Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).

18 November 2015

A High-Tide Cold...

I have a high-tide cold ©™ and have been off work in bed all week. Obviously I am missing work terribly. WoooHOOOO.

I feel a differential between types of colds is required as the effect they can on one (pawsh ino!) ranges greatly. I'm suggesting tides, stay with me…

A low-tide cold has no snot or other visible symptoms and can normally be chased away with some rest in a pub, or a Lemsip. You feel crap but still have to get on with everything you normally do. You get very little sympathy and lots of poor man-flu jokes.

A high-tide cold though is when your nose, mouth and ears (yes) seem to leak. Much like a ‘high-tide’ when everything, I mean everything, the air, the walls, the sofa, that you come near to become slightly damp due to your presence. It’s as those, again like a ‘high-tide’, all the crap, rubbish and gunk from the ocean’s floor is pulled up with the tide and then just thrown onto the beach. Except it’s your nose and mouth (and ears), and everyone around you reacts as though you are something from an excellent B-movie exploding and about to kill them.  Your only choice is to hide away from public sight for the public good, lest your plague infect us all, in bed, being ignored and lonely, forced to read crap on the internet or suffer the indignity of daytime television.


What have I learnt lying in bed reading and surfing (the internet, obv.)?
Lots of stuff. 
Lots and lots of bloody useless stuff. That one day in a pub quiz, or a triv-bare-knuckle-battle, I am sure, will be incredibly impressive and handy to know.

However there was one thing I learnt that is helpful right now and I didn't need the internet, or my phone, or a book, or anything fancy at all.

I learnt that BabyBoy1 doesn't give a crap if I'm snotty, smelly, grumpy and in bed all day. He loves me anyway. All he sees is the funny big one, with the least hair, that's generally good for a laugh and normally disappears all day... suddenly at home all day, in one easy to find place.

BabyBoy1 loved me being at home, he was my favourite visitor by miles.

'DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA' (* 'Ah! there you are father')
<Climbs onto my chest>
Oww oww
'DAAAAAAAA DAAAAAAA' (* 'You're not normally here during the day')
<Gives snotty hug and kiss>
'DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA' (* 'See you later')
<Climbs down, steals my shiny phone>