What a Difference a Day Makes...

Awwww!

What a lovely walk into school with Miss4 this morning it was.

It was bloody nippy a bit crisp in the air.

So we were wrapped up warm. We even held hands as we walked to keep warm. Result.

Obviously it's nice to hold her tiny hand. Very paternal and all that.

But also holding her hand means she cannot dawdle, brain explodingly slow, behind me as we walk.

But hey! she doesn't need to know that.

As we walked she thought it was hilarious to walk extremely close to me.

It was. So close that every now and then I thought I might accidentally boot her clear over the houses in front of us.

YES! TEN POINTS <Does conversion dance>

I resisted any such temptation and did my best not to knock her flying with relatively enormous legs. But it did feel good to have some physical interaction with her. I feel we don't have enough rough and tough together.

(Gilbert isn't her real name… It’s Bernard)

I am very aware she is girl (it's the endless talking) and so historically and traditionally Miss4 is probably less inclined, to engaging in behaviours that could (could) be regarded as boyish. Rough and tough. Tomfoolery. Punchies. That stuff.

But also on the other hand....

… That's utter bollocks. Miss4 is four and can, and should, being doing whatever the hell she wants to be doing. Really.

I am also aware that I mustn't (ooo that word feels dirty) over compensate and engage in her super hyper idiotic boyish behaviour...

Right! You pick up the flaming napkin...

'Won't that hurt?'

Maybe... Pat it from hand to hand <Demonstrates hand to hand patting>

'OK...'

Run with the flaming napkin to the wall

'Uh huh' <looks incredulously squinty at me>

Headbutt the wall... hard...

'Why?'

Why what? Look do you want to play?

<Nods>

Headbutt the wall, then find the nearest person and give them a dead arm

'Uh huh' <is considering running>

Obviously if a bundle starts,we all switch to battle Royale mode, with the normal rules and safety words

<Looks blankly at me>

It'll be fun

'OooooK...'

[Mrs. Amazing walks in front door]

Mrs. Amazing: I'm home!

Shiiiiiit!

<Whispers loudly> Game’s off! Quick hide everything

<Looks serious at Miss4>

Say nothing of this… <Shakes fist>

'Yes Dad'

<Runs off to tell Mrs. Amazing all>

<Runs>

However if she's there when we play 'Flaming napkin head smack punch bundle' she's more than welcome. She can even have a cushion to use (for the wall).

But I remember that at this age Boy8 was well into this kind of, supposed, boyish behaviour.

I didn't have to suggest it or anything, it just seemed to come naturally from him. He liked nothing more than trying to trip me as walked.

And me him back, obv. #BestSentenceEVER!

Still I am going to ignore that they are different sexes, because it’s more likely that they are different people.

End of.

BabyBoy1 is rubbish at walking with.

Rubbish, but very cute and fluffy and funny and adorable. He's like walking with a maximum zoomed cross hair dented bouncy ball, you never know where it's going to go. It's all over the place. And he stops to investigate everything....

'AH AH AH AH' (* 'Holly mother fudging play mobiles! Dad look at this!')

Yeah... sweet... A tree....

<Glances at the thousands and thousands of other trees>

Really amazing mate...

Worth stopping for...

Everytime...

[We walk on 30 cm]

'AH AH AH OOOOOOOOOOOOOoooo' (* 'Well change my nappy, and dunk my butt, ANOTHER TREE!')

<Rolls eyes>

Yep... ANOTHER tree...

<Glances at watch>

We're gonna miss Octonauts at this rate

But don't get me wrong.

Walking with BabyBoy1 is brilliant fun. Slow. But brilliant. And no one loves walking more than that little boy. Especially into puddles and mud.

Just don't be in a rush or near a forest when you go.

So that was today with Miss4.

Happy Daddy and daughter walk into school. We chatted about rude words she knew; bum(s), stinky, snot. And what they rhymed with. Rhyming is very important and educational.

My turn... Rhyme ‘ducking mat mit glad’...

We were even early to school today and had time to run around the playground for a bit. Well until an adult that knew me showed up and I had to stop. And you know, talk.

Ah well. It was a nice chat.

I got a kiss from Miss4 goodbye and she even said she loved me.

It's all I want from my morning drop off.

#Winning #DaughtersLove

Yesterday though was different.

Much like bricks and meringues are different. Like farting and hugging are different. Like my thoughts on what an early night should entail, and Mrs. Amazings...

<Both leap into bed>

'Soooo... Kids are all asleep'

'I'm not too tired out...'

'It's not that late...'

<Grins at me>

You don't mean?...

<Grins too>

'Yes'

[Both reach for..]

<Mrs. Amazing pulls out a pen and the meal planner diary>

<I pull out a Monopoly board>

Ohhhh... Crap

<Is hopeful> You can be the boot tophat wheelbarrow?

'What are you going to be?'

Foot high R2-D2! Smash! Smash! Beep Beep! Help me Old Kent Road, you're my only hope...

<Shakes head> No <Manages to rhyme it with sod off>

Risk?

<Gets slapped>

(Nope! Can’t find the car anywhere…)

See! utterly different.

Much like the journey into school with Miss4 yesterday was a million different than today.

A mill-e-ion.

I liked today and our walk in. Today was right. Today was lovely and made me smile all day.

Yesterday. No. Bad yesterday. Down yesterday.

Bad.

It all started going wrong just after Mrs. Amazing left with Boy8 and BabyBoy1.

I was upstairs when I heard the wailing.

Miss4, despite having had, and had given three separate goodbye kisses and hugs to Mrs. Amazing, still felt Mrs. Amazing had left without saying goodbye. It upset her.

As I walked downstairs, I found her wailing at the window and after asking her to lower her pitch a few octaves I gathered why she was upset.

What's wrong?

‘Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’

What now?

‘Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’

Calm down... Use words... Less high…

‘MumEeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’

Oh. I see and I believe her

Miss4 had been pretty waily and emotional all morning.

So like any good swine sensible and emotionally connected Dad (like I beith) I ignored her totally. And left her wailing.

Hoping she would stop on her own, as she was being a bit silly. Four year-olds huh!

She didn't stop. I had to go and cheer her up. But the damage had been done.

I am not going to go into much detail, but the battle highlights are:

1. Putting on her shoes for her. Four times. And then having to hold them on, whilst being hit.

2. Turning my back and seeing her coat and fleece thrown off. Again.

3. Trying to put Miss4 down on the floor, but being unable to as she had tucked up her legs. It's a back breaker. I laid her on her face in the end.

4. Lifting Miss4 out of the door, so she had to stand, and then watching her run off before I had my shoes on. (She didn't go far, she's four).

5. Walking half the way to school with Miss4 running 10m ahead of me, glancing over her shoulder to blow raspberries at me.

6. Having to walk past two Mum's I recognise whilst carrying Miss4 along (carefully) by one arm and her screaming at massive volume...

'I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL!!!'

They quipped at me. #QuipShame

Still at least they were supportive and not judgemental. I must have looked vaguely in control at least.

7. Walking the rest of the way to school in silence. Miss4 10m behind me.

(Not everything needs a caption… Oh wait! Dangit!)

Did I do well?

Well no. Of course not. And it's all Miss'4 my fault.

I'm the adult (GAHHH!) and should have handled almost everything better. The only bit that I take comfort in is not shouting at her. At no point did I raise my voice at her. It was firm and bloody minded about clear what I wanted. But I never shouted.

<Pats own back, a little>

I also should have realised it was her first day back at school. In only her second term ever. Miss4 was probably full of worries and concerns and stresses. She loves her teacher, has friends, loves school. But she was probably still worried about it all.

I should have known that, thought about it, and been more fun and understanding.

Failing that I should have bribed her with bling chocolate.

We were late to school, obv.

Luckily her teacher was still at the door. I hugged Miss4 until she stopped ignoring me, and then finally give me a hug goodbye.

No kiss. But the hug was enough.

The hug calmed me as well and I suddenly realised all my many mistakes this morning and quickly turned it around. I made her laugh and smile, and told her much I loved her, and Miss4 went in smiling.

I know I cannot remove Miss4's worries about school. Or stop her feeling them.

But I can definitely make sure I don't add to them.

I also refrained from wishing her, underpaid, teacher good luck.

Dragged Back to Work...

I dread this day of the year.
The day I have to go back to work.
BOOOOO! HISSSS! BOOOOO!

I have not worked now for many many days and it's been brilliant. 
Christmas holiday is my favourite.

It took a supreme effort from myself not to hide under the covers and claim I had contracted a rare, and definitely not fit for work, illness, that has no visible or testable symptoms again.

No. Like the money maker of the family that I am I whimpered and cried until Mrs. Amazing made me get up I leapt out of bed and switched into work gear. Dusted off those long term memories and thoughts I had put on pause at the start of Christmas. 
Tried to remember my password...
Where I worked. Who I worked for... What I do...

Boss: ... So I hope you've had a lovely Christmas and are now keen to get back to work!

<Looks blank>

Boss: Well...

Er...

Well...
I suppose that if I had staff, then that would be how I would greet them back from Christmas 
<Adds> Nice speech <Smiles>

Boss: That is exactly what I am doing. Now.

Oh no there must be some confusion... I don't work here

Mrs. Amazing said I should come here, today, at this time, for something really important

Do you know what that might be?... She didn't say...
<Has sinking feeling>

Boss: <Frowns> You remember where you are don't you?

<Looks about>

... No

Boss: You remember this is your desk?

<Looks at pictures of family>

Nooooo... But that helps explain why you have pictures of my family here

<Un-flicks knife in pocket>

Boss: Do you remember what we pay you do?

Is it Lego based?

Boss: No

Chocolate testing?

Boss: No

Isn't it? Really?

Boss: No

Damn... Pie tester?

Boss: No. Just get to work. Every year it's the same with you

<Boss leaves muttering>

<Calls out> You sure it's not pie? 
I like pie? 
I definitely could do lots of pie work, if you want???...

<Looks about office>

<Is greeted by smiling colleagues>

...

<Runs>

I love Christmas holidays and I save my holiday to make the most it.

All the kids are at home, Mrs. Amazing is home, and the house is full of new toys, cheese, booze, pies and chocolates.

Hell I even love the fairy lights. It makes it feel like there's magic everywhere.

Team Parents (yay!) have weaved their magic for each child and they got… er... enough... let's say, of what they wanted from Santa and as magically as we could manage.

Boy8: What's this?

Argos voucher! Merry Christmas!

It's from both of us!!!

Boy8: It says £1

You are welcome... I mean HO HO HO HO!

<Strokes white beard>

(Right... Are we leaving the hall lights up?)

Yeah I know some people prefer the summer as you can get outside and do stuff.

Being stuck inside on a cold, rainy, winter day with three children is definitely some people's idea of hell. But not me.

Stuck inside with my motley crew is what I choose. I have loved being at home with my family over Christmas. 
Frankly my little monkeys are fun and I like being involved and present in their lives.

Some people love their work and I am very happy for them.

I am. Happy-happy-hap-hap-happy. <Waves flag>

I know some parents look forward to getting back to work, shaking off family life, and getting on with some really adult and grown up stuff.

It's true I've met them. They exist. They're weird.

For me work is never my first choice.

It's fine. My work is fine. There's lots nothing incredibly wrong with it. It's fine. (Yes saying fine three times a row really proves my point).

There's cake sometimes at work. The tea rounds are excellent. I cannot shouldn't complain.

But there are key four things missing from work that would make it brilliant: Mrs. Amazing, Boy8, Miss4 and BabyBoy1. (In your face Cat).

Boy8 has gone back to school.

As he should, and needs to. It was nice to see him back in school uniform. He looks smart in it, even with his t-shirt hanging out, jumper around his waist, scuffed up shoes, combed but still messy hair.

We did expect him to be a bit reluctant to go back to school. But no not a bit of it. He was super keen. He had his new erasers (rubbers) to show off to his mates. And of course all his mates are at school. ALL his mates.

He's still young enough that school is pretty much a big laugh with your mates, with some teaching thrown in. Which is fun teaching anyway.

Plus how can you tell everyone what you got for Christmas from home? SMS.

Honestly if they served tea I'd be back at school with him...

<Sticks up hand>

Teacher: Yes... You... The very old boy... Again

The answer is 42 sir

Teacher: Yes well done Mr. TalesFromTheDadSide... again

<Opens flask and drinks tea>

<Swears at child to left>

<Falls off tiny chair>

Ow

Miss4 has an insect day (yes insect) today.

So she's starts back at school tomorrow. I am sure today she'll be pushed out the door at some point on an insect hunt, which is always a laugh. Yes we could correct her and say it's an inset day, but why would we.

I’ll miss Miss4 a lot. There is no one like her in the entire world (there's a least seventeen Boy8's) anywhere. Even with the grumps.

Her perspective on life so brilliant and fun, it is hard not to want to be in it. She is just fun and crazy at the perfect mix. With a small part banshee thrown in for fun.

No one sits and plays Lego like she does.

As for BabyBoy1.

I have just spend many days in his company day and night. I've got to wake him up, put him down for naps, change his nappies, feed him food, watch him not eat his food, get hit by food. And best of all just sit on the floor and play.

I feel I know him really well at the moment. My ability to understand what his is saying has never been better. And you can only learn these things by being there. Only time with him counts. He is and will always be my cheese thief compadre.

I consider it an honour to have been able to spend so much time with him.

<Salutes>

And I can't wait for my next chance.

He's awesome.

I’ll miss the three of them a lot.

I like playing board games and eating chocolate. I like watching Disney films whilst building Lego. I enjoy chasing BabyBoy1 around the room and then bundling him onto the sofa and then being attacked by the other two, with cushions, and then being jumped on until someone gets hurt (me).

I'll even miss Boy8 flicking my arm during every single damn meal time.

Whole days where all you manage to achieve is brushing your teeth, because you're too busy playing. Well they're golden in my book.

And you know what? All that cool stuff?

Frowned on at work.

Yep very frowned on. Swines.

(And when you're finished playing you make patterns with them, of course...)

I'll also deeply miss being with Mrs. Amazing from sun up to sun down.

Who wouldn't? She's amazing.

But fair play.

There are some, a few, perks of being back at work:

1. I’ll be able to rest. 
Those lot are exhausting. Mentally and physically. Racing each other round the house, dancing, leaping like salmon, triple (!) piggy back rides, can wear a fella down. And crush his knees.

2. There's lots of tea. Hot tea.

The tea rounds at work are probably the best in the world, fast and frequent. Which is just how I like it.<Refuses cheap sex joke>

3. I can go to toilet as and when I like. 

I don't have to ensure everyone little is safe and occupied. No one opens the door to ask what I am doing. Or in the case of BabyBoy1 comes wanting to play.

4. My sanity levels will start to increase.

Kids are wonderful but essentially mad evil geniuses nutters. It starts to rub off on you. I took the kids into town and cared not that Boy8 had stamped a red heart on my forehead.

5. There's no laundry at work.

Which is a real bonus. Even if I really, really, reallllllly wanted to do laundry at work. (I bloody don't) I cannot. Shame. Gutted.

<Shakes fist at sky> DAMN YOU SALAZAR GEOSPATIAL PHYSICS! WHY!!! 

6. I can listen to all the music I love that is full of swears and rock and roll references.

But really, these huge perks aside, I know deep down in my heart where I would rather be.

Sat in front of the fire watching a film, starting our nineteenth board game, whilst trying to convince BabyBoy1 to spit out the dice.

(How he get all those in there? ... Where's my phone?)

But don't worry about me. Don't.

I have a special plan that I use to ease me back into work life. Soften the blow as it were.
I am taking a entire Stilton wheel into work.
I am going smuggle BabyBoy1 in and hide in my desk.

Each year at work they give us a chocolate advent calendar. Which is nice. Preaching to the addicted and all that. So when I break up for Christmas I purposely hide it under my desk and don't take it home. I resist it, knowing there's plenty at home. My other advent calendar for starters.

I leave my work one there so that when I am dragged get back to work. There's quite a few doors left unopened...
... And I can just tear into it.
Or...! I can just slowly eat them, slowly, throughout the day.
Slowly.

<9:03 all chocs gone>

<Feels sick>
<Gets out Stilton wheel from bag...>