Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).

2 May 2017

Sleep You Fool! (Breakfast club)...

And there he was.
Dressed and totally ready for school.
Hair brushed. Teeth clean. Bag packed.
Smile on his mush, but with a clear 'come on' expression in his eyes.
Boy9 was ready to go.
It was only 6:30am...

Mrs. Amazing: 'Morning Darling' <Gets hug>
<Tries to say 'Morning dude!'> <Grunts>
Mrs. Amazing: 'You're up early?'
<Quiet, and unintelligible swearing into pillow>
Mrs. Amazing: 'And you're dressed?'
<Sit up, tries to speak, gives up, goes back to sleep>
Boy9: 'Let's get going!'
Zzzzzz <Is chased by giant clock in school uniform in dream>

Breakfast club.
And no that awesome movie with Molly Ringythingy-bob and Emilio Estevez, and that guy with the dark hair that really rebelled. God I wanted to be him.
I still love fingerless gloves and I am pretty sure it’s due to him.
I would have given anything to be him. Not with the Dad issues obv. But to look that cool and be that cool. It's amazing how life can really, really, fail to deliver on your dreams sometimes.
It's cool though. <Weeps>
Without that movie most of my life may have been very different.
Must watch it again...

(In left to right order of who I wished I was…
I’m far right… <Sighs>)


Not that movie.
As awesome as it is. This tale isn't about that. We were talking about Boy9.
Ready for school at 6:30am. The ‘Grumping Hour’ (mine).
He’s ready a whopping two hours early because he hates us.
Ready because he wanted to get to breakfast club that Team Parent (yay!) reluctantly have to use.
Reluctantly because it's just another expense. Another bill to add to the list. More child care with people we don't really know. Which is all fine. And has to be.
But annoying when you spend all your time earning money so you can pay someone else to look your kids.
That's the bit I like doing. Playing. Being responsible.
Although I call it playing.

On that morning Team Parent (yay!) have to use child care.
Mrs. Amazing has to leave early in the morning, something about adjusting the stars in the sky so that the universe is safe again. Saving the Galaxy level stuff.
And me? Well Mrs. Amazing takes the one and only car (travelling to the stars and back, requires some kind of propulsion). And although the twenty minute walk to Boy's school is definitely possible, for both of us. We're in the UK.
Weather is always an issue...

Boy9: 'It's raining!' <Utter disgust>
Naaa... <Wipes face of water>
Boy9: 'It's REALLY raining!'
Who said that? <Peers through the storm> Oh! Boy9!
It'll be gone in a bit! <Hopes voice carries over the thunder booming all around>
Boy9: 'You're nuts!'
Here... <Puts hat on Boy9> That'll help...
<Cat swims by doing backstroke>
Boy9: <Gives me a filthy look>
Fine... We'll wake for a break in this driz... <Is swept away by rain river>
... <Voice fading> Don't play with my Millennium Falcon...<Almost gone> Ever!!!

It's never a good idea to bet on the weather in the UK.
Good to prepare against it. Good to ignore it and just have the BBQ with a brolly. All good stuff. But bad to bet against it. Even mid-summer me and Boy9 walking to school will eventually end up with a very, very wet Boy9 arriving at school. Ha ha.
Soaked to the bone and with wet books.
Not really a great option.

Plus. And I hadn't forgotten this really (I just wanted to do the storm sketch).
I have BabyBoy2 and Miss6 to get to school as well.
Obv. in the other direction as who would send their children to the same schools. Where's the challenge in that? Far better to divide them across town and make each and every morning a logistical challenge. Much more exciting.
<Grumbles off> Damn lack of teleporters....

(Spock: ‘Jim… The firefly problem is far worse than we thought…’)

So really it's breakfast club.
I cannot drop Miss6 at school and simultaneously drop Boy9 at his school. Even with car. Even with a hoover car. And hoover car's rock!
Breakfast club solves that problem. Not freely sadly. But it does.
Mrs. Amazing drops Boy9 at breakfast club on her way to her planetary exit ramp.
And I jog / run / scoot Miss6 and BabyBoy2 to school and nursery.
(Which I love).

But something has changed for Boy9.
Something about breakfast club has changed. Because before he didn't really like going to breakfast club. He said it was boring and none of his mates went.
Which did make it harder to send him, and pay for it. Neither of Team Parent (yay!) want to send Boy9 somewhere he doesn't have fun. But...
Team Parent (yay!) were stuck so he had to go.

A while back the people that ran the breakfast club in the school.
Well the old lot were turfed out...

School Enforcer: 'And take your tiny milks with you!!!' <Shakes fist>
Old Breakfast Club Owner: 'You just wait! They'll miss us!
Old Breakfast Club Owner: 'The kids will be begging for us to come back'
School Enforcer: 'The new lot have Lego and a Foosball table!’
Old Breakfast Club Owner: 'Oh...’
Old Breakfast Club Owner: 'Well… it was nice to have met you. Bye'

Still a change is a risk for a School.
New people. Always a risk. They could loonies that hide it well in interviews.
They could be fans of Bieber.
They could teach everyone the recorder.
They could be evil alien overlords from another planet.
Bet that's never tested for. And frankly it's a real concern.
Recorder playing Beiber fans... <Shudders>

However once Team Parent (yay!) managed to get up.
Stagger downstairs. Retrieve BabyBoy2. Give Miss6 a good listening to. Down a cuppa or ten two.
We spoke to Boy9 about why when normally getting him anywhere is a pitched, scream-a-thon, of lateness, battle.
Why so keen green bean now?

Boy9: 'They've got really cool toys'
<Team Parent (yay!) exchange looks>
Boy9: 'Foosball…'
<Are still not understanding>
Boy9: '… and Lego...'
<Both together ‘Ahhhh’>

Wow! What a difference a few toys can make.
Mainly Lego to be fair. Same building. Same friends. Same basic idea. Somewhere to play and have a breakfast whilst kids wait for school to open. But a few new toysand Boy9 is totally sold on it now.
Good news.

Boy9 was not best pleased at how long it took us to get ready that morning. He expected us to magic out of bed and leave almost instantly. He didn’t really understand why it took us two hours to get ready. The normal amount of time we take.
Boy9 got pretty cross with us. I laughed.
So Team Parent (yay!) sat Boy9 down and explained two little things to him...

1. We're glad you like breakfast club now and are enjoying it. We would rather not have to send you, we would prefer to look after you ourselves. But we have to. If things change and we can look after you ourselves. That's what will happen.
Yay they've Lego.
<High fives>

2. We ain't leaving for breakfast club at 6:30am. Even if they are open.
Run Sleep you fool!
<Shakes fist>

('Maow you fools'
Fools: 'Er... What?'
Gandolf: 'What the cat said'
Fools: '...')