Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).

7 October 2016

Pockets On Dresses...

The new term is full swing.
Mrs. Amazing had already left for the morning with Boy9.
Leaving with me Miss5 and BabyBoy2. Shiiiiiiit
To get them ready for the day and delivered to where they need to be...

[After much walking]
We're here!
Miss5: 'This isn't school'
Nope. This is a chocolate shop! Woohoo! I thought we would all like to learn about chocolate today!
BabyBoy2: <Hugs my leg in real appreciation and love>
That'a boy. <Pats head> Miss5?
Really? I wanted to bunk off chocolate and eat work... er... work and chocolate the other way...
Miss5: 'SCHOOL!' <Is grumpy and stampy>
Fine! Whatever! You wanna go to school...! Sheesh!
All the way across town... When I've bad knees...
I just thought a chocolate shop might be a bit more fun today... <Mutters>
<Walks off with BabyBoy2 still attached>
<Waves at Chocolatier and mouths 'I love you see you at lunch'>

(Miss5 shut the door behind me… It’s a go for operation Choc-Gorge...
Miss5: 'Rodger’
Who? Got the Chloroform? Good. I saw two staff members, I'll start on the truffles...
BabyBoy2: 'CHOCOLATE?' <Head tilt question>
<Sounds of adults slumping to the floor>
<Reluctantly> Here…  
BabyBoy2: <Happy munching sounds>)

BabyBoy2 was half ready to go.
The top half was good. Done. Ready. T-shirt on, nursery jumper on, hair combed (vaguely), teeth shiny (enough).
Bottom half was just pants. Literally.
And he was currently running about shutting all the bedroom doors. I don't know why. He likes shutting doors.
Which I've asked him to stop doing as the dark scares me it upsets my Feng Shui.

Miss5 was on my bed.
Butt naked. Very not-dressed or ready for school. Her clothes right in front of her in her school uniform laundry trug.
The Miss5 school laundry trug is where we keep Miss5's school clothes. In a trug. Next to my side of the bed. No one knows why. (Probably all the moving house and having more babies may have had an effect...).
Sadly Miss5's school clothes have never had a real home. <Wipes away tear>
Still. It's surprisingly helpful as all her school clothes are in one place.

Miss5 asks me to help her get dressed.
I know she's being lazy and can easily do it herself (well... she can do it). But I doubt there will be many more years where she will be asking me for help with getting dressed.
I stop and sit and say…

Yeah sure mush face darling... Now. Where are you pants?
Miss5: 'I don't wear pants. I wear knickers!'
Fine. Where are your knickers?
Miss5: 'In my drawers...' (!!) (I know! Great language..)

I head off to get Miss5's knickers.
(They are kept in Boy9's room with Miss5's non-school clothes... don't ask).
It's quicker if I do it. Less chance of distractions happening. Plus I'd rather be doing stuff than sat waiting for Miss5 to come back.
Miss5 puts on her knickers. I feel less awkward. I'm not sure why. I shouldn't. I'm her father and have cared for her since birth. But I do.
Then I help her put on her school dress.
Which goes surprisingly well considering it's something I have only rarely never done myself.
I've more experience of removing dresses. I'm sure Mrs. Amazing feels the same when helping Boy9 into a suit.
Yet once the dress is on. Miss5 still looks a bit more naked then I am expecting.
She giggles...

Miss5: 'Daddy! You forgot my top' (she means t-shirt)
Oh yeah!
<Removes dress effortlessly and with well practiced dexterity>
Miss5: 'Is there one with a pocket on it?'
<We both look into the trug of school clothes>

Alarm bells ring in my head.
I know all about Miss5's pocket requirements. Well I thought I did.
I knew that Miss5 prefers a t-shirt with a pocket on the front.
We've had fights about this before. Refusal of getting dressed regarding the t-shirt pocket situation kind of thing. So I calmly and nicely tell her that all three clean t-shirts are sadly pocketless.
She takes it well as though she knew there wouldn't be any.

I ask her what she needs a pocket for.
It's for collecting acorns she tells me. Isn't that sweet and just the right amount of mad.
I've no idea what she wants them for. And who cares she's mad.
There's an oak tree that overhangs our garden. So it's not as though we are short of acorns at home. Still it's important enough to her that it's her plan for when she gets to school.
Collecting acorns.

Don't you have pockets in your dress?
Miss5: 'No'
Really? <I search the dress>
Then how do you carry stuff about? <Points at own pockets full of very important stuff>
Miss5: 'The pocket in my t-shirt<Looks a bit sad>

I carry a lot in my pockets.
I need pockets. I need pockets in trousers and coats. I won't buy clothes that fail on this very simple requirement. Or if I accidentally do, I'll put on the pocket-less clothes, swear and then change out of them.
I need pockets.
In my pockets I carry cash cards and sometimes actual cash. My work swipe-cardy-thingy. A pocket torch (giggles). A surprisingly large amount of USB memory sticks for no reason. A pen knife / screwdriver / nail file thingy that is awesome. House keys. Hair bobbles. And sometimes gum. (Which Boy9 is still not allowed, despite what he says).
I need pockets. They are right handy.
I can't imagine not having pockets.
Lalalalaa <Is refusing to imagine>

(I've circled in red the places I feel a pocket could be added. Circled in green are the places where Miss5 got plasticine embedded in the very fibre of the dress...)

Do ANY of your dresses have pockets?
Miss5: 'No'
Really? <Is shocked> Why not?
Miss5: <Doesn't know>
<I doesn't know either>

All of BabyBoy2's trousers and shorts have pockets. Not that his tiny hands can use them. But they're there.
All of Boy9's trousers and shorts have pockets. Into which gross stuff can be found.
Hell they both have a few tops that have pockets.
All of my trousers and shorts have pockets.
When Mrs. Amazing makes herself a dress, she ALWAYS adds pockets. Even on pyjamas.
Pockets are handy.
Pockets are universally handy and gender doesn't detract from their handiness.
So WTAF(lip) is up with Miss5's dresses?

<Steps up onto my righteous feminist soapbox>
So why? Why in the name of Obi-Wan’s lightsaber do they make school dresses for five year old girls. WITHOUT POCKETS? HUH?
<Stamps for effect, puts foot through righteous feminist soapbox>

I actually think I know the answer.
And it's two fold.
1) Pockets are added material and complexity. Ergo expense.
But that's crap. And not a problem when they make boys clothes.
2) It would ruin the line of her dress.
Fine. Except we are talking about a five year old.

Who cares about lines of dresses when you're five?
Who decided that Miss5 needs to be looking as pretty as button, with lovely dress lines, much much than she need to able to collect acorns.
I don't think Miss5 agrees.
Makes me so mad.
<Puts away righteous feminist soapbox>
<Mentally notes to repair it later too>

I asked Mrs. Amazing what she thought about this...
Mrs. Amazing: 'Oh don't get me started on pockets for girls!'
Mrs. Amazing: 'Stupid sexist smegging-clothing-designers. MAKES ME SO MAD!' <Tears down wall with bare hands and smashes the bricks to powder in bare hands> *
Mrs. Amazing: <Stomps off>
<Is aroused scared>
*(I may have misquoted paraphrased Mrs. Amazing and exaggerated a lot bit )

(Tell you what! <Flinches> I’ll cook tonight… Pie?)

It turns out.
Mrs. Amazing has been battling this stupidness for a while now. (Which I recall I actually knew, but... stuff...). It turns out that only M&S (in our area) sell t-shirts that have pockets.
Well done M&S.
And whilst M&S is miles a bit above our normal price range... Miss5 wants to collect acorns.
She has a few M&S tops.

To finish.
School clothes for girls should be just as practical as boys clothes. Really.
That means pockets and hard wearing.
But there's no use moaning about stuff without offering a plan or a possible solution.
So here's mine:
If you have a choice whilst shopping please choose stuff for girls with pockets.
She'll thank you. We will all thank you. My walls will thank you.
If you don't have a choice. Make a complaint. Bang your fists. Shout at someone...

OY! <Bangs fists> Where's the smegging pockets on this dress? HUH?
Staffy: 'I don't know...'
Staffy: '... What? ... Sir this is the deli counter. You want customer complaints' <Points>
... Oh... Well... Thanks...
... I'll have four pies whilst I'm here.
Staffy: 'Which one madam sir?'
Four of each. Obv. Sheesh...


P.S. Miss5 has recently got a lovely new cupboard for all her clothes. In her own bedroom. Which at some point in the next few years days I bet we'll start putting her clothes in it... Oh yeah.

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