Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).

24 February 2017

The Great Cot Escape...

We've had a good run.
BabyBoy2 has been brilliant at sleeping in his cot.
Mainly because Team Parent (yay!) are expert at ignoring and staying under the warm covers now. And because BabyBoy2 is brilliant at quietly sitting in his cot until someone comes to get him. Singing and playing. Like a little noisy ewok angel.

But some time over Christmas.
Team Parent (yay!) wrecked it. We upset the apple cart. We rocked the boat. We nudged the Jenga tower. We prodded the bear. We beat the Wookiee (giggles). We changed stuff.
And much eating all the chocolates in a box, when someone else is out, you can't undo it.
You can't. I've tried. It's gross.

(...OK! OK! Maybe chess was a bad idea grumpy... How about another game...
How about something less stressy... Risk? Monopoly?)

BabyBoy2 got a cot upgrade.
Well his third-hand cot got swapped for a slightly larger second-hand cot. But that's still up.
Team Parent (yay!) being the knackered sleep deprived asuste sharp individuals that we are. Noticed that BabyBoy2 was getting a bit big for his cot.
There were a few subtle clues that only his parents would notice. He was starting to sleep diagonally. He wasn't touching either end I hasten to add. And if we had removed the mountain of teddies from one end. He would have been fine for another few months.
But diagonal he was. He needed an upgrade.

Which is a bit sad.
As that's the end of that cot. The same cot Boy9 screamed and cried in and had us running to him for the early years. The same cot Miss6 would be laid down in so quiet and still, only to have her awake from farting as we left the room.
Weirdly it had wooden balls on the end they could play with. Noisy things too. Bacon knows why you'd design a cot to have toys built in. But hey they loved them. I'll might even miss the sound of them rattling about the cot.
I had made some 'permenant' fixes to it over the years. But it's function still worked. It kept children in it, and sometimes they slept
Thanks cot. Good work.

(<Plays 'I'm Still CotStanding' by Elton John>
<Is impressed it lasted through three of them>
<Go to eBay...>)

The upgrade.
Is a little scuffed. But that's fine. BabyBoy2 cares not.
And he's not going to be in a cot much longer anyway. He's nearly three.
Still. Going from cot to bed was a step Team Parent (yay!) we weren't for right now.
As once BabyBoy2 got into a bed. He would free to leave whenever he wished...

BabyBoy2: 'Norning!'
Go away... It's ARGHO'CLOCK... <Checks R2-D2>... Urghhhh....
BabyBoy2: <Toddles off>
[Five minutes later]
BabyBoy2: 'Norning!'
Really... Go back to bed... Night time...
BabyBoy2: <Thinks>
BabyBoy2: <Climbs up on my chest. It is apparently trampoline time>


The decision was made.
The old cot was taken apart. New cot assembled. It went well. Very little swearing from me.
And BabyBoy2 helped me as much as he could...

<Is holding the entire cot frame in hands precariously>
Dude? Can you push that bolt in please <Points very clearly, with elbow>
BabyBoy2: 'Wot?' <Is confused>
Pardon. There <Points with foot> That one!
BabyBoy2: <Jabs the bolt and knocks it out of it's hole>
[Resets everything]
<Is again holding the entire cot frame in hands precariously, has learnt nothing>
Dude! Push that bolt through so I can get this nut on it... Please!
BabyBoy2: <Really thinks>
Go on!!! <Arms are breaking>
BabyBoy2: <Starts pushing the bolt!>
Yes mate!
BabyBoy2: <Changes mind, and puts the bold back where it was>
BabyBoy2: <Runs>
Fine! I'll do it myself <Is stretching weirdly> Near... ly... there...
[Almighty crashing owy noise]
Bums... <Giggles>

BabyBoy2 was very proud of his new cot.
He got a proper sized duvet. And he kept telling everyone about his new cot.
BabyBoy2: 'Daddy made it me!' <Beaming>
'Made' is a bit of a stretch. But it's nice to be noticed when I do some handy man person work.
And it's always lovely to have my little dude happy with me.
BabyBoy2: <Hugs my leg thank you>

But the new cot has one big problem.
BabyBoy2 has already worked out how to escape from it.
He pulls his rocking chair up close. And then well... I'm guessing as I've never seen him do it. We assume he pulls himself up using the rocking chair and then that becomes his steps ack down.
Bit of a problem.

(Hey… What’s this pinned paper to the bottom of your cot?
BabyBoy2: <Grabs it and eats it>
That… that was weird… But not totally out of character…
<Skips off to find chocolate>)

BabyBoy2's escaping history so far...

Escape 1:
I've already told this tale (see here). It was a surprise. It was hella cute.
It was annoying, I never got back to sleep and was knackered all week, bloody early.

Escape 2:
After BabyBoy2 had his normal three book. Song sang (me to him). Quick round of find the moon on the ceiling. Pin him Tuck in. Warmed teddy to hug. Good night wished. All lights off and door shut.
I found him an hour later.
Light on. Hidden. And giggling a lot under his bed.
(The rocking chair was removed that night) (he was un-cool about it, angry WAHH etc.).

Escape 3:
BabyBoy2: 'Norning!' <Has a book>
<Eyes still shut> Go back to bed...
BabyBoy2: <Runs off>
BabyBoy2: <Is playing very loudly>
Mrs. Amazing: 'He's going to wake the others!'
<BabyBoy2 and Boy9 appear>
<Boy9 is mostly asleep and has no idea what is going, he has just followed BabyBoy2>
Mrs. Amazing: 'Go back to bed Boy9' <Boy9 stumbles off to bed again>
Mrs. Amazing: 'BabyBoy2 it is the middle of the night, don't wake anyone up again'
BabyBoy2: <Leaves, feet thudding, dragging with his book> 'Soweee Mummy'
[Team Parent (yay!) have heated debate about who should get up and convince BabyBoy2 is it sleep time]
[A decision is reached]
Owww! Ow! <Rubs ribs> I'm going...
<Falls asleep again> ...Zzz...
Argh! <Rubs different rib> I'm up!
<Dons dressing gown>

BabyBoy2 has gone back to his room.
He’s in his cot again. He had climbed back in. <Give you a look>
Hella cute.
My noisy little dude is sat playing with his cars in bed. How on earth do I tell him to go back to sleep? He's not going to listen. Or want to. And I don't want to tell him either.
BabyBoy2 has worked really hard escaping. He should be being rewarded.
Still…. It's is 5am. Not my favourite time of day. Don't want this to become a habit.
And he very well may wake the kraken Miss6.
She Disco'ed hard yesterday. Nothing wears my kids out than a two hour, after school, school PTA fundraising disco.
It's like kryptonite to them.

(What do you mean I can’t use my own custom made tiles in Scrabble?
Brother: <Points at line one> ‘There… we added it last time you tried this…’
<Reads> Oh… fine… I’ll just put VZZZBX
Brother: <Points at line two>
<Points at line three> Unless it is a quote from a legendary telly show
<Smugly places tiles, scores fourteen billion>)

I don't know what to do with BabyBoy2.
I can't make him stay put. And he's not really being naughty. Just should be asleep and quieter.
I pass a few books into his cot, and ask him to keep the noise down.
Which he does and I slink back into bed.

Five minutes later.
BabyBoy2: 'NeeeeeNaaaaaaaaa! Brooooom! Eeeee! AHOY MATEY!'
BabyBoy2: 'When he hears his fire alarm...'

Oh smeg it.
I grab BabyBoy2 on my way downstairs to play.
I plan to lay down in front of the telly. Stick 'aw 'atrol on for him.
But as we get to the telly he passes without a glance. And I realise the telly was only for me.
He cares not.
BabyBoy2 is heading to the trains and cars. Which I suddenly remember are way more fun anyway.
I stroke the We ignore the telly. I flick on the kettle. I need tea. Lots.
And we get the trains out and start creating. Building track. Running down elephants/lions/badgers with steam engines. We have a brilliant morning.
Lots of giggling and fun.

Miss6 arrives at 6am (thirty mins early).
She steals my playing buddy and the two of the romp off into their own little world. Building forts on the sofa. Which is fine really. <Weeps> I love how well they get on.
I make another round of tea and take one up to Mrs. Amazing.
Just think. All that fun me and BabyBoy2 had with the trains, I nearly traded that for watching a ‘Paw Partol’ we have already seen.
I nearly missed out on a few hours play with BabyBoy2.
Just us two. And he frikkin' rocks.
And what for? A bit of much needed sanity creating sleep.

Brainzilla: <Slaps me with my own hand>
Brainzilla: ‘Come on man! Cha! … Priorities!’
Yeah... <Rubs face> Good point...
<Heads off to the chocolate cupboard>