Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).

11 January 2016

Bye Bye 'Tiny Baby' Chapter...

BabyBoy1 has had his hair (+1 alliteration point) cut.
For the very first time.

That's his baby curls gone and they will never come back.
If you don't know. Baby curls are a one time deal. Boy8, Miss4 and now BabyBoy1 had baby curls. But once they were cut that was it, gone. All three monkeys now pretty much have straight hair. Well except Miss4's with her mad frizz hair explosion she has sometimes. But that's more down to length and golden syrup in her hair.
A common sweet problem in our house.

(Nectar of the children... Seriously...)

Why am I sad the baby curls have gone?
Well. They’re hella cute. They are!
And like so many magical things babies seem to be able to do. The curls in their hair are a one time deal. Which is why you sometimes see 1-2 year olds with ridiculously long hair. Blindly stumbling about not being able to see through their ridiculously long hair.
Team Parents (yay!) have been clipping up BabyBoy1’s hair for a while now (with hair clips, not shears), constantly sweeping it out of his eyes, and even tying it up in bobble.
I know. We are monsters.

But were big softies too. (Think Sully).
Because BabyBoy1 is definately the last of Team Parents (yay!) children. And it’s with quite a lot a bit of nostalgia we've been putting off cutting his curls. For ages quite some time.
For me it felt that once BabyBoy1's talisman of being a baby, his curls, were gone that was it. He wasn't a baby any more, he was officially a toddler.
The ‘Tiny Baby’ chapter of our lives is over.

And he definitely is a toddler.
As he walks, he toddles. It's just that with the curls it was easier to fool myself that this amazing, lovely and wonderful ‘Tiny Baby’ chapter of my life wasn't finished.
<Weeps man tears>

I've really loved the ‘Tiny Baby’ chapter of my life.
It's been going on for eight years or so now. Which is a long time. I've plants that are younger than that. I’ve made enemies in that time. I had a lot more hair then when we started this chapter. So I hope you understand me when I say I am going to miss it.
Yes I know, babies cry a lot and there's poo everywhere, and there's no sleep, and your brain turns slightly to mush and the things that got you into this situation, nookie, becomes as scarce as nights out. And there’s no sleep. Did I mention the lack of sleep? There's no sleep.
I still loved every single moment of it.
They're so cute and fluffy!

Yeah I know.
Best not post that submission to 'Butchest Man of Year Awards' just yet. Best leave it in it's drawer and burn it later.
Fine! But what's wrong with liking tiny humans? Someone's gotta or we wouldn't get very far as a species. Is it only women that get to like babies and all their tiny brilliant things?
Tell you what I'll go chop some wood, that'll realign my butch levels to a more socially acceptable state. HAPPY?

<Comes back in tears>
<Whimpers and shows ow-ey>

(HEY! Who's been pissing about with my life book?)
(Mannn... The pages are all bend out of shape...)

Hair-wise, it all to came to a head a week ago.
(Yep! joke on purpose, and it ain't likely to get better than that, job done...
<Packs up and goes home>
<Is already at home so just carries on>)
Turns out I am not the most observant sometimes. Yeah it’s true.
Visually I can miss things around the house that Mrs. Amazing is very aware of...

'It's a bit drab in here now...'
<Looks about>
Is it?
<Keeps looking but cannot see anything that has changed>
<Shakes head>
Hair cut?
New pictures on the wall?
New top? New jeans? New socks? New shoes?
‘No, no, no, yes please no’
I give... What's changed?
<Honestly can't see what has changed in the house since this morning>
‘I took the Christmas decorations down you idiot
Ohhhhhh... Shiiiiit
It's does look drab in here
<Gets hit with a cushion>

Hair length of the kids is one of those things I can be inclined to miss.
Unless there's been a drastic change, of course.
Cool Mohawk
Miss4: ‘Thanks Dad’
<Scream from Mrs. Amazing in the kitchen>

So whilst on some level I knew that BabyBoy1's hair was too long. It wasn't ringing alarm bells. So I ignored it.
Other people though. Other people were less tactful or dumb...

Rando: ‘What a pretty little girl you have’
He's a boy
‘What's her name’
HE is called Frank (he's really called BabyBoy1)
‘That's a strange name for a girl’
Yes that would be a mental strange name for a girl
That's because he is a BOY!
<Points at the boy style jeans, digger top, boy shoes and the sign I drew that says 'HE'S A BOY'>
‘Why are you dressing your daughter as a boy?’
We're hoping to get on Jeremy Kyle
A bet
For laughs... BYEEE...
<Storms off>

Twice! that happened in one day.
Not word for word the same you understand, but BabyBoy1 getting mistaken for a girl.
There's no sexist thingy going on here at all. I don't care which way round it is, boy for a girl, girl for a boy. Parklife.
It's that using the wrong sex grammar will feel like a knife in my heart no matter what I say, they carry on regardless.
What they see is what, well, all they see.
Even if I repeatedly tell them otherwise.

<Whilst pointing at BabyBoy1>
Boy. Boy. Boy. Boy. Boy. Boyboyboyboyboyboy!
Rando: ‘She's cute isn't she?’


I wasn't there for the curl removing.
I was at work. yay. Mrs. Amazing did it during the day, when BabyBoy1 was stationary for a few moments. TV. Mrs. Amazing did a marvellous job and he looks utterly cute and just like pinocchio a real little boy. Hella cute.
Weirdly Mrs. Amazing left all the trimmed hair on my bed side table (by accident) for me to see, felt a bit Godfather to be honest.
<Watches back and refuses to eat in an Italian restaurant forever>

Still it's my own fault BabyBoy1 had his hair cut.
Mrs. Amazing had just combed BabyBoy1’s hair whilst a bit wet. His curls had gone straight from the dampness and well...

<BabyBoy1 runs by shouting happily>
He looks… <Thinks>
He looks...  ridiculous
<Nods in agreement>

(Before the trim…)
(In our defence it was Christmas and the Elf outfit was apt. APT! <Shakes fist>)

… and he did. He looked ridiculous. Like a little hairy bluebell.
But not in the cool way. (Yes there is one).
Mrs. Amazing reasoned. Quite rightly as well. That if even I, yes EVEN I, 'King of Lack Of Observation’, Sir. BarnDoorMissingSeeingMan, notices that BabyBoy1 looks a bit daft...
...then it's probably time to trim the baby curls.

Bye bye ‘Tiny Baby’ chapter in my life.
It was really, really fun.
<Tears escapes due to… err.. stuff>
<Closes metaphorical book on 'Tiny Baby' chapter>
<Walks off humming ‘Cats in the cradle’>

<Runs back, reopens book, and folds down the first page of the 'Tiny Baby' chapter for later>
I'll be back! ...
... In hopefully about twenty years... After Uni at least! 
Can’t wait!
<Runs off to play in the pub>