Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).

23 December 2015

A Christmas Play (Skit)

I love Christmas.
And I am way too busy eating cake writing poems, drinking booze discussing literature, stuffing my face with cheese that upsets my tummy but I love it anyway visiting relatives, to write anything up to my normal high standards (no laughing please).
Plus the chances of finding enough quiet 'me' time to pull my thoughts out of Brainzilla and get them down on... er... screen are practically zip. 

I've more chance of a lie-in on Christmas day...

'Wake up! Wake up! ITS CHRISTMAS!'
... Urghhh... go back to sleep... 
<Looks at clock>
... It is far too morning...
... I hate you...
... we are not getting up...
<Uses deadly serious voice>
... until at least one child wakes... OK! 
<Gives Mrs. Amazing a look>
'Fine, fine, no need be a grump...'
<Sings noisily quietly to self> 'Dashing through the snow...'
<Gets grumpier>

(Is there a window open in here?)

So here’s a short play (skit) instead...

[Kids finally asleep]
[I walk downstairs to find all the windows open and Mrs. Amazing]
Why are all the windows open?
It's freezing in here!!!
It’s gonna cost a fortune to reheat this!
It's nearly Christmas for baubles sake!
‘It's stuffy in here... I wanted some fresh air’
Why didn't you go outside then?
Lots of fresh air outside
‘It's cold out there’
<Logic capacitor explodes>
‘Plus I want the fresh air in here’
‘So stop being such a wuss and put a jumper on’
I have! <Shows off R2-D2 knitted jumper>
‘Put on another’
No it took me ages to pick this one
Plus I am not wearing two jumpers in my own home
Unless we are playing the chocolate knife and fork game
Anyway... <Sniffs the air>
… the air seems pretty darn fresh to me now...
Let’s shut the windows
‘I'm a bit hot as well’
<Thinks of a great plan>
OK then... how about we shut all the windows, and instead of me having to wear two jumpers…
You take your top off? <Looks as innocent as possible>
‘Fine’ <Rolls eyes to the heavens>
<Fist pumps>
‘Stupid boy’

Merry Christmas X