And Relax... (Summer Holidays)...

Finally it's here.

Summer holidays for the kids and teachers.

Six weeks of playing the garden, getting muddy, staying up late, day trips out, ice creams and hella fun.

And bacon knows they all need it.

Miss6 desperately needs a break.

She's running on chocolate-milk fumes (metaphorically). On her last school morning she kept yawning mid-sentence. It was like hilarious hiccups. Every few minutes a yawn could be heard.

Her eyes bag were very baggy, and her temper?

Well lets just say it was nearly absent...

Miss6 can you put your shoes on?

<Ducks thrown shoes>

Can you go brush your teeth?

Miss6 : <Hides under a table>

Shall I get your toothbrush for you?

<Turns back on me, under the table, whilst saying ‘poo poo’>

<Decides not to Godzilla on her and rip the table up into the air>

<Just goes to get the toothbrush>

The funny thing about Miss6.

And truly wonder thing as well. Is her grumps tend to be short lived if you give her space to make the right (what I want her to do) choice.

Which is not like Boy10. He needs you to sit and him. To make sure he actually does stuff. He needs the fight discussion to finish so he can move on.

Miss6 however just needs some time to make the right choice. Badgering her just makes her badgerier madder. And kickier.

And you don't want that. No one wants that.

<Gives you a look of terror>

<Limps off>

(DevilSpidey: ‘Go on… web him up…’

AngelSpidey: ‘YEAH! Go on! It’ll be a laff!’ )

Poor Boy10 had two more days of school.

Haha! His school must have used up all their insect (yes insect) days earlier in the year. (And yes they go to different schools, we thought life was just a bit too easy, why not give Team Parent (yay!) a challenge) (#WeMoved).

Boy10 is not very happy he is going to school when Miss6 isn't. His class is also being rearranged so this is the last two days with his current mates in one class. As he is rearranged away from most of them.

Poor Boy10. He was just settled and happy. Gutted for him.

<Rages at the school rearranging policies and there seemingly unfair decision making process that seems to be very weighted against Boy10>

<Is cool with it, I am sure they know best>

BabyBoy3 still hasn't entered the world of school yet.

So really he shouldn't care about the summer holidays. But he will.

Because all of sudden Miss6 and Boy10 will be at home to play with. Winner!

For six glorious weeks BabyBoy3 is going to have his best mates at home. The people he looks up to. The people he wants to be so, so much and play with.

Boy10 and Miss6.

To be fair it will be mainly Miss6.

As Miss6 and BabyBoy3 play together brilliantly. Miss6 has someone that doesn't mind being bossed about a bit. And BabyBoy3 gets an elder sibling willing to play with him all day.

It won't last, as eventually BabyBoy3 will stop wanting to be ‘directed’ by Miss6 so much.

But for now they are hella sweet together. Miss6 shares all her knowledge and BabyBoy3 laps it up.

Hella sweet.

Boy10 has a different effect on BabyBoy3.

They play like loonies. They egg each other on. Raising the steaks as they go on.

Boy10 wrestles with BabyBoy3, chases him, shows off his toys, shows off his skills.

And BabyBoy3 looks on with big puppy eyes at possibly the coolest person in his life.

No. Not me. <Weeps> Boy10.

I kind of resent it a little. As Boy10 has taken my role.

I was Boy10's coolest person when he was little. Hell even I look kinda of awesome to a six year old.

And I was really hoping to be BabyBoy3's look up to dude, and I am a bit, but only a bit.

But mainly Boy10 has pinched my job. And I know it is good, it shows they are all learning and developing well.

And it means I get more time to do all those grown up things I like and need to do.

But... <Kicks stone>... Really… I want to play.

BabyBoy3: 'Daddy!' <Runs up and gives me a leg hug>

Dude... Can I play?

Boy10: <Pokes head out of awesome den made of cushions> 'Yeah, just don't break the den'

Right!

<Dives into the tiny tunnel>

<Knocks one cushion with grown up body>

<Entire den collapses dramatically>

... Sorry... <Hangs head>

Boy10: <Is furious> 'Just go...'

BabyBoy3: 'Bye Daddy!' <Waves me off>

<Leaves slowly> <Stops at chocolate cupboard on the way>

<Goes to bug play with Miss6>

However, the mean rub for BabyBoy3.

Is that he doesn't actually get a summer holiday. He's still got nursery two days a week.

And I am pretty sure next week, when he realises he's off to nursery, and the big two are not going to school, a lot biscuits will be needed to bribe that little boy to nursery.

A lot of biscuits.

<Passes entire packets>

(Deal?

BabyBoy3: ‘Yep’ <Gets into buggy>

Now… Hat on….

BabyBoy3: ‘No!’

Biscuits?

BabyBoy3: <Nods>

Sigh… Fine… Should have started the bribing a bit lower really…)

The downside of summer holidays for Team Parent (yay!).

Is that they ruin our child care arrangements. School really is very helpful at looking after kids whilst we are work. Seems like it’s almost planned.

Shame they don't keep 'em until clocking off time. But still. It's very helpful.

And now it's gone. And Team Parent (yay!) have six weeks of children at home to sort out.

Which we have through bribery, incantations, sacrifices, deals, dodgy deals, and flat lies.

A mixture of overlapping holidays for us both. Some grandparent (thank you) cover. Days out at mates houses. etc...

Essentially, anyway you want it we can.

It's quite a logistical struggle...

So if Boy10 is here? <Points at map labelled ‘world domination progress’>

Mrs. Amazing: <Nods>

Then you can be here, working...

Mrs. Amazing: <Nods>

BabyBoy3 is here, for the morning, then is shipped here, via here, where they collect Miss6.

But she needs to be here later, and then picked up from here two hours later, and in party dress...

Mrs. Amazing: 'Yep'

Do we have any more Grandparents that can help?

Mrs. Amazing: 'More than four?... Nope...'

Fair point... How long could Boy10 be left alone in the house? With my tools?

Mrs. Amazing: 'Fifteen, maybe twenty mins tops'

Hmmmm... So not the nine hours I am at work?

Mrs. Amazing: 'No...' <Pours large wine>

… Crap.

<Classily glugs from the bottle, has pinkie out>

Our logistical issues aside.

The summer holidays are utterly needed for Miss6 and Boy10.

Any more school and they both may have collapsed. Or exploded. Or got even more grumpy.

Miss6 has hit the colouring-in hard and fast since finishing, and is already creating an entire village made out of stand up little things, for her Shopkins (don't ask, I don't understand either).

Boy10 has already started melting into the sofa. YouTube viewings in our house have gone up dramatically. He is just unwinding his way. I left him watching a Scooby-Doo movie for the billionth this morning as I grumped cheerfully skipped off to work.

And BabyBoy3 has people that will sit and play with him all day.

Mrs. Amazing is saved the stress of the school runs, ten billion clubs shuttling, and juggling work and three hellions children.

(<Deep film voice>The year is 2020, the human race has been driven underground, by common shop items that have become sentient… The rise of the Shopkins AH HA HAAA HAAAAA!!!!
<Coughs>)

And like an enormouse (!) balloon.

You can almost hear the pressure and stress and demands of the school year, squeaking and farting, it's way out of each of them (some more literally than others) (Miss6).

Bless 'em.

X

I Am The Passenger...

We went on holidaybobs recently.

It was brilliant. No I didn't bring you anything.
I am not Sorry.

All five of us went..

The entire Team Parents (yay!), Boy8, Miss5, BabyBoy1, bundled into a car and headed off to Somerset in the very middle of February. The Cat was slung into the cattery. The mad hamster and the possum-playing goldfish entrusted to the neighbours.

This one pretends to be dead <Points at upside down fish>

Please check before flushing... 
<Points at hamster> And this one... does strange stuff

Neighbour: 'Like what?'

Well...  <Hamster starts doing chin ups on cage bars>

<Has no words and just points>

(The very, very, old fish... 'swimming'...)

(seriously he's fine... he likes it)

We left with the tide. Hoping to catch the early winter currents that surround our pleasant land and to make good headway into the vastness of the ocean, that man has named in its fear of his mortality, 'The big wobbly blue bit' at 9am. Ish. All children were filled with breakfast, made to wee before we left and had their water bottles removed and kept under guard.

Miss5: 'Daddy I'm thirsty?'

Try sucking moisture out of the air...

<Ten minutes quiet and some basic science is learnt>

Mrs. Amazing drove.

Which doesn't happen very often. Normally I claim the driving and monopoly over the music as my own. Which isn't very fair as Mrs. Amazing loves driving as much as me. Maybe more. 
She is a bit of dare devil when it comes to engines and the like. She owned a 2CV. Frightening.
Also the driving keys have tended to fall into my hands through, and after, each pregnancy.

Nine years worth.

So I got the passenger seat. 

And I mean got. Not took. I neither let Mrs. Amazing drive nor did I choose not to drive. Mrs. Amazing told me she wanted to drive. I got the passenger seat and with it the the child entertainment hat role. 
And all of the packing overflow. From my own damn packing.
Smeg it.

I sat wedged in.
By a nappy bags, snacks, attention diverting toys, football, phones for guidance, and Team Parents (yay!) secret chocolate stash. Which lasted a pathetic twenty minutes as we were rumbled by BabyBoy1 shouting 'ChocChoc?' from the back. 
Which the other two heard.

The three hour journey was fine.

Despite the lack of chocolate. We didn't even stop. 

BabyBoy1 does what he does brilliantly in the car. He zonked out asleep, within ten minutes of leaving. What a dude. 

Being able to go sleep in a car, when you've the attention span of a, well, baby, is pretty darn handy. Straight into Daddies good books.

Boy8-I-ain't-sleeping-because-I-am-too-cool-for-sleep and Miss5-too-cross-to-sleep did the opposite and made it onto my list. They refused to sleep.

Refused to close their tiny eyes and rest for three hours whilst we did something pretty boring.

Which is annoying in itself as they arrived worn out and a bit grumpy.

But it’s really a million annoying, as anyone of Team Parents (yay!) would have killed for three hours extra kip.

Happily.

(Another passenger... I feel he had more fun on his journey...)

As passenger my job was many fold.

It looks so easy from the drivers seat. But as I tried to juggle child management, navigation fool, cup of tea passing, sweet smuggler and DJ of the gods. I realised that actually it was pretty tough.

I admit, my child management skills from the front of the car, are not the best. I am normally driving. So I'm more a forward focused kind of animal. Blinkered. 
Much like a Shetland pony big horse in many ways.

It took a few failures, and looks from Mrs. Aamzing, but I was soon turning round to the troops and engaging with them as much as I could. True sometimes Team Parents (yay!) were having a deep 'which bloody way' discussion and the kids had to wait.
And sometimes everyone had to wait for my attention until a certain solo was complete...

Boy8: ‘Dadddd..’

Whoa whoa… Who is playing?

Boy8: <Prays he’s right> ‘Pink Floyd?’

Yes and that means?

Boy8: ‘No talking, interrupting or creating sound in any way at all until it’s over’

<Coughs>

Boy8: ‘... Even if it is a fifteen minute solo’

Darn right <Becomes one with the music>

Annoyingly BabyBoy1 totally lost his excellent car form on my shift.

He only managed thirty minutes sleep. So many, many toys had to be passed back to him. And nibbles and drinks, that just got spilt everywhere.

I managed to answer Miss5's many, many questions. 
Many rounds of ‘Eye spy’, ‘Eye colour spy’, ‘Eye rhyme spy’ and ‘Guess what I'm thinking of, no clues, and I will make up an answer as we go along’. 
All great, and classic Miss5 games.

But best of all. 

And most impressive for a three hour journey stuck in a metal box with three loonies and BabyBoy1 I feel, I enjoyed being the zoo keeper looking after my little treasures. 

I rose to the challenge and it was utterly worth it. How has Mrs. Amazing made it look so easy for all this time? I've no idea. 
It's not smegging easy, but it can be really fun.

I didn't even shout at Boy8 once! <Bows> #Winning

Despite him shouting at everyone as he had headphones on...

Boy8... you want an apple?

Boy8: 'WHAT? NO THANKS'
[A few minutes later and suddenly]

Boy8: 'BILLY JEAN SIZLOT MA TOTER'

Dude, you're singing out loud again!

Boy8: 'SHE'S NEST AMEL, MEH DISCO DIE SACABOOM'

DUDE!

Boy8: <Removes headphones> 'What?' <Innocently>

You're singing out loud, again! Please don't or I will have to beat you with those headphones

Boy8: <Pissy voice> 'No I'm not'

<Gives me a look and slowly puts headphones back on defiantly>

Boy8: ‘DO WE HAVE ANY BANANAS?’

<Throws Banana at Boy8>

<Secretly passes sweets to Mrs. Amazing>
<Eats twice as many>

(Yes… But are they big ENOUGH?

‘Yes. Without question or doubt’

Oh...)

Midway Through Summer Holidays

Half way through the summer Holidays and the magic that is 'Summer Holidays' has finally worked on our family. Family life has shifted down a gear or ten and it's lovely.
They are all less nuts.

The school run has been forgotten about (for now). No longer does Team Parent (yay!) have to battle three children into a car, fight through traffic, to deliver Boy8 on time; clothed, with bag, with homework, with water, lunch, and has been frisked for excessive Lego contraband.

It took Boy8 ages to wind down.

My not-so-little-but-still-pretty-little dude was exhausted after his year at school. He needed this break.

The difference in him is so dramatic, even I spotted it after Mrs. Amazing drew my attention to it through semaphore.

He's finding things to do on his own. All those toys that were ignored because we are just too busy. He's finding time for those. 

Not this though (ewwww):

(Oh look a typo... that should be double ‘O’ and a ‘L’ )

The morning routine has changed to a more "whenever" affair and everyone is chilled. Yay.

Well everyone, except me. I'm confused. I'll explain.

Normally we all gather together in Team Parents bed for the morning. We all get a drink, tea for those that need it, juice for those that need it, -but are right grotbags about it and refuse it,- milk for BabyBoy1, and more tea for those that need it.

Here you go <Passes lovely expensive juice to Miss4>

'NO!'

Don’t be rude...

<Passes another juice to Boy8> Here ya go

<Boy8 drinks it in 1 second>

Boy8: 'Can I have Miss4's?'

No she needs to...

'Yukky' <Miss4 sticks out tongue>

'She doesn't want it can I have it' <Boy8 grabs for drink and burps>

No! No! No! <Snatches back drink>

She needs to drink her drink and you're just guzzling them

<Gets grumpy>

You have this <Shoves drink into Miss4's hands>

<Boy8 burps>

… and drink it <Shakes fist>

and you <Glares at Boy8> stop burping

OK! <Is wound up and annoyed after only 2 mins of the day>

<Boy8 burps>

Let's just all sit here quietly and watch the tele… Drinking our drinks

<Gives Miss4 a look>

Although to be honest if BabyBoy1 doesn't get his milk within the first 30 seconds on him being in our room. He tends to get really pissed off and screamy. Fair enough really I'm the same at the pub.

Then, drinks ignored or drunk, we sit as nicely as we can and watch some cartoons. I love cartoons.

Team parents know what cartoons are on, and plan getting up accordingly.

If we find ourselves still in bed when 'Mr. Men' is on, we're all going to be late.

It's a simple system but it works for us.

Except for when I forget because I love 'Mr. Men' only I have to get somewhere on time.

What are we watching, my eyes aren't working yet?

<Necks tea and wishes he had another>

Boy8: 'Mr. Men'

We don't normally watch Mr. Men?

'Meh'

<Brain clicks and whirs as tea enters blood stream>

OH CRAP! <Leaps out of bed>

Mrs. Amazing: Don't you have to get to work?

<Frowns and pulls on BatSuit as quick as possible>

(Will make me you late for work)

And then it gets worse from there. I am now rushing and no one else is.

It feels very similar to fighting your way out of circular rapids at the pool covered in children. You're going the wrong way and everyone looks at you as though you you're an idiot and doesn't help.

So I dress, make agonising t-shirt choices, race down stairs and start making everyone breakfast.

Porridge for Miss4, wheaty-crap for Boy8, porridge for BabyBoy1.

I don't do Mrs. Amazing's breakfast as that would require mind reading abilities that have so far escaped me. I've tried before to read her mind and present her with a breakfast she wants, but I've never succeeded. She likes to choose.

I have toast with peanut butter on, but cannot eat it at the table otherwise BabyBoy1 wants it rather than his porridge.

Then because it's nice for us all to eat together apparently, I don't eat right away. Instead I busy myself with the dishwasher or the washing machine, or picking the most awesome music mix to put on, whichever is most pressing.

All the while getting later and later for work.

Eventually, once 90% of the jobs in the kitchen have been done.

Miss4 swans in:
<Smiley voice> Your porridge is on the table!

'Yukky'

She then proceeds to walks straight past me and flops face first on the sofa saying 'poo poo'.

Boy8 races in brandishing an 'upstairs' noisey toy:

Take that back upstairs immediately

Your breakfast is on the table

'OK'

<Throws toy on floor>

<Starts annoying Miss4 on sofa>

<Does not start eating breakfast>

Finally (yes finally, I'm feeling brave) Mrs. Amazing comes down for breakfast holding BabyBoy1.

She puts him down and he instantly dives for the fridge with the plan of removing everything from the fridge. Just because he can.

I grab BabyBoy1, child-lock the fridge, then tie him into his high chair and start feeding him.

And that's always nice. I like sitting there feeding my little boy. He's very cute and I get some quality time with him.

We smile at each other, he's getting the hang of saying 'more more more'. It's sweet.

The awesome music mix I choose goes slightly off course and sweary lyrics start filling the room.

Music: She may not be a geni-us...

Music: But she loves a big p... <Off click>

Whilst changing tracks I put my toast on, as Mrs. Amazing has now sat and taken over feeding BabyBoy1.

Miss4 and Boy8 are still absent from the table.

Toast pops and I forget about it whilst making another round of tea, before remembering and having to peanut butter cold toast.

I know cold toast isn't that different... But it just is, it's crap. Damn it.

'Aren't you going to be late?'

DAMN IT!

I pelt upstairs, shine my head, awaken my mouth with minty freshness, and put on smell-hider.

I find no one watching 'Mr. Men' and flick it off, turn everyone's light off in their rooms and finally race back downstairs, with cups and juice cartons.

In the kitchen I find BabyBoy1 happily eating my toast with peanut butter the cute swine.

Miss4 and Boy8 are now both sitting nicely at the table.

However, their breakfasts that I made are still untouched. Instead they are both engaged in a board game with Mrs. Amazing.

I announce that I'm off to work and get half hearted byes.

I grab a cuddle off BabyBoy1 and get covered in toast and peanut butter. Yay.

I go around the clan hugging the others, who give me a half hearted hug me back, but really they are concentrating on their board game.

It makes me happy to see them all wound down enjoying their summer holiday, it really does. They all needed it.

And I swear, as I left for work, one of them, almost, looked up as I walked out the door.

Almost.
<Weeps>