Missing My Baby...

A while back Mrs. Amazing took BabyBoy1 and headed off into the wild, where the wine bars are to see her mates.

Leaving me, Boy8 and Miss4 alone.

[Front door shuts and we all run round to wave goodbye]

[Miss4 waves the hardest]

[Boy8 is making plans and waving]

[I'm waving trying to think of a plan]

Boy8: How long has Mum gone for Dad?

Two enormous, enduring, long lasting, never ending days

<Miss4 switches waving arm>

Boy8: Does that mean you are in charge?

YES! I am normally!

Cha! <Is slightly outraged>

<Boy8 says nothing>

OK... Joint in-charge, me and Mrs. Awesome rule together with an iron fist

<Boy8 nods, slightly sarcastically>

<Miss4 switches waving arm again>

Boy8: Are we going to be OK?

Yeah... We'll be fine...

<Boy8 does not look convinced>

Probably...

No

<We all huddle together for safety>

...What was that noise?

It's was funny not having BabyBoy1 around.

It was strange. He’s always there at home. Obviously I get a few moments every now and then without anyone of them in the house, which is sheer bliss. But I don’t tend to miss BabyBoy1 then. It's nice to be alone. 

But this time I wasn't alone, I still had Boy8 and Miss4 all up in my grill existing and... and stuff... I found I missed the noisy, happy little one, that gives the best hugs. (He does full body hugs. He is tiny.)

My littlest boy that walks into tables, dances like a loon, shouts at nothing and is damn happy most of the day...

I missed my littlest dude.

There a few things in the house that stood out for me. A few things that are just for BabyBoy1 and as such reminded me totally of him...

1. Stair Gates.

We have three in our house. One to stop BabyBoy1 going upstairs on his own and then falling down the stairs. Another one to stop BabyBoy1 going downstairs on his own and falling down the stairs. And one more to stop him getting into the tiddly (utility) room and pressing buttons on all the machines.

Of course BabyBoy1 is perfectly safe going up and down stairs. He does it carrying stuff now. 

That doesn't mean watching him go up and down the stairs isn't horrible and a building heart attack waiting to explode in my face and cover me with goo. Because well… it is.

But he can do it.

We often forget to shut the stair gates. I often walk into them. The one in the tiddly room is so often open, I wondering why its even there. Coz it’s funny making the Cat jump it.

The weird thing is.

For the two days BabyBoy1 is gone, me, Boy8 and Miss4. All of us walk around the house shutting the gates behind us. And then opening as we need to go by, and then closing them behind us. Keeping the tiny boy that isn't even there, safe.

That’s pretty mental sweet I feel.

(I have installed these around the house... It hasn't worked and now they all swear...)

2. Stools

No not that type. I mean the height extending types. 

BabyBoy1 has stools so he can reach sinks. So he can brush his teeth with us all. Little face just reaching. It’s cute.

The stools though are hella annoying. They are non-slip which means they don’t slip. Nor can you shove them, push, shove the door open if one is behind it. Nothing.

So whilst BabyBoy1 is gone the stools are quickly, by me, and many times due to the non-slip evil, kicked out of the way.

On the first evening I noticed that both Boy8 and Miss4 insist on using the stools as they brush their teeth. Thus perpetuating the non-slip evil.

What are you doing?

Boy8: ‘I'm brushing my teeth’

Faints

I can see that…

Why are you stood on the stool that I carefully kicked into the corner?

‘So I can do this’ <Boy looks me straight in the eyes>

<He’s on tip toes on the stool to do so, but it’s very unnerving anyway>

...

<Miss4 walks by carrying another stool to her room>

Where are you taking that one?

Light-switch <Doesn't stop to explain>

It seems that without BabyBoy1 in the house, both Boy8 and Miss4 claim and start using his stools for everything they can.

Once he was back they stopped.

They’re weird sometimes.

3. Nappy paraphernalia

This is everywhere in the house. BabyBoy1 is our third child. Team Parents (yay!) are tired and we don’t like to have to hunt and find nappies or wet wipes, every time Captain Poo struts his stuff. So we have secreted nappy paraphernalia everywhere.

Of course once BabyBoy1 isn't in the house. We just have a house with wet wipes and nappies everywhere.

It’s a bit weird to be honest.

4. BabyBoy1 toys

I don’t think is going to be much of shock to anyone to be honest.

But BabyBoy1 has lots of cool toys, HE’S GOT A BATMOBILE, and rather than respectfully leave those toys alone, and undisturbed for two days, whilst he was gone.

We did the opposite.

Well kind of. Not the exact opposite as that is always dumb. But we did play with them a lot bit. And maybe not always in the manner expected by the manufacturer.

Everything was fair game it seemed. I wasn't exactly encouraging them to play with BabyBoy1’s toys, they did that fine on their own. It was just that my normal reason to stop them, had gone.

It’s hard to convince Miss4 that she may upset BabyBoy1 by driving in his Bat Car. when he’s not there to see it. It’s much more fun to push her around in the Batmobile and enjoy the giggling.

It was fine, we broke nothing that was noticed.

(Still amazing... Oooo... Batty...)

I think we all missed BabyBoy1 a lot.

(And Mrs. Amazing loads obviously, in case you are wondering, we all missed her tonnes)

I think Boy8 and Miss4 missed him a lot more than they thought they would. They do play with him a lot. So I suppose that makes sense. I just don’t think they realised.

It’s funny how someone so little, that sleeps twelve hours a day, can’t talk, makes little sense, shouts a lot, throws food everywhere, poos a lot and is constantly causing trouble, can affect your life so much and be so damn miss-able.

He is though.

[Two days later]

Boy8: ‘What’s this?’

Let’s call it me protecting myself against anyone telling Mrs. Amazing what we really got up to, for two days…. OK?

Just sign here

Boy8: ‘Why should I?’

So it can happen again...
<Boy8 rapidly signs>

You too <Passes pen to Miss4>

<Draws a picture of a flower with pen>

That’ll do…

Now, we need to practice, what have we been up to?

Boy8: ‘We read a lot, watched films, played cars, eaten lots of vegetables and we ate at the table together every time, not in front of the TV!’

Good… Miss4?

Miss4: ‘We have bathed each night, brushed our teeth, combed our hair, and got up at a normal time!'

Good!

Miss4: ‘... But we didn't…’

We did <Gives Miss4 a look>

Miss4: <Nods>‘Oh! Yeah' <Smirks> 'It's a secret!’

[Mrs. Amazing arrives home]

<Miss4 tells her all>

Bye Bye 'Tiny Baby' Chapter...

BabyBoy1 has had his hair (+1 alliteration point) cut.

For the very first time.

Boo.

That's his baby curls gone and they will never come back.

If you don't know. Baby curls are a one time deal. Boy8, Miss4 and now BabyBoy1 had baby curls. But once they were cut that was it, gone. All three monkeys now pretty much have straight hair. Well except Miss4's with her mad frizz hair explosion she has sometimes. But that's more down to length and golden syrup in her hair.

A common sweet problem in our house.

(Nectar of the children... Seriously...)

Why am I sad the baby curls have gone?

Well. They’re hella cute. They are!

And like so many magical things babies seem to be able to do. The curls in their hair are a one time deal. Which is why you sometimes see 1-2 year olds with ridiculously long hair. Blindly stumbling about not being able to see through their ridiculously long hair.

Team Parents (yay!) have been clipping up BabyBoy1’s hair for a while now (with hair clips, not shears), constantly sweeping it out of his eyes, and even tying it up in bobble.

I know. We are monsters.

But were big softies too. (Think Sully).

Because BabyBoy1 is definately the last of Team Parents (yay!) children. And it’s with quite a lot a bit of nostalgia we've been putting off cutting his curls. For ages quite some time.

For me it felt that once BabyBoy1's talisman of being a baby, his curls, were gone that was it. He wasn't a baby any more, he was officially a toddler.

The ‘Tiny Baby’ chapter of our lives is over.

And he definitely is a toddler.

As he walks, he toddles. It's just that with the curls it was easier to fool myself that this amazing, lovely and wonderful ‘Tiny Baby’ chapter of my life wasn't finished.

<Weeps man tears>

I've really loved the ‘Tiny Baby’ chapter of my life.

It's been going on for eight years or so now. Which is a long time. I've plants that are younger than that. I’ve made enemies in that time. I had a lot more hair then when we started this chapter. So I hope you understand me when I say I am going to miss it.

Yes I know, babies cry a lot and there's poo everywhere, and there's no sleep, and your brain turns slightly to mush and the things that got you into this situation, nookie, becomes as scarce as nights out. And there’s no sleep. Did I mention the lack of sleep? There's no sleep.

I still loved every single moment of it.

They're so cute and fluffy!

Yeah I know.

Best not post that submission to 'Butchest Man of Year Awards' just yet. Best leave it in it's drawer and burn it later.

Fine! But what's wrong with liking tiny humans? Someone's gotta or we wouldn't get very far as a species. Is it only women that get to like babies and all their tiny brilliant things?

<Sigh>

Tell you what I'll go chop some wood, that'll realign my butch levels to a more socially acceptable state. HAPPY?

<Comes back in tears>

<Whimpers and shows ow-ey>

(HEY! Who's been pissing about with my life book?)

(Mannn... The pages are all bend out of shape...)

Hair-wise, it all to came to a head a week ago.

(Yep! joke on purpose, and it ain't likely to get better than that, job done...

<Packs up and goes home>

<Is already at home so just carries on>)

Turns out I am not the most observant sometimes. Yeah it’s true.

Visually I can miss things around the house that Mrs. Amazing is very aware of...

'It's a bit drab in here now...'

<Looks about>

Is it?

<Keeps looking but cannot see anything that has changed>

Curtains?

<Shakes head>

Hair cut?

‘No’

New pictures on the wall?

‘No’

New top? New jeans? New socks? New shoes?

‘No, no, no, yes please no’

I give... What's changed?

<Honestly can't see what has changed in the house since this morning>

‘I took the Christmas decorations down you idiot’

Ohhhhhh... Shiiiiit

It's does look drab in here

<Gets hit with a cushion>

Hair length of the kids is one of those things I can be inclined to miss.

Unless there's been a drastic change, of course.

Cool Mohawk

Miss4: ‘Thanks Dad’

<Scream from Mrs. Amazing in the kitchen>

So whilst on some level I knew that BabyBoy1's hair was too long. It wasn't ringing alarm bells. So I ignored it.

Other people though. Other people were less tactful or dumb...

Rando: ‘What a pretty little girl you have’

He's a boy

‘What's her name’

HE is called Frank (he's really called BabyBoy1)

‘That's a strange name for a girl’

Yes that would be a mental strange name for a girl

That's because he is a BOY!

<Points at the boy style jeans, digger top, boy shoes and the sign I drew that says 'HE'S A BOY'>

‘Oh!’

‘...’

‘Why are you dressing your daughter as a boy?’

We're hoping to get on Jeremy Kyle

A bet

For laughs... BYEEE...

<Storms off>

Twice! that happened in one day.

Not word for word the same you understand, but BabyBoy1 getting mistaken for a girl.

There's no sexist thingy going on here at all. I don't care which way round it is, boy for a girl, girl for a boy. Parklife.

It's that using the wrong sex grammar will feel like a knife in my heart no matter what I say, they carry on regardless.

What they see is what, well, all they see.

Even if I repeatedly tell them otherwise.

<Whilst pointing at BabyBoy1>

Boy. Boy. Boy. Boy. Boy. Boyboyboyboyboyboy!

Rando: ‘She's cute isn't she?’

Anyhoo...

I wasn't there for the curl removing.

I was at work. yay. Mrs. Amazing did it during the day, when BabyBoy1 was stationary for a few moments. TV. Mrs. Amazing did a marvellous job and he looks utterly cute and just like pinocchio a real little boy. Hella cute.

Weirdly Mrs. Amazing left all the trimmed hair on my bed side table (by accident) for me to see, felt a bit Godfather to be honest.

<Watches back and refuses to eat in an Italian restaurant forever>

Still it's my own fault BabyBoy1 had his hair cut.

Mrs. Amazing had just combed BabyBoy1’s hair whilst a bit wet. His curls had gone straight from the dampness and well...

<BabyBoy1 runs by shouting happily>

He looks… <Thinks>

He looks...  ridiculous

<Nods in agreement>

(Before the trim…)

(In our defence it was Christmas and the Elf outfit was apt. APT! <Shakes fist>)

… and he did. He looked ridiculous. Like a little hairy bluebell.

But not in the cool way. (Yes there is one).

Mrs. Amazing reasoned. Quite rightly as well. That if even I, yes EVEN I, 'King of Lack Of Observation’, Sir. BarnDoorMissingSeeingMan, notices that BabyBoy1 looks a bit daft...

...then it's probably time to trim the baby curls.

Boo. 

Bye bye ‘Tiny Baby’ chapter in my life.

It was really, really fun.

<Tears escapes due to… err.. stuff>

<Closes metaphorical book on 'Tiny Baby' chapter>

<Walks off humming ‘Cats in the cradle’>

<Runs back, reopens book, and folds down the first page of the 'Tiny Baby' chapter for later>

I'll be back! ...

... In hopefully about twenty years... After Uni at least! 

Can’t wait!

<Runs off to play in the pub>