Dropping Off Miss4 Solo

It's my first drop off with Miss4, on my own today. It's a big day.

There is huge responsibility on my shoulders and if I mess it up, Mrs. Amazing may not talk to me for ages, so there’s pros and cons.
Mrs. Amazing will be on the other side of town throwing Boy8 out of the car at a different school. 

At exactly the same time as when Miss4 needs be at school. (Who thought that up?)

Hence why I am being used. Necessity.

Worryingly Miss4 needs certain stuff with her for school and so far Mrs. Amazing has been organising and preparing the stuff through spells and witchcraft, she plans ahead. I haven’t had much hand in it.

Miss 4 needs:

a) School clothes

She's gotta be dressed. I don’t often forget to dress her, but today she definitely needs to be dressed in school clothes. Mustn't let her trick me that it's dress like a 'pirate-alien-ninja' day, again.

b) Hair taming

She needs something in her hair for control purposes. Some magical device, that I have never used in my life, that can tame the madness. So Miss4 doesn't get nicknamed ‘Cousin Itt' or Hermione by the teachers. 

(That may not be enough...)

c) Book bag

Based on how often I was reminded about it. Miss4 needs her book bag more that she needs oxygen.

Although at present, said book bag, contains no books at all and makes me want to call it...  A BAG!

But even I (yes EVEN I) can see why calling it a book bag is helpful.

Where's Miss4's bag?

<Mrs. Amazings voice comes from upstairs>

'Which one? The small red bag with treasure in it?'

Nope

'My 80's style bag I had when I was little, full of treasure?'

Uh-nuh

'Hair clip bag?'

Hasn't that got treasure in it as well?

'Yes'

Thought so...  and nope

'Dice bag?'

No

'Owl rucksack?'

No, no, not those… The school one!

'She hasn't got a school bag yet!?'

Yes she has, that flat one that's great for carrying paper

'I don’t know which one you…'

'DO YOU MEAN HER BOOK BAG?!!! $%*&"£'

<Stomps downstairs half dressed, curling iron still hair, BabyBoy1 on hip, temperament experimental>

<Gets a look of death>

<Tiny voice>But she doesn't have any books in it yet... <Trails off>

... it can't be a book bag... <Squeeks>

<Points at book bag without looking>

There

Oh...

<Runs>

<Runs back and picks up book bag>

<Runs again>

And most importantly...

d) One non-regular extra item

The bag with Miss4's school shoes in. 

Yeah I know. Why aren't the school shoes on her feet where they should be? To mess with my mind.

Admittedly it confused me to start with.

But then I spotted that Miss4 was stomping about in wellies, and outside watery stuff had been leaking from the sky pillows (rain). So using my deducing deduction skills, I deduct that Miss4 is wearing wellies so she can splash her way safely to school. All the while keeping her school shoes nice.

(Watson... I believe I am on fire... )

Brilliant. Well played Mrs. Amazing.

I just need to make the wellie-shoe swap when we get to school.

Mrs. Amazing pushes Boy8 and BabyBoy1 out of the door towards the car...

'Don't forget this bag' <Points at bag with school shoes in>

<Salutes>

We wave goodbye to and it's time for school. 
I grab her book bag, put a coat on her, tame the hair and grab my stuff too.

Then, in time honoured tradition, I stand outside the front door trying to remember everything I have forgotten.

Miss4 asks what I am doing and I explain.

It's not that my memory is totally rubbish. It just seems to have 'problem' areas. Other bits are fine, good even.

Boy8 is now so used to this quirk. That he now offers a list of the items I most often forget when I leave anywhere with him

'Phone?'

Yep!

'Coat?'

No, no... Yes! Wearing it!

'Miss4? BabyBoy1?'

Got both

'Bags?'

In boot!

'Remembered where the car is?'

Er...

<Pulls out hand drawn map>

<Gets into map>

It's there... <Points to our car>

Yay! Good work Boy8!

<Gives Boy8 friendly dead arm>

Honestly we would be five cars down if it were not for Boy8, and stuck in Brighton.

So I explain all of this to Miss4. Hoping she might also start helping me out when I am leaving anywhere. Miss4 looks at me as though I am quite mad.

Good. She understands perfectly.

However I can't think of anything I've forgotten, so I make to leave...

'Uh oh Daddy'

What?

Is it bandits?

Wolves?

The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?

'We forgot!'

Did we? What?

'THE SHOE BAG!'

Crap on a stick she is right. Strewth that was a close one!

SEE! Miss4 is helping me already :) Worth opening my bag of crazy at her.

I grab the bag with the school shoes in.

The journey to school is quite uneventful.

We see a squirrel eating nuts in a tree, which is awesome. Some of the nuts fall out of the tree into our looking-up faces. It is also awesome.

We fall out about crossing a road. I think she should cross when I do, safety and all that. Miss4 thinks the big puddle in front of her is far more important and doesn't care if I stand in the middle of the road for ages. Compromises were made. We splashed in the big puddle.

But we make it to school with all the stuff she needs.

The classroom door opens and I am saying goodbye to Miss4 when I realise I still need to swap her school shoes for her wellies!

We sit and swap the wellies for school shoes.

THAT WAS BLOODY CLOSE TO A COMPLETE DISASTER!

Miss4 at school in wellies and no school shoes... it doesn't bare thinking about.

Relieved I will have somewhere to sleep tonight and job done, I wave goodbye, proud of myself I stomp away from school with the bag of wellies.

I even have enough time to drop the wellies back at home before I head off to work in my submarine.

Bright pink sparkly wellies at work doesn't scream professional, unlike Bat socks, and shouting 'Morning Smeggers' every day.

I swagger into work proud of myself and dying to tell someone about my good work. But no one at work would give one, two, or even three figs about wellie-gate. So I just sit down and feel secretly proud of myself.

Well I did.... until I get this message from Mrs. Amazing...

Bugger.

Let Her Go... To School

Miss4 starts school in 3 weeks. 

Miss4’s not ready. She's not. She is still far too tiny and little.

It only takes a little push to knock her over, look:

<Shoves Miss4>

<Miss4 falls over and starts crying>

See! And I'm her Dad, I love her. Other kids are way meaner.

Which is why the first child that makes my daughter cry by being mean and spiteful, I will personally deck. Don't worry I'll be careful, no one will see, I'll make it look like an accident. It'll be fine. I suppose that’s not very Zen or grown up, but it’s hard to fight off my protective nature.

If you see me decking your child, you now know why. I’ll apologise later.

Oh all right… I promise I won’t deck anyone, it’s a bit mean. I’ll just give them evil looks, and then deck them later. 

I am worried though. I'm worried because I know what playgrounds are like (well used to be like). Gangs of 4-5 year old's with their hitting bats, tripping hoops, hand cuffing ropes, roving around in gangs, pretending to play nice.

But the second no one is looking, the heavies will 'introduce' themselves to Miss4.

Boss: 'Not seen your face before...' <Stubs out candy fag>

'It's my first day'

Boss: 'Oh is it? Well we don't like newies here... Ya follow?'

<Miss4 thinks>

'Poo poo!'

Boss: 'Oh dear, dear, dear' <cracks knuckles>

Boss: 'We don't seem to be getting through to you, do we Colin'

Colin: 'No. No, we don't boss, you want I should deal with 'er?'

Boss: 'Yeah... Hoop her!'

'Poo poo! POO POO! PO- '

<Miss4 tears>

(...and these are your classmates)

Argh!!! Why do I do this to myself. What a horrible image.

That's it she's staying home and being home taught. It probably won't affect her that badly, I'm sure Mrs. Amazing would love to spend the next 11 years listening to Miss4 talk all day, every day.

I'll ask her...

<Suggests home-schooling for Miss4>

‘UN-TYPE-ABLE ANSWER’

Well that’s just plain rude...

There really wasn't any need for that kind of language...

… Best Miss4 go to school then.

I hope Miss4 will be tough. I want her to be fierce and strong. I want Miss4 to stand up for herself and if needs be, go down fighting. Or biting. Or scratching. Or screaming Poo-poo.

I want her to stick her middle finger up every time some idiot tells her that girls can't do that or that girls are crap at whatever. I hate that thinking.

I want to hear she nutted some twonk who made her feel bad about her physical presence in some way.

I am going to find it really hard to let Miss4 go and grow up. School is just the start of letting her go. She’s my little princess and I'd rather she didn't grow up quite so fast.

<Weeps>

(We found a fairy at the allotment...)

I didn't feel like this with Boy8. He was off on an adventure on his own and I was excited for him. I knew that he was going to have to find his own way in life and at school. I knew that if I helped too much, I would only hinder him. He needed to establish himself at school, find his own place in the pecking order. I could help and offer advice from the sidelines obv. but it was up to him.

So why is it any different for Miss4? Why don't I feel the same?

Secretly I know the answer…

... It isn't any different.

It's going to be the same for Miss4, but not in any boy way that I know about, in a girl way. Which I don’t really understand or have any experience of (I don’t).

It’s not going to be long until Miss4 is totally immersed in a world I really don’t understand at all. Best I can do is watch and listen, and ask Mrs. Amazing to translate what on earth she is talking about.

Still… There’s still a few things I can teach her that might help:

OK... I’ll show you some basic moves...

Grab here

'Uh huh'

Twist and then step through them

'Yep'

Once they're on the floor, twist here

'Then threaten here?'

Ooo... <Winces>

Yeah that'll work