Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).

19 August 2015

Let Her Go... To School

Miss4 starts school in 3 weeks. 

Miss4’s not ready. She's not. She is still far too tiny and little.
It only takes a little push to knock her over, look:

<Shoves Miss4>
<Miss4 falls over and starts crying>

See! And I'm her Dad, I love her. Other kids are way meaner.
Which is why the first child that makes my daughter cry by being mean and spiteful, I will personally deck. Don't worry I'll be careful, no one will see, I'll make it look like an accident. It'll be fine. I suppose that’s not very Zen or grown up, but it’s hard to fight off my protective nature.

If you see me decking your child, you now know why. I’ll apologise later.
Oh all right… I promise I won’t deck anyone, it’s a bit mean. I’ll just give them evil looks, and then deck them later

I am worried though. I'm worried because I know what playgrounds are like (well used to be like). Gangs of 4-5 year old's with their hitting bats, tripping hoops, hand cuffing ropes, roving around in gangs, pretending to play nice.
But the second no one is looking, the heavies will 'introduce' themselves to Miss4.

Boss: 'Not seen your face before...' <Stubs out candy fag>
'It's my first day'
Boss: 'Oh is it? Well we don't like newies here... Ya follow?'
<Miss4 thinks>
'Poo poo!'
Boss: 'Oh dear, dear, dear' <cracks knuckles>
Boss: 'We don't seem to be getting through to you, do we Colin'
Colin: 'No. No, we don't boss, you want I should deal with 'er?'
Boss: 'Yeah... Hoop her!'
'Poo poo! POO POO! PO- '
<Miss4 tears>

(...and these are your classmates)

Argh!!! Why do I do this to myself. What a horrible image.
That's it she's staying home and being home taught. It probably won't affect her that badly, I'm sure Mrs. Amazing would love to spend the next 11 years listening to Miss4 talk all day, every day.
I'll ask her...

<Suggests home-schooling for Miss4>
Well that’s just plain rude...
There really wasn't any need for that kind of language...

… Best Miss4 go to school then.

I hope Miss4 will be tough. I want her to be fierce and strong. I want Miss4 to stand up for herself and if needs be, go down fighting. Or biting. Or scratching. Or screaming Poo-poo.

I want her to stick her middle finger up every time some idiot tells her that girls can't do that or that girls are crap at whatever. I hate that thinking.
I want to hear she nutted some twonk who made her feel bad about her physical presence in some way.

I am going to find it really hard to let Miss4 go and grow up. School is just the start of letting her go. She’s my little princess and I'd rather she didn't grow up quite so fast.

(We found a fairy at the allotment...)

I didn't feel like this with Boy8. He was off on an adventure on his own and I was excited for him. I knew that he was going to have to find his own way in life and at school. I knew that if I helped too much, I would only hinder him. He needed to establish himself at school, find his own place in the pecking order. I could help and offer advice from the sidelines obv. but it was up to him.

So why is it any different for Miss4? Why don't I feel the same?
Secretly I know the answer…

... It isn't any different.

It's going to be the same for Miss4, but not in any boy way that I know about, in a girl way. Which I don’t really understand or have any experience of (I don’t).
It’s not going to be long until Miss4 is totally immersed in a world I really don’t understand at all. Best I can do is watch and listen, and ask Mrs. Amazing to translate what on earth she is talking about.

Still… There’s still a few things I can teach her that might help:

OK... I’ll show you some basic moves...
Grab here
'Uh huh'
Twist and then step through them
Once they're on the floor, twist here
'Then threaten here?'
Ooo... <Winces>
Yeah that'll work