3 Days Without Boy8... (Woohoo)

Boy8 is off on a school residential this week. Woooohooo!

That means he'll be gone for three days.

<Does celebration dance>

((a) brilliant fireworks, (b) where did you get them from.... <Runs>)

I think it's brilliant that his school does things like this.
<Big smile>

It's such an enriching experience for the kids, staying away from home for a few days, with all their mates. Marvellous.

Although I do feel a bit sorry for the poor teachers, each holding their teeny tiny straws, heading off to look after a large amount of eight year olds for two nights.

Talk about taking your work on holiday. That sucks.

I am sure these brilliant and selfless teachers get huge bonuses in their pay packets for this kind of work. You'd have be some kind of amazing idiot of a politician to not appreciate how hard and taxing looking after, basically, a small army of lunatics is.

I don't know why I mention it really. It's 2015, everyone knows teachers are worth paying well, I am sure the remuneration is brilliant...

Anyway... 

Boy8 is off for three days pinch me.

We're gonna miss him woohoo a lot, it won't be the same at home without him.

<Does 12" version of celebration dance >

Boy8 is really excited. REALLY excited.

He's already packed a few times. The essentials obviously. Toys. Pants. Posters...

Boy8 and his mates have been discussing the trip at school and decided that having posters on the trip was very important. They’re quite mad.

So Boy8 didn't take it all that well when Mrs. Amazing explained he wasn't going to be taking any posters with him, for a three day trip. He gave us just another reason to miss him more.

Wooo!

Boy8’s time away will do everyone good.

For Team Parents (yay!) it will give us a chance to spend more time at the pub with Miss4 and BabyBoy1. Focus our attention on them for a change.

Team Parents (yay!) won't be outnumbered for a whole three days <Gets shivers>.

Bliss! One child to an adult. Lovely. 
No additional child acting as sweeper as we try and manage the other two.

Three whole days!

For Boy8 it's a tiny slice of freedom, away from his cruel and O-O-O-so mean parents.

He will get three whole days, with his mates, making his own choices and decisions. (Sounds like a stag do to me).

Boy8 will love it, and I am sure will rise to the challenge.

Of course after three days he is likely to be exhausted and knackered from acting all grown up and making decisions himself. And not sleeping at all, and not eating anything, and just running round like a loon for seventy two hours.

He should be pretty desperate to come home to where everyone knows his name...

(Beer... er... Beena please Dad (hic)...)

<Boy8 arrives at home>

Norm!

Who the devil are you?

'Boy8! Your big boy! Your dude!!! Boy8!'

No... sorry... can't place you

'It's me Dad! Come on you must remember, it's only been three days!'

<Thinks>

No... Are you a friend of Miss4's?

'Wait I know...' <Sticks finger up nose, picks it, then eats it>

That was disgustin... BOY8! Dude!

<Hugs>

The last time Boy8 went away I missed him for a second.

I think it was only two nights last time. But that was enough to highlight to me how much Boy8 helps out. I know, it seems incredible and frankly very, very difficult to believe, but it's true.

Actually he helps out a bit more than I thought.

It was only once he was gone that I noticed how much he does...

Example 1:
<Sits down with BabyBoy1 to give him his milk>

Where's the remote?

Miss4: ‘Up there, I can't reach it’

Boy8, pass me the remote... oh yeah... damn it...

<Thinks>

Jump Miss4, jump for all your worth, the bloody Night Garden is on next!!!

Example 2:
'Miss4 has hit DEFCON 2, this is a Team Parents (yay!) emergency!'

What on earth are you talking about?
What now? <Is confused>

'I need your help with the Princess, Obi-Wan'

Right!

<Dons ice hockey goalie kit>

Boy8 watch BabyBoy1 will ya...Damn it... 
<Picks up BabyBoy1 and takes him into the affray>

Don't look directly into her eyes... Argh!

<Falls in battle, but saves BabyBoy1>

Example 3:
Oh [Insert-your-favourite-deity-here]! This stuff is rank!

<Nearly hurls>

BabyBoy1 want are you eating to produce this?

Are you eating poo?

<Goes for wet wipe, but packet is empty>

Boy8? I need your help... Damn it...

<Thinks>

OK BabyBoy1, I will be five seconds...

DO NOT MOVE! STAAAAY!

<Is back in three seconds>

<Everything is covered in poo>

<BabyBoy1 is missing>

Example 4:

Who wants to see how many times they can bounce this potato on their head?

Mrs. Amazing: 'No thanks idiot boy'

<Miss4 shakes head>

<Whispers>'Idiot boy'

BabyBoy1? Dude? You wanna play 'Potato Head-Butt'?

'RARRRRRRRRRRR' (* 'I will eat that')

<BabyBoy1 starts eating the potato>

O great... now you've gone and made this look like a stupid game...

The truth is whilst Boy8 is gone, if I really am honest with myself, at the end of the day, with all things being considered, simply and without any further a-do, weighing up all alternatives, cutting through the endless crap Mrs. Amazing is going to miss Boy8 a lot.

OK FINE! I'll probably miss him a bit….when I need stuff.

I’ll miss him every bloody moment until he gets back, the loveable smegger. Constant, CONSTANT, worrying he is alright and having fun, and behaving. Team Parents (yay!) will not relax until he is back. Nor will his Dad drop his guard and say he is missing him. He’s more likely to make jokes about it. (And yes, I do talk about myself in the 3rd person, it’s kewl)

(This image is from the very marvellous Pon and Zi web site)

Of course whilst Boy8 is gone, I have offered to look after his Star Wars toys... in case they get lonely... and all his Lego... and sweets... 
<Does shifty eyes>

Miss4 and BabyBoy1 want to help too.

I Want Some Baddies

Miss4 asked for some baddies for her Lego. She said the same to Mrs. Amazing too.

Why do you want baddies?

All my Lego is lovely <Said as though 'lovely' is a right disappointment>

We are so sorry

I want to play cops and robbers

I don't have any swords or guns

<Looks at ‘lovely’ Lego>

You're right by George!

<Miss4 looks confused>

Who's George?

Miss4 has a very good point. All her Lego is, well, lovely.

It's nice, it's safe, it's trying very hard to be female positive and yet...

It’s seriously missing baddies. She hasn't even got one.

There are bad women in the world. I'm sure there are. Katie Hopkins

They're out there somewhere those evil, mean and nasty women with guns, with swords, with henchmen, sitting in their castles full of cushions and tiny boxes, surrounded by nice smells.

<Shudders>

However I can't think of any female baddies right now off the top of my head... well aside from fictional characters: the Trunchbull, the Goblin Queen, Wicked Witch of the West, Rapunzel's Mum

Where are all the female Lego baddies?

We have this set:

It has this 'lovely' lady in it. By day she sells vegetables and ice cream to other Lego people.

But by night she scoots about town looking for fun with her baguette and bananas. No wonder she look so happy.

I'm not going to get into the Lego for girls argument. A quick glance at the box makes it very clear which sex the manufacturer think should play with it.

Best not to market or tailor Lego to girls or boys. It will annoy parents.

Make Lego for everyone, to build stuff with. Easy.

Oh! and don't call a range of Lego 'Friends' unless you want to be covered in puke constantly, by everyone.

(I hate them all)

Boy8's Lego however, is full of baddies.

There’s Turtles Lego which has Shredder, The Foot and that weird alien brain thing. Star Wars Lego which has Sith lords, battle droids and loads of very cool Storm troopers. (Man I wish had had Lego Star Wars). He also has monsters, pirates, evil and good ninjas. All of these come with guns, lightsabers, nunchucks, and boring swords.

Basically he’s got baddies galore, and they are all boys.

Where’s the evil women?

Miss4 was given £10 the other day so Mrs. Amazing took her shopping to get some baddies.

I felt like I should have gone with her as really 'baddies' and 'Lego' seems more my area.

Then it hit me...

<Bang>

OWWWWW! Who threw that?

<Boy8 sniggers and hides>

Who keeps doing that?

… me claiming that 'Baddies' are more my area is just the same as Lego’s 'lovely' sets aimed at girls.

Damn it. This gender equality non-sexist stuff is hard sometimes.

It’s not as though Mrs. Amazing walks around in bubble wrap in my pocket, she rides in a golden carriage I pull with my teeth. She struts her stuff out in the world just like I do, meeting the loonies and baddies as I do. I bet she handles them better than me too, and greets them with kindness and a smile, rather than my approach of hiding and evil looks as they walk away.

So bad me claiming ‘baddies’.

Mrs. Amazing and Miss4 head off to get Lego and come back with this, and it's almost utterly perfect for Miss4.

(Handcuffs, uniformed men, moustaches, make your own jokes)

Brilliant. A baddie and a copper. Perfect for playing cops and robbers. Happy days.

Of course a female police officer would have been good, and a female thief wouldn't hurt.

Surely there must be at least one female evil Lego character? They can’t all be aspirational and excellent role models, that are smart and work hard?

(All sickly good - Even 'Velma Staplebot', 4th along, top row, volunteers at the local Robot Outreach Centre and makes her own jam)

Where’s all the bitches huh Lego?

Where’s the low down, conniving, lying women?

Where’s the layabout losers?

My daughter wants some baddies!

… and it would probably be good if they weren't all men.

Some men are nice.

<Trips kitten>

<Laughs>

<Gets scratched>