow) have moved on, the outside is once again calling.

Time to wind down, relax and just be free. Lovely!

Except me. Obvs. I still have to go to work.

I don't get Easter holidays...

(BabyBoy3: ‘Daddy I found these…’

Nice mate!

BabyBoy3: ‘What I do with them now?’

Give them to me

AH HAHHAAHHHHAHHAAAAAA

You share them eat them…)

BabyBoy3: 'What me doin' today?'

You're at home with Mummy!

BabyBoy3: 'Mummy not going to work?'

Nope...

BabyBoy3: 'Miss7 go to school?'

Nope...

BabyBoy3: 'Boy10 go to school?'

Nope...

BabyBoy3: 'You goin' work?'

Yup... <Wishes BabyBoy3 wouldn't do this every morning>

BabyBoy3: 'Ohhh' <Looks sad about this>

<Feels better and leans in to give BabyBoy3 a kiss>

BabyBoy3: 'AHHHCHOOOO' <Full body sneezes>

<Is covered in snot> ... thanks... <Wipes face>

Except today!

Today I have a day off workingtons. Mrs. Amazing has urgent worky stuff to be there for, a peace summit between the warring clans of Ogres and Goblins, or something, and thus, like a beautiful wind on the sea, has flown off for work.

Leaving me with Boy10, Miss6 and BabyBoy3 to look after, feed and generally have a laugh with. Well that's my plan anyway. The first two bits may fall by the wayside.

But the having a laugh bit I am totes going for.

(I was told off by someone yesterday for using 'totes'. He was mid-twenties and claimed I shouldn't be using such words at my age. I told him he couldth stickth his head up his bum and smeg right off. I'll word it reet up how I iz wanting blood! We totes laughed about it together).

The first hurdle.

To our day of fun though was breakfast. They all needed another round of it. I don't breakfast, tummy issues. But that's OK everyone else in the house makes up for me, and has two.

This was round two. Pancakes are generally a winner for them all. But they had all been a bit painful about pancakes recently.

So before slaving away at the stove making loads of pancakes, only to have to throw them all away later. Annoying. I went round and checked pancakes were wanted.

BabyBoy3 started chanting 'PAN-CAKES! PAN-CAKES!' and punching the air on each beat. He's in.

Miss7 was less convincing as I had to offer pancakes thricely, until she stopped replying with cereal, and got pancake excited.

And Boy10 reluctantly removed his headphones, yet carried on playing Fortnite as he was twenty billionth this time and didn't want his concentration interrupted.

He did manage to focus on me, offering him breakfast, for free, for long enough to say he was in though. Thanks dude.

Pancakes was ago!

I say pancakes.

There are pancakes involved. Obvs. I cook them and make them. To size order.
You can have big, medium and small, or snowflake shaped. Basically your option is limited to what pans we have. But it’s not the pancakes themselves that the kids love.

No.

It’s the Golden Syrup.

Which they all love. None of them would even touch pancakes that were not slathered in either Golden Syrup or sugar and lemon. It's all about the Golden Syrup.

The pancakes are a good front though. It’s a lie we are all happy to believe.

Team Parent (yay!) believe we are giving them a filling carb packed home cooked breakfast of flour, eggs and milk. Brilliant!

And the kids known that there's gonna be loads of sugar, in some form, on the boring pancakes. I even cook them in butter for them.

We all accept the lie, because it works for all of us.

Shhh… tell no one...

(It’s not perspective, that is a huge Golden Syrup tin…

About the size of BabyBoy3’s head...)

Pancakes were had.

And eaten. In fact they were demolished. BabyBoy3 ate as much as Boy10 did, and he eats a lot. Miss7 had enough pancakes to need a banana afterwards. Meh. Can’t win them all.

But after the pancakes came the dreaded question.

The question I had no real answer for. What are we doing today?
Obvs. I had some ideas. But really I am just trusting I can make something up realllll quick.

I like the danger.
It was Boy10 that needed to know what was in store for him that day. (He’s like that, like Mrs. Amazing, need to know).

Boy10: ‘Dad?’

<Is cleaning, singing and dancing round the kitchen>

… union's been on strike… he's down on his luck, it's tough, so tough…

Boy10: <Waves in my face> ‘DAD!’

What? <Turns down music>

Boy10: ‘What are we doing today? What’s the plan?’

Huh? Pl-a-n… A what?

Boy10: ‘Plan. What’s the plan today. You know what a plan is, don’t pretend you don’t know what a plan is. PL-A-N. What are we doing today?’

… And you are?

Boy10: ‘DADDY!’

Fine! I have no plan...

Boy10: <Face goes a little white> <Eye twitches slightly>

And I didn’t.

I was plan less. Despite having eight hours ahead of me with three children. I had no plan.

And it felt good.

For me it feels good because at work they’ve always got a plan for me. Most of my time is planned out for me. So if I have a day off? … Well for me that should be non-planned time.

FREEDOM! <Paints blue cross on face, puts on Mrs. Amazing’s skirts>

All three of them looked up.

Once Boy10 had asked what we were doing today. Everyone looked at me (the three children that is, not the global populous). Wondering what was going to come out of my mouth.
I like to believe they were looking at me with hope in their hearts that sometimes I have ideas that are so fun they could make your head explode just by hearing them. And they thought that might be happening today.

But really it was because the person with all the power, money, resources, and the only one that can reach really high stuff was about to say what the days plan was.

What do you lot want to do?

Miss7 is a sharp cookie.

It has been discussed before here: ‘A Sharp Cookie’. (And surely I meant smart cookie?) (And how did you know my name is Shirely?)

A smart cookie. And Miss7 knows that being first with a idea can make the idea happen.
She was straight in...

Miss7: ‘SWIMMING!!!’

BabyBoy3 is instantly on side with this plan and starts his now signature move of punching the air and shouting ‘SWIM-MING! SWIM-MING!‘.

Boy10 is less keen because he can see the problem that is just occuring to me.

We have no wheels.

OK. I am making that sound a lot cooler than it is.

We do not have the car as Mrs. Amazing took it to get to work.

We’ve plenty of wheels. We’ve scooters galore. But we don’t have the car.

We could take the bus to the swimming pool, which BabyBoy3 would utterly love.

But it’s the going home part that is a problem. Waiting for a bus with an exhausted probably needing a sudden wee BabyBoy3 and a knackered and tired out Miss7, and tired Boy10.

Well that sounds fun level punch in the groin zero.

Plus there’s another problem.

There’s three of them and only one of me and me. Which could make being in the pool pretty tricky.

Boy10 swims great. But the other two are pretty drowny.

And of late I’ve been trying to increase BabyBoy3 confidence around water.

Which has worked! Yay! Too well. Boo…

He’s now fearless and doesn’t listen. And Miss7 is tired already so is likely to be Queen Grump in the pool. And I can see each of them running different ways towards very deep water.

AND NO. NO THANKS.

No swimming I tell them all.

BabyBoy3 stops mid fist in the air and cries. I hug him a bit, but he quickly stops.

Miss7 (still cookie-sharp) suggests park.

We could scoot there I realise.

We could all scoot there. I’ve a scooter too.

WE COULD ALL SCOOT!

PLAN!

We have a great day. And by the time Mrs. Amazing comes back:

We are all still alive. #Win

We are all muddy from the park:

We’ve had lunch in town at Subway. I made the fussy one’s eat theirs later.

We’ve done watercolour (splodges) painting.

We’ve played and done jobs in the garden.

We played hide and seek around the house, which was hilarious.

We watched three episodes together of Dragon Ball Z.

We discovered BabyBoy3 thinks Cricket is Football and he cheats at both.

We ate LOADS of a few chocolate eggs.

We’ve all knackered.

(Colonel John "Hannibal" Smith - A plan god...

<Bows>)

I love it when a no-plan comes together.

<Lights huge cigar>

<Remembers all the kids are watching...>

<Runs>
X

Parenting with a Hangover...(Or: Accepting Defeat)...

It is so much harder parenting with a hangover.

Soooooooo much.

Especially when Team Parent (yay!) are dividing and conquering, and I am left to do stuff on my own. It was all my own fault obviously.

No one made me drink all that red wine...

Mrs. Amazing: 'Right! If you don't down all that glass right now, I'm gonna let BabyBoy3 play with all your Star Wars figures... UNSUPERVISED!'

You wouldn't? <Is scared>

Mrs. Amazing: 'I would... When you're at work'

EKKK! <Man wolf cry>

OK,OK. I'll drink it. <Downs glass>

... <Urps>...More please...

(One bottle or two?

Mrs. Amazing: ‘One is probably enough…

but let’s take another for luck!’

Good plan <Packs three>)

Team Parent (yay!) had managed to go out.

Amazing I know. Together. On a Friday night!!!

Wine, curry and board games at friends house. And what was particular good was that they live nearby so we could walk there.

However as it can take two smegging hours to put the three terrors to bed. We wanted to maximise our 'out' time. So we drove. Planning to leave the car there, and walk and get it in the morning. Brilliant!

I love when a plan comes together.

<Rolls huge cigar around in mouth and grins>

<Coughs on the nasty smoke>

Granny Amazing had agreed to babysit.

So Team Parent (yay!) had thrown as many children into bed as possible before she got there about 7:30.

BabyBoy3 was a good little boy and was fast asleep. Knackered out from the day. We had had haddy had fun reading a story and I sang him his bedtime song as normal. I went with swing-style this time. Out like a light. Bless him.

Miss7 had got out of bed again for the billionth time with some tiny problem or concern, much to Team Parent's (yay!) frowny faces.

And then once Granny Amazing arrived, Miss7 left her bed once to say hi. Sigh.

Boy10 however doesn't go to bed until 8, which is when we were due.

And although we had managed to convince him to shower and get some jammies on. Boy10 wasn't showing much signs of being ready for bed.

So he was allowed to put on a Harry Potter movie which he promptly slumped in front of, and vegged.

Phew. Good luck Granny.

Obviously we were late.

That's what we do <Grumbles>. But who cares. Team Parent (yay!) were out, there were board games to be played, curry to eat and laughs and grown up speaking with swears to be done.

We had a bloody lovely time.

I may have had to much wine.

Definitely did. June. May. As when Team Parent (yay!) stumbled home to release Granny Amazing at the staggeringly late 11pm. I suddenly realised that laying down in bed going to sleep wasn't really to work well in my stomach.

So I stayed up later, and consumed as much water as possible.

Mrs. Amazing wisely went straight to sleep.

I finally crashed and awoke late the next morning...

Where am I? <Staggers>

What planet is this? What time of mannnnn is this? <Dons asking the heavens pose>

Mrs. Amazing: 'I've made you a tea'

Ta chuck

Mrs. Amazing: 'Now get up, I wanna take Boy10 and Miss7 out for a jog before 10:30, which is when I'm going to go get my Grandma for lunch at ours'

Huh? Right... Was I drunk when I agreed to having your Grandma over?

Mrs. Amazing: 'Nope. Sober. And it was your idea!'

REALLY? <Is shocked> That was nice of me... Surprisingly nice of me... Were you naked?

Mrs. Amazing: 'Nope'

WOW... <Is really quite shocked, but hides it badly>...

In that case I totally recall all that stuff you just said there... <points>... with your lips thingy... mouth...

Mrs. Amazing: <Is suspicious> 'It's 8:30 get up'

Have I got time to take BabyBoy3 swimming?

Mrs. Amazing: 'Yes, if leave soon'

BONZA!...

And despite my head.

Acting like it was a drum being flattened by elephants. Taking BabyBoy3 swimming was going to be totally worth any pain.

Whilst handovers do hurt I find that if I just get on with stuff it's better. Sure I make more mistakes those days. I may not be the most tolerant. Weirdly I am better at just sitting and playing, as I think I just like resting those days. And with a head full of pain playing with kids is probably all I can manage.

So I did get out of bed and fell straight back down.

Me and BabyBoy3 needed to leave soon.

If we wanted to make the most of being in the pool. BabyBoy3 would only cope for an hour in the pool before he got cold. And I wanted to max that.

I just needed to slap myself in the face a bit, blowtorch my teeth clean, throw some clothes on, pack a bag with our swimming stuff, and down two maybe three cups of tea.

And get BabyBoy3 dressed!

Easy!

(Dudes!!! Back up… I wanna clean my teeth…

Now where’s my lighter?...

[KABOOM])

It wasn't easy.

I couldn't concentrate and my normal skills at managing to distract BabyBoy3 whilst dressing him were failing me badly. So that every time I sat down next to him to get him dressed.

He would simply run off.

And I was too slow to catch him.

You maybe wondering where Mrs. Amazing was, a fella Team Parent (yay!) member. Why was she not helping?

Well Mrs. Amazing was already doing what I was doing.
But for Boy10 and Miss7. So twice what I had.

It felt wrong to ask for help.

What didn't help me was Boy10.

And Miss7. Both who were ready to go for their run, and quite excited about it.

So they bugged me instead. Everytime I managed to corner BabyBoy3 with the right clothes in my hands. One of them would appear, talk to him, and then they would run off to do something.

Time after time. Until with BabyBoy3 only half dressed.

I gave up. And went and packed our bag.

Swimming kit for me. Swimming kit for BabyBoy3. Two towels.
Post swimming chocolate for BabyBoy3 and water.

And flippin' armbands as BabyBoy3 has been talking to Miss7 who told him he needed them. Which was annoying as my plan was just to have him in my arms and get him used to being loose in the water.

Then he'd learn to swim quickly my way...

Right I'm going to let go... ready

BabyBoy3: 'YES!'

Go!

BabyBoy3: <Dives in from my shoulder>

<Watches through the water>

Dude... dude... your not using... anything...

<Scoops him out> OK?

BabyBoy3: <DEEP breath>'YEP!'

Let's try that again...

It just got worse and worse.

The more flustered I got at the time. The more I was stumbling running about the house not getting stuff done.

At times I found BabyBoy3 with socks on, other times he would throw them at me.

I pointed out that if he wanted to go swimming he should help me.

He cared not.
And just ran off shouting ‘SWIM-MING!SWIM-MING!SWIM-MING!’ punching the air.

(Love that loonie).

Eventually Mrs. Amazing took pity on me.

As my cool was definitely leaving me. I still hadn’t got cross and stompy. But I was definitely starting to crack at the seems.

Time was getting short and I was basically flapping about the place. Like a big fat hung over awesome chicken.

Mrs. Amazing grabbed BabyBoy3 and got him ready, with little fuss.

Which gave me time to have a paracetamol, some tummy pills, and gather my thoughts.

Which I needed.

With only myself to concentrate on.

I was ready quickly. And with Mrs. Amazing concentrating on BabyBoy3, not hungover me, he was ready pretty quickly too.

I grabbed the car keys, opened the front door. And without looking pointed the keys at the car pressing the unlock button. As I was rushing and simultaneously calling for BabyBoy3 at the same time.

BabyBoy3 came and with swimming bag in hand I turned and stepped out of the door.

Only to release something was missing.

I had expected to hear the beep beep of the car unlocking.

But there was nnoise. There was no flashing lights either.

There’s normally lights.

In fact there was nothing.

Not even the car.

Where’s the FU … BAR… <Resists>... car?

<Internal screams of frustrations and anger>

I took me a few moments.

Stood there. Keys in hand. But no car to match them. (Have you been paying attention> Have you worked it out yet?).

I was just about to go back in the house and ask Mrs. Amazing if she knew where the car was. Which may sound funny, but it happens more than you might think (if you might think twice).

We left the car at our friends house last night.

<Lots of really bad swears>

<Loses cool, head starts emitting high pitched buzzing sound>

[Bang]

<Looks down at BabyBoy3 stood next to me>

Change of plan… Get your scooter… We’ve a walk first…

BabyBoy3: ‘Yay!’

I checked the time.

The walk was a pretty long one. There was a slight chance that we could rush round. Rush back. Maybe get in the pool for a bit. Baring in mind rushing BabyBoy3 rarely works.

And despite my head hurting, and how everything had been going.
I made a good decision.

I accepted defeat.
The universe for some reason had decided that me and BabyBoy3 were not to swim that morning. And who was I too argue?

If I tried there was a chance we could make it. But everything would be rushed.

If I didn’t try, and made the most of what we were doing. We could have a really fun time scooting off to get the car.
And we could always go swimming this afternoon.

Which we did. Both counts.

X

(BabyBoy3: ‘DADDY! LOOK! It makes a really loud

bang noise when I do this! Look!

[BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG]

Great mate! <Is rolling about in agony on the floor>)

Epilogue:

It turned out the bag I packed that morning was missing BabyBoy3’s swimming stuff. Yay.

We found this out in changing rooms at the swimming pool.

I think I actually cried real tears at that point.

Luckily the swimming pool sold size BabyBoy3 shorts, at £15 (!!), which for hygiene reasons could not be refunded unless the world was ending…

Does it really say that?

SwimmingShortsSeller: <Points>

… Fancy that… in bold too…

The shorts fitted fine.
But BabyBoy3 needs a top when he goes swimming. Or he gets cold too quick.

They didn’t sell tops (which I was kind of happy about) nor did we have one.

So very quickly and in a ceremony attended by me and officiated by me. BabyBoy3’s t-shirt was promoted to ‘swimming t-shirt’ and was suddenly fine to go in the water. YAY!

We finally got in the pool.
And spent the next hour having the best fun we’ve had together in ages.
#WorthIt (#ButNotTheBuyingNewShortsBit #ThatWasAnnoying #HeAlreadyHasSixPairs #NoNotFromMeForgettingEverytimeThankYou #HandMeDowns).

X