Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).
X

31 August 2016

I Hope That's Chocolate Cake (Potty Training III: The Search for Clean Pants)

I get back to work.
I sit at my desk and flick on my monitor. Then regret flicking it as i've hurt my finger.
I glance down and, silly me, there's chocolate cake on my trousers.
Man. I hope it's chocolate cake.

(One for me and myself...)

I did just eat a very yummy chocolate cake.
Which gives me some comfort. Whilst I was busy battling ninja pygmies at work Mrs. Amazing, the brave soul, got Boy9 and Miss5 to make cupcakes at home.
Winner for everyone.

Except the state of the kitchen.
And the large amount of washing up left.
And the slight confusion over how much cocoa needed go in. The cupcakes had a good 500% extra cocoa in them. Yum.
And Boy9 eating as much butter and sugar as he can as he cooks. (Seriously who eats butter like that?)
And probably germ wise the cakes are on the chemical warfare side. I don't doubt there's a few Boy9 boogies in the mix. And of course Miss5 would have been licking her fingers and then putting them back almost constantly as well. Ew.
But it's fine. The cakes are baked, the germs probably die, or run away of something. No one has ever died from kid-made cakes.
I think.

Anyway.
The cakes were warm and very hella yummy. Nothing beats an activity with the kids that results in pudding.
Top marks Mrs. Amazing you genius.

However.
My concern over whether it's chocolate cake or not is that BabyBoy2 is also learning to use the potty at the moment. Well to be fair he knows how to use it. You just sit. Easy.
We've even had 'successes' already. But he needs to learn WHEN to use the potty, and when to carry on playing and being awesome.

From the message I got Mrs. Amazing I felt it had been going pretty darn well so far...


One poo and two wees in potty!
Brilliant! Well done BabyBoy2.
One wee on sofa and two in pants… Oh.... Not so awesome.
Because fitting the entire sofa in the washing machine is pretty difficult…
What? The covers come off the cushions?
Mrs. Amazing: <Nods>
What an age we live in... <Looks wistful>

This is Team Parent (yay!)’s third child to train up to use the potty.
We're no experts. But we've got experience now. And that counts for a lot.
Mrs. Amazing: ‘Potties go the other way up’
I see… Thank you…. <Swears internally>

We have a method that works (for us) and it should work again.
We go for huge congratulations and cheering on any success. I for my part tend to throw said child about a bit in the air for a bit. Really reinforces our joy at a success.
There's no crossness over poo and wee everywhere 'mistakes', instead it’s 'Oh well's and 'It doesn't matter' and ‘We can buy a new one’ and ‘How did it get up there?’.

And of course chocolate buttons.
You gotta have chocolate buttons. Every 'success' gets a button. Which if you're only two is awesome as buttons are pretty big when you're two!
This kind of carrot stick would work just fine on me too. Hell I'd do most things for a chocolate button or ten.
But I won't do that.

Mrs. Amazing: 'It's time for work!'
No chance! <Sticks fingers in ears> LAAAALAAALAAAALAAAAA
Mrs. Amazing: <Unbuttons top>
<IS SHOUTING AS FINGERS IN EARS> NO WAY! YOU'RE NOT TRICKING ME THAT WAY AGAIN!
THAT'S HOW WE ENDED WITH THESE CURTAINS <Points>
<Hides under duvet>
Mrs. Amazing: <Wiggles a packet of chocolate buttons under that duvet>
<Packet is taken>
<Munching sounds are heard>
FINE! <Emerges from duvet> I'll got to work... <Grumbles>
But there better be more buttons when I get back...
Mrs. Amazing: <Kisses me goodbye>

We've been a bit unfair on BaybyBoy2.
He was ready a while back. He was doing all the classic signs.
Pointing at his nappy and saying 'Pooo'.
He seemed to know when a poo was coming.
He was demanding to sit on the toilet seat like everyone else.
And the last final, subtle clue, was that he sat on the potty and used it a few times.
Subtle, child specific, subtle clues that only the actual parents could pick up on.

He was ready.
But we made him wait. Despite conditions being perfect. It’s summertime (which is essential). One of Team Parents (yay!) was going to be about him 24-7. (Not me).
The only thing stopping us is that we had a holiday booked. And we know from sad, sad experience that nothing can ruin your holiday fun quite so much as having to carry about someone's poo.
Or having to clean after them all the time.
Doesn't really blend with the drinking relaxing holiday goal we aim for.
So Team Parents (yay!) took the slightly selfish decision to wait.
Sorry BabyBoy2. #WouldDoItAgainInAHeartbeat

Anyhoo...
I got home for lunch to find Miss5 and BabyBoy2 hanging about in their pants.
Or in Miss5's case knicknocks. BabyBoy2 had on little green y-fronts and looked hella cute. And suddenly very grown up. It's amazing how old you can suddenly look with no nappies on. It really aged him.

Lunch was the normal fun: Stop poking me, stop poking your brother, eat the food you have, no you can't get down, no you still can't get down, no that doesn't count as a mouth full, stop that your mouth is full, no, still doesn't count, why have you got down? Again? Don't you like food? You must eat.
ARHGHGGHGHGHGH EAT SOMETHING! PLEASE!
<Represses rage>

Midway through lunch BabyBoy2 popped down from the table.
Mrs. Amazing was on him like a hawk. I have you now <Twiddles with dials>
And BabyBoy2 was whisked to the potty.
Right near where we eat of course.
It's a beautiful and magical time in a family's life.

BabyBoy2 wee’d in the potty.
Success! Me and Miss5 cheer and holler from the table. (She’s an great big sister).
We clap and generally make sure BabyBoy2 feels very happy for a wee in the potty.
Which is a bit weird if you think about it. Because if that happened when I went for a we...

<Is weeing when doors opens>
Mrs. Amazing: 'Well done you!' <Claps>
Go away... <To rhyme with sod off>
<Miss5 appears>
Miss5: 'Well done Daddy' <Pats my back>
<Boy9 appears> <With camera>
[Click]
Hand that to me RIGHT NOW...
Boy9: 'It's already uploading.... backing up on the cloud... It's on the the internet... and...'
<Is finishing very quickly> Give that here!!! ...
<Stumbles and has a zipper related incident>
Mrs. Amazing: 'Oooooo.... We'll just leave you shall we...'
<Weeps>
<They all leave> <Miss5 returns and lays a blanket on my foot, then skips off>

That would be weird wouldn't it?
Still. That's what we're doing for BabyBoy2.
Every wee and poo gets a thunderous round of applause and praise from us.
Especially Boy9 who will use any excuse to get down from the table.
He gives a BabyBoy2 a pat on the back. And is then sent back to his chair by the power of my angry eyes.

Everyone gets a chocolate cup cake for pudding.
Except Boy9 who hasn't eaten enough to warrant a cake. Ha ha. Then I head back to work that internet won't surf itself. As I leave BabyBoy2 sides up to me and says 'weee'.
I know to do and leap (figuratively) into action.
HELLLLLLLLP <Runs about in circles>
I move quickly and efficiently. Pants down (BabyBoy2's).
Plonk boy on potty... Wait.

It's already too late.
CODE BROWN! I HAVE A CODE BROWN!
I NEED wipes and a crucifix STAT!
Boy9: 'What does Stat mean?'
No idea... Do you have wipes?
Boy9: 'No'
Then why are we still talking?
<Mrs. Amazing arrives with wipes>

I clean up BabyBoy2 whilst he finishes off his business.
We both agree never to talk about it again. I clean myself up which takes a while as basically
I got slimed.

(I feel so funky…)

Pants are sent bin-ward bound.
No much point washing 7000th-hand old pants. BaybyBoy2 is released clean and poo free.
I head to work and as I sit I notice something on my jeans. Chocolate YAY! or poo NOYAY?
I stop myself from doing a taste test.

Despite all that.
And having to clean my trousers in a mens which has no towels at all, and I get bits of toilet paper all over me. I am glad I was home for that. Honestly.
Really.
Not the poo part so much... But being involved with a big step in BaybyBoy2's life.
Yep. I am glad I was there. Wouldn't miss it for all the bacon cake world.

Had I left for work two minutes earlier I would have missed it. It was very close.
(Makes mental note to leave earlier).
And yes, Mrs. Amazing was glad I was able to share in this part of BabyBoy2's life.
Very glad.
Mrs. Amazing: <Sniggers and whispers> 'Welcome to my world'

X



Want new Tales send to your inbox?