Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).
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14 March 2017

TH-UUU-D!...

It wasn't our fault.
I think. I'm pretty sure. I'm sure.
It wasn't our fault. I don't think we could have reasonably avoided it.
Without affecting BabyBoy2's natural development.
Still. We did know BabyBoy2 could escape from his cot.
And it was on our watch...
<Hangs head... but only a little bit>

It was bedtime at the zoo home.
Team Parent (yay!) we're running our standard 'Divide and Conquer' repel boogies squad attack pattern. Variation Sex-Match.
Mrs. Amazing had been assigned Miss6 to convince to sleep.
I had BabyBoy2 first. Then a quick sit down. Cold tea. Then the level boss.
Bedtime war with Boy9...

NO YOU CAN NOT HAVE ANOTHER CARTOON! IT'S BEDTIME!
Boy: 'IT'S NOT! I GO TO BED AT 7:30!'
NO! THAT'S WHEN YOU GO TO SLEEP! FIRST I, AND THEN YOU READ!
Boy: 'SINCE WHEN?'
SINCE DINOSAURS FOR EVER! ARHGGHHGGH!
<Face melts from sucking in anger>
Boy: '... Oh... then why can't I have another cartoon now?'
Because... <Head explodes> that's... makes no sense... What?
<Dents wall with forehead>
Boy: 'Are you OK Dad?'
How did I get down here?

(YOU SHALL GO TO BED!
Love the jammies by the way…
<Casts atrocious spell>)

And still BabyBoy2 is the easiest to convince to sleep.
It must be because he is utterly scrummy.  And a right little dude.
He has been escaping of late though.
BabyBoy2 (with Miss6's help I bet) worked out how to climb out of his cot recently.
Three mornings we been greeted by a very excited and happy BabyBoy2. Leaping on our bed. Crushing parts of Daddy that don’t like being crushed.
Sometime around 5am (it was hard to see the clock through the tears in my eyes).
And twice BabyBoy2 has been put to bed at night. And then decided sleep that night wasn't really for him. And he had climbed out again.
A real problem. Kind of want him to stay put.
Which so far he’s been awesome at. And happy about it too.
Whereas Boy9 and Miss6 had Team Parent (yay!) running to them far too much...

[Seven years ago]
Boy2: 'Wah'
I'M-A-COMING BOY! <Runs>
Mrs. Amazing: <Cheats at scrabble>

[Four years ago]
Miss2: 'Wah'
<Ignores it>
Mrs. Amazing: 'Tada! Badger!' <Lays Badger letters>
Mrs. Amazing: 'And, double-points for a comedy word, puts me in the lead!'
Well done! You have made a mortal enemy this night <Draws blood> Great word!
... Badger <Chuckles>
Miss2: 'WAHHHH!'
I'M-A-COMING GIRL! <Runs>
Mrs. Amazing: <Cheats at scrabble, steals letters for Amaze>

[Now]
BabyBoy2: 'Wah'
<Lays 'Jam'> ... and double-points for amusing word... not losing by so much now!
Mrs. Amazing: 'Is 'Jam' really a funny word?'
I'm not even dignifying that with an answer… <Giggles>
BabyBoy2: 'WAHHHH!'
Hey remember when you laid 'Badger'
Mrs. Amazing: 'Yeah...'
BabyBoy2: 'WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!'
And then, unbelievably, you got 'Amaze' and got to lay 'AmazeBadger'
Mrs. Amazing: '...er yeah...' <Does shifty eyes>
BabyBoy2: 'WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
BabyBoy2: 'OH COME ON I MIGHT BE HURT UP HERE OR SOMTHING!'
Good times. Good times...
Mrs. Amazing: <Lays 'Windjammers' through my 'Jam'>  
<Giggles>
Mrs. Amazing: 'You giggled! I get double-points!!!'
BabyBoy2: 'OH FINE! I'LL JUST GO TO SLEEP THEN!'
Damn it...
BabyBoy2: 'Zzzz' (Like a noisy angel)

Anyhoo...

Mrs. Amazing was putting Miss6 to bed.
Reading Miss6 a story and having a right giggle together. Which is lovely to hear.
BabyBoy2 also was lovely to put to bed. We giggled over who gets to sit on the chair first. Then I pretend sit on him. Gag wise a winner with BabyBoy2.
We laughed through all his bedtime books. He yawned a bit. We sang his bedtime song.
As we sing I have him in my arms and my breathing seems to calm him. Winner.
BabyBoy2 was happily laid down for a sleep. Then a quick giggle about him hiding under the duvet. And I'm gone. Door shut.
Not expecting to see BabyBoy2 until the morning.
<Shakes head ruefully>
<Does District 11 three finger salute> <Weeps over Rue>

Just Boy9 to engage in warfare with.
Over his sleep arguments and denial of clocks and their import on our lives.
First. I head into his room. ARGH. As someone mentioned there was Lego on the floor that needed clearing up. Which is probably my fault.
I bought back his huge Lego box. I lazily just balanced it on a chair. For Boy9 to properly put away later.
Yeah, yeah, what the hell was I thinking? Who knows. Boy9 might have... yeah. It was dumb.
Somehow (the smegging Cat) the box had fallen over and there was Lego all over the floor.
Lots and lots and lots of Lego.

(<Sighs>...
<Makes a spaceship>)

So that's where I am.
In Boy9's room scooping Lego up from the floor with my hands.
Mrs. Amazing is busy with Miss6.
And Boy9 is downstairs watching cartoons, not helping at all with the Lego. <Grumbles>
When a strange noise is heard throughout the house...

TH-UUU-D!

I ignore it.
So does Mrs. Amazing. It was probably one of BabyBoy2's teddies being expelled from his cot for some unknown offence. I go back to Lego scooping.
Five, maybe six, seconds pass when the most almighty cry of pain comes from BabyBoy2’s room...

BabyBoy2: 'ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'

I am already up and running.
And passing Miss6's room. Mrs. Amazing calls out to see if I am going to see BabyBoy2.
I holler yes as I pass.
BabyBoy2’s room is pitch-dark so I flick on the light.
There on the floor I see a very confused. On his side. Cross and crying loudly.
BabyBoy2. Who had fallen when escaping his cot.
(No don't laugh you heartless swines <Tuts>)

Whilst BabyBoy2 was doing his parkour (Free running).
Which involves pulling a chair to his cot, so he can pull himself up and out.
In the dark.
The poor little lad had slipped.

I hug the crap out of him.
I envelop my little dude in my arms as much as I can. And sink to the floor.
His crying is very loud and it resonates with pain. His eyes scream at me 'Why does everything hurt so much right now! What is this! ARGHGGGH! It sucks!'.
It will pass. But right now he needs to be held and loved. A lot.
There’s a bruise on his head already. Poor sausage.
I do a mini-triage: His eyes are behaving like normal, speech is fine, shouty, and mainly ‘ow’, but fine, he's not dopey and he’s behaving like himself (when in pain and cross).
I'm happy his head is just bruised.

BabyBoy2 finally calms.
And is ready for sleep take-two. BabyBoy2 winces a bit as his head touches his pillow.
Poor little dude. My heart goes out to him.
Falling in the dark is not fun.

Obv.ly Team Parent (yay!) are appalled at this turn of events.
And discuss what we can do to make sure this doesn't happen again.
Don't want our little BabyBoy2 getting hurt.
He's scrummy.

(I know how we can protect him!
Mrs. Amazing: ‘Isn’t that Miss6’s’
Yep!...)

But...
On the other hand he’s not tried to escape his cot from again. Which is a right bonus to Team Parent (yay!). And it does save me having to upgrade his cot to a bed. And the chair in his room is the only one he has, so it wouldn’t be ideal to get rid of it...
And BabyBoy2 does seem to be staying put...
For now…
<Walks quietly off, whistling>
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