Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).
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Showing posts with label BabyBoy2. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BabyBoy2. Show all posts

9 June 2017

BabyBoy3! And Bye To BabyBoy2 You Were Scrummy!...

It was BabyBoy2's birthday the other day.
And as normal we wheeled out the birthday machine, powered it up, showed BabyBoy2 into it, press the big ‘DO IT’ button, and a few moments later, out popped a brand new and shiney BabyBoy3. Ready to his third year of life.
Crikey.
The birthday machine of course.
Is Team Parent (yay!). It's not really a machine per se...
Oy! Boy9 pass the me main influx pipe and the de-toddler inlet value, please
Boy9: 'What?'
Pardon.
Boy9: 'I said 'what?''
No, no... You are meant to say pardon, not what.
Boy9: 'To what?'
Don't be a smegger you know what I mean!
You don't say what, you say pardon
Boy9: 'To what?... Sorry.. To pardon?'
Are you going to pass me the bits I need or not?
Boy9: 'What?'
<Has a moment dealing with extreme inner fury>
Team Parent (yay!) had got BabyBoy2 (yes, we are talking about the past, so it's BB2, not BB3) a water play table for his birthday.
It was hid in my shed, because that is locked and no one should be in there but me. As that's where all the dangerous stuff is kept.
And sometimes presents.
Team Parent (yay!) had a quick election, which was grossly reported by the media scum, over who was to put the water table together. Apparently I won in a landline victory of 23 votes. Only one vote was counted for Mrs. Amazing.
I have launched an investigation into voting fraud (there’s only two of us) and have put Mrs. Amazing in charge of the investigation.
Thinking the water table construction would easy.
And because I was confident and very possibly more than a little cocky about it. I started work on the water table at 9pm. Already knackered from being up since 5:30am.
And on a sugar high that only cake baking, and icing, and then eating decorating with sweets, can give me.
My confidence was high because I enjoy building stuff and very rarely have problems.
HA! <Rolls eyes at self>

(Digger cake! I personally tested every sweet on it many times… )

The first job was to install the plug for the table.
So that water can stay in. If this bit is wrong, it just becomes a table. So it is very important.
An hour later Mrs. Amazing finds me leaning my entire body weight on all the plastic bits that make up the table, trying to get it to click into place. My knuckles are sore from pressing against plastic really, really hard. And I am very definitely getting tired and fed up.
Mrs. Amazing is sympathetic and after asking why one bit seems wrong. Senses my mood isn’t at its most chatty.
As she leaves I notice a big hole in the table. A big draining type hole. A hole that if I was designing this thingy, is exactly where I would put the plug...
<Slaps own forehead>

Of course.
I put the plug in the wrong hole. I had attached the plug on a bit clearly higher than all the water would be. It might be handy for stopping air flow I suppose. But as a means of trapping water for play purposes. I'd right mucked it up.
Of course all the bits I had since added, where on top of the wrongly placed plug.
I swore and kicked the carpet and wondered what the hell I had even done to deserve this, why WHY!!! ARHGHHGH laughed to myself and angrily calmly fixed my mistake.
Two hours that water table took.
<Growls> <Scares self and hides under sofa>
Still BabyBoy3 loved his water table thingy.
It was great. Pipes everywhere for splashing about. Some excellent plastic fun. Well worth the time, pain and tears. And the mess someone (me) made of my shed.
Bonza.
Team Parent (yay!).
The brave, brave souls. Let Miss6 and Boy9 choose themselves what they wanted to give BabyBoy3. Within budget, reason, and following basic health and safety…
No disintegrations
Boy9: <Shows me idea for BabyBoy2's present>
Hmmm... Nice idea... But no to matches...
Boy9: <Tries again>
Yeah, but no to giant matches…
Boy9: <Tries once again>
No to chainsaws as well… Too expensive...
Boy9 got BabyBoy3 a Paw Patrol pillow.
Which BabyBoy3 loves and sleeps on every night. Great choice.
And Miss6 got him a dinosaur that roars really loud and has red glowing eyes.
Which BabyBoy3 also loves. One happy little boy!
BabyBoy3: 'RARRRRRRRRR!'

(Mid-birthday day sleep…)
Now.
Tradition and a little of can't be bothered to think of a new format dictates that I know write a reasonable length list of why BabyBoy3 is hella awesome.
Obv. without it being too puke inducing and squishy. Coz ewww..
Containing the more interesting, interest+, stuff that only the inner circle knows (us lot).
The stuff you don't, and wouldn't know, unless you'ld met BabyBoy3 or me in the pub, the gossip, the word on the washing line...
1. BabyBoy3 only has one hiding place
When we play hide and seek (which I love). Boy9 always wins as he is ninja imbued with the magic of a thousand ancient masters. Which is a bit annoying.
And me and BabyBoy3 can always be found in the same place, giggling, under the duvet of my bed.
Nothing will sway him. When you hide you hide there. Or you don't hide.
Miss6 is very sweet about it and jokingly finds us every time with a smile.
Boy9 on the other hand is less impressed. How can you be the champion hider-finder, if the hidies, are rubbish and utterly, utterly predictable.
Still. BabyBoy3 giggles away under the duvet with me and that's worth almost everything.
2. BabyBoy3 hates having his hair brushed.
Been this way for about year now. Seems to think it hurts his ears.
Team Parent (yay!) are super careful and work very hard at making sure we don't even go near his ears.
Except when his hair is too mad and has to be tamed.
3. BabyBoy3's W's are still not correct.
And we love it…

BabyBoy3: 'WOOK Daddy! Wook!'
<Doubles over laughing>
BabyBoy3: 'WOOK Daddy!' <Frantic pointing>
<Still laughing>
<Is mown down by Miss6 out of control on her bike>
Ow...
4. BabyBoy3 scoots like the wind.
At some point in the last few months. BabyBoy2 went from slow scooting and stooping constantly. To OMFB! fast scooting. And stopping just every now and then with controlled crashing on purpose.
He is really very quick. But at full speed he stops looking up and puts his head and just goes. Making motorcycle noises obv.
BabyBoy3's driven firmly into Miss6's heels like that so far. And once I have had to sprint, flat out, to get between him and a road. (Which is always my fault I know, but he could at least look where he is going).
A stern chat about looking where you are going followed...
Miss6: 'You should be looking ahead for roads that BabyBoy3 may race into'
<Hangs head in shame>
Miss6: 'You're the Daddy!!!'
Prove it!
Miss6: <Does mad dance/ninja hand-to-hand combat moves, ends with fireball pose>
It's a fair cop...
5. BabyBoy3 cares not about bedtimes and wake up times.
<Weeps>
BabyBoy2 was great at going to bed. Great at staying in bed. A right little angel and Team Parent (yay!) loved him for it. More so.
But BabyBoy3 cares not for our ridiculous bedtime rules and times. Instead he runs in and out his room as much and as fast as possible for hours. Until he crashes out at the top of stairs. And we only find him once we go to bed. As nothing we do seems to stop him, so we just ignore it.
And as for morning wakeups. He cares not for the 6:30am rule (none of them do actually).
But BabyBoy3 really pushes it as he trots in, cars in hand, at 5:30am.
Suns up, BabyBoy3's up - seems to be the rule which Team Parent (yay!) never agreed to and constantly try to change.
(Rather than go to sleep.
BabyBoy3 thought it would be great to line up all his toys.
In Team Parent’s (yay!) room. We disagreed on this…)


6. We no longer have a song.
Which is a bit sad. For two years I sang to that little boy in my arms. And sometimes he sang along with me. And then went down to sleep without fuss.
<Howls a new born baby manly>
But the logistics of BabyBoy3 being in a real bed, and him not letting me in it for a cuddle. Mean his nightly bedtime song has stopped. Else I would be just standing in his room serenading him. While he ran in and out of his room. Which would be weird.
I know. I tried.
However. As I was singing story books to him one night (I don't need to explain myself), Mrs. Amazing noticed that BabyBoy3 was starting to nod off to the singing. So I followed it up with a few numbers, RATM mainly, and off to sleep the little lad went.
There still magic in song for him it seems.
(Or his brain has been carefully programmed over the last two years to go to sleep when I sing).
7. BabyBoy3 will accepts biscuits for most things.
Get in the buggy will ya?
BabyBoy3: 'NOOOOOO'
[Epic struggle over getting buggy happens, I lose]
How about a biscuit?
BabyBoy3: 'Two?' <Shows me two fingers>
Rude. Deal. Two.
BabyBoy3: <Climbs into buggy happily>
<Has a biscuit too>
8. Paw Patrol is his cartoon.
BabyBoy3 loves Octonauts, Sarah & Duck (who doesn't), Shimmer and Shine and Fireman Sam. All cartoons adopted from his bigger siblings.
But Paw Patrol is his. Or as BabyBoy3 says ‘Aw ‘Atrol.
He's the Police dog, Chase. I'm the flying dog, Skye (yes the girl one). Miss6 is the one with a hovercraft, Zuma and Boy9 is Rubble, the one with a bulldozer.
Mrs. Amazing went for the boy, Ryder.
On each mission BabyBoy3 calls out to each of us if we are going on the mission this time, or not. If even if we are not watching.
It's frikkin' cute.

9. BabyBoy3 is a jigsaw expert.
For his age. It's his Grandma that's been training him up on these. Week after week.
And now if left along BabyBoy3 can do surprisingly complex jigsaws all on his own.
I am not talking clear blue sky over a sea view of anything.
But he's good.

10. BabyBoy3 isn't Batman.
Or batboy. Or Bat-BabyBoy3. He won’t have it.
He’ll run about shouting ‘BATMAN! BATMAN! BATMAN!’ at the top of his lungs.
But he isn’t Batman....

Hey! It's Batman!
BabyBoy3: 'Not Batman!' <Says it slowly and clearly> 'I am Baby-Boy-3'
Oh... you have a Batman top on, bat shoes, bat hat, batman toy in your hand...
BabyBoy3: <Slow and now a bit shouty> 'Baby-Boy-3'
OK Batboy...

11. BabyBoy3 is pliant.
BabyBoy2 was super sweet and did most things without fuss or argument.
BabyBoy3 is not the same. Some stuff is still easy to do. But other stuff... Well there's very cute shouting and crossness from him.
BabyBoy3 is starting to enforce his own will on the world. Which mostly fails as BabyBoy3 is still tiny and can easily be picked up.
And as already said, he is susceptible to biscuit bribery just like his Dad.

12. BabyBoy3 is the 2017 winner of 'Loudest Foot Fall in the Whole World'.
How do such tiny feet, make so much noise?...

Where's BabyBoy3?
[From Upstairs] THUD THUD THUD THUD -SMASH
BabyBoy3: 'Oppsie! Oh well… doesn’t matter...'
... THUD THUD THUD THUD
Mrs. Amazing: <Glaces at barely coping ceiling> '... upstairs'
That's him? I thought my dragon had got out...
Mrs. Amazing: 'Your what?'
[Boy9 enters and walks in between us]
Boy9: 'No mum, you mean “Your pardon”’
Boy9: <Gives me a thumbs up and smile>
[Boy9 leaves proud of himself]
<Is frowned at>
<Runs>

Happy Birthday my littlest dude.
I know we're heading into threenanger territory now and we're likely to fight more, and argue.
And there will be more grumping, more NO!s, and stomping off coming.
You'll do it too I bet.
But I also know you are going to making me laugh more, you're going to make me play games more. You're going to want more of my time, and of better quality more and more.
We'll build more together. I’ll show a billion more things that you’ll love.
There’s so music I want you to hear!
Basically I'm gonna have to play harder, better and faster than ever before.
I cannot smegging wait!

(Making Eggy-bread (French toast)... he's brilliant at cracking eggs...)
 
Thank you Babyboy2.
You have been utterly scrummy and the sweetest little thing.
My darling littlest boy. <Wipes away tear>
You frikkin' rock, you awesome, happy little dude, you.
X


26 April 2017

Easter Rainbow Fountains...

Not sure why.
But Easter season in our house is puke season.
It's not over indulgent chocolate related either.
It just seems that whatever germs are about floating about Easter-ish our little charges get them all.
And then yip.

Oooooo <Rubs tummy in a give me sympathy way>
Mrs. Amazing: 'Bad tummy?'
Yeah... <Sad puppy Strong but suffering face>
Mrs. Amazing: 'Have you got what the kids have?'
Yeah probably... <Fights back tears>
Mrs. Amazing: '... er... you... er...'
Mrs. Amazing: '... you haven't just eaten lots of chocolate and now feel sick?'
...
Define lots?
Mrs. Amazing: 'The amount I eat in one sitting, times ten'
Then yes... <Sees all sympathy leaving>
<Rubs own tummy>

All the kids.
All four thousand three of them. Have been sick of late. Vomed. Yakked. Chucked up. Had an emergency food escape. Been to puke town. Greened.
Yippage.
But let's not call it being sick. As no one wants to read stories of people going to puke town.
Nope. Instead let's go with 'rainbow streams'.

E.g. Consider...
'Did Miss6 just hurl huge chunks everywhere?'
versus...
'Did Miss6 just rainbow fountain everywhere?'

See a lot nicer.

(As modelled by some pandas… as is the fashion… (it’s not))


All the kids have been creating rainbow fountains.
Everywhere. At night. During the day. On and on.
The washing machine has been working on overdrive. Constantly cleaning sheets, pillows, duvets and clothing. Only Boy9 is able to get to a rainbow collection bucket in time.
Well done Boy9. Thoroughly appreciated.
Miss6. Getting there.
BabyBoy2. Dude... You're not even trying.
(He's not, he cares not).

Anyhoo...

Team Parent (yay!).
Were giggling along to the latest episode of Peter Kay's Car Share. Great show.
When we heard BabyBoy2 leave his room. Shut his door. Because he likes doors shut (??) and THUD THUD into our room. For such tiny feet he has hella heavy foot falls.
A quick reminder that I am on BabyBoy2 duty as I put him to bed from the rest of Team Parent (yay!). And I am off to see what is going on.
Poor little lad. Stomping about in the dark trying to find his parents in their room.
When they are downstairs watching tele.
I switch on lights as I go and eventually find BabyBoy2 looking at our bed wondering where on earth we both are...

You alright mate?
BabyBoy2: <Sad voice> 'Wet'

And not just wet.
Wet would have been good. Wet is a change of clothes. A new nappy. Wet wipe anywhere that's too smelly. Cuddles. And back to bed. Easy.
Nope.
The smell on walking into the room tells me it's not just 'wet'. The poor little sausage has been sick.
Which always makes my heart skip a little in fear. Because what if?
But all three of them have done it for years and been fine.
Heart skip done. I pick him up and it's all down his front.
Rainbow juice that is.

I call for Mrs. Amazing.
<Grabs Bat phone>
And the standard Team Parent (yay!) disaster recovery team goes into action.
Mrs. Amazing arrives and takes BabyBoy2 into the bathroom. I pass her fresh jammies and nappy. Whilst I head into BabyBoy2's room to see how bad the situation is.
Rainbow fluid needs serious cleaning and clearing up. Else the smell stays.
I pray that by chance BabyBoy2 has somehow got himself a bucket and has filled it.
No chance.

(What’s in the bucket?
Boy9: ‘Rainbows’
Oh ni…. EWWWWW!

I nearly pass out walking into his room.
And I've been called to a lot rainbow affected rooms. Still this smell staggers me.
Yuk.
Like a crime scene investigator I work out where the rainbow fountain came from and what has happened. It seems pretty clear BabyBoy2 had sat up at some point. Created his rainbow.
And then gone back to sleep.

Rainbow damage can be severe.
Bed sheets. Duvet. Floor mat. Anywhere it touches.
Luckily he missed all his teddies. As they are a right pain to wash and kill germs with.
I pull off all the sheets and bundle them by the door.
Mrs. Amazing adds to the bundle with a towel and BabyBoy2's jammies. All rainbow stained.
Then I realise the very cool and very helpful plastic sheet we normally have on his bed.
Isn't there. Crap.
Undersheets off too. And brilliant! There's a towel there.
Mrs. Amazing you either had quite a moment and put a towel away really, really badly. Or, and it's this one, you're the kind of genius that puts a towel under your two year olds sheets just in case.
I remove the towel and sniff the mattress.

Brainzilla: 'You did what?'
I wanted to be sure...
Brainzilla: 'And if it was pukey, how would your nose feel?'
... <Head drops>... But it wasn't...
Brainzilla: 'This time!'
Good point git...

Then I clean up what is on the floor.
It's going to go in about third on my list of things I've done that were so gross I nearly rainbowed myself. And I've a long list. I watched a Bieber video once.
And I'm normally sent in as cleaner. This isn't my first clean up. It won't be my last.
And I'm male. I have to use male toilets. Which are gross. I am sure it makes you stronger against smells like this. Still...
It's a bad one.
<Nearly makes own rainbow fountain>

I fill the washing machine with sheets.
Boil wash to make sure the germs are deaded as much as possible. And as I don't want to be scraping off rainbow chunks. I stuff as much as I can in the machine without overfilling it. I want the machine to do the scraping for me. As I don't want to. Ew.
There's two loads worth. So the rest I wrap in itself and leave until the morning.
As a present!

Before I head back up stairs.
I turn off the tele. The lights. Everything. Power up the security grids, release the dragons, and set the attack robots to kill maim.
Without even asking Mrs. Amazing I know that tonight is done. We'll finish Car Share another night. Poorly boy has arrived.
All other activities suspended.

Once back in Team Parents (yay!) bedroom.
I find Mrs. Amazing in jammies ready for bed (told you). A smaller bed laid out next to ours.
BabyBoy2 was recently upgraded from cot to bed. So we have a mattress hanging about. Silver linings etc.
A spare pillow and case found for BabyBoy2. And there sat under a warm blanket, freshly cleaned and washed. Big smile on his face.
And basically very happy about life and what's going on. BabyBoy2.
Who it seems could not be happier to be in our room for a change. It's all very exciting for him. But he's knackered and after only a few Shhhh'es and Dude's!
BabyBoy2 finally crashes out.

Next day.
I have the day off to look after him. Mrs. Amazing heads off into the real world to battle sea demons and save ancient civilizations (I may have misunderstood what she said).
I call nursery as they refuse to have any rainbowers at all (and still charge us).
Then I launder the crap out of everything. Really put the washing machine through it's paces once again.
Sun is out and it's windy. So everything is dry and ready to go back on BabyBoy2's bed that afternoon. Which we do together (BabyBoy2 mainly watches and jumps on stuff).
As we (I) finish I tell BabyBoy2 the good news he can sleep in his own bed tonight...

BabyBoy2: 'NOOOOOOOOOOO! Me sleep in your room. Not go back my room!' <Cries a bit>
Come on... Let's see what sheets we can find for you...
BabyBoy2: 'Iron man!'
You mean Spider-man... (we don't have any Iron Man sheets)
BabyBoy2: 'Iron man!!!'
...
<Cannot find Iron Man or Spidey sheets anywhere>
<Finds Buzz sheets but no pillow>
How about Buzz Lightyear? <Is hopeful>
BabyBoy2: <Maybe face>
With this pillow case? <Holds pillow that is clearly not Buzz>
BabyBoy2: 'Iron man!!!' <Is going to cry again>
BabyBoy2: '...'
BabyBoy2: <Suddenly runs to Team Parent's (yay!) room>
Where are you going?... <Watches lazily helplessly>
BabyBoy2: <Returns holding the spare pillow he had last night>
Brilliant!

(No no!... No!
… that's my pillow…)

Would you believe it.
BabyBoy2 had remembered what pillowcase he had been given last night. Nutter.
I hadn't for obv. reasons. Who cares.
But back came BabyBoy2. Holding his Buzz LightYear pillow case like a sack of flour .
Now, very happy to sleep in his own bed again.
Little loonie.

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