Hi! <Waves>

Funny and honest tales from a made-to-work Dad of three, wobbling, graying, and laughing his way through parenthood. Armed to the teeth with Nerf guns, full of pie, fighting a chocolate addiction, but genuinely honoured to be at least half of Team Parents (yay!).
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16 August 2015

Midway Through Summer Holidays

Half way through the summer Holidays and the magic that is 'Summer Holidays' has finally worked on our family. Family life has shifted down a gear or ten and it's lovely.
They are all less nuts.

The school run has been forgotten about (for now). No longer does Team Parent (yay!) have to battle three children into a car, fight through traffic, to deliver Boy8 on time; clothed, with bag, with homework, with water, lunch, and has been frisked for excessive Lego contraband.

It took Boy8 ages to wind down.
My not-so-little-but-still-pretty-little dude was exhausted after his year at school. He needed this break.
The difference in him is so dramatic, even I spotted it after Mrs. Amazing drew my attention to it through semaphore.
He's finding things to do on his own. All those toys that were ignored because we are just too busy. He's finding time for those. 

Not this though (ewwww):
(Oh look a typo... that should be double ‘O’ and a ‘L’ )

The morning routine has changed to a more "whenever" affair and everyone is chilled. Yay.
Well everyone, except me. I'm confused. I'll explain.

Normally we all gather together in Team Parents bed for the morning. We all get a drink, tea for those that need it, juice for those that need it, -but are right grotbags about it and refuse it,- milk for BabyBoy1, and more tea for those that need it.

Here you go <Passes lovely expensive juice to Miss4>
'NO!'
Don’t be rude...
<Passes another juice to Boy8> Here ya go
<Boy8 drinks it in 1 second>
Boy8: 'Can I have Miss4's?'
No she needs to...
'Yukky' <Miss4 sticks out tongue>
'She doesn't want it can I have it' <Boy8 grabs for drink and burps>
No! No! No! <Snatches back drink>
She needs to drink her drink and you're just guzzling them
<Gets grumpy>
You have this <Shoves drink into Miss4's hands>
<Boy8 burps>
… and drink it <Shakes fist>
and you <Glares at Boy8> stop burping
OK! <Is wound up and annoyed after only 2 mins of the day>
<Boy8 burps>
Let's just all sit here quietly and watch the tele… Drinking our drinks
<Gives Miss4 a look>

Although to be honest if BabyBoy1 doesn't get his milk within the first 30 seconds on him being in our room. He tends to get really pissed off and screamy. Fair enough really I'm the same at the pub.

Then, drinks ignored or drunk, we sit as nicely as we can and watch some cartoons. I love cartoons.
Team parents know what cartoons are on, and plan getting up accordingly.
If we find ourselves still in bed when 'Mr. Men' is on, we're all going to be late.
It's a simple system but it works for us.
Except for when I forget because I love 'Mr. Men' only I have to get somewhere on time.

What are we watching, my eyes aren't working yet?
<Necks tea and wishes he had another>
Boy8: 'Mr. Men'
We don't normally watch Mr. Men?
'Meh'
<Brain clicks and whirs as tea enters blood stream>
OH CRAP! <Leaps out of bed>
Mrs. Amazing: Don't you have to get to work?
<Frowns and pulls on BatSuit as quick as possible>

(Will make me you late for work)

And then it gets worse from there. I am now rushing and no one else is.
It feels very similar to fighting your way out of circular rapids at the pool covered in children. You're going the wrong way and everyone looks at you as though you you're an idiot and doesn't help.

So I dress, make agonising t-shirt choices, race down stairs and start making everyone breakfast.
Porridge for Miss4, wheaty-crap for Boy8, porridge for BabyBoy1.
I don't do Mrs. Amazing's breakfast as that would require mind reading abilities that have so far escaped me. I've tried before to read her mind and present her with a breakfast she wants, but I've never succeeded. She likes to choose.
I have toast with peanut butter on, but cannot eat it at the table otherwise BabyBoy1 wants it rather than his porridge.

Then because it's nice for us all to eat together apparently, I don't eat right away. Instead I busy myself with the dishwasher or the washing machine, or picking the most awesome music mix to put on, whichever is most pressing.
All the while getting later and later for work.

Eventually, once 90% of the jobs in the kitchen have been done.
Miss4 swans in:
<Smiley voice> Your porridge is on the table!
'Yukky'

She then proceeds to walks straight past me and flops face first on the sofa saying 'poo poo'.

Boy8 races in brandishing an 'upstairs' noisey toy:
Take that back upstairs immediately
Your breakfast is on the table
'OK'
<Throws toy on floor>
<Starts annoying Miss4 on sofa>
<Does not start eating breakfast>

Finally (yes finally, I'm feeling brave) Mrs. Amazing comes down for breakfast holding BabyBoy1.
She puts him down and he instantly dives for the fridge with the plan of removing everything from the fridge. Just because he can.
I grab BabyBoy1, child-lock the fridge, then tie him into his high chair and start feeding him.

And that's always nice. I like sitting there feeding my little boy. He's very cute and I get some quality time with him.
We smile at each other, he's getting the hang of saying 'more more more'. It's sweet.

The awesome music mix I choose goes slightly off course and sweary lyrics start filling the room.

Music: She may not be a geni-us...
Music: But she loves a big p... <Off click>

Whilst changing tracks I put my toast on, as Mrs. Amazing has now sat and taken over feeding BabyBoy1.
Miss4 and Boy8 are still absent from the table.
Toast pops and I forget about it whilst making another round of tea, before remembering and having to peanut butter cold toast.
I know cold toast isn't that different... But it just is, it's crap. Damn it.

'Aren't you going to be late?'
DAMN IT!

I pelt upstairs, shine my head, awaken my mouth with minty freshness, and put on smell-hider.
I find no one watching 'Mr. Men' and flick it off, turn everyone's light off in their rooms and finally race back downstairs, with cups and juice cartons.

In the kitchen I find BabyBoy1 happily eating my toast with peanut butter the cute swine.
Miss4 and Boy8 are now both sitting nicely at the table.
However, their breakfasts that I made are still untouched. Instead they are both engaged in a board game with Mrs. Amazing.

I announce that I'm off to work and get half hearted byes.
I grab a cuddle off BabyBoy1 and get covered in toast and peanut butter. Yay.
I go around the clan hugging the others, who give me a half hearted hug me back, but really they are concentrating on their board game.

It makes me happy to see them all wound down enjoying their summer holiday, it really does. They all needed it.

And I swear, as I left for work, one of them, almost, looked up as I walked out the door.
Almost.
<Weeps>



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