Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).
X

12 May 2016

LyricTale: Praise You

In January, 1999, probably just after tiffin, ‘Fatboy Slim’ released a single from the rather excellent album ‘Come a Long Way, Baby’.
The single was ‘Praise You’.

(Big beat vinyl heaven… Mmmmm… <Drools>)

I love this song.
When it came out, the fuss as I remember it, was all about the video as it had some excellent dancing in it. And it only cost $800 to make (yes really), Which considering the awards it won, shows how smegging excellent itwasis (this is where 'itwasis' as a phrase was coined <Puts up a plaque> mark it well).
It features the fictional dance group 'The Torrance Community Dance Group', and well the results, are brilliant. I've been busting those on the dance floor for years in my mind.
But the song is brilliant too.

Lyrically, for me, this song has always been for Mrs. Amazing.
To me the songs tells of someone thinking about their relationship and how much it means. We, as the listener, have walked in on them butt-naked just at the moment when it dawns on them, they probably take their partner for granted. They don't celebrate and praise them enough.
Which does sounds pretty negative put that way, but for me the song is about realising the mistake and aiming to change it. So in fact a very positive song. Celebrating love and appreciation of that love. +ve. It says to me: Show Mrs. Amazing how happy she makes you by madly dancing, and don't take her for granted.
She'd rather go to the pub library.

But that’s changed.
I was out cycling with mini-Mrs. Amazing, Miss5, t'other day.
She had worked hard at cycling. She had complained her arms and then legs were tired at various points during the journey, but she had worked hard and I was proud of her.
Obviously I wanted to PRAISE HER (#ThePlotThickens) but as I went to.
I stumbled over my words.

I stumbled because what I was going to say was wrongo.
And I knew it. I was going to tell her she looked beautiful. WTAF?
The thought just flew into my head, I am very glad I caught it, and stomped it, before it came out. She did look beautiful. She looks like a mini-Mrs. Amazing. She's always going look beautiful to me.
But Miss5 had worked hard pedalling on her bike. What the hell does her looking utterly cute, and scrumptious, have anything to do with it?
Had it been Boy8 I would have said...
OMB! You are so slow, can you try cycling a bit faster next time... Shesh!
Nice cycling <High five>
Now watch a real man scoot off... <Scoots off>

But why?
Why did I want to tell her that she was beautiful?
What do I expect Miss5 to do with that information? Dad cares not how you cycle, but look pretty and you have his attention??
Urghghghgh!!! <Vomits on self> <Regrets it>

Brainzilla: 'You utter twonk'
<Nods> I just wasn't thinking...
Brainzilla: 'You know A LOT better than that'
<Hangs head in shame>
Brainzilla: 'And you look ridiculous scooting about at your age!'
<Stick fingers up behind back>
Brainzilla: 'I can see that you know'
<Does both hands>

My Miss5 plan.
Is to raise a brilliant (no pressure), funny (already there), friendly (meh, enough...), interesting (with spades) woman. Someone that I can sit in the pub with, and might lose at billiards too, every planetary alignment now and then.
I definitely don't want Miss5 worry about her appearance. I want her to love her body, her look and herself. Like she should. And better than I have.
As Dad my influence in this area is probably bigger than I expect. I am her male role model. Ek.  I have an awesome responsibility, and with great responsibility comes spider webs a daughter. I need to make sure Miss5 knows I love her for being her.
Not how she looks.
So when lying cheating swines men do enter her life, Miss5 expects the same from them.
To be loved and praised for what she is.
Not how she looks.

Brainzilla: 'You! Idiot!'
Yes alright! I didn't say though, did I!
Brainzilla: 'Yeah. But you thought it?'
Fur-cough Yes… But I won’t again...

So ‘Praise You’ is now for Miss5.
And yes Miss5 it has been a long journey together so far, and not always easy you terror.
But it's been bloody awesome too and I’d do it all again in a heartbeat. You are the second most amazing person I have ever met. I just need to remember to praise you… praise you like I shouldddddddddddd-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d...
<Leaps off madly>
<Hurts knee>


[Me and Miss5 out on bikes]
"We've come a long long way together,"
<Looks back> I can still see the car... <Rolls eyes>
I could probably still touch it to be honest

"Through the hard times and the good,"
Crying won't those pedals turn, now will it?
Miss5: <Innocently flutters eyelids> 'Can you push me?' <Is tiny>
<Is caught in mind controlling tractor beam eye fluttering he doesn't understand>
<... Tries to resist...>
<Ends up pushing>
Miss5: 'You know what Daddy?'
<Is pushing> Nope... What?
Miss5: 'Crying did make my pedals turn!'
<Instantly stops pushing>
Yeah... <Doesn't swear> Yes it did... HA... HA... haaarrrrrr... <Still doesn't swear>

"I have to celebrate you baby,"
Hooray! We've made it!
Miss5: 'Hooray' <Leaps about>
We made it all the way here, within THE DAY!
Miss5: <Still leaping about>
We were probably traveling at 1mpw, maybe 2mpw (miles per week)...
Miss5: <Still fisting pumping around in a circle>

"I have to praise you like I shoulddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd"
Excellent cycling Miss5! You are brilliant!
Look at those muscles getting stronger every day.
All your hard work paid off! Look how far we've come! <Gestures>
<Can still see the car, but it's a bit smaller at least>

[Mad dancing in video starts]

"We've come a long long way together,"
Miss5: 'Oh NO! I forgot my hat, it's all the way back at the car'
Not to worry, I'll get it… <Walks> <Is back in seconds>

"Through the hard times and the good,"
Miss5: 'My legs hurt!'
Uh-huh. Keep pedalling...
Miss5: 'My arms hurt!'
Uh-huh. Keep pedalling...
Miss5: 'My hat keeps falling off!'
<Gaffing tapes hat to head> Uh-huh. Keep pedalling...

"I have to celebrate you baby, I have to praise you like I should"
Miss5: 'Up high!'
<Bends down to high five>
Miss5: 'To the side'!
<Knees hurt, side fives>
Miss5: 'DownLow' <No pause> 'You'reTooSlow'!
<Is utterly gutted> Har har har bugger...
"I have to praise you"
You look pretty today
You bloody nailed that!
"I have to praise you"
I like your dress
With that flowery dress on, you could hide in gardens and leap out at people and scare the crap out of them!!!
<Both run off to do that>
"I have to praise you"
Your hair is looking lovely
Is that brain leaking out of your ears? Common problem when you have a lot...
"I have to praise you like I should"
BOOM POW! You are amazing! BRILLIANT CYCLING!
<Throws giggling girl about in the air>

[Mad dancing continues, mean man turns off music mid-video]
[Boos] [Music goes back on] [Cheers]

"I have to praise you"
You rock! <Does secret handshake> <Hugs>

"We've come a long long way together,"
Miss5: 'I can't go any further.. no more'
Hmmm... <Hopes car is like Kit and has driven round to pick us up, as we have only travelling away from the car>

"Through the hard times and the good,"
Stop crying... We just have to cycle all the way back now. Crying doesn't help that!
<Wind blows and Miss5 doesn't move, despite pedalling hard>
Cycling into the wind won't help much either... <Fears for the worst> <Fears we won’t get home this year>

"I have to celebrate you baby,
"I have to praise you like I shoulddddddddddddddddddd-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d"
Come on. You can do it. You are tough RARRRRRRRR!!! GO GO!!!
Miss5: 'RARRRRRRRR' <Pedals off>

"I have to praise you"
Ah-hem. Ladies and Gentlemen. My amazing daughter... Miss5.
"I have to praise you"
A evil genius hell bend on world destructive and enslaving everyone to her wicked designs and schemes! RUN!
Already an amazing and interesting person.
"I have to praise you"
There will be pom-poms and glitter everywhere!!!
She has nothing but potential in her. She can do anything. I know it.
"I have to praise you like I should"
Everywhere!!! RUNNNNNNN!!! <Is attacked by pom-pom guards shooting glitter guns>
Miss5 I love everything you are, it’s brilliant <Motions at all of her>
"I have to praise you"
You rock <Hugs>
OWWWWW!!! <Rubs shin> What was that for?
Miss5: 'You told everyone my evil plan' <Is miffed>-
OWWWWW!!! <Rubs other shin> Stop that!-No one read this far, it’ll be alright…

[Crowd cheers]


Want new Tales send to your inbox?