Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).

11 November 2015

3 Days Without Boy8... (Woohoo)

Boy8 is off on a school residential this week. Woooohooo!
That means he'll be gone for three days.
<Does celebration dance>

((a) brilliant fireworks, (b) where did you get them from.... <Runs>)

I think it's brilliant that his school does things like this.
<Big smile>
It's such an enriching experience for the kids, staying away from home for a few days, with all their mates. Marvellous.
Although I do feel a bit sorry for the poor teachers, each holding their teeny tiny straws, heading off to look after a large amount of eight year olds for two nights.
Talk about taking your work on holiday. That sucks.

I am sure these brilliant and selfless teachers get huge bonuses in their pay packets for this kind of work. You'd have be some kind of amazing idiot of a politician to not appreciate how hard and taxing looking after, basically, a small army of lunatics is.
I don't know why I mention it really. It's 2015, everyone knows teachers are worth paying well, I am sure the remuneration is brilliant...


Boy8 is off for three days pinch me.
We're gonna miss him woohoo a lot, it won't be the same at home without him.
<Does 12" version of celebration dance >

Boy8 is really excited. REALLY excited.
He's already packed a few times. The essentials obviously. Toys. Pants. Posters...
Boy8 and his mates have been discussing the trip at school and decided that having posters on the trip was very important. They’re quite mad.
So Boy8 didn't take it all that well when Mrs. Amazing explained he wasn't going to be taking any posters with him, for a three day trip. He gave us just another reason to miss him more.

Boy8’s time away will do everyone good.
For Team Parents (yay!) it will give us a chance to spend more time at the pub with Miss4 and BabyBoy1. Focus our attention on them for a change.
Team Parents (yay!) won't be outnumbered for a whole three days <Gets shivers>.
Bliss! One child to an adult. Lovely. 
No additional child acting as sweeper as we try and manage the other two.
Three whole days!

For Boy8 it's a tiny slice of freedom, away from his cruel and O-O-O-so mean parents.
He will get three whole days, with his mates, making his own choices and decisions. (Sounds like a stag do to me).
Boy8 will love it, and I am sure will rise to the challenge.
Of course after three days he is likely to be exhausted and knackered from acting all grown up and making decisions himself. And not sleeping at all, and not eating anything, and just running round like a loon for seventy two hours.
He should be pretty desperate to come home to where everyone knows his name...

(Beer... er... Beena please Dad (hic)...)

<Boy8 arrives at home>
Who the devil are you?
'Boy8! Your big boy! Your dude!!! Boy8!'
No... sorry... can't place you
'It's me Dad! Come on you must remember, it's only been three days!'
No... Are you a friend of Miss4's?
'Wait I know...' <Sticks finger up nose, picks it, then eats it>
That was disgustin... BOY8! Dude!

The last time Boy8 went away I missed him for a second.
I think it was only two nights last time. But that was enough to highlight to me how much Boy8 helps out. I know, it seems incredible and frankly very, very difficult to believe, but it's true.
Actually he helps out a bit more than I thought.
It was only once he was gone that I noticed how much he does...

Example 1:
<Sits down with BabyBoy1 to give him his milk>
Where's the remote?
Miss4: ‘Up there, I can't reach it’
Boy8, pass me the remote... oh yeah... damn it...
Jump Miss4, jump for all your worth, the bloody Night Garden is on next!!!

Example 2:
'Miss4 has hit DEFCON 2, this is a Team Parents (yay!) emergency!'
What on earth are you talking about?
What now? <Is confused>
'I need your help with the Princess, Obi-Wan'
<Dons ice hockey goalie kit>
Boy8 watch BabyBoy1 will ya...Damn it... 
<Picks up BabyBoy1 and takes him into the affray>
Don't look directly into her eyes... Argh!
<Falls in battle, but saves BabyBoy1>

Example 3:
Oh [Insert-your-favourite-deity-here]! This stuff is rank!
<Nearly hurls>
BabyBoy1 want are you eating to produce this?
Are you eating poo?
<Goes for wet wipe, but packet is empty>
Boy8? I need your help... Damn it...
OK BabyBoy1, I will be five seconds...
<Is back in three seconds>
<Everything is covered in poo>
<BabyBoy1 is missing>

Example 4:
Who wants to see how many times they can bounce this potato on their head?
Mrs. Amazing: 'No thanks idiot boy'
<Miss4 shakes head>
<Whispers>'Idiot boy'
BabyBoy1? Dude? You wanna play 'Potato Head-Butt'?
'RARRRRRRRRRRR' (* 'I will eat that')
<BabyBoy1 starts eating the potato>
O great... now you've gone and made this look like a stupid game...

The truth is whilst Boy8 is gone, if I really am honest with myself, at the end of the day, with all things being considered, simply and without any further a-do, weighing up all alternatives, cutting through the endless crap Mrs. Amazing is going to miss Boy8 a lot.

OK FINE! I'll probably miss him a bit….when I need stuff.
I’ll miss him every bloody moment until he gets back, the loveable smegger. Constant, CONSTANT, worrying he is alright and having fun, and behaving. Team Parents (yay!) will not relax until he is back. Nor will his Dad drop his guard and say he is missing him. He’s more likely to make jokes about it. (And yes, I do talk about myself in the 3rd person, it’s kewl)

(This image is from the very marvellous Pon and Zi web site)

Of course whilst Boy8 is gone, I have offered to look after his Star Wars toys... in case they get lonely... and all his Lego... and sweets... 
<Does shifty eyes>

Miss4 and BabyBoy1 want to help too.