Rage Against the Dad (Machine)...

Boy10 had slept over at a mates house the night before.

Which probably means he had no sleep.

Me and Mrs. Amazing we're busy getting ready for a party at our place.

Miss6 and BabyBoy3 were happy enough playing together.

In their mad little way...

What is this?

Miss6: 'Our babies house'

But that's right where I am sweeping! Tidying for the party!!!

<BabyBoy3 stomps about in sweepings>

Right! No new toys out! We've getting ready for a party!!!

BabyBoy3: 'Awwwwwww'

Miss6: <Sticks out tongue>

Put everything away... No toys out...

<Both head off and make mess around the corner>

(Seemed rather apt for them both... (source))

Team Parent (yay!) spend the morning cleaning.

And getting things ready for party. Boy10 was asked to tidy his room.

As it looked like an actual Nerf war and explosion had taken place. Bullets everywhere. And to de-hide all the hidden clothes.

Miss6 and BabyBoy3 were left to play and chill out.

By lunch time.

Team Parent (yay!)'s patience with Boy10 was wafer thin.

There had been rudeness. Strops. And meanness to Miss6 and BabyBoy3. Which isn't acceptable. Big brothers should be kind.

I'm a third child. I can still feel the injustices elder siblings can dish out.

<Weeps and dramatically sweeps away>

Towards the end of lunch.

Of a not very fun. Will you please eat up the party starts soon lunch. That had taken nearly an hour.

As they were all being utter fussy pains. Mrs. Amazing excused herself from the table and went to have a little moment away from the kids. For everyone's safety.

It was combination of Boy10 being rude and obnoxious to us all. And Miss6 being the world's slowest and most annoying eater. And BabyBoy3 had joined in, as little children do, when the big ones are doing stuff.

Team Parent (yay!) still had lots to do before the party and 'The Annoying Three' were refusing to eat a plain jacket potato.

With utter class and control Mrs. Amazing excused herself to me, and headed upstairs for fifteen minutes chill out.

Leaving me to fight the demons.

Back! BACK! You hellcats!

BabyBoy3: 'Meow!'

... er... kind of… er… not really...

I told them all off.

A ‘look what you have done to your poor Mother’ speech. For shame and all that. Boy10 was unrepentant however. <Eye twitches>

Boy10 lasted another five minutes at the table. Honestly I did my best. But I was up against someone really keen to be told off. I took the answering back. The rudeness. The obnoxiousness. Actual obnoxiousness. For what felt like hours. But was five minutes.

Then I snapped.

(Show of hands… Who wants what from me today?

There’s no point putting up both hands Mrs. Amazing…

It still only counts as one…)

Up I reared from my seat like a stallion.

Snatched the the knife and fork from his hands that he was STILL drumming on the table. Despite being told not to. A billion times. And send him to his room.

Off he stropped. Me helping him go. Him sending a few rude words my way. An insult or two.

Nice.

I walk back into the kitchen fuming.

The other two ate like the wind after that. BabyBoy3 ate the last of his food very quickly and looks very sorry. Then very sweetly did his best request to get down ever.

Miss6 whined once more. Until she realised how close I was to losing it with her.

Then she shushed and ate her jacket potato. Slowly.

But she ate it.

With lunch done.

I go and find Mrs. Amazing and explain that Boy10 just got worse. She is not surprised and absolves me from any blame. Which I needed. Thanks.

I offer a cuppa and she says she will down in a moment. Refreshed and ready to rejoin the battle. Which Mrs. Amazing was.

Which was lucky. As ten minutes later it's my turn. As I am about throw Boy10 throw several windows, my chank totally offed. When Mrs. Amazing suggests I take a break and she take over. Which I did. And she did. Dids allround.

A quick break had clearly made a huge difference for Mrs. Amazing. Maybe it would for me.

I use my time wisely and play stupid games on my phone meditate.

Then we had the party.

More rudeness from Boy10 during it. Boy10 called me a 'Grumpy Old Man' in front of his mates. Which is very rude and hurtful, who’s scruffy looking?. Mrs. Amazing made him retract his comment and apologise. I was holding a can of spray squirty cream at the time (don’t ask) and Boy10 was very lucky to walk away with nostrils empty.

However. All in all. It was a fun and lovely, but hard, and exhausting, party.

Team Parent (yay!) were knackered.

Then there was the rage.

And it wasn't anyone's fault. It was just bad luck. <Sighs> <Shakes fist at universe>

Guests gone. A good dent in the clear-up operation had been made. But it was 6pm and bed time. And everyone was going to bed early.

Especially Boy10.

Considering your behaviour...

... and how tired you are...

... I calculate that you need to go to bed... three days ago...

Mrs. Amazing: 'DEAL!' <Runs to bed>

No! Not you... <Trails off>

<Coughs on the dust Mrs. Amazing kicked up in her haste>

Miss6 and BabyBoy3 were sat.

In jammies waiting for a cartoon before bed. But Boy10 was still watching a movie. Which Miss6 and BabyBoy3 had no interest in. However there was only five minutes left. So considering the mood Boy10 was in. He was allowed to watch the end. Whilst the other two waited.

I get milk for BabyBoy3 and do some more eating clearing up .

When the normally amazing magic box.

The magic one that sucks the tele programs from the aerial and shows us their wonder and flickering images of joy. Records them and stuff. That fella.

Well that lovely magic box started the rage rolling.

At 6pm exactly.

A cartoon for Miss6 and BabyBoy3 started recording. The one they wanted to watch ironically. The magic box was already recording the film Boy10 was watching. But on a +1 hour channel. As we had missed the start of it. Thought he'ld like that.

The magic box did what it was told. However it can only record two things if you are actually watching one of them. The magic box automatically changed channel to Miss6 and BabyBoy3's cartoon. Stopping Boy10 from watching the final minutes of his film.

I ran in as I heard him getting very cross about it mouth full of cake.

Boy10: 'Who did that? WHO DID THAT?'

It takes me a few moments to realise what happened.

It takes a while as Boy10 is in my face sure that I have stopped him watching his film.

Miss6 and BabyBoy3 are ignoring Boy10 as their cartoon is on. They're happy.

Luckily there is a message on screen that explains what the magic box has done. So I can at least explain and point to Boy10 why he cannot change channel.

He isn't listening though. He's just getting madder and madder.

I think I explained to him, calmly mind, and with differing words, ten times in a row what had happened. But he wasn't listening.

He was just getting madder.

Finally he got it.

And instantly wants Miss6 and BabyBoy3's cartoon recording stopped immediately.

I'm in two minds as I want them to watch their cartoon. So they can go to bed.

Boy10 would only be missing a few minutes of a film he has already seen. And it's recording anyway!

But Boy10's is adamantium and his voice just gets louder and crosser.

Eventually Mrs. Amazing hears and suggests he come upstairs and watch it on the small, but very much working, tele upstairs.

I leap on this as a perfect solution and tell Boy10. Over and over. Go watch your program upstairs. It's on. Go. Go. I am still talking calmly (I KNOW! Amazing huh!).

Boy10 however is not listening.

(Tada! I got a new badge at work!

Boy10: ‘Cool! What did you get it for?’

Pardon?... <Points at badge>)

Boy10 seems to have blown a fuse.

And in rage he starts unplugging everything connected to the tele. I am not really sure what to do. I know reaching out for him would be a huge mistake. He wants a fight. Any physical contact will go badly right now.

So I sit on the sofa with Miss6 and BabyBoy3 smiling and being happy with them. So they don't freak out or sense the stress in the room. And they don't.

Somehow.

Boy10 finally leaves.

Everything unplugged. Tele nearly knocked over. He had to abandon his plan to remove the scart cable. As it's an old tele and pretty heavy. I'd help obv. if he asked... But he's not really going to ask for my help right now.

Before he goes he stops to throw a big cushion at my head. Not fun-ly (real word) either.

Right at my head. With malice. I manage to ninja it aside and it wallops into the glass light shade.

Which wobbles…. OOOOOO! … and does NOT break!

Phew.

I smile to Miss6 and BabyBoy3 to show them nothing is wrong.

But inside I am a twisted wreck of anger and stress. Outside. Happy Daddy.

I start reconnecting the cables. Boy10 appears again. And hits me with a pillow. As hard as he can.

It's a pillow so I am fine. But he is not playing. Despite his poor choice of weapons.

A few more hits. And I realise I am more in danger of being knocked into the tele by a pillow and falling over. Then actually being hurt by something so soft.

So I move into more space and put my arms by my side. My decision is just to let him hit me with the pillow as much as he likes.

Let him burn his anger out.

No idea if that's a good tactic or not.

Someone did that to me once when I was young. I felt really helpless and embarrassed afterwards. So I am not sure it was the best choice.

But it's what I choose in that moment.

Boy10 goes at me for a bit.

But quickly realises pillows are not doing what he wants. Which is to hurt me.

So he moves in to start shoving me. Softly. He's only ten.

But that changes the tone of what is going on for me. This is now aggressive behaviour that I can't tolerate. It needs to end instantly.

I buffet his hands away and start towards him. Calmly mind.

Telling Boy10 to go his room. He is done here.

Go. Go.

A get another pillow thrown at me down the stairs.

But finally he is gone. I move back to Miss6 and BabyBoy3.

Put on a lovely, the world is all fine, la-la-la-laaaa, Sarah and Duck on tele.

They appear unfazed by everything.

Good.

(Sarah: ‘Ooo that weekend was rather heavy Duck’

Sarah: ‘I’m still seeing talking rainbows...’

Duck: ‘QUACK’

Meanwhile.

Upstairs Mrs. Amazing has taken over with Boy10. And he is releasing all his frustrations.

By shouting. Very loudly at the Mrs. Amazing. His room. His toys. The universe basically.

I imagine there was fist shaking too.

<Shakes fist>

Eventually there is quiet.

A deep bath is run for Boy10. CD player put next to bath for Boy10 to listen to, and focus on. Boy10 in bath. Mrs. Amazing calls down for Miss6 and BabyBoy3. I respond we are on our way.

Bedtime is a go.

Me and Miss6 have a lovely giggling story time.

Afterwards I pass Boy10 on the stairs. He gives me the dirtiest of looks. Like I was Piers Morgan. Utter contempt and hatred.

I smile back nicely. But he is clearly furious with me.

I head down stairs and continue tidying up. Feeling very exhausted and emotionally drained from keeping my cool with Boy10.

But the kitchen is a mess and there's lots of chocolates to eat.

After his bath.

Boy10 comes down to watch something. Eyes pretty red.

I sit next to him and say something nice and a bit funny (I believe).

Lighthearted anyway.

Boy10: <Looks furious> 'Shut up!'

Right.

Yes rude. Yes not acceptable. But this is not the right time.

I try once more to talk to him. He makes it very clear everything is my fault and he is furious with me. Fine. I leave.

Back to cleaning for me and hoovering up leftover snacks.

I go find Mrs. Amazing.

And ask her to please have a word with Boy10. Team Parent (yay!) quickly discuss stuff.

Military camp?

Mrs. Amazing: 'Yes. Siberia'

Nice….

We agree there is nothing to be gained in telling Boy10 off tonight.

But Mrs. Amazing asks there's anything I need from Boy10. An apology?

I am pretty sick of him right now. So I say so. Mrs. Amazing understands.

I add that I don't think it's good Boy10 goes to bed thinking everything is my fault.

Mrs. Amazing agrees and says she'll have a word.

I can hear BabyBoy3 still awake.

So go to put him back to bed. He tells me that if I don't give him his shield to go with his sword. He won't be my friend. I tell him it doesn't matter he will always be my BabyBoy3 and I love him. Now give me the sword, why have you got a sword? It’s bedtime!

BabyBoy3 stabs me in the tummy with his LEGO sword and after some encouragement goes back to bed. Without sword.

I leave. Feeling pretty unloved and stabbed. <Bottom lip out>

And head back to the kitchen mess.

Some music is needed.

And it soon weaves it magical magicy magic ness works. I lose myself in music. And I shift my 'Nobody loves me' mood. Mrs. Amazing finds me and asks if I can get Boy10 a USB cable for his walkman MP3 player. I find one and head upstairs.

Not knowing what Mrs. Amazing has said to Boy10. I didn't ask.

Mrs. Amazing may have set up this whole situation so we could make peace.

Or Boy10 could have her asked to set this up so we could make peace.

Or...

... this was all a test and I can finally take my place as an Avenger! or there's an exhausted little boy (Boy10) upstairs just wanting to listen something before he goes to bed. Chill himself out. Wonder where he might have got that habit from?...

<Puts on louder music>

There's no point discussing what has happened with him.

Mrs. Amazing has more than likely covered it all. So I just help him setup his music.

Boy10 is being nice. But is clearly very close to the edge still. His anger gone though. Burnt out. Hormones stopped messing with his head.

Boy10 is no longer glaring at me as though I'd eaten all his sweets again and deleted all his saved Minecraft worlds. (Which I would never do, some things are sacrosanct).

I sort his MP3 player out.

I wish Boy10 goodnight.

And pull him into my arms without really thinking about it. In hindsight this could have gone bad. Really bad. Boy10 could have felt trapped and got cross again.

But as I embrace him in a standing hug. He doesn't resist.

We hug each other hard with a lot of feeling.

A good squeeze if you will.

Now I am probably could be wrong.

But to me that hug felt like sorry - I love you Dad.

In one hug all is forgiven.

<Hands back all the LEGO man heads I had removed as revenge>

For both of us.

I'm in bed by 9:30pm that night.

Having bathed for at least an hour. I even took a beer up with me.

My body worn out and tight everywhere from contained stress and frustration. I don't sleep great for the same reason.

I find it really hard keeping all those emotions in and keeping my cool. And my body pays a price for it. Must get better at letting stress and frustration go.

<Makes note>

<Loses note>

(This is the metaphorical armies of hormones Team Parent (yay!)

will face in the <Shudders> teenage years… thrice...

<Orders forty giant eagles>)

Especially as Boy10 is only ten.

We've not even hit the teenage years yet. And Miss6 isn't that far behind…

And then there's BabyBoy3…

Theoretically and technically they could all be in their teens at the same time - Boy19, Miss16 and BabyBoy13!!!

<Gives you a very wide eyed look>

<Signs up to as many pubs meditation classes as possible>

X

One, Some, Many, Days Like This...

It had been a long day at work.

Aren't they all? But this was one of those hella soul draining days.

So much so that I left the office not feeling elated and relieved to go home.

The drudge of the day had been overpowering and I was struggling to find something to feel excited for…

Poop.

I plugged my headphones in as I left the office. <Giving everyone two fingers up>

I've had a ten minute walk ahead of me. And maybe, just maybe, some good music may clear my head. And get me out of this funk.

Get me back into the Dad mode I needed. At home was three monkeys waiting to be battled to bed. And at that moment the thought of that was almost more than I could take.

I turned the music up loud, music filling my lug-holes (ears), and got my walk on.

The rather excellent Elbow were playing.

And even better it was their pretty earth shatteringly good song 'One Day Like This' from 'Seldom Seen Kid'.

Which is about new love, and passion, and all those wonderful things me and Mrs. Amazing (she was Miss then, she wasn't born Mrs. that would be weird) got up to before we had kids.

When there was nothing else in the world except each other. Those first moments of love and passion.

If you don’t know the song. Go check it out.

We'll wait…

<Has a nap>

(Oh and it's not just me that likes the song. It was played live by the band at the closing ceremony of the 2012 Olympic Games in London. Nice).

(Hear and watch the pretty random video herey)

There's beautiful violins in it.

Which sound to me of swaying. Of holding someone tight. Every time the bow hits the strings, the silky smooth sounds of an orchestra playing all as one, talk to me of flying free. And unfettered. Sweet huh.

It all builds to a glorious crescendo where Guy Garvey, the lead singer, is belting out in his incredibly crisp tones that 'It's looking like a beautiful day'.

It's hard to not feel cheered by that.

The end soars into the bacon and cake heavens as a choir joins in, all singing 'One day like this a year'd see me right, for life’

Amazing. And I lose myself, in a good way, as I walk. Where the devil am I?

And I know he's right. Guy that is. I remember how wonderful it was when me and Mrs. Amazing we were just living for each other.

Totally engulfed in each others presence. All day, every day. Before the children.

All of them. Before we were Team Parent (yay!).

Before nappies. Before sleep was something to chase. Before we were <Shudders> responsible <Twitches> adults.

Amazing times.

I get home and reluctantly remove my headphones.

Back to being a father of three. Back to always being busy.

I open the door and expect to find Boy10 on the computer playing Roblox or something. BabyBoy3 and Miss6 sat watching cartoons with Mrs. Amazing.

All getting ready for bed.

But it is OK. I have removed my mood. I am ready for them all.

And actually I feel a lot of love for them all. My plan is to be 10% extra fun this evening.

Thank you foot Elbow.

But as I open the door and poke my head in HERE'S DADDYYYYY!.

There is no one there. And the house is silent. Lights are on though.

No sounds of bath time. No tele on. No Boy10 having a four year shower and still not managing to clean himself.

Trust me. When you have three kids. Nothing is more alarming than...

Silence.

(Unlike most knees Boy10’s repel all water and cleaning products…

We are hoping that this skill can one day be used to help reduce friction on larger ocean vessels...)

Then Mrs. Amazing appears from the kitchen.

Rushing by. Looking a little like the day wasn't easy.

She explains where the children are. And what they had done.

And that they are all little rat bags, and have to go to bed early, without any tele.

I put back on my coat and headphones and head out into the night promising I'll back within a year.

It seems tea time had not gone well.

Boy10 had refused his food totally. And rudely.

Miss6 had been outraged there was bacon on her pasta and had refused. Again rudely.

BabyBoy3 however wasn't really in trouble. He had just been whining all day due to his cold and inability to sleep through the night this week.

Mrs. Amazing had given them both a lot chances. And without doubt the punishments were fair.

And everyone was taking their punishments differently.

For Boy10 it's a stake in the heart.

How dare we take away his tele time. HOW VERY DARE WE.

He has a cake-given right to watching The Simpsons, or a bit of a film (who does that!), before bed.

I find him sulking in the kitchen, doing some Hama beads (Perler in the U.S.).

Miss6 is more Zen about it.

And frankly quite happy as she is doing colouring in. I think enjoys the excuse to do that rather than watch tele. Although for the record she is also very annoyed about missing stuff. And blows me a raspberry.

And can I pass her some more pens please.

So whilst Mrs. Amazing puts Miss6 to bed.

Me and BabyBoy3 sit and watch his favourite cartoons. An Octonauts and a Sarah and Duck. Lovely. It's nice to cuddle up together. Giggling.

And it's really calm and peaceful.

Until Boy10 grows bored of his Hama beads.

And decides to start driving a remote control car around the house. A noisy one.

So much so BabyBoy3 complains he cannot hear what Sarah is saying.

Then Boy10 walks in, walking as slow as possible so he watch as much tele as he goes by.

Boy10 blatantly looks at the tele as much as possible as he goes past.

Just to annoy me.

Come on, you're not allowed to watch tele tonight...

... Just head on through...

Boy10: <Does slowest walk ever>

<Eats cushion in helpless anger>

I ignore him and he departs.

But then the remote control car comes back in. Without Boy10.

Which is really very funny. But not for me right now, as I'm the adult in charge. Bacon-damn-it.

Eventually I just stop the car with my foot. I don’t damage it. I'll be buying a new one if I did. But it's enough to convince Boy10 I might. The car is removed and Boy10 is sent away.

He cackles and makes as much noise as can before leaving.

Annoyingly.

Then it's BabyBoy3's bedtime.

We have lovely stories. Giggle a lot. We sing together as I close the door confident that BabyBoy3 will go straight to sleep.

Then I realise he hasn't got any water and head off to get him some.

And there's my mistake.  In that two minute window Boy10 sneaks into BabyBoy3’s room and 'says' ''''night night''''.

Or as I would like to call it... riles him right up!

Double grr.

I then spent the next forty minutes with BabyBoy3 running.

Actual running. Out of his bed and room. Giggling and trying to punch me.

Where's that come from? Where my cute little boy gone? Ow! Don't hit those, that hurts!

Nothing will sooth him. Nothing will convince him to stay in bed.

I eventually take his Buzz Lightyear away and that only makes him wail and then start climbing furniture looking for it.

Buzz is returned. And all my chill is has gone.

I leave BabyBoy3 and head away, so I am not there to play with.

Where Mrs. Amazing suggests I take a minute out to calm.

Obvs. I do not.

I meant to. I really did. But didn't actually.

Instead I wade back in and get caught up again.

Until finally they are all being annoying at once. In a mexican stand off kind of way. With me in the middle.

I am trying to stop BabyBoy3 escaping his room behind me. Boy10 is sneaking up the stairs, now holding a banana gun (it fires little plastic bananas, it's awesome), aiming at me.

And Miss6 has just appeared saying you cannot sleep in her bed.

Her sleeping place.

Poor Miss6 gets the brunt of my anger and frustration.

Not full on shouty I hasten to add. Not totally lost it. Still some control.

Boy10 is warned that he better make himself scarce for the rest of the night.

BabyBoy3 is firmly told to go to bed again.

I get a raspberry.

(Err… thanks…

... Errr... Where did you get that?

BabyBoy3: <Runs>)

I realise my mistake.

And go apologise to Miss6. I say I am sorry. She's cool about it. She was being naughty getting out of bed again anyway. But I do apologise.

When I later tell Mrs. Amazing what happened in this moment. Miss6 being out of bed is what makes her scrunch up her tea cup.

Ceramic mind.

Eventually I give up trying to convince BabyBoy3 to stay in bed.

Instead I sit down and play Lemmings on my PC.

Yep the really old game from 1991. It's free. And still as fun as it was three millennia ago.

Eventually BabyBoy3 finds me and stands behind me watching. I ignore him.

He tries crawling under my chair, but bangs his head.

And goes back to watching over my shoulder. As I am clearly ignoring him.

I change from trying to save the little Lemmings on screen, to purposely killing them.

It feels good.

Eventually.

BabyBoy3 starts to sound sleepy enough to be dragged back to bed.

Boy10 has wisely hidden in his room. And doesn't appear again until he suddenly realises he won't get his bedtime story unless he stops bugging me.

He stops bugging me and gets a short story...

Once a upon a time there was a boy called Boy10, who really bugged his Dad.

And behaved like an utter looney at bedtime. So his Dad sat in his room and did a really big stinky fart as revenge.

Boy10: <Looks at me>

<Grins>

Boy10: 'Dad don't!!!'

<Huge gas explosion>

Boy10: 'OH NO! IT'S EVERYWHERE' <Cough cough>

Boy10: <Passes out>

<Leaves smugly, and considers improving diet> <Does not>

Miss6 wisely doesn't get out of bed again.

When I checked on her. She was still awake.

Just lying in the dark plotting staring at the glow in the dark stars on her ceiling.

But finally they were all in bed.

Boy10's not asleep but that's not so bad. He is ten.

BabyBoy3 is snoring away. Dressed in his Buzz Lightyear jammies happy that he has been promised a go on Lemmings tomorrow (not my save game he won't).

Miss6 may still but plotting. I didn't want to risk opening her door and disturbing her.

But the bedtime battle is finally complete.

My sense of calm and peace. Mutilated.

(A seasonal representation of my mind calmynessington (real word)).

I staggerd make it downstairs.

Where I find Mrs. Amazing. Who after putting Miss6 to sleep. Had totally abandoned me to catch up on some work. She was sat in the kitchen working away.

Quite happy...

Mrs. Amazing: 'How did it go?' <Without glancing up from her work>

I'll tell you about it later once I've had a beer or seven...

<Mutters> One day like this a year'd is gonna put me in my grave early...

<Gets on with the housework>

Might finally catch up on some sleep...

<More muttering>

X