(my) Hobson's choice

Well actually the choice was mine.

Not Hobson’s. This didn't involve him at all.

This was me and my kids (and this all happened a while back too...).

Hobson if you didn’t know.

I didn’t. Was a livery stable owner. And he offered people a horse if they stayed. Those staying with Hobo (as I am sure he was called) assumed as he had 40+ horses. They'd get their choice of horse to use. Whereas Hobo only let you pick the one horse he offered. Which he did to ensure his horses got fair rotation.

Which makes sense and explains the saying.

(Hobo: ‘Which horse would you like?’

… er… the one with the shotgun please!

Hobo: ‘Thirty/Thirty?’

… I’ve er… er… gotta visit the bank later…

<Doesn’t Look innocent>

Of course that wasn't my problem.

We don't have any horses in the house. Unless you count toy ones. In which case we've got a Duplo one, a few Playmobil one's. Some with hella cool armour.

A few solid plastic realistic toy ones, that all are female, I know, I looked, no huge penises swinging low there.

But as for real horses in stables? None.

And the choice I was facing wasn't a have it or lump choice (Hobson's) either.

Mine was: do you want the very excellent mare, or the stallion.

With the mare being: attending Miss6's summer fair.

And the stallion being: going to watch BabyBoy3 in his first sports day at nursery.

So not really a Hobson’s choice thing at all…

<Shrugs shoulders> I'd done all that Hobo research…

Seemed a shame to waste it…

<Runs>

Miss6 is really excited about her fair.

And it sounds great fun. Bouncy castle. Games. Stalls the children have created crap things for. It's just for her year and she feels very involved in it.

If there wasn't a scheduling clash, I would be there on the bouncy castle.

BabyBoy3's sports day.

Is that. A sports day. Which comes with its own problems (see here).

And with it's own brilliant parts.

It's great fun watching tiny people (I mean children) doing simple, basic sports.

As it is always hilarious how bad they are at it.

And I think it's important as a Dad I am there watching. Cheering my little boy on.

I was there for both of Boy10's.

I was there for both of Miss6's.

Surely I should be there for BabyBoy3's first one.

See my problem?

I cannot attend both without a teleporter, or a cloning machine.

And both of mine are broke…

<To the house in general> Hey! Who's been using the cloning machine?

I've some very important work related stuff I want to clone

<Has chocolate bar in hand>

Boy10?

Boy10: 'I've not touched it today'

BabyBoy3?

BabyBoy3: 'Hawo!' <Jogs past>

Miss6? Where are you?

<Finds Miss6, surrounded by thousands and thousands of pompoms>

Oh… Right….

(Calvin and Hobbes is utterly brilliant.

Go read it now… I’ll wait…

<Doesn’t wait>)

I made my decision.

And had to tell Miss6 the bad news.

I choose my moment carefully and quietly, and told her I couldn't make it tomorrow.

I explained about BabyBoy3 and it being his first sports day.

Miss6 was fine...

Miss6: 'OK' <Is fine>

Oh... Well you're being very sensible about it...

Good for you...

<Is a little hurt>

Miss6: 'It's OK. Mummy's coming'

<Is a lottle (real word) hurt>

<Runs>

Then the fates intervened.

Oh those fates...

<Tisks>

That night BabyBoy3 had a bit of temperature.

Poor little sausage. But he went to bed happily enough.

Mrs. Amazing went out to save the world again.

Which left me to throw Miss6 and Boy10 into bed, which I had just done.

Made myself some food.

BabyBoy3’s first cry.

Was just as I finished my food. Phew.

Up I ran to his room. Poor little dude. All hot and bothered.

Nothing sounds like a tiny child's cry of unhappiness to make me move.

And BabyBoy3 was giving it all guns.

He was not happy.

Quick Calpol top up.

A hug and cuddle. Back into bed he goes.

Everyone wants BabyBoy3 to continue sleeping. BabyBoy3 did. I defo did.

He appeared settled so I sneak out of his room and head downstairs.

Hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe, the Calpol will rattle through his little body, drop his temperature, and he can just sleep through until morning.

About 8:30am would be just lovely.

Ha!

The second cry was ten minutes later.

And BabyBoy3 was a lot harder to settle that time.

The third was as I tried to leave the room.

The fourth was in my face etc...

Mrs. Amazing arrived home at 10pm.

To find me a bit chanked off with BabyBoy3 not sleeping.

And BabyBoy3 not sleeping.

Mrs. Amazing took immediate and decisive action.

She went to bed.

That’s your plan?

Mrs. Amazing: ‘Yep’ <Puts on jammies>

Just to go to sleep and leave me with BabyBoy3?

Mrs. Amazing: ‘Yep’ <Puts on sleeping socks, sleeping hat, sleeping top etc...>

I’ve had a really long day… <Sad face>

Mrs. Amazing: ‘Poor thing… Shhhh…. Zzz’

Mrs. Amazing: <Fake sleeps until I leave the room>

Actually.

It was a clever idea. Mrs. Amazing had instantly understood how the night was going to pan out. And was just utilizing everyone’s best sleep / being awake times.

I’m fine staying up later than Mrs. Amazing who is very happy in bed before ten.

So I took the first shift with BabyBoy3. Who was only managing to sleep for thirty minutes at a time. Then having a right ol’ shout about how he was feeling. Wanted a good cuddling.

Then put down for some more sleep.

And then repeat.

A lot.

I don’t know when I went to bed.

To hand the care of BabyBoy3 over to Mrs. Amazing. But I know I lasted as long as I could for her. <Blushes>

After that the night is a bit of blur.

A not getting much sleep blur. Where BabyBoy3 is either the cutest sweetest little thing in the world, bouncing about on our bed. That is making us both laugh so much.

Or he is the sleep destroyer.

Or Captain whinge-pants. Like SpongeBob, but less fun.

BabyBoy3 cannot settle.

So we have short cartoons playing on our phones. Dipdap which is short and lovely, and brilliant. And if you look on YouTube you can find hour long compilations of.

I am pretty sure I spent two hours holding my phone over BabyBoy3’s head so he could watch Dipdap.

Drifting in and out of sleep.

Obv. Mrs. Amazing did loads too.

And was being the super caring one. I’d write about it, but if one of us was up the other was sleeping. So I don’t really know. But she was amazing I am sure.

The night dragged on.

BabyBoy3 being so giggly and lovely, and then poorly and unhappy, and then just catching some sleep.

A long night.

At some point.

I decided enough was enough. Mrs. Amazing needed some sleep. BabyBoy3 was not going to sleep any more. I gave up the pretence and I took BabyBoy3 downstairs with a duvet, and we snuggled under together watching cartoon after cartoon.

Which I mainly sleep though. But woke every ten minutes to a BabyBoy3 waking me up for a new Fireman Sam or PAW Patrol.

Until I finally realised that was kind of like sleep torture for me.  And BabyBoy3 wasn’t sleeping at all.

So I put a film on - The Pirate fairy.

I Miss6 hella loves that film.

Five minutes into the film BabyBoy3 falls asleep.

And then sleeps until normal morning time. So do I.

DOH! Should have done the film thing two hours ago.

DOH! DOH! DOH! DOH! DOH!

(Funny what can trigger a memory… Revenge of Doh!

Play it here for free!)

Obv. BabyBoy3 wasn’t going to his Sports Day.

We called nursery and told them.

And suddenly I was very able to attend Miss6’s fair!

Brilliant! That’ll be fun.

Of course.

Had I known that BabyBoy3 was going to be sick.

Had I known… Then I wouldn’t have told Miss6 yesterday that I had chosen BabyBoy3’s event over hers.

I’m sure there’s some really irritating irony here about Hobson’s choice and all that.

About how really, I didn’t really have any choice about which child's thingy I was attending at all. I was always getting the horse I was offered.

<Refuses to think about it anymore> LALALALALALALA

Anyway. I’m sure it’ll be fine. Miss6 forgives quickly. I think…

I hope…

<Orders awesome guilt, no reason just I love you, Lego online for Miss6>

X

Ten! Crikey...

Crikey.

Boy9 has metaphorized into Boy10. The mess was terrible.

It feels like a big milestone.

I say again crikey. When did all that fly by?

Of course it's great for Boy10.

He's ten now. Happy double figure days.

The world is his oyster, all that kind of thing...

Boy10: 'Can I drive the car now?'

Nope.

Boy10: 'Can I stay up later?'

Hmmm.... Nope.

Boy10: 'Can I light the fire now'

You already do...

Boy10: 'Oh yeah... Can I come to the pub with you now?'

I think you know the answer I go there to avoid you lot...

Boy10: 'Well then, what can I do now I am ten? '

<Hands Boy10 some laundry and a map to the washing machine>

Enjoy!

Boy10: <Gives me a look>

It also means that I've been Dadding (real word) for a decade.

Crikey! (yes again, I must calm down).

Who'd thought I'd make it this far? Last this long. Manage not to lose them.

<Gets look from Mrs. Amazing>

And I've learnt loads as gone along too. I can change a nappy at a hundred paces in a fair wind. Doesn't matter how awkward the child, how kicky they are (Miss6). I can change it with minimal mess on me and around me.

I also offer two hair styles for long hair. Pig or pony.

And my pancake drawing is going from strength to strength.

Great skills.

(Third attempt lucky and the transfer went well…

They don’t always <Grumbles>)

If I look back at photos of myself.

Before Boy10 rocked into our world and changed us from Team Young and No ties (woohoo!) to Team Parents (yay!).

I don't really recognise the handsome young devil staring back at me. Oh wait that isn't me...

Oh right... that's me... I'm young at least.

I didn't look tired out either. My now constant panda eyes aren't there.

I'm pretty trim too. Where did that young man, with hair to spare, go?

<Looks in mirror>

<Weeps>

<Pulls a face and then licks the mirror>

<Giggles>

It has been amazing though.

Sure there's loads I have had to give up. Lots of sleepless nights. Frustration like you wouldn't believe.

But really if it's out on the scales it's not even close. I’d do it again.

It's been amazing...

Mrs. Amazing: 'Yes?'

No not you... I was saying how amazing it's been watching Boy10 grow up...

Hang on...

Is that my chocolate you're eating?

Mrs. Amazing: <Runs>

Right enough about me.

Here's where I could write a lovely list of all of Boy10's greatest and best features. But that would the vomit police would arrive, rough everyone up and it would be a nightmare.

And no one wants that.

Instead let’s (yes let us) go with the stuff you probably couldn’t guess...

1. Boy10 now sleeps in (Wooohoo!)

Except obv. on his birthday. That day still is a 6:30er, which is fine as the other two herbert's have been up for ages by then.

But mostly Team Parents (yay!) no longer have to fight Boy10 back to bed because he is up too early.

No. Now we have to wake the little sleeping bear. A grumpy bear to boot. That doesn't want to get up, and definitely doesn't want to start getting ready for school.

We have mixed success.

For my part I opt for bouncing him on his bed as hard as I can until he starts giggling.

I doubt I'll be able to get away with this for much longer, but whilst I can...

Here here hold this...

<Puts cup of water in Boy10's hands>

<Bounces the bed a lot>

<Boy10 gets wet>

<Nearly dies laughing>

<Gets a look from Boy10>

<Runs>

2. Boy10 has lost BabyBoy3's trust

Which is a bit sad. But it's true and the only person Boy10 can blame is himself.

He's tricked, stolen, poked, prodded, pinched or ridden off with something of BabyBoy3's too many times.

And BabyBoy3 has gotten wise to him...

BabyBoy3: 'NO! Boy10! Go WAY!'

Boy10: 'I just want to see...'

BabyBoy3: 'NO! GOWAY!'

I know Boy10 doesn't like it either, so hopefully he'll turn it around pretty quick.

<Crosses fingers>

3. If there was a speed Lego construction challenge

Boy10 would win it. He's very good a building Lego models now. He gets out pots to put the bits in, just like his Dad showed him, and then he's off. Nothing can interrupt until he has finished. Well not without a big fight.

Team Parent (yay!) obv. are very proud, but do wish that sometimes he wouldn't go quite so quick with the more pricey Lego we rarely get him.

4. Will argue for twenty minutes for the sake of two minutes more

It's funny and annoying all at the same time. The principal matters to him. Matters a lot.

If Boy10 feels he is getting short changed, even by a few minutes, you better settle in for a good long 'discussion' full of drama and wildly baffling counter arguments.

5. Boy10 is getting better with his emotions

That truck load of emotions that bastard the EmotionFairy delivered last year.

Well to Boy10's credit he is definitely starting to master then all. He breathes when he is cross. He understands what he has done and why it hurt others (Miss6) and he genuinely seems sorry.

Let’s hope no more emotions turn up...

EmotionFairy: 'Hello again!'

NO! GOWAY! GOWAY!

EmotionFairy: 'Hey hey, just doing my job. I've a year-ten delivery here, guile, flattery, sneaking, wet-yourself-funny... Where do you want them?'

<Describes a place>

EmotionFairy: 'There's no need to be rude... Hank! Just drop 'em now...' <Grumbles off>

NOOOOOO!!! <Gets covered in emotions>

<Weep and laughs and feels serene about it>

(Found this in his room the other day…

That’s hella cool!!!

(Despite the fire risk))

6. Boy10 has started beating me at a few games

And I am not letting him win. He is winning.

And proper games too. Grown up games. And old ones, from my childhood, which he loves.

Even with those he is <Gulps> beating me through his own cunning and guile.

I am so proud and furious.

Boy10 isn’t the kindest winner though...

Boy10: ‘I won!’

wooo… <Waves little flag> That’s great mate, well done…

Boy10: ‘Again!’

Uh-huh… Well done…

Boy10: ‘I must be the best at this game, coz you never win!’

…

Have I ever told you about being a gracious winner?

Boy10: ‘YEP! Everytime I win!’

Boy10: <Does winning dance, which has at least ten dabs in it>

<Smiles but internalises anger>

I’ve no idea where he gets behaviour from.

<Whistles off>

7. Boy10 still picks his nose and eats it

I have no problem with nose picking. I would rather not watch it to be honest.

But fingers are exactly the right size for digging into nostrils. And well it’s kind of fun at the same time.

But eating it after? <Vomits onto keyboard>

It really makes cringe, and want to run away, or shove that finger even further up that nose.

Urghghgh…

I’m pretty sure Boy10 knows this.

I’m pretty sure Boy10 does it just to bug me.

I’m pretty sure Boy10 does it as much as possible, to bug me.

Bless ‘im.

8. Boy10 can be the greatest big brother

It was true last year, and it’s still true.

Yes he does wind BabyBoy3 and Miss6 right up sometimes, until there is tears, and screaming and kicking.

And yes that drive me a little mad, as I have to do my ‘Judgment of Solomon’ act, and then smash the sofa in half. Which is costly.

But mostly.

Boy10 is the sweetest big brother both BabyBoy3 and Miss6 could ever want for.

He shares his toys, his time, and he loves them fiercely.

Thank you Boy10 for that. Team Parent (yay!) love that about you.

It’s funny.

Because Boy10 was the start of my Dadding (still real word) and there is a real chance he may end it (me) one day. Probably with me asking to use his knife and fork to eat. Or not pick his nose.

But it is funny to think all that fun and life shifting madness came from one little person.

That just keeps on growing.

(Look at him all grown up and stuff…

Learning stuff in a museum…

We didn’t even have to offer him stickers!

...

<Hands out stickers to Miss6 and BabyBoy3>)

Last year I wrote.

That me and Boy9 were the furthest apart I thought we had ever been.

Emotionally Obv. He lives in my house.

I’m really glad to say (I think) I’ve managed to turn that around and feel our Dad and son bond is alive and kicking once again.

We’ve had a million more laughs this year already.

It was me. I know.

<Will long have regrets about it>

<And will punish self far greater than anyone else can>

Back to being best buds.

(which is lucky as Mrs. Amazing just isn’t into scooting, playing Crick-Ball, watching cartoons, eating sweets until we barf, throwing stuff as high as possible, dead arms fights, flicking for fun, seeing how crashy we can crash cars, rocking out to very loud sensibly volumned music, laughing about farts, bundling, and Minecraft Obv.)

(I never stood a chance

<Is pulled in and consumed by cuteness>)

X