Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).

2 August 2017

And Relax... (Summer Holidays)...

Finally it's here.
Summer holidays for the kids and teachers.
Six weeks of playing the garden, getting muddy, staying up late, day trips out, ice creams and hella fun.
And bacon knows they all need it.

Miss6 desperately needs a break.
She's running on chocolate-milk fumes (metaphorically). On her last school morning she kept yawning mid-sentence. It was like hilarious hiccups. Every few minutes a yawn could be heard.
Her eyes bag were very baggy, and her temper?
Well lets just say it was nearly absent...

Miss6 can you put your shoes on?
<Ducks thrown shoes>
Can you go brush your teeth?
Miss6 : <Hides under a table>
Shall I get your toothbrush for you?
<Turns back on me, under the table, whilst saying ‘poo poo’>
<Decides not to Godzilla on her and rip the table up into the air>
<Just goes to get the toothbrush>

The funny thing about Miss6.
And truly wonder thing as well. Is her grumps tend to be short lived if you give her space to make the right (what I want her to do) choice.
Which is not like Boy10. He needs you to sit and him. To make sure he actually does stuff. He needs the fight discussion to finish so he can move on.
Miss6 however just needs some time to make the right choice. Badgering her just makes her badgerier madder. And kickier.
And you don't want that. No one wants that.
<Gives you a look of terror>
<Limps off>

(DevilSpidey: ‘Go on… web him up…’
AngelSpidey: ‘YEAH! Go on! It’ll be a laff!’ )

Poor Boy10 had two more days of school.
Haha! His school must have used up all their insect (yes insect) days earlier in the year. (And yes they go to different schools, we thought life was just a bit too easy, why not give Team Parent (yay!) a challenge) (#WeMoved).
Boy10 is not very happy he is going to school when Miss6 isn't. His class is also being rearranged so this is the last two days with his current mates in one class. As he is rearranged away from most of them.
Poor Boy10. He was just settled and happy. Gutted for him.
<Rages at the school rearranging policies and there seemingly unfair decision making process that seems to be very weighted against Boy10>
<Is cool with it, I am sure they know best>

BabyBoy3 still hasn't entered the world of school yet.
So really he shouldn't care about the summer holidays. But he will.
Because all of sudden Miss6 and Boy10 will be at home to play with. Winner!
For six glorious weeks BabyBoy3 is going to have his best mates at home. The people he looks up to. The people he wants to be so, so much and play with.
Boy10 and Miss6.

To be fair it will be mainly Miss6.
As Miss6 and BabyBoy3 play together brilliantly. Miss6 has someone that doesn't mind being bossed about a bit. And BabyBoy3 gets an elder sibling willing to play with him all day.
It won't last, as eventually BabyBoy3 will stop wanting to be ‘directed’ by Miss6 so much.
But for now they are hella sweet together. Miss6 shares all her knowledge and BabyBoy3 laps it up.
Hella sweet.

Boy10 has a different effect on BabyBoy3.
They play like loonies. They egg each other on. Raising the steaks as they go on.
Boy10 wrestles with BabyBoy3, chases him, shows off his toys, shows off his skills.
And BabyBoy3 looks on with big puppy eyes at possibly the coolest person in his life.
No. Not me. <Weeps> Boy10.
I kind of resent it a little. As Boy10 has taken my role.
I was Boy10's coolest person when he was little. Hell even I look kinda of awesome to a six year old.
And I was really hoping to be BabyBoy3's look up to dude, and I am a bit, but only a bit.
But mainly Boy10 has pinched my job. And I know it is good, it shows they are all learning and developing well.
And it means I get more time to do all those grown up things I like and need to do.
But... <Kicks stone>... Really… I want to play.

BabyBoy3: 'Daddy!' <Runs up and gives me a leg hug>
Dude... Can I play?
Boy10: <Pokes head out of awesome den made of cushions> 'Yeah, just don't break the den'
<Dives into the tiny tunnel>
<Knocks one cushion with grown up body>
<Entire den collapses dramatically>
... Sorry... <Hangs head>
Boy10: <Is furious> 'Just go...'
BabyBoy3: 'Bye Daddy!' <Waves me off>
<Leaves slowly> <Stops at chocolate cupboard on the way>
<Goes to bug play with Miss6>

However, the mean rub for BabyBoy3.
Is that he doesn't actually get a summer holiday. He's still got nursery two days a week.
And I am pretty sure next week, when he realises he's off to nursery, and the big two are not going to school, a lot biscuits will be needed to bribe that little boy to nursery.
A lot of biscuits.
<Passes entire packets>

BabyBoy3: ‘Yep’ <Gets into buggy>
Now… Hat on….
BabyBoy3: ‘No!’
BabyBoy3: <Nods>
Sigh… Fine… Should have started the bribing a bit lower really…)

The downside of summer holidays for Team Parent (yay!).
Is that they ruin our child care arrangements. School really is very helpful at looking after kids whilst we are work. Seems like it’s almost planned.
Shame they don't keep 'em until clocking off time. But still. It's very helpful.
And now it's gone. And Team Parent (yay!) have six weeks of children at home to sort out.
Which we have through bribery, incantations, sacrifices, deals, dodgy deals, and flat lies.
A mixture of overlapping holidays for us both. Some grandparent (thank you) cover. Days out at mates houses. etc...
Essentially, anyway you want it we can.
It's quite a logistical struggle...

So if Boy10 is here? <Points at map labelled ‘world domination progress’>
Mrs. Amazing: <Nods>
Then you can be here, working...
Mrs. Amazing: <Nods>
BabyBoy3 is here, for the morning, then is shipped here, via here, where they collect Miss6.
But she needs to be here later, and then picked up from here two hours later, and in party dress...
Mrs. Amazing: 'Yep'
Do we have any more Grandparents that can help?
Mrs. Amazing: 'More than four?... Nope...'
Fair point... How long could Boy10 be left alone in the house? With my tools?
Mrs. Amazing: 'Fifteen, maybe twenty mins tops'
Hmmmm... So not the nine hours I am at work?
Mrs. Amazing: 'No...' <Pours large wine>
… Crap.
<Classily glugs from the bottle, has pinkie out>

Our logistical issues aside.
The summer holidays are utterly needed for Miss6 and Boy10.
Any more school and they both may have collapsed. Or exploded. Or got even more grumpy.
Miss6 has hit the colouring-in hard and fast since finishing, and is already creating an entire village made out of stand up little things, for her Shopkins (don't ask, I don't understand either).
Boy10 has already started melting into the sofa. YouTube viewings in our house have gone up dramatically. He is just unwinding his way. I left him watching a Scooby-Doo movie for the billionth this morning as I grumped cheerfully skipped off to work.
And BabyBoy3 has people that will sit and play with him all day.
Mrs. Amazing is saved the stress of the school runs, ten billion clubs shuttling, and juggling work and three hellions children.

(<Deep film voice>The year is 2020, the human race has been driven underground, by common shop items that have become sentient… The rise of the Shopkins AH HA HAAA HAAAAA!!!!

And like an enormouse (!) balloon.
You can almost hear the pressure and stress and demands of the school year, squeaking and farting, it's way out of each of them (some more literally than others) (Miss6).
Bless 'em.