Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).
X

13 January 2016

Bye to Bowie...

David Bowie died the other day.

I had never met the man legend. Nor, really, saw him in the flesh.
Unless you count being in a crowd, in a field, at the 2000 Glastonbury pyramid stage, singing at the top of my lungs, every damn word as though it was only me and David Bowie face to face, as 'seeing' him.
I totally do.

(Just brilliant and I shall always name this knife thusly)

David Bowie dying isn't going to change my life dramatically.
It will still plod on, like normal. Work will happen, school will happen, everything will just continue as before really.
Just his music will be on the radio a lot more, for a while, and everyone will talk about him a lot for a while. Quite right too. He was a legend.
Still a world without David Bowie feels less awesome.

“... Planet earth is blue and there's nothing I can do …”
'Why's it blue'
Er…
<Checks Google for answer, WiFi is down>
Er...
Because it would be rather silly if it was bright red with yell...
<Just runs>

I believe that no one is really gone, if they are remembered.
Which is true, from some points of view. If someone is still spoken about, then they are still here really. It's when you can't remember them they've gone. But of course how would you know…
I still tell the kids about my Grandma, so she hasn't really gone. She exists for them, even if it is just as a memory.
She was less famous though.
Less Glam Rock too.

(Everyone loves a pirate...)

To me music is incredibly important.
I feel that music is an important part of our culture and history. It can sum up thoughts and feelings of the world at one moment in time, it can also speak to everyone, right into their hearts in a very personal way. It crosses all boundaries, no matter age, colour, or Apollo creed. It's pretty cool like that.
Just how important that music is, I feel, is best judged by how well it is remembered. If something's stays in our hearts and minds, it has for a reason.
David Bowie and his music will be remembered long, long, after I fall into that chocolate vat and drown succumb to the reaper myself. He's a legde’ for a reason.
It only takes a few minutes on Wiki to realise just how unique and special David Bowie was.

“... turn and face the strange…”
<Boy8 runs past armed to teeth with Nerf guns>
<And not one, but two pairs of pants on his head>
<Carries on as though nothing has happened>

I try to pass onto my kids the music knowledge I have.
I think it's very important. My father passed down to me all the music he loved and got excited about. By playing it. My brothers too.
And I thank them all for that. Some was rubbish though, utter, utter rubbish. 'Hundred Reasons' what were you thinking? LAME! But many things are brilliant.
Over the last eight years I have been busy filling Boy8's head with music from the past, the legends, what it meant at the time, what it changed, and all the cool stuff right now. (And yes there's loads of cool stuff now, you're not looking hard enough).
The same goes for Miss4, but we've had less time rocking out in the car together. And BabyBoy1 well, he's not quite ready for lyrics and guitar riffs, but he loves a good beat.
He already boogies with his heart and soul like his Dad.

The kids journey through music has been insanely ecliptic and pretty damn random to be honest.
I've covered many, many artists and bands and I am happy with what I have managed to show them. I tried not to bore them too much and just let them choose for themselves whilst holding a hammer and their Lego masterpieces.
I think I've done well, and done lots of music legends of the past, proud.

Except...
I think... and now worry about. I think I may not have highlighted David Bowie quite enough.
Which is why my fatherly chat with Boy8 about the death of someone very important in musical history, and to me, didn't go so great...

Dude! David Bowie has died!
'Uh huh' <Nods and continues watching Turtles>

(Note to self, turn off Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when trying to talk to Boy8. Just always.
(Unless we are talking about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, then keep it brief))

David Bowie? <Looks deep into Boy8's eyes hoping, praying for a spark recognition>
'Oh'
<Boy8 glances back to the TV>
'That's sad'
<Knows he doesn't mean it>

Full credit to Boy8.
He knows that I am trying to tell him something interesting and important. And he knows kind of what response he needs to give, so he does. Just he's no idea what I am trying to say.
And that's the problem. I've no idea of what I am trying to say.
I want to tell him how David Bowie gave hope to millions of people that were different and outsiders in their own lives. I want to tell him how no one else writes songs like he did. How much he rocked. I have a million things I want to say but it is so raw and emotional and tied to memories I can't quite get to. Words utterly fail me.
Instead I miss-quote...

They say... That he sang all the right notes, but in the wrong order

I'm pretty sure that's a Morecambe and Wise joke. But it gets his attention.
He glances away from Donnie (Orange Turtle) throwing a baseball at someone's head. (I watch it).

'Really?'
And...

I rattle out my spell on how unique and different he was and how he gave hope to millions, by just being himself. It's not great, because there's lot about David Bowie and his lifestyle I don't actually want to discuss with an eight year old. Not yet anyway.
I lose him and he's back watching Splinter (the big talking Rat) muller ten foot soldiers at once. It is hella cool.
But damn it. My moment has gone.
I should do better prep.

“... Are immune to your consultations. They're quite aware of what they're going through…”
<Glances at Boy8 and Miss4 and worries about the teenage years>
<REALLY worries>

(Fine! Dress how you want, but no smoking and definitely no Bieber…)

I know what the problem is.
I cannot name Bowie songs for him that he knows and has fallen in love with. He's heard them, but not enough. Whereas when Michael Jackson died Boy8 knew his music better and we could chat about it. I could share my loss with him and talk about a living legend that had passed. Have a fatherly bonding moment and show him what one person can achieve, affect and change. You know, the cool, tingly chats.
I couldn't do that with David Bowie, which I shall always regret.

But I know how to make this right. 
The best way to put David Bowie and his music in Boy8's, Miss4's and that dancing loon BabyBoy1's head, is just to play Bowie’s music for them.
Over and over (with reasonable breaks and other stuff in-between, not shove it down their throats) so they can choose to love it when they are ready.
Nothing beats singing and dancing around the kitchen to a song we all love.
“Ziggy Stardust” has to be a winner for a eight year old! Spiders! FROM MARS! There’s a cartoon right there. #Winner 
“Diamond Dogs” for Miss4. BLING!
and “Golden Years” for BabyBoy1, he’s got soul that boy, already.
Easy!

The kitchen playlist has already been littered with Bowie tracks that I hope they are going to love. Maybe they will, maybe they won't.
Lyrically it could be too challenging for them. The melodies may be too complex for their young ears. Not all of it makes that much sense, still, to me.
But come on... It's Bowie!
Of course they're gonna love it.
Eventually.

I’ll leave you with David Bowie performing “Heroes” at Glastonbury in 2000.
I’m somewhere near the sound desk singing my little heart out, linked arms with friends and family, utterly loving it. What a brilliant song.

Bye bye Starman and thank you for everything, especially Labyrinth.
Have a good trip home.
X <Hug>



11 January 2016

Bye Bye 'Tiny Baby' Chapter...

BabyBoy1 has had his hair (+1 alliteration point) cut.
For the very first time.

Boo.
That's his baby curls gone and they will never come back.
If you don't know. Baby curls are a one time deal. Boy8, Miss4 and now BabyBoy1 had baby curls. But once they were cut that was it, gone. All three monkeys now pretty much have straight hair. Well except Miss4's with her mad frizz hair explosion she has sometimes. But that's more down to length and golden syrup in her hair.
A common sweet problem in our house.

(Nectar of the children... Seriously...)

Why am I sad the baby curls have gone?
Well. They’re hella cute. They are!
And like so many magical things babies seem to be able to do. The curls in their hair are a one time deal. Which is why you sometimes see 1-2 year olds with ridiculously long hair. Blindly stumbling about not being able to see through their ridiculously long hair.
Team Parents (yay!) have been clipping up BabyBoy1’s hair for a while now (with hair clips, not shears), constantly sweeping it out of his eyes, and even tying it up in bobble.
I know. We are monsters.

But were big softies too. (Think Sully).
Because BabyBoy1 is definately the last of Team Parents (yay!) children. And it’s with quite a lot a bit of nostalgia we've been putting off cutting his curls. For ages quite some time.
For me it felt that once BabyBoy1's talisman of being a baby, his curls, were gone that was it. He wasn't a baby any more, he was officially a toddler.
The ‘Tiny Baby’ chapter of our lives is over.

And he definitely is a toddler.
As he walks, he toddles. It's just that with the curls it was easier to fool myself that this amazing, lovely and wonderful ‘Tiny Baby’ chapter of my life wasn't finished.
<Weeps man tears>

I've really loved the ‘Tiny Baby’ chapter of my life.
It's been going on for eight years or so now. Which is a long time. I've plants that are younger than that. I’ve made enemies in that time. I had a lot more hair then when we started this chapter. So I hope you understand me when I say I am going to miss it.
Yes I know, babies cry a lot and there's poo everywhere, and there's no sleep, and your brain turns slightly to mush and the things that got you into this situation, nookie, becomes as scarce as nights out. And there’s no sleep. Did I mention the lack of sleep? There's no sleep.
I still loved every single moment of it.
They're so cute and fluffy!

Yeah I know.
Best not post that submission to 'Butchest Man of Year Awards' just yet. Best leave it in it's drawer and burn it later.
Fine! But what's wrong with liking tiny humans? Someone's gotta or we wouldn't get very far as a species. Is it only women that get to like babies and all their tiny brilliant things?
<Sigh>
Tell you what I'll go chop some wood, that'll realign my butch levels to a more socially acceptable state. HAPPY?

<Comes back in tears>
<Whimpers and shows ow-ey>

(HEY! Who's been pissing about with my life book?)
(Mannn... The pages are all bend out of shape...)

Hair-wise, it all to came to a head a week ago.
(Yep! joke on purpose, and it ain't likely to get better than that, job done...
<Packs up and goes home>
<Is already at home so just carries on>)
Turns out I am not the most observant sometimes. Yeah it’s true.
Visually I can miss things around the house that Mrs. Amazing is very aware of...

'It's a bit drab in here now...'
<Looks about>
Is it?
<Keeps looking but cannot see anything that has changed>
Curtains?
<Shakes head>
Hair cut?
‘No’
New pictures on the wall?
‘No’
New top? New jeans? New socks? New shoes?
‘No, no, no, yes please no’
I give... What's changed?
<Honestly can't see what has changed in the house since this morning>
‘I took the Christmas decorations down you idiot
Ohhhhhh... Shiiiiit
It's does look drab in here
<Gets hit with a cushion>

Hair length of the kids is one of those things I can be inclined to miss.
Unless there's been a drastic change, of course.
Cool Mohawk
Miss4: ‘Thanks Dad’
<Scream from Mrs. Amazing in the kitchen>

So whilst on some level I knew that BabyBoy1's hair was too long. It wasn't ringing alarm bells. So I ignored it.
Other people though. Other people were less tactful or dumb...

Rando: ‘What a pretty little girl you have’
He's a boy
‘What's her name’
HE is called Frank (he's really called BabyBoy1)
‘That's a strange name for a girl’
Yes that would be a mental strange name for a girl
That's because he is a BOY!
<Points at the boy style jeans, digger top, boy shoes and the sign I drew that says 'HE'S A BOY'>
‘Oh!’
‘...’
‘Why are you dressing your daughter as a boy?’
We're hoping to get on Jeremy Kyle
A bet
For laughs... BYEEE...
<Storms off>

Twice! that happened in one day.
Not word for word the same you understand, but BabyBoy1 getting mistaken for a girl.
There's no sexist thingy going on here at all. I don't care which way round it is, boy for a girl, girl for a boy. Parklife.
It's that using the wrong sex grammar will feel like a knife in my heart no matter what I say, they carry on regardless.
What they see is what, well, all they see.
Even if I repeatedly tell them otherwise.

<Whilst pointing at BabyBoy1>
Boy. Boy. Boy. Boy. Boy. Boyboyboyboyboyboy!
Rando: ‘She's cute isn't she?’

Anyhoo...

I wasn't there for the curl removing.
I was at work. yay. Mrs. Amazing did it during the day, when BabyBoy1 was stationary for a few moments. TV. Mrs. Amazing did a marvellous job and he looks utterly cute and just like pinocchio a real little boy. Hella cute.
Weirdly Mrs. Amazing left all the trimmed hair on my bed side table (by accident) for me to see, felt a bit Godfather to be honest.
<Watches back and refuses to eat in an Italian restaurant forever>

Still it's my own fault BabyBoy1 had his hair cut.
Mrs. Amazing had just combed BabyBoy1’s hair whilst a bit wet. His curls had gone straight from the dampness and well...

<BabyBoy1 runs by shouting happily>
He looks… <Thinks>
He looks...  ridiculous
<Nods in agreement>

(Before the trim…)
(In our defence it was Christmas and the Elf outfit was apt. APT! <Shakes fist>)

… and he did. He looked ridiculous. Like a little hairy bluebell.
But not in the cool way. (Yes there is one).
Mrs. Amazing reasoned. Quite rightly as well. That if even I, yes EVEN I, 'King of Lack Of Observation’, Sir. BarnDoorMissingSeeingMan, notices that BabyBoy1 looks a bit daft...
...then it's probably time to trim the baby curls.
Boo. 

Bye bye ‘Tiny Baby’ chapter in my life.
It was really, really fun.
<Tears escapes due to… err.. stuff>
<Closes metaphorical book on 'Tiny Baby' chapter>
<Walks off humming ‘Cats in the cradle’>

<Runs back, reopens book, and folds down the first page of the 'Tiny Baby' chapter for later>
I'll be back! ...
... In hopefully about twenty years... After Uni at least! 
Can’t wait!
<Runs off to play in the pub>