Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).
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25 October 2017

And... Half Term Wind Down... And All Sick... yay.

Half term again.
And it's very much needed for all. They all are.
Tempers are frayed. Stress levels are high.
And everyone is either sick, or about to get sick...

Mrs. Amazing: 'You OK?'
Yeah not bad <Is eating chocolate>
Mrs. Amazing: 'Oh good, the kids have caught something and I bet one of us will get it soon...'
Nope! ALL FINE <Coughs>
.. Well... Except for this sore throat I have...
Mrs. Amazing: 'Sore throat?' <Presses quarantine button>
[KLAXON SOUNDS]
[Quarantine walls drop and imprison me]
HEY LET ME OUT!
Mrs. Amazing: 'Stay away sick boy!'
<Cannot reach the chocolate cupboard>
Mrs. Amazing: 'Sorry... sound proof!'
Mrs. Amazing: <Helps self to chocolate>
<Muffled>NOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Team Parent (yay!) have been blindsided by our childcare requirements.
As in we haven't planned it. A quick 9pm meeting is called and quick decisions are made.
Who has the most holiday left? Who can take a day off and be with the three terrors cherubs.
What are your parents and my parents doing? Basically everyday of the holidays?
Then with these details guessed at, we rapidly assign days with Boy10, Miss6 and BabyBoy3.
Or split them up and farm off to friends and well wishers and that lady Tina I met down the the pub last week, who seemed nice, and frankly if she can care for the all the cats she claims she has, the kids will be fine.
BabyBoy3 still heads off to Nursery, half term or not. We pay, so he goes.
Which makes the allocation a bit easier. As the list of 'approved' and 'would be happy to do it' carers definitely shrinks when you point out there is bottom wiping involved.
And, as it's termed, accidents.

(When are we next free?
Mrs. Amazing: ‘Hang on’ <Checks>
Mrs. Amazing: ‘3015, a friday… and only for seven minutes…’
Oh… <Is sad>)

Mrs. Amazing: 'So who is left on the list?'
Your mum, my mum, me and you
Mrs. Amazing: 'All busy'
Pants... I could take a day off?
Mrs. Amazing: 'Your holiday is low. Could you call in sick?'
<Is shocked> You mean lie?
Mrs. Amazing: 'Yes'
Sure If I have to, but know that I am against this totally and am only doing this under duress... Hang on!... I've work outing that night?
Mrs. Amazing: 'Hmmmm... that would look pretty bad...'
Hmmm...
I KNOW! I could grow a moustache and then no one would know it's me!
Mrs. Amazing: <Sighs>
And a hat... a BIIIIG hat... tights... shades... have we got any wigs?
Mrs. Amazing: '<Just walks away>
[Later]
My plan...
Mrs. Amazing: 'Yup?'
Well it was dumb... wasn't it...
Mrs. Amazing: 'You're so pretty'
Do you really think I'm pretty? Thanks! <Walks off chuffed>
Mrs. Amazing: ‘Muppet. I'll take a day off then...' <More sighing>

The last day of term.
They all got a small treat from the shops. As is Mrs. Amazing's tradition.
BabyBoy3 is very excited to show me when I get home. Miss6 has lots to tell me about her toy. And I am pretty sure Boy10 was gloating about what he got.
It was hella cool to be fair.
School bags are left where they fall. School shoes are discarded in weird and wonderful places around the house. I am sure they must remove one, hop about a lot, and then go take off the other. The bath time requirement is revoked and everyone gets to stay up a little late.
Bonza.

Mrs. Amazing: 'Are you coming to bed?
No way. It's half term! <Is chugging>
Mrs. Amazing: 'You still have to go to work you know...'
<Chugs harder>

And then saturday lumbered into view.
Did a little dance, before plopping down in front of us all and giving us all a big hug.
And the stresses and hardships of the term and their effects could be seen.
In each of my spawn.

(Not one of my Spawn... unfortunately…)

Boy10 is wound up.
Like a really tightly wound up thingy. That is championing all things wound up and has really taken it's aim and direction in life to be the most wound up to heart.
Talking to him is a bit like being shouted at whilst being asked for your company. And you have to duck Nerf bullets a lot.
Which is fine. Except Miss6 and BabyBoy3 are getting some of his unwinding thrown at them.
Which is not fine. Nofine (great word).
That morning Boy10 lasts a little under thirty minutes before he is sent back to his room.
Which isn't a great resolution for a problem I know. But it's only 7am and my brain noey workey dat early. He refuses. And I've nothing else.
But he gets the message that Miss6 and BabyBoy3 are not there for him to be mean to.

I knew he would be like this.
Of which I am proud of me. That I worked it out on my own and didn't need Mrs. Amazing to remind me. +5 Dad Points
I just have to be calm and patient with him. He wants a fight. And I must NOT give him one. Unless we are actually fighting (for fun).
And... Mrs. Amazing did have to remind me that it was half term. Which I knew. But somehow had failed to connect the dots in my head.
Meh.

Boy10 also refuses to any homework.
Which is a bit annoying. As it would be good to get it done and out of the way. But I can't fight that fight on his first day off.
I've no heart for it.
Boy10 just needs to chill for a bit. Not in front of the computer as that doesn't help. A bit tele wouldn't hurt.
But really he needs to be outside chasing and breaking (probably) things.

Miss6 works hard at school.
Really hard. And when she finally gets a break, she does a classic Miss6.
She had moaned of a bad tummy. And headache. But she moans of that most nights when she doesn't want to go to bed.
So it's fair enough that Mrs. Amazing ignored her and off school-shoe shopping they went.
Apparently. Mid trying on shoes Miss6 proved, rather visually, that she was actually feeling proper sick.
And puked in Clark's mid trying on shoes.
The staff were very understanding I hear. And Mrs. Amazing was as per her name.
Cleaning it up. Grabbing another mother, with a baby, and 'borrowing' some wet wipes.
Then running the bundle of loveliness out to the bin.
Before returning and encouraging the staff to please try the other foot as well, as there's no way they are coming all this way.
And not coming back with shoes.
And then even better. Damn she's impressive sometimes.
Mrs. Amazing asked if they could please try on some pumps / plimsolls / daps (??) as well. Whilst they were there. Which they got too.
Haha. Now that is hardcore parenting.
<Boughs Bows>

And BabyBoy3.
Poor little BabyBoy3 with a bad cough and unable to sleep through a night all week.
And his loving and kind, but hella tired out parents.
Well he suddenly got a red ear...
(Which if you don't know if the universal sign for 'Child is hella poorly', and they need resting and 4hrs Disney STAT!)

(Well that’s me busy for the next year…
<Puts on M.Mouse ears>
<Feels cool>)

Mrs. Amazing: 'Oh no! Red ear!' <Presses quarantine button>
[KLAXON SOUNDS]
[Quarantine walls drop and imprisons me]
HEY! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL??? I'M NOT SICK!
Mrs. Amazing: 'No... But BabyBoy3 needs your spot on the sofa...'
Mrs. Amazing: 'And some chocolate...'
<Muffled>NOOOOOOOOO!!!! <Collapses dramatically>
<Hurts knee> <Doesn't cry>

Happy half term unless you work through it all, like me. So really just happy watching your kids having time off without you. yay.
<Weeps at desk>

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