Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).
X
Showing posts with label halloween. Show all posts
Showing posts with label halloween. Show all posts

2 November 2017

Trick or Treat...

It's about the treats, is it not. (It is)
A few people may jokingly say trick, those twonks jokers.
But really it's about the sweets. Candy. Choc-choc. Sugar.
The children say their line. They pick out some sweets.
The children say thank you. We leave.
Everybody is happy.
And I steal their sweets later that night.

Except that this year.
Halloween fell on a Tuesday. Which is frankly a bit rude.
Monday last year was awkward enough. First day of term and all. But a Tuesday? Everyone hates a Tuesday.
Team Parent (yay!) had a quick meeting to discuss what we were going do about it.
As Mrs. Amazing had to stay late at work and wouldn't be back in time to take the kids trick or treating. And I would only get back fifteen minutes before BabyBoy3's bedtime.

(Miss6’s… She wanted a happy pumpkin…
Not sure she’s got the main thrust of Halloween...)

The Treat...

Mrs. Amazing asked if could leave work early.
Which, very surprisingly, I was reluctant to do. As only that morning I had gone in early to gain some time. For a parent evening coming up. When I'll have to leave early.
PLUS! On Sunday we had hosted a lovely Halloween party for Boy10, Miss6 and BabyBoy3, and some of their mates.
Frankly I thought Halloween was done for the year...

Mrs. Amazing: 'What are you doing?'
<Picks up spider from floor>
Tidying up! Halloween is done...
<Picks up another spider from floor>
Now having spiders hanging about just seems weird...
Mrs. Amazing: 'But it's the 30th of October! We're not done!'
<Picks up really big spider from floor>
Really? <Sighs>
Mrs. Amazing: 'Plus that last spider wasn't a toy…’
<SCREAMS and leaps onto a chair flapping my arms about like a thousand bats are on me Nonchalantly places spider back on floor>

It seems I was wrong.
Halloween is now a three day affair. yay.
Mrs. Amazing explains that she would really love to take the terrors out for trick or treating. But cannot. So could I please leave work early and take them. So they don't miss out. I question if this is really important. It is.
Right. <Rolls up sleeves>

I leave work flipping everyone the bird and laughing as I am leaving early.
Genuinely excited to be going trick or treating. Which is weird. Don't think I've ever felt that before. Halloween didn't really feature much in my childhood. This is the UK.
<Gestures to land mass around me>
A few houses will be decorated. Most won't.
As a child trick or treating was to one house. Only. There was a long walk there too.
And then back home again.
yay.

MyMum: 'What did you get?'
YoungMe: 'A... Tadadadadadaaaaaa!!! Twix'
MeMa: 'Where is it?'
YoungMe: <Points at month> '... before the door closed...'

Anyhoo...

I got home.
Where my Mum has been guarding the kids. Knowing I was coming home early to take them trick or treating. So I expect to see the three terrors, dressed as terrors, as I walk in the door.
Instead I see:
Badgers! Everywhere... As far the eye can see... What on earth???...
<Badgers break into a musical number>
<Watches enthralled>
Miss6 ready. Dressed vaguely as a witch. That likes sparkly things. Collecting bucket in hand. Excellent.
Tick.
BabyBoy3 in hella cute pumpkin outfit. But only one sock. He shows me his bare foot.
No tick.
Boy10 still in school uniform. Sat in front of computer. Head phones on.
HUGE QUESTION MARK.

I ask Boy10 why he isn't ready?
I mention there will be free sweets (as if he didn't know). And that he can dress as a werewolf and scare people. He still says he doesn't want to. <Faints>
I double check? And it's still no from Boy10.
I explain there will no chances later. This is it. The chance. With me now. No laters.
Still no.

I ask about his day.
Did anything happen that might have caused this surprising and bewildering lack of desire to go trolling the streets in the dark for sweets? Still no.
So I hug him in case there's something wrong that he doesn't want to say. But a hug might just squeeze out of him.
Nope. Nothing.
I ask for the tenth time. And it's still no. Boy10 just doesn't want to go.
Weirdo.

Ah well.
That just means my evening is going to be cuter. As I've got Miss6 dressed vaguely as a witch. BabyBoy3 dressed as a little pumpkin. And me with a vampire cloak on.
Which I only added as a last minute thought. It's not much. Dressing up wise. A cloak.
But BabyBoy3 keeps calling me Batman when I wear it. Which I frikkin' love!
And every now and then the wind whips up and it flies out and I get to feel all superheroey.
Small things.

We still have BabyBoy3's sock problem to resolve.
He is claiming you don't need socks on with wellies. Whereas me and my Mum are saying you most definitely do. The 'well you can't go then' threat is levelled at him and he stomps off a bit cross. With only one welly on.
Miss6 points out he will miss out on sweets. Back he comes.
We compromise with odd socks and wellies.

Then I realise he hasn't a coat.
I have. Under my cloak. So he definately needs one. I suggest he take off the pumpkin outfit and put the coat under. He is not keen.
R-EAL-LY shouty / kicky not keen.
Another compromise is reached. He'll wear the coat over the costume.
But then no will be able to see your... Oh whatever! Finally ready.
Me, Miss6 and BabyBoy3 stomp off into the night...

(Hella cuties…
You can almost see their Halloween costumes under their coats…
Almost…)

[Outside in the dark]
Miss6: 'It's dark!' <Is in the dark>
… yep… <Is in the same dark>
BabyBoy3: 'Where we going Daddy?'
Round the block...
BabyBoy3: 'Where?'
A. Round. the block!
BabyBoy3: 'Where?'
... This way... <Points>
BabyBoy3: 'OOOOOOOO MOON! DADDY MOON!'
BabyBoy3: <Stops to admire wondrous celestial body> <Pointing>
Miss6: <Stops... admire...celestial... etc...>
… Yep... <Carries on>
<Has seen the moon before>

Of course.
I may have seen the moon before. From outside. Many times when heading out to the pub do late night revision or charitiorious (real word) work.
But BabyBoy3 hasn't. He's normal dressed up in Buzz Lightyear jammies and heading off to bed when moon does her sky boogie.
And to be honest if it's the first time you get to see the moon. Outside.
Well you would stop and stare...

<Watches Miss6 and BabyBoy3 looking at moon>
<Gets bored> ... Come on... Chop chop!!!
<Does Dad style motioning that never works>
We're never going to get round the block at this rate!
Miss6 & BabyBoy3: <Run to catch me up> <Lots of welly noises>

And then us three have the best fun.
I really enjoyed myself. They were lovely. Everyone we met was lovely. We giggled a lot.
Some things frightened them. But they just moved closer to me. Hiding in my cape apparently was enough safety for BabyBoy3.
Who else can make you feel safe, if not your Dad...

You knock...
Miss6: 'No way'
Go on... That giant spider is giving me the creeps...
Miss6: <Sighs>
Miss6: <Knocks on tiptoes>
[Door opens and a little girl dressed as a bumble opens the door]
ARHGGHHGGHGH BEE!!! <Runs>

A few houses we knocked at.
The door opened and Miss6 said hi to a friend. That I didn't recognise at all.
Their parent looking back at me. Thinking the same.
Both wondering how they knew each other. But unable to ask each other due to manners.
Smiles all round. Quick exit.

After each house.
BabyBoy3 kept saying 'One more, just one more...'.
Bless. Just like his Dad in the pub at work doing work unit... thingys… A lot.
He said every hous. Despite me telling him we had at least five more houses to go to. With our next door neighbour being last.
Still he was happy.

Half way round.
And I couldn’t help myself. And I started calling BabyBoy3 'Little Pumpkin'.
As he was dressed as a little pumpkin.
BabyBoy3 tolerated that twice before correcting me...

BabyBoy3: 'I'm not a little pumpkin!'
<Both me and Miss6 point to his bright orange outfit>
BabyBoy3: 'I am BABY. BOY. 3!'
... <Exchanges look with Miss6> Fair enough little pumpkin...

Eventually with buckets full.
We plodded home. Lit our jack o'lanterns and put them outside. Declaring the universal sign of 'We will give you sweets if you knock and ask'.
Boy10 was put in charge of handing out sweets to the trick or treaters.
Whilst I put BabyBoy3 to bed. Which didn't take long as BabyBoy3 was utterly knackered. Late walking really took it out of him.
Milk was thrown down his throat and we watched the excellent Sarah and Duck Halloween episode.
He was asleep in minutes. Bonza.

(Sarah: ‘No Duck I haven’t seen your pastry...’
Sarah: <Munching noises>
Duck: ‘QUACK!’ *(‘You utter cow bag Sarah! That’s mine!’))

Mrs. Amazing arrived home just in time.
For Miss6 to ditch me as bedtime story teller. In favour of Mummy. It still hurts.
But I stood strong and insisted it was my turn. We had great fun.
Mrs. Amazing took Boy10 up for bed. Me taking over sweet handing out duties.
Our three jack o'lanterns calling trick or treaters to our house.

The Trick...

Suddenly alone downstairs.
With the rest of the very first SimpsonsTreehouse of Horror to finish watching. YAY!
Quietly so Boy10 didn't hear.
Something occurred to me. <Does shifty eyes>
Something wicked and totally in keeping with the Halloween spirit I feel. A trick if you will!
And possibly a lot little bit based on how upset I was that the good chocolates (the Cadbury's ones) had all been handed out. And now we were handing out actually non-halloween allocated treats from the chocolate cupboard.
My treats.

Now… if... the jack o'lanterns.
Happened to get blown out. By accident. By wind for instance. It could happen.
And no one noticed...

... well then the amount of chocolate we had in the house would be, let's say, safeguarded the most. There would be an increase in stock of sweets in the house, for anyone wanting to munch nice stuff through the entire of The Great British Bake Off.
<Does evil, but polite, maniacal laugh>

Then there was a knock at the door.
Two very cute trick or treaters were at the door. We had been to their house earlier.
I give them extra treats and flushed all thoughts of jack o'lantern sabotage out of my head.
It was just a thought anyway. Never would have done it, in a million nanoseconds years.
<Does shifty eyes>

Anyway.
I could probably do with eating a few less sweets some nights.
Halloween is as good as any other!
<Spies Miss6’s and BabyBoy3’s sweet buckets…>
<Is tempted...>
X


4 November 2016

Carving the Pumpkins...

Halloween fell on a monday this year.
Which is a bit crap. Far nicer last year. When it was on saturday.
Far easier to stay out late with the munchkins having fun last year.

And it was the first Monday of the school term.
There was no chance any of my lot were staying out late. Going from house to house demanding chocs from people trick or treating...

[Bing Bong]
<Door opens>
Kids: 'Trick or treat!'
Twonk: 'Treat!'
<Confused looks all round>
...
Boy9: 'Dad! This guy said treat!'
Twonk Cool. That's his choice...
<Whispers to Boy9> Send in the little boy
<BabyBoy2 pushed to the front, not dressed up as he refused again>
BabyBoy2: <Sticks out ickle hand> 'Choc? Pweeease???' <Big imploring eyes>
Twonk: <Cracks> Oh you're just too cute! Here, here, here <Hands out lots of sweets>
Kids: 'Thank you'
Team Parents: 'Thank you twonk'

Halloween prep started on Sunday.
Carving time. We had been out having a right laugh visiting trains and the such. Poop-poop etc. We got back, ate, rested. And then Team Parents (yay!) suddenly remembered it was Halloween tomorrow.
Smeg!
It had nearly slipped our minds. Because Mrs. Amazing was full of cold and not her normal self. And because I wasn't full of cold and was my normal myself.

Still we did remember.
In your faces! And Team Parent (yay!) instantly sprung into action and became an efficient pumpkin carving unit.
I'll make a cuppa...
Mrs. Amazing: 'I'll get something to nibble'

Mrs. Amazing was chief scooper.
Because our knives are not sharp. Eons ago I spent a lot of time working in restaurants for cake. And I was taught that a safe knife is a sharp knife. <Cackles>
Yet in our house we have eight six little hands reaching into drawers without looking. Awesome.
So keeping knives beard trimmer razor sharp seems a bit like leaving pens on the floor in a star shape... A pentangle if you will... And then being miffed when a demon shows up...

(Cup of tea?
ScaryFlamingDemon: 'TWO SUGARS PLEASE’
ScaryFlamingDemon: 'AND CREAM IF YOU’VE GOT IT’)

[BAMF]
ScaryFlamingDemon: 'YOU SUMMONED ME MORTAL!'
<Pauses Bake off on tele>
Wothca. No. Sorry. <Picks up tea> There must be some sort of mistake.
We didn't order a Demon
ScaryFlamingDemon: 'YOU MOCK ME? I SEE THE PENTANGLE OF SUMMONING BEFORE ME!'
<Glances down> Oh... that. Miss5! MISS5! You've left your colouring pens on the floor again! Come clean them up!
Miss5: <Scurries downstairs> 'Hello' <Waves>
ScaryFlamingDemon: 'HI' <WAVES BACK>
Miss5: 'Silly me!' <Picks up pens> <Manages to get pen on her face, hands, legs and nose>
ScaryFlamingDemon: 'I SEE' <LOOKS A BIT LOST>
Sorry. Is there anything else we can help you with?
ScaryFlamingDemon: 'YES SMEGGER! WHILST I'M HERE I'll HAVE YOUR MORTAL SOULS'
Uh-huh... Miss5? <Has a sip of tea>
Miss5: 'FREEZE' <Freezes the Demon on the spot just like Elsa would>
Boy9? <Has another sip-a>
Boy9: <Appears armed to the teeth in Nerf guns> 'Yes Dad?'
Help this gentle...er... demon out will you...
Boy9: 'What?'
Pardon <Gives look> Shoot him / it!
[Lots of shooting and missing, eventually the Demon explodes into a million pieces]
Mrs. Amazing: <Is walking though>
Mrs. Amazing: <Whips out magic wand and says her magic words> 'Diamonds and shoes' <Doesn't stop>
[All pieces of Demon are sent back to the demonic portal they emerged from, rug is straightened, sofa cushions are fluffed and a fresh cup of tea appears]
<In awe> You are a-maze-zing!
<Unpauses Bake off>

Anyhoo...

I cut the tops off the Pumpkins.
With a blunt knife. Mrs. Amazing scooped like a boss. And then, foolishly I feel, we asked the children what they wanted carved into / onto their pumpkins.
They had one each. Like little red riding hood, but with pumpkins. Sizewise (not bear and porridgewise obv.).

BabyBoy2's pumpkin:
Well he didn't have any requests. He was pretty confused why we had huge vegetables on the table and knives out.
Babyboy2 just wanted to play with his fire engine. What was all the full about these orange thingys?
So he went floorward and played with his (was Boy9's) Fireman Sam fire engine. Happy days. Happy loving firemen and their big powerful engines days...

[NEE-NAR-NEE-NAR]
BabyBoy2: 'YAYYYY! NEE-NAR!'
Mrs. Amazing: 'Quick! Quick! Pull over'
...I was...
Mrs. Amazing: <Leans out of window and starts whoopering and hollering>
Must you do this every time?
Mrs. Amazing: 'Just showing them some support'
What are you holding? Is that a sign? IS THAT YOUR PHONE NUMBER?
Mrs. Amazing: 'Er... Return of the Jedi, Leia in a gold bikini'
Er... <Is distracted> er... <Returning to reality>
What?... What were we talking about?
Mrs. Amazing: 'Pie'
Mmmmmmm... Pie

(Yeah but can he do this? <Does insane amazing dance>
Mrs. Amazing: ‘You know... I bet he can’t’ <Smiles>
Yeah!)

I sit and think about what to carve for BabyBoy2.  
And then carve him a pirate themed pumpkin. He has started saying shouting 'Ahoy' and 'Arrrrr matey' lately so I figure it could be a hit. Plus I feel confident I can carve an eye patch.
It goes so well I get cocky. And add more things round the side. They go wrong.
And the scar on the left fails. It was supposed to be a hash mark.
I stop carving anything more. But overall I'm happy. I show BabyBoy2.
BabyBoy2 cares not.
That's just a weird vegetable that you've cut bits out of.
You weirdos.

Miss5's pumpkin:
As Miss5 actually cares what is on her pumpkin. She was given paper and asked to draw what she wanted. Mrs. Amazing did this. Not me.
Had it been me Miss5 would have been given limited, pre-approved, options.
A square. A line. At a push a triangle.
Miss5 shows me her picture when she's done.
I am expecting to see something so complex and abstract that I would have to defy the laws of physics to even carve a shallow copy of it onto a pumpkin.
I fear the worst.

It's fine. Phew.
It's just two big eyes. And a mouth full of thin sharp and very pointy teeth.
The eyes go well and match Miss5's design. But the teeth go badly.
My first cut is a big mistake. I cut the bit I want to keep, as it were. Smeg.
And there's no going back. So one design change later, I carve it with one huge tooth instead.
Miss5 isn't very cool about the change.
Until... I show her the Bat(ish) logo I did on the back.
I get a Miss5 high five.
Life is brilliant.

Boy9:
Having spend a while on BabyBoy2's pumpkin and Miss5's pumpkin. It is only now that I realise Boy 9 has been online. All this time. Searching for the pumpkin design he wants to carve.
OMFB! Get him off the internet! ARGHGHGH!
There's loads and millions of pictures of amazing pumpkin carvings everywhere!
Is that Darth Vader riding a wookie?
That's disgusting

Boy9's design choice is complex.
Way more complex than I was hoping for. It's way past my square, circle and triangle hopes.
There's letters for bacon's sake (FBS)!
I express my concern...

No way. I can't do that!
Boy9: 'Don't worry Dad I'll carve it'
Really? Re-ealllly? Cool!
Boy9: <Does one knife cut>
Boy9: <Does another knife cut>
Boy9: 'It's too hard' <Passes me back the knife>
Boy9: 'Can you do it for me?' <Does big pwease eyes>
No No chance How about a nice square shape? But I was gonna starting eating chocolate
... er... Fine. Sure mate
<Should have seen that coming from a mile off>
<Everyone else leaves to go do fun stuff>

I am not a carver.
I have meagre skills at best. The last of the sun light has gone by the time I am finished and my beard is touching my toes.
Upstairs I can the sounds of a fun bath time going on. Lots of heavy thudding and BabyBoy2 shrieking with delight.
I know it sounds a lot more fun that it is at the end of tiring day. And given the choice Mrs. Amazing would swap in a heartbeat and then ask me to carve it later.
Finally finished. I look at what I have achieved and hope that Boy9 likes it.
Or he will wear it.
I don't want to disappoint him.

(Toothy, Arrr! and Boo!)

I put candles in the three pumpkins.
And line them up in the fireplace for when everyone comes downstairs.
Then I go wash all the pumpkin off my hands. Off my trousers. The floor. The table. My top. My hands again. More floor. My hands once more.
Turns out I'm quite messy when carving.

Pyjamed and ready for milk and cartoons.
They all bundle downstairs and have a look at their pumpkins.
Boy9 gives me a hug thank you when he sees what I carved for him and my heart sings.
Miss5 points out the Bat logo on hers proudly to Boy9. He doesn't care.
And just in case I wasn't feeling the Dad love enough and all Dad-Done-Good about it all...
BabyBoy2 shouts 'Ahoy Matey' when he sees his.
Bonza.

X