LyricTale: Praise You

In January, 1999, probably just after tiffin, ‘Fatboy Slim’ released a single from the rather excellent album ‘Come a Long Way, Baby’.

The single was ‘Praise You’.

(Big beat vinyl heaven… Mmmmm… <Drools>)

I love this song.

When it came out, the fuss as I remember it, was all about the video as it had some excellent dancing in it. And it only cost $800 to make (yes really), Which considering the awards it won, shows how smegging excellent itwasis (this is where 'itwasis' as a phrase was coined <Puts up a plaque> mark it well).

It features the fictional dance group 'The Torrance Community Dance Group', and well the results, are brilliant. I've been busting those on the dance floor for years in my mind.

But the song is brilliant too.

Lyrically, for me, this song has always been for Mrs. Amazing.

To me the songs tells of someone thinking about their relationship and how much it means. We, as the listener, have walked in on them butt-naked just at the moment when it dawns on them, they probably take their partner for granted. They don't celebrate and praise them enough.

Which does sounds pretty negative put that way, but for me the song is about realising the mistake and aiming to change it. So in fact a very positive song. Celebrating love and appreciation of that love. +ve. It says to me: Show Mrs. Amazing how happy she makes you by madly dancing, and don't take her for granted.

She'd rather go to the pub library.

But that’s changed.

I was out cycling with mini-Mrs. Amazing, Miss5, t'other day.

She had worked hard at cycling. She had complained her arms and then legs were tired at various points during the journey, but she had worked hard and I was proud of her.

Obviously I wanted to PRAISE HER (#ThePlotThickens) but as I went to.

I stumbled over my words.

I stumbled because what I was going to say was wrongo.

And I knew it. I was going to tell her she looked beautiful. WTAF?

The thought just flew into my head, I am very glad I caught it, and stomped it, before it came out. She did look beautiful. She looks like a mini-Mrs. Amazing. She's always going look beautiful to me.

But Miss5 had worked hard pedalling on her bike. What the hell does her looking utterly cute, and scrumptious, have anything to do with it?

Had it been Boy8 I would have said...

OMB! You are so slow, can you try cycling a bit faster next time... Shesh!

Nice cycling <High five>

Now watch a real man scoot off... <Scoots off>

But why?

Why did I want to tell her that she was beautiful?

What do I expect Miss5 to do with that information? Dad cares not how you cycle, but look pretty and you have his attention??

Urghghghgh!!! <Vomits on self> <Regrets it>

Brainzilla: 'You utter twonk'

<Nods> I just wasn't thinking...

Brainzilla: 'You know A LOT better than that'

<Hangs head in shame>

Brainzilla: 'And you look ridiculous scooting about at your age!'

<Stick fingers up behind back>

Brainzilla: 'I can see that you know'

<Does both hands>

My Miss5 plan.

Is to raise a brilliant (no pressure), funny (already there), friendly (meh, enough...), interesting (with spades) woman. Someone that I can sit in the pub with, and might lose at billiards too, every planetary alignment now and then.

I definitely don't want Miss5 worry about her appearance. I want her to love her body, her look and herself. Like she should. And better than I have.

As Dad my influence in this area is probably bigger than I expect. I am her male role model. Ek.  I have an awesome responsibility, and with great responsibility comes spider webs a daughter. I need to make sure Miss5 knows I love her for being her.

Not how she looks.

So when lying cheating swines men do enter her life, Miss5 expects the same from them.

To be loved and praised for what she is.

Not how she looks.

Brainzilla: 'You! Idiot!'

Yes alright! I didn't say though, did I!

Brainzilla: 'Yeah. But you thought it?'

Fur-cough Yes… But I won’t again...

So ‘Praise You’ is now for Miss5.

And yes Miss5 it has been a long journey together so far, and not always easy you terror.

But it's been bloody awesome too and I’d do it all again in a heartbeat. You are the second most amazing person I have ever met. I just need to remember to praise you… praise you like I shouldddddddddddd-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d...

<Leaps off madly>

<Hurts knee>

[Me and Miss5 out on bikes]

"We've come a long long way together,"

<Looks back> I can still see the car... <Rolls eyes>

I could probably still touch it to be honest

"Through the hard times and the good,"

Crying won't those pedals turn, now will it?

Miss5: <Innocently flutters eyelids> 'Can you push me?' <Is tiny>

<Is caught in mind controlling tractor beam eye fluttering he doesn't understand>

<... Tries to resist...>

<Ends up pushing>

Miss5: 'You know what Daddy?'

<Is pushing> Nope... What?

Miss5: 'Crying did make my pedals turn!'

<Instantly stops pushing>

Yeah... <Doesn't swear> Yes it did... HA... HA... haaarrrrrr... <Still doesn't swear>

"I have to celebrate you baby,"

Hooray! We've made it!

Miss5: 'Hooray' <Leaps about>

We made it all the way here, within THE DAY!

Miss5: <Still leaping about>

We were probably traveling at 1mpw, maybe 2mpw (miles per week)...

Miss5: <Still fisting pumping around in a circle>

"I have to praise you like I shoulddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd"

Excellent cycling Miss5! You are brilliant!

Look at those muscles getting stronger every day.

All your hard work paid off! Look how far we've come! <Gestures>

<Can still see the car, but it's a bit smaller at least>

[Mad dancing in video starts]

"We've come a long long way together,"

Miss5: 'Oh NO! I forgot my hat, it's all the way back at the car'

Not to worry, I'll get it… <Walks> <Is back in seconds>

"Through the hard times and the good,"

Miss5: 'My legs hurt!'

Uh-huh. Keep pedalling...

Miss5: 'My arms hurt!'

Uh-huh. Keep pedalling...

Miss5: 'My hat keeps falling off!'

<Gaffing tapes hat to head> Uh-huh. Keep pedalling...

"I have to celebrate you baby, I have to praise you like I should"

Miss5: 'Up high!'

<Bends down to high five>

Miss5: 'To the side'!

<Knees hurt, side fives>

Miss5: 'DownLow' <No pause> 'You'reTooSlow'!

<Is utterly gutted> Har har har bugger...

"I have to praise you"

You look pretty today

You bloody nailed that!

"I have to praise you"

I like your dress

With that flowery dress on, you could hide in gardens and leap out at people and scare the crap out of them!!!

<Both run off to do that>

"I have to praise you"

Your hair is looking lovely

Is that brain leaking out of your ears? Common problem when you have a lot...

"I have to praise you like I should"

BOOM POW! You are amazing! BRILLIANT CYCLING!

<Throws giggling girl about in the air>

[Mad dancing continues, mean man turns off music mid-video]
[Boos] [Music goes back on] [Cheers]

"I have to praise you"

You rock! <Does secret handshake> <Hugs>

"We've come a long long way together,"

Miss5: 'I can't go any further.. no more'

Hmmm... <Hopes car is like Kit and has driven round to pick us up, as we have only travelling away from the car>

"Through the hard times and the good,"

Stop crying... We just have to cycle all the way back now. Crying doesn't help that!

<Wind blows and Miss5 doesn't move, despite pedalling hard>

Cycling into the wind won't help much either... <Fears for the worst> <Fears we won’t get home this year>

"I have to celebrate you baby,

"I have to praise you like I shoulddddddddddddddddddd-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d"

Come on. You can do it. You are tough RARRRRRRRR!!! GO GO!!!

Miss5: 'RARRRRRRRR' <Pedals off>

"I have to praise you"

Ah-hem. Ladies and Gentlemen. My amazing daughter... Miss5.

"I have to praise you"

A evil genius hell bend on world destructive and enslaving everyone to her wicked designs and schemes! RUN!

Already an amazing and interesting person.

"I have to praise you"

There will be pom-poms and glitter everywhere!!!

She has nothing but potential in her. She can do anything. I know it.

"I have to praise you like I should"

Everywhere!!! RUNNNNNNN!!! <Is attacked by pom-pom guards shooting glitter guns>

Miss5 I love everything you are, it’s brilliant <Motions at all of her>

"I have to praise you"

You rock <Hugs>

OWWWWW!!! <Rubs shin> What was that for?

Miss5: 'You told everyone my evil plan' <Is miffed>-

OWWWWW!!! <Rubs other shin> Stop that!-No one read this far, it’ll be alright…

[Crowd cheers]

Thank You Worst Witch...

Have you read 'The Worst Witch' by Jill Murphy?

I haven't. Not all of it… yet...

But that’s mainly because I grew up in a house full of boys.

Hundreds of them. Everywhere. You couldn't move for boy books (Roy of the Rovers), toy cars, stinky sweaty footyball kits and smells. Everything was very much boy themed (especially the smells).

Not much girl stuff made it into the house. Definitely not stories about young girls attending a witching college and getting into slight scrapes.

But then, that was ages ago, before steam was invented, and PC meant a fuzzpoliceman.

Sorry, Police Officer man.

Mum: ‘Does anyone want this toy kitchen to play with?’ 

<Offers to her boys, more in hope than expectation?>

Me me me!!!! <Raises hand>

<Get's looks and thumping mimes from brothers>

… Actually... On second thoughts...

<Further punching and kicking mimes, throttling, stabbing, elbows etc…  from brothers>

Nope! Changed my mind, don't know what I was thinking...

Let's all go play Footy Ballington… I LOVE IT

Bet I convert more than you lot! <Runs off>

<Rude gestures made behind back, but all go play Football by brothers>

[Years later]

Who wants steak and ale pie?

Bruv1: ‘Me!’

Bruv2: ‘Me! I WANT LOTS’

Bruv3: ‘POUR IT INTO MY MOUTH!!!

Bruv3: ‘IMMEDIATELY!!!’ <Mimes punching and thumping>

No... <Smacks bruv with pie ladle> Sit!

Bruv3: <Sits>

So...

Miss5 was given 'The Worst Witch' for her birthday.

Mrs. Amazing was instantly vocal about it, and started flicking through the pages in joy and with childhood memories bubbling up. It's amazing how a few sheets of paper can do that. 

Even more exciting was knowing that Miss5 was going to be reading it for the first time very soon. I get the same feeling when Boy8 picks up a 'Calvin and Hobbes' or an 'Asterix'. 

#Proud

Mrs. Amazing loves the 'The Worst Witch' books. She loves the film that was made. 

Which makes sense as it's got Tim Curry in it! I KNOW Tim 'Rocky Horror Show' Curry!

Marvellous.

(So Tim… Through the medium of prosthetics… Tell me how you're feeling?)

I, on the other hand…

Was not excited to read it. It looked a bit dullo to me. 

But who cares what a 30Lots man thinks about a book aimed at small people. Elfs.

And really getting Miss5 into chapter books is bloody very important, and Miss5 was dead excited to be reading chapter books.

She was keen as mustard (what a ridiculous saying… ‘very enthusiastic’ it means).

I'm gonna be honest here.

Four or five chapters in... I was pretty bored.

And I was the one reading it out loud. 

Obv. I was my best Monty Python style ladies voices for the teachers. Slipping into panto dame every now and then, due to a bit of a cold.

But after five chapters there had been no near death explosions at all.

Not one serious comeuppance, moral learnt, or face punch in the story.

No lasers. No gross out slugs and potions. No broom races. No one had been turned in a pile of poo and pretty much every seemed get on really. It sucked.

Someone did get turned into a pig I suppose.... But it didn't grip me, I kind of knew she was going to be OK.

And worse, and unforgivingly, there hadn't been a single hint that a huge dragon would be rocking up later and burning stuff, to my delighted squeals.

So far the story had been about a clumsy witch and her mate doing stuff that was a teeny bit magical. But mainly they were just going to school.

I was unimpressed.

Then the other night me and Miss5 got to Chapter six.

I can't tell you what happened in the story that was different to the other chapters, as it all seemed the same to me. I was reading it aloud but didn't notice the change.

Like I say, I am not the target audience. I find it hard to empathise with young girls attending boarding school. With pigtails. And skirts.

But something in the story changed for Miss5.

Suddenly. She was right there, in the story.

She was utterly gripped.

And as the tension in the story grew, Miss5 edged closer to me as I read, and started to lean on me as she listened.

Which was bloody brilliant.

Because if you didn't know…

Whilst Miss5 and Mrs. Amazing are the best huggy, kissy buddies ever, and seem to need three rounds of goodbyes every morning, and every bedtime.

I'm STILL made to sit on the floor for story time.

Apparently I'm too smelly and stubbly to get in under the covers as Mrs. Amazing does.

Which is totally unfair who's scruffy looking, I shave much more often now.

I do get more hugs than I used to from Miss5.

I really do. Our physical relationship is improving.

But, lets say, using chocolate to compare what Mrs. Amazing gets against what I get…

I get a chocolate button...

Whereas Mrs. Amazing gets a Choccywoccydoodah cake....

(And no I don’t have any affiliate links with ChoccyPomPom… I just like eating their cakes).

Still.

Forget all that crap and my heartbreaking, jealous, and failing attempts to win my daughters love that never work. Forget it.

Miss5 leant on me as she was gripped by every single word of the book. Everyone's a winner.

A book I was being utterly un-gripped by.

Apparently the story then got scary as I read. I didn't notice.

But Miss5 suddenly held onto me tight.

Then as the tension went, as the chapter finished, she backed off again.

Again, I didn't notice anything change in the story and by then I was looking for it.

But it was very real for Miss5.

It is clear to me now.

Miss5 is not going to be the same as me. Or like everything I do.

Bonding with her is not going to be as easy as it is, or has been with Boy8.

I am going to have to think about stuff a lot. And from her point of view. Craaap

But I bet you every comic I have 50p a gentleman's wager.

It will be worth it.

<Runs out to buy all the Worst Witch series>

<Runs back and just does it online… It’s easier… Less wolves...>

P.s...

(Mrs. Amazing made me add this, something about first batman loves…)