Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).

10 June 2015

The Hair Fairy

Got home from work to be greeted by Boy7.

‘I'm going to get some money tonight’ he cheerily says.

Oh good you've finally got a job. You might be a teeny bit young, I'm sure there are laws, but oh well, I’ll won’t say if you don’t.
Are there benefits? What sort of income are we talking, can I quit work? Or will you be earning just enough to buy sweets.
Coz that’s good too, we can always build up from there.

Boy7 notices my look of confusion and gives me a big toothy smile.

Oh right.
It’s nothing, hut hum, shady is it? Robbing? Blackmail? Global blackmail?
Because if it is… you know... I've a car, I can drive you...

He continues smiling at me.
Hang on… Didn't you have more teeth yesterday?
How did that come out?

'I pulled it really hard until it came out for the money!'

Nice. Just like nature intended.

(Tooth worth cash)

But it got me to thinking <Klaxon sounds>

... Sod the tooth fairy, there should be a ‘Hair Fairy’ for all that have follicle issues!

Just like the tooth fairy, but instead of finding some money under your pillow when you lose a tooth, you get money whenever you notice your hair has fallen out.


'Where’s the sellotape? I need these buggers'
'That one's white! FFS!'
‘I look ridiculous’

Then sparkle! sparkle! the Hair Fairy swoops in, tidies away the lost hairs and leaves behind some money. Paper money.

‘Ooooo money!’

See! That would definitely soften the blow!


Let’s say £1 a hair which seems fair. I'd be rich (and bald).

I explain my great idea to Mrs. Amazing.

She is less convinced. Probably because she'd have to it and she has no follicle issues.

Instead she requests a Phone Fairy, for when she misplaces her phone. Which happens enough that she wants a new fairy dedicated to the problem.

Naaa. Rubbish idea.
You don't want some fairy bitch sparkling and fluttering in and stealing taking your phone. The money would be good granted, but then you've got to go out and get a new phone, you'll (I'll) have to set it up again. What about the photos that weren't in the magic cloud folder. Lost. Gutted. Miss4 may never smile for me again!
No no, the Phone Fairy would suck.

Now a Phone Gnome would be good. Finds your phone and magically leaves it beside your bedside during the night, that would be very handy.
No SIM changing or anything.

Mrs. Amazing agrees and points out I do that for her sometimes.
Er... Are you calling me a Phone Gnome?