Ten! Crikey...

Crikey.

Boy9 has metaphorized into Boy10. The mess was terrible.

It feels like a big milestone.

I say again crikey. When did all that fly by?

Of course it's great for Boy10.

He's ten now. Happy double figure days.

The world is his oyster, all that kind of thing...

Boy10: 'Can I drive the car now?'

Nope.

Boy10: 'Can I stay up later?'

Hmmm.... Nope.

Boy10: 'Can I light the fire now'

You already do...

Boy10: 'Oh yeah... Can I come to the pub with you now?'

I think you know the answer I go there to avoid you lot...

Boy10: 'Well then, what can I do now I am ten? '

<Hands Boy10 some laundry and a map to the washing machine>

Enjoy!

Boy10: <Gives me a look>

It also means that I've been Dadding (real word) for a decade.

Crikey! (yes again, I must calm down).

Who'd thought I'd make it this far? Last this long. Manage not to lose them.

<Gets look from Mrs. Amazing>

And I've learnt loads as gone along too. I can change a nappy at a hundred paces in a fair wind. Doesn't matter how awkward the child, how kicky they are (Miss6). I can change it with minimal mess on me and around me.

I also offer two hair styles for long hair. Pig or pony.

And my pancake drawing is going from strength to strength.

Great skills.

(Third attempt lucky and the transfer went well…

They don’t always <Grumbles>)

If I look back at photos of myself.

Before Boy10 rocked into our world and changed us from Team Young and No ties (woohoo!) to Team Parents (yay!).

I don't really recognise the handsome young devil staring back at me. Oh wait that isn't me...

Oh right... that's me... I'm young at least.

I didn't look tired out either. My now constant panda eyes aren't there.

I'm pretty trim too. Where did that young man, with hair to spare, go?

<Looks in mirror>

<Weeps>

<Pulls a face and then licks the mirror>

<Giggles>

It has been amazing though.

Sure there's loads I have had to give up. Lots of sleepless nights. Frustration like you wouldn't believe.

But really if it's out on the scales it's not even close. I’d do it again.

It's been amazing...

Mrs. Amazing: 'Yes?'

No not you... I was saying how amazing it's been watching Boy10 grow up...

Hang on...

Is that my chocolate you're eating?

Mrs. Amazing: <Runs>

Right enough about me.

Here's where I could write a lovely list of all of Boy10's greatest and best features. But that would the vomit police would arrive, rough everyone up and it would be a nightmare.

And no one wants that.

Instead let’s (yes let us) go with the stuff you probably couldn’t guess...

1. Boy10 now sleeps in (Wooohoo!)

Except obv. on his birthday. That day still is a 6:30er, which is fine as the other two herbert's have been up for ages by then.

But mostly Team Parents (yay!) no longer have to fight Boy10 back to bed because he is up too early.

No. Now we have to wake the little sleeping bear. A grumpy bear to boot. That doesn't want to get up, and definitely doesn't want to start getting ready for school.

We have mixed success.

For my part I opt for bouncing him on his bed as hard as I can until he starts giggling.

I doubt I'll be able to get away with this for much longer, but whilst I can...

Here here hold this...

<Puts cup of water in Boy10's hands>

<Bounces the bed a lot>

<Boy10 gets wet>

<Nearly dies laughing>

<Gets a look from Boy10>

<Runs>

2. Boy10 has lost BabyBoy3's trust

Which is a bit sad. But it's true and the only person Boy10 can blame is himself.

He's tricked, stolen, poked, prodded, pinched or ridden off with something of BabyBoy3's too many times.

And BabyBoy3 has gotten wise to him...

BabyBoy3: 'NO! Boy10! Go WAY!'

Boy10: 'I just want to see...'

BabyBoy3: 'NO! GOWAY!'

I know Boy10 doesn't like it either, so hopefully he'll turn it around pretty quick.

<Crosses fingers>

3. If there was a speed Lego construction challenge

Boy10 would win it. He's very good a building Lego models now. He gets out pots to put the bits in, just like his Dad showed him, and then he's off. Nothing can interrupt until he has finished. Well not without a big fight.

Team Parent (yay!) obv. are very proud, but do wish that sometimes he wouldn't go quite so quick with the more pricey Lego we rarely get him.

4. Will argue for twenty minutes for the sake of two minutes more

It's funny and annoying all at the same time. The principal matters to him. Matters a lot.

If Boy10 feels he is getting short changed, even by a few minutes, you better settle in for a good long 'discussion' full of drama and wildly baffling counter arguments.

5. Boy10 is getting better with his emotions

That truck load of emotions that bastard the EmotionFairy delivered last year.

Well to Boy10's credit he is definitely starting to master then all. He breathes when he is cross. He understands what he has done and why it hurt others (Miss6) and he genuinely seems sorry.

Let’s hope no more emotions turn up...

EmotionFairy: 'Hello again!'

NO! GOWAY! GOWAY!

EmotionFairy: 'Hey hey, just doing my job. I've a year-ten delivery here, guile, flattery, sneaking, wet-yourself-funny... Where do you want them?'

<Describes a place>

EmotionFairy: 'There's no need to be rude... Hank! Just drop 'em now...' <Grumbles off>

NOOOOOO!!! <Gets covered in emotions>

<Weep and laughs and feels serene about it>

(Found this in his room the other day…

That’s hella cool!!!

(Despite the fire risk))

6. Boy10 has started beating me at a few games

And I am not letting him win. He is winning.

And proper games too. Grown up games. And old ones, from my childhood, which he loves.

Even with those he is <Gulps> beating me through his own cunning and guile.

I am so proud and furious.

Boy10 isn’t the kindest winner though...

Boy10: ‘I won!’

wooo… <Waves little flag> That’s great mate, well done…

Boy10: ‘Again!’

Uh-huh… Well done…

Boy10: ‘I must be the best at this game, coz you never win!’

…

Have I ever told you about being a gracious winner?

Boy10: ‘YEP! Everytime I win!’

Boy10: <Does winning dance, which has at least ten dabs in it>

<Smiles but internalises anger>

I’ve no idea where he gets behaviour from.

<Whistles off>

7. Boy10 still picks his nose and eats it

I have no problem with nose picking. I would rather not watch it to be honest.

But fingers are exactly the right size for digging into nostrils. And well it’s kind of fun at the same time.

But eating it after? <Vomits onto keyboard>

It really makes cringe, and want to run away, or shove that finger even further up that nose.

Urghghgh…

I’m pretty sure Boy10 knows this.

I’m pretty sure Boy10 does it just to bug me.

I’m pretty sure Boy10 does it as much as possible, to bug me.

Bless ‘im.

8. Boy10 can be the greatest big brother

It was true last year, and it’s still true.

Yes he does wind BabyBoy3 and Miss6 right up sometimes, until there is tears, and screaming and kicking.

And yes that drive me a little mad, as I have to do my ‘Judgment of Solomon’ act, and then smash the sofa in half. Which is costly.

But mostly.

Boy10 is the sweetest big brother both BabyBoy3 and Miss6 could ever want for.

He shares his toys, his time, and he loves them fiercely.

Thank you Boy10 for that. Team Parent (yay!) love that about you.

It’s funny.

Because Boy10 was the start of my Dadding (still real word) and there is a real chance he may end it (me) one day. Probably with me asking to use his knife and fork to eat. Or not pick his nose.

But it is funny to think all that fun and life shifting madness came from one little person.

That just keeps on growing.

(Look at him all grown up and stuff…

Learning stuff in a museum…

We didn’t even have to offer him stickers!

...

<Hands out stickers to Miss6 and BabyBoy3>)

Last year I wrote.

That me and Boy9 were the furthest apart I thought we had ever been.

Emotionally Obv. He lives in my house.

I’m really glad to say (I think) I’ve managed to turn that around and feel our Dad and son bond is alive and kicking once again.

We’ve had a million more laughs this year already.

It was me. I know.

<Will long have regrets about it>

<And will punish self far greater than anyone else can>

Back to being best buds.

(which is lucky as Mrs. Amazing just isn’t into scooting, playing Crick-Ball, watching cartoons, eating sweets until we barf, throwing stuff as high as possible, dead arms fights, flicking for fun, seeing how crashy we can crash cars, rocking out to very loud sensibly volumned music, laughing about farts, bundling, and Minecraft Obv.)

(I never stood a chance

<Is pulled in and consumed by cuteness>)

X

Bye Miss4... HELLO Miss5!!!

Miss4 has turned into Miss5. By magic.

It is was inevitable it is your destiny to be honest, she's been Miss4 for ages.

Years.

How's it feel to be five?

'Oh brilliant, very cool' <Nods a lot>

Oh yeah? How so?

'Well I'm five tall now' <Stands on tiptoes>

Yeah? Is that much taller than, let's say... yesterday?

'.. suppose not...' <Come off tip of toes>

'... But I am five strong now'

<Shows me her muscles>

<Looks> ... What are we looking at?

<Points> 'There'

<Looks harder>Where?

<Points> 'There!!!'

<Strains to see>

Oh yes! <Lies> I see!

'Told you. FIVE strong!'

You sure did. Very cool.

'...'

...

'Can I drive the car now I'm five?'

Nope

'Can I stay up late and watch violent Boy8's cartoons?'

Yeeee-Nooo

'Can I watch Star Wars Episode III?'

Nope

'Do I still have to go to school?'

Yes... and for quite some time

'Till I'm six?'

Yes, maybe even longer <Refrains for mentioning the ghastly truth>

'Am I old enough to light the fire now'?

No. But you can pass me logs and crumple paper

<Is unimpressed>

'Do I get any Super Powers at five?'

Try jumping through that wall

<Splat>

Ha ha! Seems not

Nope

'...'

'WHAT DO I GET AT FIVE THEN???'

<Thinks, but has no ideas>

... Show me that muscle again...

'This one?' <Points>

Oh yeah, Ooooo! That's big! You must be very strong…

'Five Strong actually'

Indeed

OO! I just thought of one thing you do get at five!

'Wot?'

<Gives a five hug>

I have seen on other blogs and websites that it is quite customary to write a gushing and frankly puke inducing list of things that you love about your child once, and whence, and whencever (all real words) they have a birthday.

I did contemplate writing a 'gusher' as it were. And I could.

But then I thought naaaa... No one wants to read that.

Miss5 (née Miss4) knows I love her.

Instead I thought I'd write a list of all the things the-artist-formally-known-Miss4 is and does that I think makes unique and rock quite so hard.

Essentially, a list of reasons why I would want to hang out with Miss4 in the pub library...

1. Miss4 claims all farts

If someone farts, and no one apologises or owns up, Miss4 will put up her hand and say she did it.

Even if she didn't.

Karmic-ally speaking that is mind blowing. What an amazing selfless gesture. On the road to inner peace she is already working out which exit she needs to take. What a star.

Try it yourself next time, take someone else's fart shame.

We should all do that.

2. Sweets

Miss4 shares her sweets with everyone around her, until they are gone.

She doesn't make a fuss. She just shares. Even if they are just for her, or it's a tiny bag of sweets. She shares.

In fact Miss4 will hunt you down and offer you a sweet. Which considering her little legs and the million stair gates we have through our house, is no mean feat for her.

It's not as though she doesn't like sweets, she loves them. But she wants to share them more than she wants to eat them all. What a weirdo. I've literally no idea where she's learnt this from. Me and Mrs. Amazing share, we do. But we are firm believers in 'snooze you lose', or 'be upstairs when the sweets are opened, get no sweets', or 'if you're not hiding in the cupboard with us whilst we eat all the sweets, you get none'.

Imagine Miss4 (in years to come obv.) in the pub, coming to find you, just to make sure you've got a drink. Blinding!

3. The need to rock

Despite loud noises hurting her teeny ears. Miss4 understands and appreciates the need to rock.

More specifically, Miss4 understands my need to rock, whilst driving.

The other day we got in the car and Muse, who do very much rock, were playing. Miss4 was in the front with me and the music was lovely guitar crunchy rock. 

Only it came on at a sensible volume. Ew. I left it that way as I didn't want to blast Miss4 with loud music. I need not have worried.

Whilst I drove off, Miss4 leant forward to the CD player, pressed and held the volume button until it hit suitable gurning volume.

Then with a smile, Miss4 sat back, put her fingers in her ears and we rocked out together.

(And now... Row, row, row your boat )

4. It's her world and we are but guests in it

I utterly love this about Miss4.

Miss4 doesn't need my approval, or yours, or Mrs. Amazings, or Boy8s. She'd like it, don't get me wrong, she loves fitting in. She likes being part of a team. She loves to get praise just like everyone else. 

But she won't pretend to enjoy something just to please you. If you're doing something she doesn't want to do, then she'll move on. None of this waiting and hoping crap.

You wanna play ball? I wanna play Lego. You play ball. I'm playing Lego.

You want into her world? And you do, then it's on her terms.

She does not exclude or ignore, she isn't mean and she isn't cold. She will happily play your game, do your challenge, be with you. But the moment she's not having fun, or she's bored. Your time is up.

It's her world and we are but guests in it.

5. Pom pom

Miss4 loves pom-poms. Little balls of string that you can glue to stuff. Lovely.

But for her it beyond that. She loves the words pom-pom too. In fact she uses it quite often as we talk.

How was your day?

'Pom-pom'

What did you have for lunch

'Chicken and pom-pom'

Did you do any sticking today, stick down any small balls of string?

Yes <Grins>

6. Miss4 is a master builder

I consider myself creative. 

And thus blessed / cursed with a good imagination.

Mrs. Amazing: 'What shall we do today?'

Let's invent a mega-fast-drive and fly to America, I will dress as an orange penguin and we can sneak onto George Lucas's ranch. Once on the ranch I will steal four horses, convince them through a new found horse whispering ability, that they want partake with me in a horse-penguin extravaganza show to grab Georges attention. As George watches, you swoop in and wow him with your youness, George befriends us, and we all fly about galaxy in the Falcon!

'... orrrr... we could visit your Mum for lunch?'

Yeah... we could do that instead...

My idea sounded more fun though

<Is a little huffy>

‘And nuts’

‘Maybe next week’ <Pats me on head>

I seem to have two LEGO modes. 

I can either allow my O.c.D. tendencies to rise up, like a big careful and precise monster, and follow the instructions TO THE LETTER! As the Lego Gods intended, ultimately tearing myself apart as I fail to achieve the perfection I strive.

Or I can don my snowboard, gloves, lipsill, and really head off off-piste. And build mad crap. Lego constructions without reason or use or logic. And whilst I consider the mad crap I make to be of highest... er... crapness madness.

I am but a student to Miss4's Lego creative master.

She builds with heart and soul.

(How long did that take you?... Two minutes… Shiiit)

But that's not the brilliant bit. The brilliant bit is that through her surreptitious use of the phrase pom-pom whilst I we singing along to songs, she can reduce me to tears of laughter. There is somewhere inside my little girl, a comedic genius lurking.

As always with comedy, it's the timing she does so well...

[John Lennon's - Imagine plays, I sing along]

“Imagine there's no heaven”

“It's easy if you try”

“No hell below us”

“Above us only...”

<Shouted from the back> 'POM-POM'

“Imagine all the people living for today”

<Giggles from the back>

<The seriousness and gravity of the lyrics are utterly undermined, I crack up, and end up laughing through the rest of the song>

<Mrs. Amazing gets in the car to find me and Miss4 dying of laughter to John Lennon's Imagine>

<Mrs. Amazing ignores us>

7. Miss4's favourite is not me

It's Mrs. Amazing. I know it. You know it. We all know it. BabyBoy1 knows it.

Miss4 is not subtle in her Team Parent (yay!) preference either. The t-shirt and matching hat are hurtful, even Daddies like hugs sometimes.

But it is fine. Being second to Mrs. Amazing is not a bad place to be. And those two do seem to have things in common, that I do not. Physical things. They both have long hair.

At present I find I have to work hard to win Miss4's love at the moment, and whilst that sucks on many, many levels, and really I wish Miss4 would be more Daddy friendly. We do have our moments.  

And there is one very clear silver lining to this. Miss4 has learnt, already, just how much she is worth to me and she uses it merciless against me. At only four, Miss4 understands her self worth better than most adults I know.

Long may it reign Miss4.

8. Miss can be as fierce as hell

I think other tales on here will explain how fierce you are better than I will now LINK.

But I will add this.

When Miss4 ripped her curtains, and rail, from the wall, pulling the raw plugs out too, when she did that at bedtime in anger and defiance because she didn't like the nice butterflies stickers on your wall.

All of a sudden.

That night, after I had calmed down and screamed into a pillow for a bit, had quite a few cups of tea, eaten a whole chocolate bar, bitched about how long it was going to take me to re-drill the holes for her curtain rail. After all that joy. It was then that I released just how fierce, spirited and full of fire you really are.

I am so bloody proud of you.

9. Nose picking

My rule is you can pick your nose as long as no one else sees. Which I think is fair.

Fingers fit nostrils for a reason.

Miss4 accepts this rule, and now hides under a blanket or duvet, so I can’t see. Whilst she picks her nose. 

Genius.

(Bye Miss4... You were magic!)

[Is putting Miss5 to bed after a lovely birthday]

Can I have big five year old hug?

<Asks because Miss5 does not want to be hugged sometimes><But hates having to>

'NO'

<Internal tears nearly start, but gets a grip, and instead thinks>

Then can I have... a big four year old hug?

'Yes'

<Secretly gives a five hug>