A New Tradition (For Me)...

I’ve started a new tradition in my house.

(It's happened thrice which totes counts as a tradition, it’s basically an institution now).

It’s to do with half terms, winter breaks and Chocathons Easter hols.

And it’s to do with me missing out on half term fun.

As a reluctant Dad at work...

Miss7: 'Hi Daddy! Nice day at work?'

Yes thanks... What did you ALL get up to this fine mid-half-term day? Day FOUR into your TWO weeks off? <Does weird smile>

Miss7: 'Loads of awesome stuff!'

Wooo... <Is feeling very mature about it all>  

So happy for you all <Also doesn’t care>

Miss7: 'But we thought it wasn't fair that you had to work all the time, whilst we're having so much fun!'

<Is shocked and more than a little touched>

REALLY?

<Tears well>

Miss7: 'Yep. We thought you might like to join in the game we were playing earlier?'

I would love to <Wipes away tear> I would really love to!

Miss7: 'It's round here' <Leads me outside the house>

Er... What game were you playing?

Miss7: 'Water bombs! NOW!' <Runs for cover>

WHAT? NOOOOOOOOO!!!

<Does Platoon pose>

(<Tuts at the state of the garden after the winter>)

So the great new tradition I’ve worked out?

Well it’s pretty simple. Every half term. I take a day off work.

Yep. TADA!

<Dusts off hands… Work is done>

<Turns off PC>

<Turns off lights>

<Leaves house>

<Burns down house>

<Is watching flames>

[Mrs. Amazing arrives]

Mrs. Amazing: ‘WHAT THE FABRIC HAVE YOU DONE?’

<Does wistful face> It was over… It had to be done…

<Boy10 holds Mrs. Amazing back>

What? You want details? Oooo… Of course!

<Stops sending message telepathically>

So why?

Well it’s simple. I finally got fed up with half terms being something that happens to everyone else in the house. Except me...

Mrs. Amazing: ‘Check these out’

<Mrs. Amazing, Boy10, Miss7 and BabyBoy3 show me their new t-shirts>

Nice… ‘Best 2018 Easter half term ever’... Cool…

<Heart is breaking>

Mrs. Amazing: ‘Don’t look so sad, we got you one!’ <Passes t-shirt>

<Holds up t-shirt> ‘I worked through the Best 2018 Easter half term ever’

<Drops t-shirt> I’ll be in the chocolate cupboard… <Climbs in>

[Sobbing and munching sounds can be heard]

The drudgery (yes drudgery) of going to work Monday to Friday on and on.

Was getting to me. It sucked.

And it was not helped by everyone else having a week!!! OR TWO!!! Off every few months (don't get me started on Summer hols).

Playing. Going on adventures.

Awesome stuff.

I love playing!

I frickin’ love mad adventures. That’s my special skill. Being in, and the main fault of creating mad adventures. The madder the better! Normally with me in charge (??).

Planning? PAH! That's for people that want to know what is going to happen! Where's the adventure in that.

I also love spending time with my children. All of them. Really. Yeah even Boy10 in full on grump.

And I don’t actually need to be out doing expensive amazing things with them either.

Just time together is cool. An a day spent playing hide and seek, paper plane fights, and a good scoot round the block, and I’m happy.

And chocolate.

However amazing things can be found.

And cheaply! Hoooray! This tradition is not a money-money-splashy-splashy thingy.

As I've no money...

<Empty pockets>

[Maglite, pocket knife, lighter, 8GB memory stick, keys, gum, 14p, and a LEGO Wicket arm fall to floor]

See! <Picks up 14p before Boy10 sees it>

So who needed to sort this out?

Make this new tradition, traditionanised (real wordy), traditioninated? Any guesses?

No? It’s one of Team Parent (yay!)...? It isn’t Mrs. Amazing? No? Seriously?

Mrs. Amazing was/is already busy sorting out her own stuff every half term. Mainly looking after three mad short people (children). Whilst maintaining her sanity. No easy task (due to the children that is...).

Mrs. Amazing did/does not have time to cheer up someone moaning about spending his day in adult-land, with peace and quiet, warm tea and cakes, at work.

No.

Mrs. Amazing already has three children to care for. <Counts them> Yes three.

If I wanted how half terms go down to change.

It was up to me.

<Does super Dad pose>

<Holds tummy as long as possible>

<Has methane escape>

(<Builds power levels>…)

So that's what I did/do.

It was/is exhausting. It takes planning. And arranging stuff AHEAD of time with Mrs. Amazing (I cannot stress enough how important the ahead of time bit is).

All stuff I hate! And suck at. Planning. URGH! Structure! URGH! Low fat mayo! URGH! <Voms a little>

But I do it because of them, and for me. And because I want in on the half term fun.

And why the hell not?

My criteria for our AMAZING DAY OUT TOGETHER is simple:

1. We all have to go.

ALL of us. No one is allowed to stay at home sat in front of YouTube instead (Boy10) or just stay at home alone enjoying everyone else not being there (me and Mrs. Amazing). No one is allowed to stay at home colouring in all day (Miss7).

And definitely no one can stay at home watching Fireman all day (BabyBoy3).

There’s laws and stuff.

2. Cost wise it needs to be very much on the lowness side.

There's frikkin' five of us. FIVE! That’s a gitish family ticket, and one more. Because apparently family's are limited to four. Since-the-smeg when?

I did look into going to a really cool dinosaur thing in London recently. It looked hella amazing. We all would have loved it so much. Me most.

It probably would have scared BabyBoy3 a bit, but he would have still loved it once he stopped crying.

It was £30 each. That’s £150 straight off. Even £30 for BabyBoy3 who is prone to sleeping randomly, or not wanting to do something really fun for no reason other than his socks feel weird. And it was only an hour long!

I know strip clubs that charge less than that!

(Obvs. I don't they all charge a lot more I do not indulge in that kind of thing).

3. Ideally it should be all day.

My holiday days from work are like gold dust, covered in chocolate, sat on a big Star Wars pile, playing brilliant music, cake (go on picture it). And I don't have enough. Never will.

If I am taking a day off from work to be with my kids and Mrs. Amazing.

I wanna max it right out. End to end stuff.

If I'm not crawling into bed at 9pm utterly exhausted, bruises on my knees, head spinning with wonder and excitement, phone full of pictures.

Then what the jammy dodger was I doing?

4. It’s gotta be vaguely educational, or cultural.

Ideally both. I don’t know why. I just think it's important I push these sort things too. As Dad.

Plus I like stuff like that too.

That doesn’t mean we’re going to art galleries I careth not about. Nope.

That would be dumb. I can’t get anyone excited unless I care myself.

It just means that dragging the entire family miles to see an exhibition of 'Raiders of the Lost Arc' stuff is very much on the cards. Cultural and educational and historical.

And awesome.

And then there's the actual work.

The stuff that I need to do to make sure the day happens. The stuff that if I don't do, then someone else has to do. Ergo Mrs. Amazing.

And we've discussed that, if I want it, then it's on me.

So here’s the work I do.

If it helps you, good. If not, sorry. If I'm doing it dumb, then tell me better...

A long time before the day:

With Mrs. Amazing we pick a day we are all free in the half term and I book it off.

Maybe months before. Cancelling leave last minute is really easy.

Taking leave last minute not so much.

<Is begging> Please?

Boss: 'Hmmm...' <Rolls two billion-sided dice>

Boss: 'You need ten...'

COOL!

Boss: 'Or less.'

Oh...

Nearer the time:

Pick where to go.

It’s really weird this country. There’s loads of amazing free stuff out there. But it's the stuff that costs money that's shoved in your faces. I suppose advertising.

But still... there’s the National History Museum (Dinosaur bones), National Science Museum (Cool science stuff) and Imperial War Museum (War stuff) - All free.

We’ve been to all three. All bloody brilliant. Will go again.

A few days before:

Work out all the incredibly boring travel logistics.

URGH. This bit sucks. But yay for Google as basically I tap in where I live and where I wanna go and it tells me how to get there. MAGIC!

Then I swear and curse at the irritating train ticket booking websites. Before handing over loads of cash for discounts cards (Friends and Family). Then regretting choosing to pick up the tickets from the station, trying to be all modern and paper free, and it’s free. But then stressing about it until I have the tickets in my hands.

Day before:

I print out a map of where we are going. With street names. Very important.

Yep me and Mrs. Amazing both have phones. With GPS, and maps.

But picture it. Three train insane children running about. It’s raining. There are bears.

We're utterly lost in London and there’s no phone signal. Or our GPS's aren't working, or have gone mad like Mrs. Amazing’s did last time.

Or just for some peace stupidly we let Boy10, Miss7 and BabyBoy3 drain our phone batts on the train on the way up.

We need a paper map.

(Don’t worry! I’ve a map! <Pulls out map>

Mrs. Amazing: ‘Oh brilliant, you are so....’ <Gives me a look>

Now... we need to find a big skull shaped rock…

Mrs. Amazing: <Heads of to ask help from a fellow adult>)

Night before:

I make and pack enough sandwiches, snacks, treats, fruit, drinks, waters, elevenies pick-me-ups, sugar boost emergency treats for little ones, sugar boost emergency treats for big ones... etc. Enough food to feed the entire population of Luton, or us five for a day.

It normally takes me two hours to do it. Which if I removed the singing time, gurning, air guitar solos and pretending I’m J.K., could possibly be an hour.

But where would be the fun?

In bed (far too late at night):

Talk through my the plan with Mrs. Amazing.

Actually work as a team and let Mrs. Amazing have input. Which is generally a good idea because she is better than me at remembering medicines, clothing changes, child safety, how the real world actually works, and that I can only carry BabyBoy3 half the distance I think I can. Or, and this was a winner, how best to utilise a visit to Imperial War Museum with Boy10’s school work.

Together we rock.

Then finally we are ready.

Ready to have exhausting fun. In the half term. All day.

Me included.

X

Epilogue:

Mate: ‘Yo! Blood! How’s it going?’

[Both do very intricate, but totally over the top handshake ritual]

[..still going…]

[... and done]

Yeah good man. You?

Mate: <Nods cooly>

Did ya read me latest blog?

Mate: ‘Yeah! Utterly, utterly, brilliant. Bravo. <Claps> I’m so doing that’

Thanks

Mate: ‘So where did you all go this half term? As per your new tradition!’

…

…

Bums... I forgot!

Mate: ‘It’s lucky you’re pretty then’

Cheers… <Doesn't feel very pretty>

Dinosaur Bones! YAY! (NHM)...

It was half term.

And for a change. I was prepared.

I had a half term plan. We were all going to go out.

Together. And we were damn well going to have fun...

[Dramatic end of the world music starts]

I'd even pre-planned it.

Madness. A month before hand I'd put in the day off request at work with accompanying pint of blood, bone of an ancestor and map to the hidden treasure of Bob the muppet.

Mrs. Amazing was on board with the idea too and had a day off as well.

The plan was to head to London. And visit the Natural History Museum (NHM)!

(Which is where the British keep lots of stuff Natural History related) (And it's free to get in!) (And there's dinosaurs. Real bones and stuff!!! <Squeals Battle cries>)

Team Parent (yay!) didn't agree on whether or not to take BabyBoy2.

Both were right thoughts. I wanted the little fella there. As can you imagine the sensory input his little head would get from walking around the NHM!

Yes. A lot.

And I was expecting to learn loads myself. And I'm thirty-cough-cough-my-knees-hurt.

Mrs. Amazing's counter argument was just as good.

BabyBoy2 will be a right pain and wee himself all the time, and we'll have to take a buggy, and wouldn't it be nicer to just have one child each to care for a change.

All good and pretty convincing arguments.

I persisted.

I wanted BabyBoy2 to see dinosaur bones. And the big blue whale at the NHM. But mainly the dinosaur bones.

He was going frickin’ love them! (and me).

Mrs. Amazing proved her class, for the zillionth time, and relented. We would go en masse .

Albeit with a definite implication that I would be carrying everything, more so, and all toilet related issues regarding BabyBoy2 were mine, and mine alone to enjoy.

Fine. I was going to do that anyway but hadn't told anyone.

As money wise we are in the 'Ain't-Got-None' bracket.

We needed food for the whole day. For five. That we could carry. No buying on site.

Another Team Parent (yay!) vote later. And Mrs. Amazing was off to catch up on some real-world-work. And I was emptying the fridge making sarnies.

A whole hour it took. And I don't spread that slow. I'm quick. An frickin’ hour.

Ham only for Boy9, tuna mayo for Miss6, and smaller versions of everything for BabyBoy2, who isn't fussy (except when he's really fussy and won't eat anything, but that's not flavour related).

One premium grade, the best sandwich I can make, for Mrs. Amazing. And a cornish pasty for me. Nice.

Then I added 10am snack stuff. Top-up-sugar-levels treats for random points during the day. Waters all round. Juice boxes. And afternoon fruit for the those that refuse their most favourite sandwiches. Swines.

An hour.

Actually I think I worked pretty quickly.

(May not hold enough food for five, but can easily fit in a jet pack,
flamethrower for the wrist gauntlets, and a whipcord launcher...)

(Should they be needed again)

There was too much for my rucksack.

Mrs. Amazing had to take overflow in another rucksack. She opted mainly for the chocolate snacks.

Which was disappointing wise....

Boy9: 'Dad what are you eating?'

<Has brown stuff on hands and all round mouth>

... Er… Mud... <Swallows lovely, lovely chocolate>

Boy9: 'Really?' <Is not convinced>

You dare doubt my word?

Boy9: 'Go on then... Have some more...' <Big grin>

<Crouches ready to eat more mud>

<Runs>

However.

It occurred to me our three monkeys aren't shrinking. Imagine how many food we'll need in a few years. We'll be leaving with suitcases full of food and I swore I would never find myself in that situation again...

But on the other hand if I accidentally lose them all on route. I could set up a shop.

Might make a few bob...

<Ponders new plan>

We departed with the tide.

I felt hopefully for our quest. With the Dragon's eyes safely stuffed down by britches.

I was also buoyed by having the greatest code-breaker in the land, Boy9, on my crew. His prices were steep but his skills were undeniable. Miss6 was the company's expert in colours and gems. BabyBoy2 a renowned demolition expert. And Mrs. Amazing Captain of the ship (what? <Checks> Captain forever... Oh...).

Fierce and fearless, we'd follow our Captain into the maw of hell should she ask...

(She's has the car keys)

We bundled into the car.

And drove to the station as there's no way I'm carrying three knackered children home at the end of the day. I'll be knackered. They'll be knackered. I want the car for that moment.

It is only as we get out of the car and pay the blood sucking swine parking machines their soul toll. And BabyBoy2 shouts 'TRAIN' for the first time.

That it occurs to me I've never been on a normal train with BabyBoy2.

Ever.

How did that happen?

How is it two plus years into his awesome and world conquering life and we've never been on a normal busy train together. I've no idea. He loves trains!

Poop-Poop! etc...

[We all bundle on train, bags, rucksacks everywhere, and manage to get seats near enough each other]

[Miss6 swaps away from me to sit with Mrs. Amazing]

<Doesn't cry about it>

[The carriage is quiet]

BabyBoy2: 'TRAIN!' <Points at train on the other platform>

BabyBoy2: <Looks at me> 'TRAIN Daddy!'

<Quietly> Yeah mate <Thumbs and eyebrows up>

BabyBoy2: 'TRAIN!' <Points>

<Quietly> Yeah! Train! Wooo...

[Train leaves]

[Quiet in carriage again]

[Another train flies past]

BabyBoy2: 'TRAIN!TRAIN!TRAIN!TRAIN!' <Is on his feet and hollering to the carriage>

<Quietly> Shhh... BabyBoy2...

BabyBoy2: 'TRAIN!TRAIN!TRAIN!TRAIN!'

... Whateve's... YEAH! TRAIN! WOOO! POOP POOP!

(From left train: ‘TRAIN!TRAIN!TRAIN!TRAIN!TRAIN!’)

The rest of the journey is like that.

BabyBoy2 slowly wins over everyone on the train. His joys at what we all take for granted. Is infectious. Eventually there are smiles from strangers whenever he sees a train.

Not everyone. But most.

Then we have the joy of London Underground (trains).

Which are exhausting as parents. They smell. They’re hot. And there’s wee in places.

Not going the right way doesn't help either (me). But we quickly turned around.

BabyBoy2 is too little to be on escalators on his own. So he needs to be carried.

Miss6 needs her hand held and a bit of timing and guidance for every on and off.

And an eye needs to be kept on Boy9 in case he wanders off.

It's like a parenting skills assault course.

At one point I find myself carrying the buggy over one shoulder. The heavy food rucksack on the other two (?). And BabyBoy2 wriggling in one of my arms.

Picture that. Go on. Picture it. Can you see my smile? No? No you can't.

Fully loaded I estimate I have a range of five platforms like this until I pull something in my baby carrying arm. And then maybe two or three more, whining and moaning like I am holding up the universe, before I finally have to give up and just leave him and collapse on the floor.

As I fatigue.

I stop unpacking BabyBoy2 from the buggy and just hero him up the stairs in the buggy (yes hero, it may look awkward and weird, but trust me that's what hero looks like).

Plus it's quicker than getting him out, picking him up, folding up the buggy, going up stairs carrying it all, reassembling buggy, convincing BabyBoy2 he wants to go back in the buggy. For every set of steps. Only to find more FRIKKIN’ stairs around the corner.

No. Better to hero him up in the buggy. Awkwardly.

It's easier.

Except weight, effort, safety wise.

We finally arrive at the NHM.

Snack time whilst we queue to get in. That's a quarter of the food gone. Man the rucksack feels nicer now.

<Starts dancing>

And then we are in. There's nothing to pay for.

I resist hugging one of the stewards.

However it's not quite spring in the UK.

Which means we have big heavy coats and it's a hot warmish day.

We pile the coats on the buggy and it collapses under the weight.

OK we don't. But it would have.

Team Parent (yay!) check the costs and splurge out on the cloakroom. I ain't sweating all the way round a museum again. It'll be worth the money.

Even if it is an eyeball per item to hang a coat on a coat hanger. That are there just for that purpose. <Gives you a look>

Buggy park is free though! Bonza!

I go and flipping queue some more.

The rest camp off to the side and eat all my the sweets.

Just before I get to the front of the queue.

Mrs. Amazing gets my attention...

Put your top back on!

Mrs. Amazing: 'OY! Captain Sweat-On'

Darling?

Mrs. Amazing points down at BabyBoy2.

Fast asleep in the buggy. Worn out from the train ride. And the underground ride. And being carried about. And seeing billions of new things. And from jumping on the seats most of the journey. Excitement has taken its tole on him.

Bless...

We keep the buggy with us and BabyBoy2.

And it works out better than we could have planned. Whilst BabyBoy2 recovers from being carried. We get to do the mineral and earthquake sections in the NHM that involve a lot of reading and being thoughtful. Perfect for Boy9 and Miss6. They both learn loads. We all have fun. #Result #MadeYouLearnAtTheWeekend #InYourTinyFaces

Then we decide to head to the dinosaurs.

The main show.

Just as BabyBoy2, two hours later, wakes up.
As if on cue.

So we stop for lunch.

BabyBoy2 needs feeding when he wakes. Every time. And the other two are now hungry monsters. Plus Team Parent (yay!) are starving.

Knowing that the eating areas could be miles away, and without doubty down a lot of stairs. We make camp under a huge fishy-bone display thingy. Technically in a hallway.

But we're tidy and keep ourselves out of the way as much as possible. Well most of us do. BabyBoy2 is yanked back into the camp every few minutes.

Now full of food. And despite BabyBoy2 refusing to give back a plastic sandwich tub which he has now claimed as his, for the rest of the day. We head off and go and see the dinosaur bones. And other awesome stuff.

Rucksack now pretty light.

<Dances a bit, but is actually quite knackered already, stops for a breather>

(Note the sandwich box...)

BabyBoy2 loves the dinosaurs.

Obvs. Me too it’s hella awesome. BabyBoy2 is so utterly excited about everything we see. All the sensory brain explosions in BabyBoy2 I was hoping for, happen. The museum is great. There’s high up stuff, low down stuff, mid range too. There is something for us all. It's quite brilliant really.

<Sings national anthem>

<But trails off mid first verse as not entirely sure of the lyrics>

We all have great fun.

No grumps from anyone. It is awesome. And did I mention free?

And. Dinosaur bones rock. Rock hard.
Go visit.

Then it's time to leave.

More walking. Underground again. Train again.
And having the car waiting at the station is much loved and appreciated.

<Hugs car>

<Flips parking meter the bird>

Then finally home.

We must have been gone a year at least. Everyone gets a cartoon and carried to bed. They are all fast asleep in moments after a story. BabyBoy2 holding the dinosaur toy we bought him. Miss6 the same. Boy9 holding his new dinosaur game. All happy and right royally knackered.

Team Parent (yay!) limp in front of the tele and become one with the sofa. Really bond with it.

And then an early night (to sleep).

Excellent day out.

<Is bloody smug>

<Rubs sore hero arms and can barely move the next day>

X