Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).

16 December 2015

560 Days Later (BabyBoy1)

I just want to stop a moment and talk about BabyBoy1 and where he is in his development.
Because he is developing super mega fast at the moment, which is great! Except it's not great, as well, as we are so busy with the other two, we are missing bits...

BOY8! I have told you to stop doing that seven times now!!!
You know at eight I get all punchy
Boy8: <Keeps poking the tele>
<Miss4 appears before me in dramatic tears>
Miss4 why are you crying?
<Points at Boy8 and emits a noise only dogs can hear>
Boy8 did what?
Miss4: <Incomprehensible whisper>
Speak up FFS
Miss4: <Cross shout> He breathed at me
Did he? The bastard And you're still standing?
I am sorry. But you seem OK you wuss, I wouldn't worry about it
Boy8: <Still poking the tele>
RIGHT! That's it Boy8! I warned you! Under the car you go
<Nearly trips over Miss4>
YES Miss4? WHAT?
Miss4: Boy8 smiled at me
Stop flicking the tele!!!
Boy8: <Strokes the tele>
ARGHGGGHHGGH <Flips out charges Boy8>
<BabyBoy1 tap dances through us all, juggling, doing card tricks, but no one sees>

So this is less of a tale than normal, more a changes in BabyBoy1 over the last 6 months summary: walking, starting to talk, and making his own choices.

a) BabyBoy1 still says 'DaDe' (so cute)
Yay: Very popular with his Dad (me), it makes me feel that I am special in BabyBoy1's life
Boo: Less popular with Mrs. Amazing as BabyBoy1 calls her 'DaDe' too
Boo: Calls a lot of things 'DADE', the cat, his chair, the fridge, kind of ruins my special feeling a bit...
Lalaalalaaaaalaaa not listening
<Puts fingers in ears and ignores little boy pointing at the bin and saying ‘DaDe>

b) BabyBoy1 high-fived me
We weren't doing anything special, he was just tottering past me. I was brushing my teeth. I held my hand out and said high five. I wasn't expecting much. I was expecting to be ignored really. But BabyBoy1 stopped and gave me a high five, smiled, and then tottered off again.
I have never felt, or been, so cool.
LOVE that BOY!


c) BabyBoy1 knows about, hangs about in, and despite the useless child proof lock, can open the fridge
Yay: He knows where the fridge is. The other two struggle sometimes
Boo: He helps himself to and eats my the cheese in the fridge
Yay: He gets the milk out when it is milk time, helpful
Boo: He leaves the door open, and pulls everything out onto the floor
Yay: He can lift 4pt of milk over his head
Boo: He spills milk a lot

d) BabyBoy1 can drink his milk on his own
Yay: It leaves us free to do other brilliant parents things (clean, tidy, tell off the other two, sleep)
Boo: If BabyBoy1 sits on his own, there isn't enough room on the sofa for me. As a gentleman I cannot ask anyone to move (except Boy8 who refuses)

e) He can go up and down the stairs on his own
Yay: He's confident and ready to be more independent. I'm glad he can climb so well
Boo: He makes a mockery of the stair gates that I trip on daily

f) Says 'Duck' for any type of bird
Yay: It's funny and cute
Boo: He cannot issue warnings pertaining to incoming dangers

Where mate?
<Looks out of window> That's an eagle (it was not an eagle)
<Gets hit on head by Miss4's advent calendar that annoyed her>

(All birds are this, think about it, it makes sense...)

g) BabyBoy1 can reach everything now, he has mastered getting and climbing onto a stool
Yay: He feels more involved, and less 'too short'
Boo: He falls off a lot and then cries. It's a high stool
OH GOD NO: HE CAN NOW REACH EVERYTHING! Knives, guns, chocolate, tea bags, deeds... It is a nightmare
Boo: We have to hide the stool

h) He sits in his cot reading and shouting (happily) to the world for ages, whilst we drag ourselves out of bed
BabyBoy1 is without doubt our most patient baby, probably more by necessity than intention.
But he is loved for it all the same.
Yesterday he sat 'reading' some books on his own, for fifteen minutes. Amazing.
Afterwards of course he hopped up, stole some food from the fridge, climbed a stool, poked the cat and then started hitting the keyboard on my computer. He had to catch up.

i) He now runs away when he doesn't want to do something
Yay: He is really slow still, and easy to catch
Yay: He's just like his father <Runs>
Boo:  When you are sat with nappies ready, wipes to hand, BabyBoy1 running and hiding under the table is not helpful

j) He is very huggy
Yay: He likes hugging Boy8 and Miss4, it's very cute and Miss4 finally likes hugging him back sometimes.
Yay: He hugs me (which Miss4 never really did). I love hugs. His are the best second best.
Boo: He loves hugging the Cat. The Cat does not like being hugged. No touchy.

k) He understands so much more than we realise
This morning he watched me put down my tea to open the stair gate. Then he started climbing the stairs with me guarding him. We were off to brush his teeth, which he was very excited about.
Two steps up he remembered I had put my tea down and reminded me, without a single word, that I had forgotten my tea. He stopped climbing the stairs to check I had got my tea. Because he knew I would want it. Even though he was rushing upstairs for his favourite: teeth brushing.
He's only been around for 560 days. Yet he knows that I want my tea with me. He knew I had put it down and I had forgotten it. The more I think about this, the more it amazes me. BabyBoy1 stopped racing towards something he loves, to think of me, and something he thinks I think is important. He's not even allowed near my tea.
What a dude!

l) BabyBoy1 still has baby curls in his hair
BabyBoy1 is our last baby and we will never cut his hair.
<Produces a signed Arthur David declaring this>
Bad luck BabyBoy1.

m) BabyBoy1 loves to dance AKA tilt parts of his body
Which is lucky.
As I we dance about the kitchen most mornings.
Clearly Snow White had a profound affect on me as a young boy and as such, all work is accompanied by music (whistling is too much effort). Dishwasher, laundry, tying Boy8 to his chair, fighting off Miss4 with a chair and whip... morning stuff.
So we have music in kitchen regularly.
BabyBoy1 already has his own moves worked out and likes nothing better than wiggling over to me to show off his moves.
Or even better I pick him up and we waltz about the room for a while.
I lead.

n) Shouts 'Owwww' instead of 'Wahhh'
Yay: We appreciate the variety. 'Wahhh' was getting a bit passe.
Boo: It sounds like he is pain
Yay: It's kind of funny when you're at home, changing his nappy
Boo: It's horrible and you want to hide in big hole when not at home. As it sounds like you are the worst parent in the world and I wouldn't be surprised if social services didn't come a-knocking after that last trip out, I was only putting on his jacket, the ratbag.

o) Expects frozen peas from the freezer
I do not know how this has happened.
Whenever the freezer is opened and BabyBoy1 notices. He stops what he's doing. Rushes off to a cupboard and grabs a ramekin (small ceramic dish). He then waits there until you put some frozen peas into his pot.
Once he has them, he toddles off to the carpet and sits down to eat his frozen peas.
The lovely nutter.

(You sure you don't want them cooked? At least not frozen? <Shakes head>)

Other BabyBoy1 highlights include: climbing into the bath fully dressed, smiling a lot, sneaking into Miss4's room to play with Lego, looking innocent when caught playing with Miss4's Lego and then throwing it, will hit Boy8 on the head on command (yay!).
And: Eating brilliantly and patiently, burping almost on queue during me singing you to bed, was SO FRICKING excited about ‘In the Night Garden’ you stood and shouted at the tele, football skills to rival my own already (true story), threw a fork at my face (it hurt), no fear at all of water, Will hit boy8 on the head when asked, sings ‘Det Dit Doughhhhhh’ to Frozen with wide arms, regulary treads on the Cat and gets bitten, and did I mention? he has a million pound smile .

But there is one key thing that stands out about BabyBoy1.
When people meet him they tend to all say the same. He threw food at me.
What a happy little boy.

Which is true, on both counts. He is.
He's very happy (not weird happy though).
To me it's like he's looked at us all, the world around him, his toys, the Cat, and thought...

You're all nutters
Where's my cake?
<Points to us all in height order>
'You're fun, you're lovely, you're funny, you're hairy, you're fluffy'
'You all rock' <Does rock sign>
'All of this...'
<Motions to everything in the house>
'... is cool'
'I'm glad I'm here'
Where's my cake?

And I am really glad he's here too.
I love that little dude a lot. We're talking R2-D2 level here.
BabyBoy1 you rock. Already.

<Gives Mrs. Amazing a 'told you so' look>
<Mrs. Amazing mouths something back>
What? I should try squeezing what? Through where?
<Is shocked>
But that would really, really hurt!
<Gives me a 'I know' look>