A New (Hope) Friend...

Miss5 and BabyBoy1 haven't always got on that well.

It's never been an issue from BabyBoy1's side, he loves everyone.

But Miss5… 

<Sucks air through teeth>

When BabyBoy1 arrived in our lives...

(Mostly thanks to Mrs. Amazing’s baby making magic, and my ability to make tea and distribute biscuits. Still part of the team.)

Miss5 took one look at the teeny, tiny, brand new, defenceless baby in the house.

And decided naaa!

Not a fan. Not for her. Plus what was it doing in HER MUMMIES arms!

But fair play to Miss5.

She wasn't mean or nasty. Didn't scream or shout about it. No she maintained her dignity and just utterly ignored BabyBoy1 for about six months. Not even a withering look did BabyBoy1 get.

Sweet huh!

But slowly.

Oh so slowly, she started acknowledging his presence in the world.

We did have to coach her a lot little to even say hi to start with. But Team Parents (yay!) have stuck to their guns and Miss5 will, reluctantly and a bit awkwardly, hug and kiss her little brother before bed now. 

It doesn't help much that he’s a right hugger and a kisser. But we can’t do nought about that. Plus it’s funny.

But it's been a loooooooong slow process.

I did try sticking bits of lego and pasta to BabyBoy1, Miss5's favourites.

In the hope that would get him at least noticed. I tried draping tiny bits of fabric, and glitter on his tummy as well, but that just huge foot-hurting, tripping, foody, fabulous mess.

(Newbie: 'Dude! I think we've done it... It's finally done'

OldPro: <Sucks air through teeth>)

Boy8 however…

Was brilliant about having a little sister, Miss5, some unknown amount of years ago.

He was genuinely excited about it. And he was equally happy to have a little brother turn up too.

I've no idea what we did for, or said to, Boy8 that we didn't do for Miss5.

Or even if it's us at all.

It probably isn't. 

It's more likely to be a very personal thing to each child and how they feel they fit into the clan family .

It is could be dependant on how days I waited until I watched ‘A New Hope’ with them for the first time, in the wee hours, as they failed utterly to sleep, and I held their tiny bodies in my arms whispering 'That's old Ben... He's frikkin' awesome'.

Could a wait of three instead or four days make you more accepting of new a sibling?

Who knows? Everyone. It’s not. Definitely.

It has been a real honour to watch Boy8 and Miss5 get to know each other.

<Salutes>

It really mean it. It has, as Boy8 can be very kind and caring to his sister.

We have a lovely picture of him holding a tiny Miss5 and it's one of his most treasured possessions. 

After his Mine-craft save games, Nerf guns, posters, rubbers (erasers), trading cards, cars, car tracks, things he has stuck to the ceiling, his football gloves and boots, and all the money he's managed to swindle out of Team Parents (yay!) and their extended family.

He teaches and guides her through anything she finds hard and, importantly, Miss5 lets him. 

So they both get a lot from their time together and have a lot fun with bonkers games, no sane adult would ever want to be involved, or indeed could have thought of...

Boy8: 'Dad! Dad! We need you to play a game!'

What's the game? Is it weird? Dangerous? If so I'm in

Miss5: <Nods> 'It's the one with the sofa, and the cushions, and we jump about, and we leap'

You don't mean...

Boy8: <Is very excited> 'Sofa-Temple-of-Doom!' <Shakes fists dramatically>

Great game, great game... Hmmm... 

<Ponders> How about big cushions this time, no defending yourselves from missiles…

Andddd a two? second tap-out count… 

<Both nod>

Cool... and no ganging up on me and making me cry

<Both shake heads>

I won't play...

<Both nod lie>

But also, a lot of time sometimes Boy8 can be a right rat-bag (medical term) to Miss5.

It's like he's nitro and she's glycerin. KER-BOOM!

Where's the wall gone? <Is calm>

... Hang on....

I left my sandwich there!!!  

<Is less calm> WHAT ON CHOCOLATE BISCUITS HAPPENED HERE?

It's happening more often as Boy8 gets older. 

The influence of his friends is showing and although it hasn't happened yet, it will. He will eventually think playing games with his sister is too babyish and not cool.

She will pass out of his attention for a while. Just a while mind. They’ll gravitate back together as the years go by. But it will be hella sad as it will be him growing up and moving on.

<Weeps> WHY WHY!!!

Obviously I will be there to help and guide him through these difficult, life changing and challenging times...

Boy8: '...And that's why I don't want to play with Miss5 anymore' <Dusts off hands>

Hmm interesting... and utter bollocks

a)… She's a right laugh

and b) Don't let being cool make you miss out on fun with Miss5!

That's totally not cool… It’s uncool.. anti-cool... sans le cool

Boy8: <Whispers> 'Like you?'

<Ignores whisper> Now then... put the cape back on…  and get back in there

Boy8: <Reluctantly puts on cape>

<Suggests> Arms up in a Y… like me...

Boy8: <Lamely does it>

LIKE YOU MEAN IT! <Shakes fist> And... Let it GO!

Boy8: <Arms are a bit lame>

Fine... Just copy my lead… <Fans out cape and prepares self...>

But don't worry.

As the Boy8 and Miss5 partnership goes into temporary hiatus, a new relationship is blossoming.

Well starting.

Miss5 and BabyBoy1 have finally connected.

Well Miss5 has. BabyBoy1 connects instantly with all, he's a baby.

Brilliantly though the dynamics of this relationship are utterly backwards compared to Boy8 and Miss5’s. Miss5 is the eldest here, finding the younger sibling all annoying and up in her grill and stuff at times. It's great fun to watch.

And Miss5 is loving her new minion helper buddy.

(It’s quite uncanny the likeness…)

The other day I caught Miss5 and BabyBoy1 playing together.

It was a moment of perfect symbiotic union whereby they both got something out of the relationship. It was utterly sweet and I did my best just to observe.

I was only there as a head-removing facilitator (just go with it).

Miss5 likes to build entire worlds out of stuff.

That day she had the (car boot) box of PlayMobil out. She likes to set up strange and interesting pieces together in a display kind of way. It can be a bit gothic, but very cool as well. 
She's not so keen on realistic representation. More abstract madness.

BabyBoy1 was helping by providing her with strange and unusual pieces to display. He would grab something and pass it to her. She would build with it. 

Only he suddenly ran out.

He had an idea.

I could tell what was going his mind as he did it. Or tired to do it. 

Miss5 likes making things with the Lego heads, who doesn't, so... If BabyBoy1 could get the heads / hair off the PlayMobile people! WINNER!

In BabyBoy1’s mind and mine.

(Ah that feels better… I had the worst headache…and it just lifted…)

Great idea.

Obviously he couldn't remove the heads. They are baby safe.

So I did it for him. What father wouldn't decapitate PlayMobil people for their youngest child? A monster. BabyBoy1 would run over to me for help...

BabyBoy1: 'UhUhUH' (* ‘Come on, chop chop, old man, head and hair. NOW!’)

Yeah yeah... OK mate.. <Pop> Here you go!

BabyBoy1: <Run back to Miss5>

BabyBoy1: 'UhUhOoooooo' (* ‘My lady’)

<Sweaty little palms hand over head and hair>

Miss5: 'Thanks BabyBoy1!' <Smiles at BabyBoy1> 

<Creates art magic>

Each time he delivered a head to Miss5.

BabyBoy1 would just stand there for a moment, lingering, absorbing the smile he got from Miss5. 

It was a thank you smile. A, I like you smile. A, you're not so bad after all smile. 

Basically a hug, but she’s a bit busy building stuff to actually stop and hug, smile.

I can see it means a lot to BabyBoy1. He looks proud and happy, and it makes him feel really good. I can tell by his beaming smile. He clearly likes making his sister happy.

I love this new friendship.

Then he's off again, for his next PlayMobil victim...

<Pop>
X

P.s. If anyone from PlayMobil wants to send us any stuff that would be great. 

We need more people... heads optional... :)

No Breasts No Opinion...

Jamie Oliver said something about breastfeeding recently.

I didn't go down great.

Poor Jamie. Ha ha ha! 

I'm aware breastfeeding is a dangerous highly emotive subject.

So I'm going to tread as carefully as I can, tippie toes and all that.

<Feels Lego smash beneath feet>

Obviously I shall write about this subject with my normal grown up and sensible approach to the subject matter at hand.

<Smash>

Damn it

<Smash>

Crap!

<Smash>

<Asks the world in general> Is there Lego over every inch of this damn floor?

<Turns on light>

Oh... Shiiiit There is...

(Nice hillocks)

I don't have a problem with what Jamie said.

“If you breastfeed for six months women are 50 per cent less likely to get breast cancer. When do you hear that? Never,”

Seems alright to me.

I honestly think his heart was in the right place. He wanted to help.

The more I re-read his comment the more I see someone trying to tell us a statistic that (if true) should be common knowledge.

It would be good, if it was, common knowledge.

Still he chanked some people off (annoyed them).

It wasn't the best timing for his comments. Or platform.

To me it sounds more like a pub comment.

You know, everyone's had a load of beer. There’s a very grown up, mature adult chat going on. When suddenly your mate, Bob, who's been quiet all night speaks...

[Mid important debate]

... And that, I think you will find, pretty much proves that there is no way Aladdin and Jasmine could have got around the world that quickly, excellent award winning song, or not...

It's just not realistic <Is smug>

Mate1 (no kids): 'You take Disney films too seriously dude'

Mate2 (lots of kids): 'Utter Rubbish!'

Mate2: 'The Genie was clearly helping Aladdin to woo Jasmine and...'

Bob: 'If you breastfeed for six months women are 50 per cent less likely to get breast cancer'

Bob: 'When do you hear that?' <Does question hands>

Bob: 'Never!' <Is a bit cross about it>

Mate1: '...'

Mate2: '...'

...

<We all look at Bob>

<Tumbleweed rolls by... continues into the fireplace and a huge fireball roars out>

<Pub staff rush in to stop the blaze>

<Smoke fills the pub>

<We notice nothing>

You alright there Bob? <Is worried>

Bob: 'Er... Yeah... Sorry guys' <

Bob: 'It's just been on my mind a lot'

Mate2: 'It's alright mate, we understand'

Mate2: 'Things like that can keep me up at night too'

Mate1: <Can't believe what he is hearing> 'What the bloody hell is going on?'

Mate1: 'We’re not seriously going start talking about breastfeeding and its relative right and wrongs are we?'

Mate1: 'ON A FRIDAY NIGHT? IN THE PUB?' <Stands for drama>

Shut the hell up. I'm with Bob on this one...

Mate2: 'Yeah me too. Shush no-kids'

Mate1: <Sighs and sits, defeated>

Mate1: <Lights a fag>

What are you doing? There's no smoking in the pub? Ever! Sadly...

Mate1: 'I didn't think anyone would mind'

<Motions to the burning tables all around us, the fire crew rushing through with hose>

Mate2: 'Fair enough... Should we go?' <Puts out flaming coat>

I'll just see if they are still serving <Dashes to the bar>

Mate2: 'Get crisps!'

Disclosure: I am not a Jamie Oliver fan (unlike Mrs. Amazing).

I like his cooking and the things he does for the UK. I just can't stand the talk-talk he does.

Jamie: 'Pukka!'

WHY! Yes! I would love a Pukka Pie <Smiles>

Jamie: 'There's no pie? I'm 'aking a pukka salad'

I will never forgive you for this... <Runs off cackling>

But that's my problem, not his.

Being rich, successful and fancied by Mrs. Amazing doesn't really help endear him to me either. What a pukka git.

(Beer fridge? PAH! Once you've had a pie warmer next to the sofa you never go back…

Or move around…)

So what did Jamie do wrong.

1. HE had an opinion, he did. He.

If you read this article jamie-oliver-needs-to-stop-mansplaining-breastfeeding-to-women (of which the title pretty much illustrates what I am about to say) and this one jamie-oliver-breastfeeding-advice-cancer-women. (You don't have to, or need to BTW...)

You'll see that the main thing Jamie did wrong was dare, DARE, to talk about breastfeeding, with a todger as a man.

[Sarcasm start]

HOW VERY DARE HE! What the hell was he thinking? Men shouldn't be talking about women's stuff at all.

It matters not what his intentions were, or are. It matters not that for some men that was probably the first time they heard another man (other than a quack) talk about breast feeding. A geezer too.

No, please ignore all that and just write your man slamming articles.

Bet that helps the situation for everyone. -You idiots.-

He has no breasts, ergo he cannot understand (as obv. men cannot empathise).

How dare he have an opinion and try (failing or not) and help people.

The utter scum.

[Sarcasm end]

<Stomps off to get a cuppa as this stuff annoys me>

<Come back with chocolate and tea>

One of the articles puts it this way...

“Why are you, a male, telling me, a female, about breastfeeding? Are you a doctor, midwife, breastfeeding specialist, a secret woman? When was the last time you lactated?”

And in answer to the first of a lot of attacking questions that could easily be turned on their head question:

Why the hell shouldn't HE? Don't be so sexist. Ya plumb.

HE 'could' be right, HE really could. HE could just be being lucky that day and the right information could have bobbled into his noggin that day. It happens.

But most importantly, and without doubt, without any doubt.

HE isn't wrong because he's male.

That's just dumb thinking.

We're all in this together!

Or did you conveniently forget?

<Heads back to the chocolate cupboard>

2. He said 'Breast is best'

Well actually it seems he didn't.

Which is weird as I got the impression he did. I keep looking for where he said that.

But it seems he didn't.

It's wasn't just me either. Eeh Bah Mum’s blog, which I LOVE, wrote about it in breast-is-best. (You should read this one <Shakes fist> if you like <Shakes other fist>)

Where did we both get ‘Breast is best’ from?

It's there. It's just not actually said this time. But it's on our minds and in our thoughts, as it is drummed into us.

'Breast is best' at first glance seems OK doesn't it?

It exists as a phrase because from ONE point of view, it has some truth behind it. It's a quick and simple way of delivering a message. A slogan if you will.

From a purely, purely, scientific, non emotive, cold-hard numbers, point of view, and when answering this exact question:

"If I have the choice, should I choose Breast or Formula or badger milk?"

Then the answer is: “Choose breast first”.

Not best... Just first.

And that's the problem. Best.

Best is how we sell stuff. It's how stuff is marketed to us. We upgrade to the best.

Best is what we aspire to be. But Best's never last, they are always replaced.

This is the best car in the world... for 10 seconds.

When they said England were best Test Cricket nation in the world (really, it happened), that lasted a good month of two. It was brilliant.

However it went bad pretty quick. My t-shirt saying they are the best lastest a lot longer than the actual fact.

So instead of 'Breast is Best' how about?

"Breast is great. Science (as the single entity it is) backs it. It's portable. It's free.

If you can go with breast, that's great. Lucky you. But if you can't. Alternatives are great too. Johnny Science backs that too.

But make sure you do what feels right for you. Above all, do that."

Mine is less catchy though. I admit it.

How about, instead:

"Breast feed if you can? *"

(*and it works for you, and your life, and your child)?"

So poor Jamie.

Wrong time. Wrong place. Wrong genitals.

I hope it's forgot quickly and people don't keep blogging on about it...

(Shush… sometimes no words are needed… just enjoy the pukka picture…)