Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).
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2 November 2017

Trick or Treat...

It's about the treats, is it not. (It is)
A few people may jokingly say trick, those twonks jokers.
But really it's about the sweets. Candy. Choc-choc. Sugar.
The children say their line. They pick out some sweets.
The children say thank you. We leave.
Everybody is happy.
And I steal their sweets later that night.

Except that this year.
Halloween fell on a Tuesday. Which is frankly a bit rude.
Monday last year was awkward enough. First day of term and all. But a Tuesday? Everyone hates a Tuesday.
Team Parent (yay!) had a quick meeting to discuss what we were going do about it.
As Mrs. Amazing had to stay late at work and wouldn't be back in time to take the kids trick or treating. And I would only get back fifteen minutes before BabyBoy3's bedtime.

(Miss6’s… She wanted a happy pumpkin…
Not sure she’s got the main thrust of Halloween...)

The Treat...

Mrs. Amazing asked if could leave work early.
Which, very surprisingly, I was reluctant to do. As only that morning I had gone in early to gain some time. For a parent evening coming up. When I'll have to leave early.
PLUS! On Sunday we had hosted a lovely Halloween party for Boy10, Miss6 and BabyBoy3, and some of their mates.
Frankly I thought Halloween was done for the year...

Mrs. Amazing: 'What are you doing?'
<Picks up spider from floor>
Tidying up! Halloween is done...
<Picks up another spider from floor>
Now having spiders hanging about just seems weird...
Mrs. Amazing: 'But it's the 30th of October! We're not done!'
<Picks up really big spider from floor>
Really? <Sighs>
Mrs. Amazing: 'Plus that last spider wasn't a toy…’
<SCREAMS and leaps onto a chair flapping my arms about like a thousand bats are on me Nonchalantly places spider back on floor>

It seems I was wrong.
Halloween is now a three day affair. yay.
Mrs. Amazing explains that she would really love to take the terrors out for trick or treating. But cannot. So could I please leave work early and take them. So they don't miss out. I question if this is really important. It is.
Right. <Rolls up sleeves>

I leave work flipping everyone the bird and laughing as I am leaving early.
Genuinely excited to be going trick or treating. Which is weird. Don't think I've ever felt that before. Halloween didn't really feature much in my childhood. This is the UK.
<Gestures to land mass around me>
A few houses will be decorated. Most won't.
As a child trick or treating was to one house. Only. There was a long walk there too.
And then back home again.
yay.

MyMum: 'What did you get?'
YoungMe: 'A... Tadadadadadaaaaaa!!! Twix'
MeMa: 'Where is it?'
YoungMe: <Points at month> '... before the door closed...'

Anyhoo...

I got home.
Where my Mum has been guarding the kids. Knowing I was coming home early to take them trick or treating. So I expect to see the three terrors, dressed as terrors, as I walk in the door.
Instead I see:
Badgers! Everywhere... As far the eye can see... What on earth???...
<Badgers break into a musical number>
<Watches enthralled>
Miss6 ready. Dressed vaguely as a witch. That likes sparkly things. Collecting bucket in hand. Excellent.
Tick.
BabyBoy3 in hella cute pumpkin outfit. But only one sock. He shows me his bare foot.
No tick.
Boy10 still in school uniform. Sat in front of computer. Head phones on.
HUGE QUESTION MARK.

I ask Boy10 why he isn't ready?
I mention there will be free sweets (as if he didn't know). And that he can dress as a werewolf and scare people. He still says he doesn't want to. <Faints>
I double check? And it's still no from Boy10.
I explain there will no chances later. This is it. The chance. With me now. No laters.
Still no.

I ask about his day.
Did anything happen that might have caused this surprising and bewildering lack of desire to go trolling the streets in the dark for sweets? Still no.
So I hug him in case there's something wrong that he doesn't want to say. But a hug might just squeeze out of him.
Nope. Nothing.
I ask for the tenth time. And it's still no. Boy10 just doesn't want to go.
Weirdo.

Ah well.
That just means my evening is going to be cuter. As I've got Miss6 dressed vaguely as a witch. BabyBoy3 dressed as a little pumpkin. And me with a vampire cloak on.
Which I only added as a last minute thought. It's not much. Dressing up wise. A cloak.
But BabyBoy3 keeps calling me Batman when I wear it. Which I frikkin' love!
And every now and then the wind whips up and it flies out and I get to feel all superheroey.
Small things.

We still have BabyBoy3's sock problem to resolve.
He is claiming you don't need socks on with wellies. Whereas me and my Mum are saying you most definitely do. The 'well you can't go then' threat is levelled at him and he stomps off a bit cross. With only one welly on.
Miss6 points out he will miss out on sweets. Back he comes.
We compromise with odd socks and wellies.

Then I realise he hasn't a coat.
I have. Under my cloak. So he definately needs one. I suggest he take off the pumpkin outfit and put the coat under. He is not keen.
R-EAL-LY shouty / kicky not keen.
Another compromise is reached. He'll wear the coat over the costume.
But then no will be able to see your... Oh whatever! Finally ready.
Me, Miss6 and BabyBoy3 stomp off into the night...

(Hella cuties…
You can almost see their Halloween costumes under their coats…
Almost…)

[Outside in the dark]
Miss6: 'It's dark!' <Is in the dark>
… yep… <Is in the same dark>
BabyBoy3: 'Where we going Daddy?'
Round the block...
BabyBoy3: 'Where?'
A. Round. the block!
BabyBoy3: 'Where?'
... This way... <Points>
BabyBoy3: 'OOOOOOOO MOON! DADDY MOON!'
BabyBoy3: <Stops to admire wondrous celestial body> <Pointing>
Miss6: <Stops... admire...celestial... etc...>
… Yep... <Carries on>
<Has seen the moon before>

Of course.
I may have seen the moon before. From outside. Many times when heading out to the pub do late night revision or charitiorious (real word) work.
But BabyBoy3 hasn't. He's normal dressed up in Buzz Lightyear jammies and heading off to bed when moon does her sky boogie.
And to be honest if it's the first time you get to see the moon. Outside.
Well you would stop and stare...

<Watches Miss6 and BabyBoy3 looking at moon>
<Gets bored> ... Come on... Chop chop!!!
<Does Dad style motioning that never works>
We're never going to get round the block at this rate!
Miss6 & BabyBoy3: <Run to catch me up> <Lots of welly noises>

And then us three have the best fun.
I really enjoyed myself. They were lovely. Everyone we met was lovely. We giggled a lot.
Some things frightened them. But they just moved closer to me. Hiding in my cape apparently was enough safety for BabyBoy3.
Who else can make you feel safe, if not your Dad...

You knock...
Miss6: 'No way'
Go on... That giant spider is giving me the creeps...
Miss6: <Sighs>
Miss6: <Knocks on tiptoes>
[Door opens and a little girl dressed as a bumble opens the door]
ARHGGHHGGHGH BEE!!! <Runs>

A few houses we knocked at.
The door opened and Miss6 said hi to a friend. That I didn't recognise at all.
Their parent looking back at me. Thinking the same.
Both wondering how they knew each other. But unable to ask each other due to manners.
Smiles all round. Quick exit.

After each house.
BabyBoy3 kept saying 'One more, just one more...'.
Bless. Just like his Dad in the pub at work doing work unit... thingys… A lot.
He said every hous. Despite me telling him we had at least five more houses to go to. With our next door neighbour being last.
Still he was happy.

Half way round.
And I couldn’t help myself. And I started calling BabyBoy3 'Little Pumpkin'.
As he was dressed as a little pumpkin.
BabyBoy3 tolerated that twice before correcting me...

BabyBoy3: 'I'm not a little pumpkin!'
<Both me and Miss6 point to his bright orange outfit>
BabyBoy3: 'I am BABY. BOY. 3!'
... <Exchanges look with Miss6> Fair enough little pumpkin...

Eventually with buckets full.
We plodded home. Lit our jack o'lanterns and put them outside. Declaring the universal sign of 'We will give you sweets if you knock and ask'.
Boy10 was put in charge of handing out sweets to the trick or treaters.
Whilst I put BabyBoy3 to bed. Which didn't take long as BabyBoy3 was utterly knackered. Late walking really took it out of him.
Milk was thrown down his throat and we watched the excellent Sarah and Duck Halloween episode.
He was asleep in minutes. Bonza.

(Sarah: ‘No Duck I haven’t seen your pastry...’
Sarah: <Munching noises>
Duck: ‘QUACK!’ *(‘You utter cow bag Sarah! That’s mine!’))

Mrs. Amazing arrived home just in time.
For Miss6 to ditch me as bedtime story teller. In favour of Mummy. It still hurts.
But I stood strong and insisted it was my turn. We had great fun.
Mrs. Amazing took Boy10 up for bed. Me taking over sweet handing out duties.
Our three jack o'lanterns calling trick or treaters to our house.

The Trick...

Suddenly alone downstairs.
With the rest of the very first SimpsonsTreehouse of Horror to finish watching. YAY!
Quietly so Boy10 didn't hear.
Something occurred to me. <Does shifty eyes>
Something wicked and totally in keeping with the Halloween spirit I feel. A trick if you will!
And possibly a lot little bit based on how upset I was that the good chocolates (the Cadbury's ones) had all been handed out. And now we were handing out actually non-halloween allocated treats from the chocolate cupboard.
My treats.

Now… if... the jack o'lanterns.
Happened to get blown out. By accident. By wind for instance. It could happen.
And no one noticed...

... well then the amount of chocolate we had in the house would be, let's say, safeguarded the most. There would be an increase in stock of sweets in the house, for anyone wanting to munch nice stuff through the entire of The Great British Bake Off.
<Does evil, but polite, maniacal laugh>

Then there was a knock at the door.
Two very cute trick or treaters were at the door. We had been to their house earlier.
I give them extra treats and flushed all thoughts of jack o'lantern sabotage out of my head.
It was just a thought anyway. Never would have done it, in a million nanoseconds years.
<Does shifty eyes>

Anyway.
I could probably do with eating a few less sweets some nights.
Halloween is as good as any other!
<Spies Miss6’s and BabyBoy3’s sweet buckets…>
<Is tempted...>
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