LyricTale: I Get a Kick out of You

‘I Get a Kick out of You’ is a song by Cole Porter which was first sung in a musical way back in 1934. Cole did loads of cool stuff and wrote many excellent songs and is worth a quick read.

Lots of people have covered "I Get a Kick out of You", but for me Frank Sinatra does the best version. His version was on his album ‘Songs for Young LoversI’ released in 1954.

I like to make sure the kids listen to an eccentric eclectic mix of music at home. So they will grow up knowing the classics and modern stuff as well, not just the toss on Radio1.

This morning I we had Taylor Swift, then Buddy Holly, bit of Green Day, when ol' blue eyes swaggered on.

Obviously the lyrics of this song, in my head, have always be associated with Mrs. Amazing. She is way better than fizzy vinegar white wine. 

However listening to the song today it made me think of Miss4. 
She's pretty kicky at the moment.

So with more than a little concern that I am doing the equivalent of playing Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata (Sinatra, Sonata... Oh forget it) on a free app on my phone. 

‘I get no kick from champagne,’

Miss4 put your shoes on we're late for school

'NO!'

<Tries to put on Miss4's shoes for her>

Ow Ow OWWW!

Stop kicking me, I am trying to help you!

<More kicking>

Fine put your own shoes on

<Limps away>

‘Mere alcohol,

Doesn't thrill me at all,’

Is it too early to start drinking?

Mrs. Amazing: 'It's 8:30 in the morning!'

Time is relative, I am going for need and pain relief here

<Shakes head>

I suppose it does seem a little early... shame...

Hang on… What are you drinking?

‘Apple juice’

<Does shifty eyes>

‘So tell me, why should it be true,

That I get a kick out of you.’

OK Miss4 the shoes have to go on

I am just trying to help you put your shoes on

No kicking <Firm voice>

Help me help you, help me help you

<Gets kicked>

OWWWW!

What did I just say?

‘Some get a kick from cocaine chocolate,’

Put your shoes on and you can have these three chocolate buttons

'Deal'

<Holds out hand>

'Buttons first'

Shoes first

OW! <Gets kicked>

OK. One button as down payment, two more on shoe wearing

<Hands over one button>

<Takes one button and runs>

‘I'm sure that if,

I took even one sniff,’

Hey? What's this nappy doing here?

<Picks up rogue nappy>

Oh my life, this stinks!!!

<Realises why nappy was abandoned>

‘It would bore me terrifically,too,

Yet I get a kick out of you.’

Miss4 I am bored on this game

Put your shoes on <Firm-ist voice>

'NO!'

Everyday! Do we have to go through this everyday???

'NO!'

<Tries to put shoes on Miss4>

OWW! Stop that! OW! OW! Stop!

<Ignores pain and forces shoes on>

‘I get a kick every time I see you,’

I'm home who's missed me?

<Miss4 rushes in for a leaping hug>

Mind my bits... Owwwwwwwww

<Sinks to the floor in pain>

‘Standing there before me,’

'Why are you crying Daddy?'

Boys have one very sensitive area...

And as you leap-hugged me, you kicked mine...

<Looks on interested>

Owwwwwwww...

‘I get a kick though it's clear to see,

You obviously don't adore me.’

Night Miss4

<Goes in for a hug>

'NO!'

Come on, hug your father...

<Squirms and fights>

HUG ME!!!

<Gets kicked>

OW!

What was that for? We've had a nice bedtime, I read all you favourite stories, we laughed

Why turn on me now?

'Mummy'

<Leaves room feeling rejected>

‘Some get a kick in a plane, Flying too high,

With some gal in the sky,’

Want to go on my shoulders?

'YEAH!'

<Puts Miss4 on shoulders>

'I don't like it'

<Starts squirming and kicking>

Ow ow! Wait! Wait!

<Drops to knees>

Ow ow!! Just wait... OW!

<Falls over but saves Miss4 from any injury>

Can someone call me an ambulance?

Boy8: <Runs in, ready, his moment to shine> YOU'RE AN AMBULANCE!

<Plots revenge>

‘Is my idea of nothing to do,’

What did you do at school?

'Nuthin'

Did you play any fun games

'Nuthin'

What did you have for lunch

'Nuthin pie'

I like pie

‘But I get a kick out of you.’

Come on back to the table

'NO!'

<Tries to pick up Miss4 >

<Gets kicked>

‘I get a kick...out of you.’

Come on it's bath time

'NO!'

Come on

<Picks up Miss4, legs pointing away>

Ah ha! Can't kick me now!

Hey! NO SCRATCHING! 

OWWWW!

<Gets scratched>

The Funfair

A travelling funfair came to town recently. Rides and stuff, that kind. 

Yay!

Mrs. Amazing is 100% genuine fair fan. 

Apparently she was lucky enough to annually frequent one in her younger years (circa 1523), and as such, she still gets all over excited about a funfair.

I on the other don't recall any funfairs from childhood. 

But I do remember an amazing water slide down a mud bank (circa 704). Which was really fun and brilliant and is a really happy memory for me. The sun was out, we were in a field, the whole village was there, health and safety were two words that had never really met before.

Ahhh simple happy times!

<Chews hay>

<Poke self in eye with hay whilst wiping away tear>

I told Mrs. Amazing about my rustic memories... and she mocked me. 

Seriously! I know! The swine!

However as we stand in the field with the funfair all around us. Flashing its lights. Showing off it's curvy rides. Constant screams of delight from people having fun. Delicious smells everywhere.

I find it very hard to think of a good retort to Mrs. Amazing's rustic bashing.

So's your face

Your chocolate mouse could be lighter

Instead I suggest we get doughnuts.

(You expect me to share? Ah ha ha ha haaaaa.. Haaaa… Ha ha ha….. ha)

It's fair (!) to say that Boy8 and Miss4 love the funfair with all their hearts.

The flashy lights and noises do their magic on them every year, and every year they fall in love again. Fair enough (!) (I'll stop that now).

BabyBoy1 however doesn't really give a crap though. But that's coz he's so little.

At least this year he gets to watch us have a right laugh and me nearly chucking up.

However, despite all the funfair love, Team Parents (yay!) does have one teeny weeny, tiny niggle, lets say a snagoo, about the fair, when it comes to town.

You know the bright lights, the huge noisy rides, the blaring music, the shouting ride owners calling out for whoops and screams constantly over the PA? The excitement! Yeah? All that stuff?

Now imagine all that... right next door to your house. Yay!

It makes putting out little smeggers to bed like swimming up stream, with rocks on your back, baboons flicking boogies at you, and a bloody big funfair behind you, handing out free candy floss.

Anyway... After thirty minutes of coaxing and calming Boy8 to sleep, through kind chatting and good fun books. His already has clean teeth, he's ready for bed, and he's even yawned.

Dude! Just ignore the fair tonight, we'll go tomorrow after school

<Yawns> ' Yeah OK Dad, I am pretty tired'

[BOOM BOOM BOOM Music from fair]

'Think I'll go straight to sleep'

OK, night night, don't let the dinosaurs maul in your sleep

<Turns out light>

[BOOM BOOM BOOM]

<Shuts door>

1 second elapses.

<Opens door>

['SCREAM if you wanna go faster']

Back to bed mate

<Peels Boy8 off the window>

['Give me a woooo']

<Tucks Boy8 in>

There's nothing that fun going on tonight <Is lying>

We'll go tomorrow, you're missing nothing tonight, OK?

['Boy8 defy your father, come and play']

What did he just say?

<Boy8 grins>

Night mate

The time it takes to blink very quickly elapses.

<Opens door>

<Boy8 is climbing out of window>

Back to bed mate

(He was so close, he could almost touch the awesome…)

... and he was the easy one to get to sleep!

Miss4 was a right pickle!!!

(Yes you read that correctly, a pickle. I'm sorry you had to read that, but I've gotta speak my mind and it can get pretty dang-diddly colourful sometimes).

The fair will be in town next door Thursday, Friday and Saturday evening.

Which is a lot of evenings that Miss4 and Boy8 won't sleep.

So Team Parents (yay!) devised a brilliant and genius plan, and by Team Parents (yay!) I mean Mrs. Amazing thought of it all, and I had the good sense to just say yes to it. (+1 husband point for just blindly agreeing)

Thursday:

We do a full reconnaissance of the fair after school. All five of us. Then Miss4 and Boy8 get to go on ONE SMALL ride each. SMALL. BabyBoy1 has to watch. 

Team Parents (yay!) get doughnuts.

'Can I go on this ride?' <Asks Boy8 ever hopeful>

What? The biggest ride at the funfair?

This one that twirls and twists and spins and dives violently?

<Boy8 nods>

This one that you have to sign a heart disclaimer before getting on?

<Nods>

Just before your bedtime?

<Nods but has realised it's hopeless>

I think you know the answer don't you?

<Sad face>

Friday:

This is genius bit. I love this part of the plan so much I want marry it and have more children with it. Maybe not. An affair will do, got enough kids. It's a great plan.

Friday night Mrs. Amazing and all (ALL) the children will head off to her parents and stay the night so they can all get a good night's sleep!

And reluctantly (woohoo) I will have to, HAVE TO, stay behind (woohoo), on my own (next door to a fricking fair!) and to look after the Cat (woohoo).

Poor Cat me.

<Does dramatic voice>

Ohhhh, fate. Ohhh fate… I wish I could come to your Mums and stay with you guys

Even though the fair will be brilliant, and hella fun, and I can have burgers and candy floss for dinner and go on loads of rides...

and err... err ...

... actually I'm not sure where I was going with that...

I'll miss you all soooooo much <Has wide sad eyes>

<Mrs. Amazing is unconvinced>

'Look after yourself and don't... don't...'

'Just remember how old you actually are (30Lots)... not how old you act (15)'

Of course I will (23)

(I actually spend the night doing housework, playing my guitar whilst watching tele, and went to bed about 10. Because it's still Friday night, and I am still knackered from the week. The noise was pretty bad and it made the house shake. #ROCK #LivingTheDream)

Saturday:

We hit the funfair with cash, buggy and a very, very, very, strict three rides each rule.

Granny and Big Granddad came too, to play, to help with child adult ratio.

Miss4 and Boy8 have managed to be on their best behaviour all week, and neither has had any rides taken away from them (despite many, many threats).

Under duress Team Parents accompany the children on some rides.

Because it's fun some rides need adults to stop children falling out, or leaping out.

Team Parents (yay!) divide and conquer and share the rides. So we don't spend a huge fortune. Just a little one.

(My ride nemesis… Arghhhhhh!!!)

Miss4 and Boy8 get their rides and they are very happy. They got to do exactly what they planned on Thursday and we didn't break the bank doing it.  Team Parents (yay!) are quietly celebrating a funfair well managed, and done! And I am just turning the buggy towards home when...

Boy8 points out he hasn't been on the Frog ride, the one he has been banging on about all week. The one we wouldn't let him go on last year as he was too little. But now as he's tall enough (by miles) he would really like to go on it, now.

Miss4 sees the 'another ride' window is open and climbs in.

In a little more five seconds we have gone from two very happy contented children, to children that sound like they've only just escaped the salt mines, to find the sweet shop is closed.

Team Parent (yay!) exchange looks. We said three rides. Only three. Three.

Suddenly we realise we didn't manage it as well as we thought, if they are asking for more. Normally we would have been prepping the kids for ages about the imminent ending, and last rides, and preparing them for going home.

Only we didn't, because we were having so much fun.

Feck!

Mrs. Amazing is starting to crack.

Torn between being able to eat next week and two cute little faces pleading for another ride.

I am happy to say no, but am reluctant to be the mean parent (again). I don't want to be Mr. No all the naffing time. This has to be a Team Parent (yay!) decision. Not mean old Daddy decision.

I like them being happy too.

I can see that Mrs. Amazing agrees totally with me, and sees my Mr. No concern, and she really, really wants to stick with the plan. But Mrs. Amazing also wants her children to have as much as she did at the funfair and what would one more ride hurt?

A lot.

Where would it end? One often becomes two, and then three. It's just like beers and minutes in bed in the morning. Very hard to stop, and you end up whammed and late for work.

Team Parents are quite seriously stuck, trapped by our own rules and plans. When did we become this grown up! And WHY! It sucks.

There is no way out, I prepare the doomsday device... and get ready to drag all four, yes four, of them back home screaming and kicking.

But the universe is a strange and weird place.

And sometimes help arrives when you least expect it, and from those you least expect it from.

And other times you get help from your parents, because they're your parents and they don't like to see you suffer, and more importantly they REALLY can't resist those cute little faces.

Granny and Granddad offer everyone another ride, on them, and utterly save the day. Yay!

Team Parents edict on only three rides is maintained, and by a loophole, the kids get another ride.

I disarm the doomsday device.

I want to run over and gave them both totally inappropriate hugs because I'm so happy.

Obviously... I don't.

Instead my weak and feeble thank you is drowned out by excited children picking their next ride.

But for the record. Thanks Granny-Amazing and Big Granddad.

(Me walking home with enough candy floss for one... me)

Epilogue, the next morning...

Go on... take me with you

Please

I can't stand it anymore

I want to run away with the fair!

You again? That moustache is fooling no one

<Does shifty eyes>

<Moustache falls off>

Look mate I'm going to tell the same thing I told you the last ten times you asked

We don't take runaways

You're thinking of the circus, we're a funfair

And even if we were hiring we're not looking middle-aged, tubby, balding, scruffy looking, no talent, losers!

<Is outraged> Who's scruffy looking?

You! <Motions at me>

Ah well... yeah... You got me there...

<Pulls up jeans and stomps off>