Parentday (née Friday night) (née Mother's Day)...

Mother’s Day.

It’s a tricky one.

A part of me feels that celebrating mothers on just one day of the year is a bit wrong.

What about the other days of the year?

If we put aside just one day of the year for Mum’s. Aren't we automatically saying we don’t have to celebrate them for the rest of year.

I quite like my Mum. She's pretty cool. I feel that her growing me and putting me on this planet has, in some ways, really contributed to my health and well being. I feel that saying thanks to her on just one day a year, is a bit pants, really.

Same for Mrs. Amazing and she made three of my favourite people - Boy8, Miss5, BabyBoy1. 

Note... MADE! That is definitely worth celebrating more than once a year. Twice at least.

And surely we can do better than a Sunday in March for Mums?

Why isn't Mother's Day in mid-Summer time? That would be nicer.

We could have a picnic with beer. 
Mums love that outdoors crap picnics!

(‘What else did you bring?’ Nothing? Why?

‘What about the kids?’ They're sharing... yours… not mine…)

How about if... instead of it being a Mothering Sunday.

We changed it to a Friday night instead? 
That would be better. More pubs open. 
And include the Dads too. Call it Parents Night if you like.

The Dads could get the rounds in and buy nuts and stuff. We’re all in this together anyway. Team Parents (yay!) and all that.

True. Only one half of Team Parents (yay!) actually pushed a person out of them and feed them using only their bodily fluids. But I've compensated for that already.

As I said… The Dads will get the rounds in.

And going out on the razzle Parents Night could be a bit more frequent.

I mean if it’s Mum’s and Dad’s together. That’s a fair percentage of the population. Most of the parents I would say.

So, as I feel we would all agree, let’s change it from a yearly thing. To a weekly thing! Hooray!

Show of hands… Motion carried. Weekly. Nice.

In fact every Friday, all day, should be an extra day off for parents. No work. Child care is free. Half price taxis.

One whole lovely day when Team Parents (yay!) don’t have to adult at all. We could write, not lesson plans like teaching, but instead, parents plans for the kids. Actually good at parenting.

We could sleep! We could actually catch up on your sleep. 
AH AH AH I WANT THAT AHHHHHHH!!! <Runs randomly>

Can you imagine a world where all the parents actually got enough sleep and a chance to reflect on how to parent? Imagine less annoying children would be what the human race would achieve!

I admit. 

I may not have thought everything through, there may be a few teething issues. A few tweaks needed here and there. But it definitely feels like a runner to me.

Every Friday becomes an EXTRA WEEKLY day off for parents. Three day weekend.

“Parentday - So they're less knackered” - #WinningSlogan

<Turns off projector>

Well what do you think?

<Mrs. Amazing looks stunned>

Mind blowing, I KNOW!

‘Let me see if I have this straight…’

<Is grinning>

‘You want to pitch this at work, to your boss, tomorrow?’

Yes! <Is proud of self>

‘Despite the fact it’s clearly a dumb idea’

yes… ohh… <Proudness leaving>

‘And you woke me on Mother's Day…’

Er… <Has regrets>

‘... at 7am to tell me this...’

<Lots of regrets, big, big, regrets> ... Err … <Considers running>

[Boy8, Miss4, BabyBoy1 troop in]

Boy8: ‘We all made you this card, and got you these flowers. We love you Mum’

‘Oh they are lovely! Thank you. I love you all too’ <Kisses all round>

Boy8: ‘We all thought Dad’s plan was stupid’

<All nod>

Boy8: ‘He made us wear these t-shirts’

<Boy8 shows t-shirt saying ‘Parentday - Make mine a double!’>

<Miss4 shows t-shirt saying ‘Parentday - Because no sleep is madness!’>

<BabyBoy1 shows t-shirt saying ‘Parentday - Because they’re worth it!’>

<Mrs. Amazing looks at me dumbfounded>

‘You…’

<Prepares for the worst>

‘… you know... I like the t-shirts… you might have something there....’

It's probably chocolate

‘… and it would be every Friday?’

You mean every Parentday!

X (That's a kiss, not a treasure marker...)

Dropping Off Miss4 Solo

It's my first drop off with Miss4, on my own today. It's a big day.

There is huge responsibility on my shoulders and if I mess it up, Mrs. Amazing may not talk to me for ages, so there’s pros and cons.
Mrs. Amazing will be on the other side of town throwing Boy8 out of the car at a different school. 

At exactly the same time as when Miss4 needs be at school. (Who thought that up?)

Hence why I am being used. Necessity.

Worryingly Miss4 needs certain stuff with her for school and so far Mrs. Amazing has been organising and preparing the stuff through spells and witchcraft, she plans ahead. I haven’t had much hand in it.

Miss 4 needs:

a) School clothes

She's gotta be dressed. I don’t often forget to dress her, but today she definitely needs to be dressed in school clothes. Mustn't let her trick me that it's dress like a 'pirate-alien-ninja' day, again.

b) Hair taming

She needs something in her hair for control purposes. Some magical device, that I have never used in my life, that can tame the madness. So Miss4 doesn't get nicknamed ‘Cousin Itt' or Hermione by the teachers. 

(That may not be enough...)

c) Book bag

Based on how often I was reminded about it. Miss4 needs her book bag more that she needs oxygen.

Although at present, said book bag, contains no books at all and makes me want to call it...  A BAG!

But even I (yes EVEN I) can see why calling it a book bag is helpful.

Where's Miss4's bag?

<Mrs. Amazings voice comes from upstairs>

'Which one? The small red bag with treasure in it?'

Nope

'My 80's style bag I had when I was little, full of treasure?'

Uh-nuh

'Hair clip bag?'

Hasn't that got treasure in it as well?

'Yes'

Thought so...  and nope

'Dice bag?'

No

'Owl rucksack?'

No, no, not those… The school one!

'She hasn't got a school bag yet!?'

Yes she has, that flat one that's great for carrying paper

'I don’t know which one you…'

'DO YOU MEAN HER BOOK BAG?!!! $%*&"£'

<Stomps downstairs half dressed, curling iron still hair, BabyBoy1 on hip, temperament experimental>

<Gets a look of death>

<Tiny voice>But she doesn't have any books in it yet... <Trails off>

... it can't be a book bag... <Squeeks>

<Points at book bag without looking>

There

Oh...

<Runs>

<Runs back and picks up book bag>

<Runs again>

And most importantly...

d) One non-regular extra item

The bag with Miss4's school shoes in. 

Yeah I know. Why aren't the school shoes on her feet where they should be? To mess with my mind.

Admittedly it confused me to start with.

But then I spotted that Miss4 was stomping about in wellies, and outside watery stuff had been leaking from the sky pillows (rain). So using my deducing deduction skills, I deduct that Miss4 is wearing wellies so she can splash her way safely to school. All the while keeping her school shoes nice.

(Watson... I believe I am on fire... )

Brilliant. Well played Mrs. Amazing.

I just need to make the wellie-shoe swap when we get to school.

Mrs. Amazing pushes Boy8 and BabyBoy1 out of the door towards the car...

'Don't forget this bag' <Points at bag with school shoes in>

<Salutes>

We wave goodbye to and it's time for school. 
I grab her book bag, put a coat on her, tame the hair and grab my stuff too.

Then, in time honoured tradition, I stand outside the front door trying to remember everything I have forgotten.

Miss4 asks what I am doing and I explain.

It's not that my memory is totally rubbish. It just seems to have 'problem' areas. Other bits are fine, good even.

Boy8 is now so used to this quirk. That he now offers a list of the items I most often forget when I leave anywhere with him

'Phone?'

Yep!

'Coat?'

No, no... Yes! Wearing it!

'Miss4? BabyBoy1?'

Got both

'Bags?'

In boot!

'Remembered where the car is?'

Er...

<Pulls out hand drawn map>

<Gets into map>

It's there... <Points to our car>

Yay! Good work Boy8!

<Gives Boy8 friendly dead arm>

Honestly we would be five cars down if it were not for Boy8, and stuck in Brighton.

So I explain all of this to Miss4. Hoping she might also start helping me out when I am leaving anywhere. Miss4 looks at me as though I am quite mad.

Good. She understands perfectly.

However I can't think of anything I've forgotten, so I make to leave...

'Uh oh Daddy'

What?

Is it bandits?

Wolves?

The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?

'We forgot!'

Did we? What?

'THE SHOE BAG!'

Crap on a stick she is right. Strewth that was a close one!

SEE! Miss4 is helping me already :) Worth opening my bag of crazy at her.

I grab the bag with the school shoes in.

The journey to school is quite uneventful.

We see a squirrel eating nuts in a tree, which is awesome. Some of the nuts fall out of the tree into our looking-up faces. It is also awesome.

We fall out about crossing a road. I think she should cross when I do, safety and all that. Miss4 thinks the big puddle in front of her is far more important and doesn't care if I stand in the middle of the road for ages. Compromises were made. We splashed in the big puddle.

But we make it to school with all the stuff she needs.

The classroom door opens and I am saying goodbye to Miss4 when I realise I still need to swap her school shoes for her wellies!

We sit and swap the wellies for school shoes.

THAT WAS BLOODY CLOSE TO A COMPLETE DISASTER!

Miss4 at school in wellies and no school shoes... it doesn't bare thinking about.

Relieved I will have somewhere to sleep tonight and job done, I wave goodbye, proud of myself I stomp away from school with the bag of wellies.

I even have enough time to drop the wellies back at home before I head off to work in my submarine.

Bright pink sparkly wellies at work doesn't scream professional, unlike Bat socks, and shouting 'Morning Smeggers' every day.

I swagger into work proud of myself and dying to tell someone about my good work. But no one at work would give one, two, or even three figs about wellie-gate. So I just sit down and feel secretly proud of myself.

Well I did.... until I get this message from Mrs. Amazing...

Bugger.

Bouncy or Not?

Today I taught BabyBoy1 the difference between things that bounce, and things that do not.

<Thud>

It felt like a really good idea at the time.

<Bang>

I thought that whilst we were playing, I could teach my littlest boy something important, one of the key fundamentals of life: Bouncy or not.

<Crash>

Me and BabyBoy1 had found one of Miss4's pots of treasure. The kind of pots that make Mrs. Amazing cry out in frustration, and then actually cry.

Because each treasure pot contains loads and loads of tiny crap stuff, that's going to take ages to put away, and was probably away this morning.

<Smash>

'Oooo' <Points at smashed thing>

<Shakes head>

<Totters off, continuing rampage of bounce-testing>

Miss4 puts a lot of effort into creating each treasure pot.

She goes into every single board game, jigsaw, bag, box, drawer, handbag, pocket, cupboard, tray of crap we have, and carefully picks out one thing.

Normally of a matching theme: colour, size, weight.

Then she fills in any space left in the pot with bits of paper, coins, buttons, beads and bouncy balls.

(A small treasure pot's contents)

<Bonk>

<Smash>

The frustrating thing about the treasure pots is that you can't just throw it all away.

Even though half of it is crubbish (real word), that no one in their right mind would care about (Except Miss4), you can't just throw it away.

Because the other half of the crubbish is really important stuff we do want, like:

The top hat from the Monopoly set

The valve for the paddling pool

Bits of Boy8's Lego

My Lego

Bouncy balls

Gold Krugerrand coins

<Thud>

So when me and BabyBoy1 found this pot of treasure and it had a few bouncy balls in it.

I thought, great idea, let's show him how to play with a bouncy ball.

<Smash>

'Oooo' <Points randomly>

We had great fun.

It's amazing watching BabyBoy1's face as he sees things for the first time. I put a bouncy ball in his hand and showed him how to throw it.

He giggled so much as it bounced off, he was so happy chasing it. So full of wonder and excitement, it was amazing to watch.

Top moment.

<Bonk-bonk>

<Thud>

After a while though he wanted to bounce other things, experiment a little.

So I passed him wooden blocks, Lego, buttons, coins, from the treasure pot.

I was caught up in his learning and wanted to feed his scientific curiosity.

<BANG>

<Lots of rolling sounds>

Of course all the things I passed him soon became dangerous projectiles. Didn't really see that coming to be honest. And when BabyBoy1 found some things didn't bounce, he just threw them harder.

<Smash>

'Oooo' <Nods>

Obviously, after a while, his scientific discovery had to stop. I had been hit in the head a few times with blocks and buttons. Also he was making quite a mess.

I closed the treasure pot and told him the game was over.

He took it well.

<Eeeeeeeee>

<Thud>

'DADADADADADA'

* Daddy look at what I have done

He took it well because he had no intention of stopping.

By closing the treasure pot I had changed the parameters of his experiment.

I had stopped him experimenting with the carefully selected samples (the treasure pot), and instead, I had suggested through dog whistles that he test every single item in the house.

Man did that backfire.

<Splat>

‘AAAAAAAAAAAA’

* Nice

Which is why I am sat here watching BabyBoy1 bounce test everything he can reach.

I could stop him, I really could. But I'm not going to.

He's discovering things, live, on his own. This is a big development moment, I don't want to interrupt it.

Plus it’s my dumb idea I started it.

<Crunch>

<Bang>

BabyBoy1 is quickly finding out that there are not many things that bounce in our house.

Lots of things that break though.

Lots.

(I’ll add cups to the ‘Not’ list then…)

<Boing-boing-boing-boing-boing>

'DAAAADEEEE!'

<Huge grin>

He finally found a bouncy one. Good for him.

<Thud>
'Oooooooo'