Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).

9 February 2018

She's Seven...

It's not much of a change.
Six to seven. It's only one day that elapses. Which seems very easy and very manageable.
No need for having a bit of a moment as Team Parent (yay!) made birthday plans for Miss6. <Sobs>
But despite my wish to stop time and keep Miss6 forever. The latest version of Miss6 arrived.
The upgrade. The new improved model.

Miss7: 'Brilliant! I'm seven! What can I do now?'
Miss7: 'What new skills do I get? Any powers yet?'
Er... You get the power of better concentration! <Tries to make it sound fun>
Miss7: <Is not convinced> '...and...'
Er... You get to manage your temper and emotions better! Yay!
Miss7: 'What, like Boy10 does?'
Fair point... er... you got new shoes with wheels in them (Heelys)! Yay!
Miss7: 'They are cool... And look what I can do!'
Miss7: <Rolls along a bit, then falls over>
<Scoops up big seven year old in my arms, that is actually still quite little and is surprisingly easy to scoop>
Let’s go get you and me some chocolate shall we!
I thought you were really getting it that time!
Miss7: <Is happy>

(Er... You might wanna move the balloon a bit…
Yep! That’s it!!!)

It does feel like a new frontier though.
Everything is about to change. I can just feel in the air. Miss7's relationships to her friends and her family are all about to change. She's becoming more aware of the world around her. My Dad alarms are going off pretty much daily.
They are telling me something. And I think it's pretty simple.
Miss7 isn't such a little girl anymore she's a rampaging monster.

But that's just my thoughts.
Based on the slice of Miss7's life I get to see. I get the weekends. And as I work (I do) 9-5:30 weekdays. Means I get a few hours in the morning with her, and then maybe an hour with her in the evening. Which isn't exactly golden time as Miss7, like her brothers, are knackered out by that time of day. And just want cartoons, maybe warm milk, and a bedtime story.
Being a kid does sounds sweet sometimes...

Hey! Why don't I get a bedtime story?
Mrs. Amazing: 'What?'
The kids get a bedtime story... I like stories... Where's mine?
Mrs. Amazing: 'YOU want a story?' <Rolls up sleeves> 'Right!' <Looks a bit annoyed>
<Regrets asking almost instantly>
Mrs. Amazing: 'Once upon a time, there was a grown man that asked his busy and hard working wife for a bedtime story. And later that night he was beaten to death with HUG, The Ravenous Beast, The Gruffalo and every single Mr. Sodding-man and Little Miss. Annoying books she could find. And the wife lived happily ever after. The End.'
I'm just going to pretend you said no nicely and just go to sleep now...
Mrs. Amazing: 'You do that'
Zzz... <Is secretly reading 'Little Rabbit Foo Foo' under the sheets>


So as I hate those blogger birthday lists that get all mushy, and are basically a long lost of why a parent loves their child.
Here's my traditional list of things you probably didn't know about Miss6.

1. Miss6 has mad hiding skills.
Miss6's hiding skills have gone through the roof (they are very good).
She is an absolute master of hiding in plain sight. I think it's something to do with her clothes blending in with all the fabric around the house. <Gives Mrs. Amazing a look>
Recently we all played hide and seek. And whilst Boy10 is a hella genius at squeezing into spaces I don't expect him to able to fit in, Miss6 has surpassed him, hiding skillswise.
Miss6 doesn't do anything complex. She just finds somewhere a bit messy and stays still. Her hair covering her face. Clothes blending in.
And smeg it if I can't find her.
If she didn't giggle and call out 'Cock-coo' I swear I'd never find her.

These very useful skills Miss6 uses on me during bedtime.
I can be following her from the bathroom to her bedroom. A foot behind. Round a corner... and BOOM she's gone. I've lost her.
I look for a while. Get a bit frustrated. Call her name. And then like the Predator coming out of the water.
She appears...

Miss6: 'BOO!'
ARGH! Where did you come from? <Clutches heart>
Miss6: <Crouches down again to demonstrate>

Of course.
And I am sure Mrs. Amazing will back me up on this.
Miss6's skills at hiding do need to be tempered by my legendary skills at looking for stuff.
I have poor skills...

Mrs. Amazing: <Gives me a worried look and just points a foot in front of me>
Mrs. Amazing: 'There'
OH! Right... Thanks... <Mumbles stuff about ninja cars and just gets in>

2. Miss6 sings with headphones on.
I know.
That probably sounds really annoying. And I am sure if it was Boy10 it would be really annoying. In fact I know I've told him not to. As it was really annoying.
But for a few reasons Miss6 is not annoying about it.
a) She doesn't do it right in your face whilst your watching your favourite program on tele. Miss6 can just be found walking about the house, playing, singing away.
b) Her volume is just quiet enough. So you can hear it, but it doesn't grate.
c) Her singing is not constant. As Miss6 only seems to know a few lines of a song, chorus obvs.
d) And this is the real seller. There is so much passion and hand gestures when she does sing, it's brilliant. You know how you (and I) dance when a 80's classic comes on? It's that level of passion.

(You know this doesn't count as swimming?
Miss6: 'I'm watching Octonauts, it's underwater'
Right... <Is confused>)

3. Miss6 can stiiiiiiill only swim 10m.
Which isn't entirely true.
Just last week Miss6 produced her personal best of 12m without drowning. I was so proud.
I take Miss6 swimming once a week, when she's not ill, I'm not ill, and neither of us are busy and Mrs. Amazing is not going out, on a Sunday morning. So probably twenty times last year.
What I sneakily do is watch the swimming teachers already in the pool and copy what they do. So I feel my lessons haven't been completely awful. There's been content.
But for some reason Miss6 hit a wall. 10m, and got no further all year.
Despite the enormous carrot of a brand new swimming badge should she do it, me cheering her massively, and an adult sized milkshake from the milkshake shop (McRonalds)...

LifeGuard: 'Hey! You! I've told you before, no giant inflatable vegetables in the pool!'
<Sticks out tongue> Oh right... Sorry...
<Leaves pool with Miss6 and giant inflatable carrot>

4. Miss6 spills non-spilling bottles of water regularly.
She even has a towel next to her bed for this, I've had words.
I don't doubt Mrs. Amazing has had words too.
Words along the line of 'You're seven! Even your little brother doesn't spill his water at night, what on earth are you doing?',those kind of words.
Of course Miss6 says sorry and she will try really hard not to do it again.
But still. It happens.

5. Miss6 finally won her first ‘Mario Kart’ race.
Which I am very proud of her for.
I’ve no idea what changed. As until recently she drove like a drunken one armed, dwarf, with inner ear issues (badly). Weaving about the road back and forth, until finally getting lost on a one-way track (??).
She went from never actually finishing <Gives you a look> to mostly 3rd, sometimes 2nd, and run and tell Daddy when it happens, BOOM POW! 1st!
I am very proud.

6. Miss6 is faster than you at ‘Head, Shoulder, Knees and Toes’ with actions.
She is. She's hella quick at it.
We had a New Years party. There was a who can do 'Head, Shoulder, Knees and Toes’ with actions, fastest competition. Miss6 beat everyone. Adults too. By a lot.
If you ever need to see H.S.K.&T with actions done at an incredible speed.
You know who to ask. Her manager.

7. Miss6 is fearless with sauces and condiments.
This is in stark contrast to Boy10.
Who refuses food unless it is chips or sandwiches. May consume a roast if he's in the mood, but don’t count on it.
Miss6 in contrast not only tries and likes most food. She also loves all the sauces and condiments Team Parent (yay!) have. Mustard, horseradish, mayo, brown sauce, soy sauce, pickles, chutneys etc... You name, she'll try it.
Bravo Miss6, bravo.

8. Miss6 makes treasure bags at a industrial scale now.
Treasure bags (as mentioned in ‘Bouncy or Not?’) sound lovely don’t they?.
But they're not. No no. They are the bane of Mrs. Amazing's life.
A treasure bag is a bag into which has been put billions of little things.
All from somewhere else. And at first they might all seem unconnected, but Miss6 will have a theme she is rocking that day.
Only problem is that it would've taken Miss6 most of the day collecting these things. It will take Team Parent (yay!) most of the night to put them back. <Grumbles>
Miss6 has increased her production of treasure bags to a new record output.
I came home the other day to find Miss6 loading BabyBoy3 car with at least ten treasure bags. Not little play bags. No.
Full sized bag-for-life bags. Full of crap.
I was pretty miffed.
But that was nothing compared to what Mrs. Amazing would say...

OMFB! <Shakes head> Are all these treasure bags?
Miss6: <Looking proud> 'Yes!'
You're going to die. Look. We have to get this cleared away before your mother gets in and sees... well... this...
<Motions at neatly bagged wrong sorted mess>
... but we've only ten minutes...
Miss: <Is now seeing the problem> <Face goes pale>
There's no other choice... Take this <Passes fake passport>
Your name is now Mungo Bungo and I'll see you two years times when this has all blown over. ... We'll miss you... I love you...
Miss6: <Runs>
Boy10: 'Can I have her LEGO?'
Give it a while...
[A second passes]
Boy10: 'Now?'

9. Miss6 does the press-up & sit-up challenge with me.
A bit random this.
I wanted a way to curb my Christmas waistline issue. As it was November.
And I needed a morning training partner. Boy10 I guessed wouldn't be keen. As it would affect his YouTube watching time.
And I thought well why not with Miss6 <Slaps thigh>. The worst that could happen is that she would become healthy and strong.
Win win.
So the rule is we do one extra repetition every day. We manage four days in a row. We do four reps.
(Note, I did check it was safe for her frame to be doing press-ups and sit-ups. It is).
Our personal best so far is nineteen days in a row.
Which means Miss6 did nineteen press-ups (very iffy ones to be honest), and nineteen sit-ups (very good ones).
I am so damn proud of her for that.

10. Miss6 still does what she wants.
She is not a follower. She is a not sheep.
If she doesn't want to do something, she cares not if others are. Her choices are for her.
Really I wish I could be that free. To just do what I want with worrying what my peers are doing.
Of course this does lead to some 'issues' parenting her...

Miss6 : 'NO!' <Runs, gets even more naked, and hides>

11. She's quite, quite, mad.

(Go get dressed for a Nerf war! It needs to be protective but look hella cool!
Miss6: 'Tada!
Mission accomplished! <High Fives>
Armed and fabulous darling! <Regrets the heel kick>)

Thank you Miss6 it's been utterly amazing.
A real honour.
I've trepidation about your sevens to be honest. My amazingly bad knowledge of aged seven girls I fear will start working against me very soon. But I am very optimistic as well.
I'm sure it's going to a blast.
And funny. Really funny.

One song sums up Miss6 for me.
It is 'It's Magnificent (She Says)' by the amazing 'Elbow', who I love.
Best you listen rather than read about it.

Take it away Sir Guy...

Goodbye to lovely Miss6 and hello, wotcha, about time, hi, to the amazing and fabulous Miss7!
Long may she reign.

I really did have a bit of moment when planning Miss6's birthday party with Mrs. Amazing.
It just kind of hit home in my head that my little six year girl was suddenly going to be seven.
And seven feels really big and grown up, and I know it's silly to think that.
I love being in her life soooo much. We have so much fun together. And I know as she gets older I'll be less and less involved.
So in that moment as we planned a party. I faltered and it hit me. No actual tears, I would just like to clear that up.
But some serious throat clearing.
But Mrs. Amazing noticed...

Mrs. Amazing: 'You OK?'
<Is squinting> Yeah... Just sad that this part of her life has past, if you know what I mean...
Mrs. Amazing: 'Yeah... but snap out of it we've got eleven...'
Eleven? I thought only eight were coming?
Mrs. Amazing: 'No Miss6 invited more people...'
Really? Shesh...
Mrs. Amazing: 'And we've only an hour before I will crash out to plan the entire party for twelve, themed on a book, none of her friends have ever read'
Mrs. Amazing: <Seriously sups wine>
<Glugs Guinness>
Mrs. Amazing: 'And I doubt us having started drinking is going to help is it?'
<Re-glugs Guinness>
I'm thinking lasers, ropes hanging from the ceiling and a klaxon going off, indoor fireworks, and maybe a shot bar?
Mrs. Amazing: <Moves away my Guinness> '... Very much no'
Right... How about I make Fairy sandwiches?
Mrs. Amazing: <Moves back Guinness> 'Good idea!'